the parakeet

Women: Are We Our Own Enemy?

2011-06-29T10:51:00.000+01:00

I ask this question because I've noticed the many struggles we sisters go through. We are unlikely to tell each other the truth and always go out of our way to paint a rosy picture of our situations when just speaking the truth may inspire and in many cases help another sister.

In this post, I am going to turn my attention to domestic violence. Many cases of it have been in my face lately and I'm forced to ask the question, what is going on? How come we have so many cases of it coming to the limelight now? We all know some women get battered in marriage both physically and mentally but the sheer number of cases cropping up these days has given me a cause to ponder on the choice we make in our life partners.

I know many expectations have changed and one cant simply say I'm marrying for love these days. Many women marry for all sorts of reasons; to get the parents off their backs, as a status thing, for security, for kids, for money or for whatever reason. But are we so driven by our desire to get hitched that we somehow slack on scrutinising the quality of the men we go for? I am by no means suggesting that just the men are to blame for this but are we as women actually assessing that beyond our physical and social needs we're indeed mentally ready to be a wife, mother and a life partner?

I'm inclined to believe that many women who are getting into marriages these days have very little ideas what to expect and feel ill-equipped to deal with situations because they've actually not dated or courted properly. From day one, what most women see especially when you're past a certain age is the altar and you just start to scheme and plan and strategise on how to get the man to commit. A commitment he might not want or be ready for. I am guilty of this as well.

This is probably due to the fact that as singles we get the most criticism from other sisters? Why isn't she married? Why does she not have kids yet? What's she doing with that short and ugly man? How could she stoop so low? And the list goes on and on. Little wonder women are just entering into union for the heck of it or for reasons of drawing approvals and admirations?

We need to go back to the drawing board sisters because I don't want to hear another story of a sister who topped herself or another whose husband butchered her to death. It is sickening, it is scary and I know it can be avoided. This is the time to act and the time to start changing our attitudes and expectations. Getting married or being with a man should not be a means to an end, it should be a well thought out process, a full awareness of oneself and a journey one is prepared to make in the right frame of mind and for the right reasons.

The two worlds of Lagos

2011-05-26T10:49:00.000+01:00

I have just returned from a short trip to Nigeria and it was fun. I met up with someone I've been longing to see and wasn't disappointed. I wish I had time to see many more people but there's always another time.

I've seen a few improvements in Lagos but I reckon BRF's accomplishment was overblown. I dare say though that where he's been a bit active, Akala has been comatose in Ibadan. Crying shame for Africa's purported largest city. I went to my home town of Ijebu-Ode and it was just so dusty. Why don't people paint their homes? A lot of people have moved into the small town and I particularly hated seeing those keke Marwa everywhere. I thought they were confined to Lagos only.

What I liked about Lagos was that it's cleaner and what I disliked most was the fact that it seems the mainland was forgotten and most of the improvements have been largely on the Island. Yes, I know Lagos is a class city but it is just too blatant that they continue to improve the Island so much for the rich and the improvements on the mainland is minimal. On the mainland where I stayed mostly, I saw a lot of angry and impatient people but I went to Shoprite and saw people acting as if they don't shit.

Anyway it is what it is...better some improvement than nothing. I did enjoy my visit to Nigeria though and hopefully I'll get to visit soon again and stay for longer.

If You Must Sleep With A Married Man

2011-04-05T08:44:00.000+01:00

...then make it worth your while.

This is probably a controversial post but I just have to say it. I am not endorsing sleeping with a married man. Heck no! However, the reality is that a lot of ladies do these days, knowingly or unknowingly. For a lady who knows that she's sleeping with a married man, why is she doing it if not for personal gain?

Okay so why am I writing about this? Last night, a friend in Nigeria confided in me that one of the top Managers in her work place is interested in her. She then said oh Parakeet, he's so goodlooking and I'm into him so am considering giving in. At this point I honestly thought the man in question was single as my friend is. So I asked her where the hesitation was coming from and she said 'oh he's married, he's got 3 wives'. After recovering from the shock and *picking my jaw from the floor*, I asked her if she was mad to ever consider a married man's advances. She went into this long story of how she was fed up with single guys and their games, how it still amounted to sleeping with them for nothing and how it even hurts more when a single man messes you around. Well true but she conveniently forgot about the bit where the chances of you having a more meaningful relationship with a single man is far higher than that of a married man.

Anyway it looked like there was no convincing this lady to abandon her quest so I asked her, 'what's in it for you? Is he gonna help with your business start up in anyway?' She was like 'no, I dont intend asking him for any favours lest he thinks am a prostitute'! HELLO! Should you give a rats ass what he thinks? A lot of these men already see Nigerian girls as easy anyway and for him to have made advances at you am sure he's willing to pay his way through, so why would you let him get away with it and give him a free p****?

In my own opinion it makes no difference, if a woman has decided to sleep with a married man, then she must be gaining something preferrably material from him. I mean why let the man win both ways? If he wants a mistress then let him pay for it. It makes you no prostitute as long as you're not putting out for many men at the same time in exchange for personal gain. Although perhaps there's some self esteem issues going on sleeping with a married man in the first place. Really, ladies put a price on it if you decide not to hoard your goods.

The Problem Goes Deeper Than a Few Beauty Enhancements

2011-02-24T14:20:00.000Z

I read with interest the many comments made about the untimely death of the bum surgery girl (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1355605/Claudia-Aderotimi-dead-Police-hunt-transgender-doctor-injection.html). It did not surprise me that women were the most critical of her actions yet many women are guilty of the exact same thing she did albeit on a smaller scale. On Facebook and beyond, I see all sorts of different weaves and make-up that make a lot of women look unreal. I am not against weave-ons and make up so long as it is done properly and does enhance one’s natural beauty. However, many of the so-called enhancements women go through are no longer fit to be called enhancements, they should be called 'total change'. Change because when some women are stripped off the entire enhancement, one would hardly recognise them.

More and more cases of people who have cosmetic surgery mishaps are coming to our notice yet nothing is being done to change perceptions. Perhaps nothing can be done like the banking crisis that plunged the entire world into recession and nothing visible has been done to make sure it does not happen again. Perhaps this is the way the real world is, create a problem, see the havoc the problem is wreaking, show your disgust about it but curl back into the safety of your home and forget about it. However, for how long can we let these things go on?

A brief history of beauty especially in the West where most beauty ideas are exported to other parts of the world reveal that women have always been expected to look a certain way to make themselves desirable to men. In the Victorian times, a voluptuous woman would catch the attention of most men and to find husbands in those days you either had to be beautiful or come from a family of wealth. If you did not fall into either of these categories you are basically left a spinster or you end up marrying men who were considered the 'lowest' in society.

Besides getting married in those days, there was basically nothing else women could do with their lives. Absolutely nothing, which gives a little insight into why women pursued beauty as that was the only thing they could control to some extent. Women had no right to education so they can forget training to become a doctor or any other profession. Men were also in charge of the work places so getting a job or at least something decent was near impossible. Therefore, achieving the acceptable level of beauty and subsequently marrying a rich man became the main pre-occupation for women who were not fortunate enough...and there were many of them.

What does this show? That the idea of ideal beauty is by no means a modern phenomenon. What was not available then was the advanced technology we have now which helps women to 'see to' any part of their bodies that did not fit into this ideal. Most women wanted to be Barbie...tiny waist, big buxom, narrow nose and a pout. As time wore on, black women caught up with the fad what with the music videos that had women dancing in scanty outfits with atrociously big boobs and incredibly massive booties still managing to look trim. Freud blames women’s pursuit of beauty on their narcissistic nature but I disagree. I say it's what happens in a patriarchal world where many women’s chance of being noticed by a man is when she has managed to attain the acceptable and expected level of beauty. Even though more women are more educated than they did a century ago and now have access to work and a decent wage, much have not changed in terms of attaining ideal beauty primarily because most men would at first instance appreciate beauty before anything else. Why women need to gain the attention of men to feel validated is another issue entirely and I am not at liberty to tackle that in this note, as it will be a deviation from the subject matter

This is not another post by an angry Feminist who blames men for all of women's woes, far from it. This is a concerned woman who is trying to call people's attention to a much deeper problem than cosmetic surgery. This is a woman who foresees that more women and increasing men will turn to cosmetic procedures unless we tackle the issue of body image. Do not be surprised when I say men are increasingly turning to enhancement procedures and regimes too. Men now account for 9% of all cosmetic procedures carried out in the UK and it's a trend that is already apparent in the USA too. From 2000 to 2005, the number of men seeking cosmetic surgery increased 44% to 911,850, according to the American Society of Plastic Surgery (http://www.cosmeticsurgeryformen.co.uk/).

Pick up a regular women magazine like Cosmopolitan and you will find a centerspread of the male torso in all its glory… ripped muscles, six packs and all the works. Feminists will say this is evidence that women are also capable of voyeurism and it's no longer the preserve of the men. Is it really? Truth is we're all capable of being a peeping tom. The only reason why women never used to exhibit this side of them was because when it came to sex or anything sexual, women were supposed to be coy. Don't look at a man too much because he might consider you 'loose'. Pretend as if sex is alien to you because men like a bit of mystic. So the Feminist response to this unfairness is to put more men out there in women magazines and let the women have a feast. What does this tit for tat situation lead to? More men will become insecure about their bodies and therefore chase the body ideal too.

However the situation is not so bad for men yet because men are still more regarded for their wallets and masculinity than for their looks. Many men will boast that a man need not be handsome and can get a way with some flab as long as their wallets was overflowing with cash. Being handsome is merely a plus, a rich and confident man can get any woman he wants and in fact many women will agree to this. However, how many times do we hear that a woman need not be beautiful, just have brains and you will be fine? Still very rare indeed. That's the reality we live in but this is not to say that ideal look pressure is not creeping up on men too. If we continue to take the advantage of the social power women now have to peddle ideas of what a 'real man' should look like, it is only going to lead to the same body image problem many women are battling with today. Skinny men will fatten up with protein supplements and then work themselves to death in the gym to get the muscled bodies more women are finding desirable while women who are still expected to have 'soft' lean bodies will resort to liposuction because using the gym will likely turn you to a Madonna look alike.

We need to change the entire way we see beauty and encourage people to be healthy whether they are fair or dark, short or tall, flat bum or protruding bum, big boobs or small boobs, 6 packs or even belly. No one is born perfect and no one could ever achieve ideal beauty because ideas about beauty will keep changing. Narcissistic attitude is mostly brought on by the balance of power in society, which drives us towards unrealistic pursuit of most things beauty and wealth inclusive. It is not our nature and we have the power to change things for the better.

I Am Prettier When...

2010-12-23T20:40:00.000Z

I'm sick. Walai, it may sound strange but it's true. I've had the mother of all flu for the past one week but as weak as I felt, whenever I look in the mirror I see a prettier me. Sparkling eyes and clearer skin. I just don't understand. I've started feeling better now but I'm not looking forward to getting the 'normal' Parakeet look back. I want the 'pretty-sick' Parakeet look.

In other news, I gathered from a friend that most women tend to just marry a guy they are not wholly happy with because it is far more important to be married and have kids than to worry 'too' much about the guy because 'really most men are the same'. She told me, "Parakeet do not be deceived it is the way it goes". I guess that's what you get when you take your relationship problems to someone who is enduring their marriage rather than enjoying it. Me I will not marry until I am more happy than unhappy with my partner, whether I'm being reasonable or not, I shall sleep on my bed the way I lay it. Each to their own and God for us all.

Merry Christmas to my wonderful blogville family. Please share some cheer this season and God bless you all.

I am such a drama queen

2010-12-04T17:59:00.001Z

...emotionally i.e. My close friends must be fed up with my up and down, my going and coming. Even I am fed up with myself.

What am I talking about? I gat no clue. I made a decision a few days back. One I was certain I wasn't going to change and I have announced it to all who cared to listen. 72 hours later, I seem to be buckling. I haven't made a 100% turnaround but I think I'm going to make the turn eventually.

Which begs the question, does Parakeet really know what she wants? Or is she simply wanting too much? If I was to bother answering that question, I'd say 'Yes I do know what I want but I am not getting it from who, where or what I want it from. Hence the conflict. So what to do? Search me.

Watch this space.

All Hail!

2010-11-01T20:21:00.001Z

....www.sistazmag.com

A few good months ago it all started as a joke, then we started throwing ideas around and it began to form, then we thought why not do something about it? The idea grew, the form took shape and sistazmag came to fruition. We are hoping it will grow even more, but we would need you. Please visit and enjoy www.sistazmag.com...lets make it one big community of sisters and of course brothers who love sisters.

Where Are The Men???

2010-10-26T21:01:00.002+01:00

I tend to choose my outfit based on how I'm feeling. Those feelings could range from bloatedness, to unattractiveness and on some lucky days, to sexiness. So I dress according to how I feel. However, now that I've stopped working it's far easier to pick an outfit, mainly jeans and a jumper. Half the time I don't even have to bother with ironing, the only positive thing about winter. Our coats tends to cover a lot of our inadequacies.

However how I dress determines if I'm going to get any advances from the opposite sex and to a certain extent the kind of guy that will show an interest in me. There are days when I don't pay much care to my dressing and I get the odd winks from pot bellied old men. Obviously this infuriates me but I immediately know why they think they could have a chance with me. However there are some days when I feel I'm totally chick and some dodgy looking fella with skin blacker than charcoal walks by with a limp and decides to make a pass at me. On such days I actually hate myself more than the unfortunate man that chose to fancy me. I don't know if I'm an isolated case but I'm often left feeling as if something had gone seriously wrong with my look, attracting such a person. I wonder if it's the cheap clothing or the fact that I just look like 'the sort'.

These days I actually don't attract guys that I think are 'correct' except in close gatherings. For some weird reason all the 'inbetweens' have evaporated into thin air. Only ugly mofos or some skinhead in saggy pants seem to take a shine to me these days. The last time a young likeable bloke fancied me was on the tube and he was too bloody shy to ask for my digits until I got to my stop. I mean how does that help and how exactly did I get here? Sometimes I try to console myself that since london is full of attached or married men, these guys actually see and fancy me but force themselves to look away because of the massive temptation I pose to them and of course the threat to their peaceful romantic arrangements. Yea I know, in my dreams.

I think I need a re-vamp of my wardrobe. I know I certainly don't walk the streets of London announcing that I am attached so I don't see any reason why that guy with the perfect bum doesn't think I'm approachable. Yes I've been told I walk around with a frown on my face which doesn't help, but there's been times I've smiled at a bloke in a crowded place and they've looked away. Well maybe the picture is not as grim as am painting it, but heck why do I even need to smile to get a guy's attention in the first of place. The glory of my presence alone should send them coming and then I'll have the liberty to say no thanks, I'm not available!

When Turn Ons Become Turn Offs

2010-09-24T12:32:00.003+01:00

One of the phrases men like to use in describing us women is that we dont know what we want. I often like to say that contrary to that, our problem is that we know what we want a little bit too much but we know it's hard to find so we often settle for a close second while never really stopping the search for that exact thing we want. We do this by either trying to refine our close second choice into the real mccoy or look outside of that. Either way we press on until we either get tired or fate just happens.

For instance, one of the things a woman will assess before considering dating a man is, does he have a good job? Some may even go further by preferring to date men of certain professions only. May be someone that works in oil and gas for example. So a girl finally meets her dream man who has that oil and gas job, except he works on the rigs and have long spell away in some remote place. Then the wahala starts. That exact thing that attracted you to him becomes the cause of your aggravation. Suddenly, he works too much, he doesn't have time for you, you dont get to see him enough blablabla. I'm sure we're all familiar with this. Does anyone have any similar experiences of late?

In my own case, it was my very confident ex. I like a man who is confident and sure of himself. It sends me weak in the knees. It's not often that a guy sees an attractive girl and just simply says you're attractive but that was exactly what he did. No bullshiting like 'you look familiar'. He walked straight up to me in a crowded supermarket and said the 3 magic words, 'you are beautiful'. That was enough to melt me and the next thing we were having dinner. Now he's a plain looking guy but his confidence was enough to win my heart. We went on date but then I started to worry. If he found it that easy to get my attention, do I know the countless other women he can get that same way? Plus he actually has a very good sense of humour another attribute women like their potential partners to have. So all those turn ons for me at the beginning gradually started becoming my nightmare and it took me a while before I got over my paranoia.

I have seen these exact same things destroy some relationships and even marriages. So why are we women like this? Things like this only seem to give credence to men's notion that we don't know what we want but are we just victims of our own emotions? Like we just cant help ourselves how we feel and wanting certain things the way we just want them. Anyway that's the conumdrum I'll be trying to solve this weekend as I try to work through some domestic issues with my partner.

Have a good one guys.

Prophesies and other things

2010-09-13T17:16:00.002+01:00

Hello everyone…hope guys in Nija had a good Ramadan break.

I was going to write about the dangers of prophesies after I had a rather disturbing conversation with my friend last week but reading a story about a half brother and sister who wants to get married in Ireland made me change my mind. Or maybe I can kill two birds with one stone.

Basically, this friend of mine has two younger sisters who are both married and of 4 girls, she's the only one who is yet to get married and she's about 30. At the beginning of our conversation she didn’t sound like she was bothered over the fact that she's only not just married but also not dating anyone. I mean I didn’t think anything was wrong with this as she's doing very well careerwise. I've always thought everything in their own time. However, when I realised the real reason why she wasn't bothered, I became rather concerned. Apparently, she had been introduced to this Prophetess who told her that her glory will shine when she's 32 and it is that glory that will attract her future husband to her. Basically babe is going around not caring to date because she believes at 2012 her husband will come…whaddaeff!

I mean this is the 21st century and am surprised to find people who still live their lives according to such prophesies. Just today I read a story of how a woman was duped out of N3.6million just because she was looking for a husband. Stupidity doesn’t even begin to describe her. Yoruba will call it 'edi' and I couldn't agree more. Who in their right thinking mind will give N3.6million to one Iya Ijebu to find her husband if she's not under some sort of overpowering spell? Many of our young women fall for these kinds of scams even at a time when we think civilisation has helped to cure some of our backwardness. What do you say?

Now to the story of the siblings who want to get married. So they met and fell in love without realising they were related and went ahead to have a child. Now they want to get married but the law prohibits them from doing so. I have every sympathy for this couple whom I believe must have been traumatised by the revelation that they are related and I'm not entirely sure where I stand. I mean they have a child together already and that's the worst they could have done. Apart from medical problems the kids may develop, getting married wouldn't change what has happened, would it? What are your thoughts but first please click here to read the complete story.

Balancing Modern and Traditional Culture in Marriage/Relationship

2010-08-23T16:36:00.004+01:00

I want to discuss an issue which I believe is relevant to most women in the UK. That of proper conduct/expectation when one is dealing with an African man. Most of us were brought up the African traditional way of life but have then left the shores of our homelands to make home for ourselves in foreign lands and have imbibed many of their cultures. However, African women in the UK who display too much Western culture in their way of life face so much misogyny from African men. I have even heard that men will simply refuse to marry such women and would rather marry white women. How does one know where one ends and the other starts when it comes to relationships or marriage? I know that quite a lot of African women grapple with identity problems and who wouldn't when opposing cultures clash?

Sometimes one may have good intentions but somehow come out looking as if one does not know what one is doing. There are certain things I do for my partner that some of my friends marvel at and ask why I go to such lengths. Also, there are certain things I do and they are quick to chastise me for not handling things well saying "he's the man". Sometimes I'm left all confused and wondering what I'm doing right or wrong.

Say for instance I want to go out with my friends, do I need a permission from my partner to go? Or say for instance I've done some cooking and after cooking decides to watch some telly. My partner then decides later that he is hungry, do I have to go and fetch him some food or does he do that himself? Laziness and love aside, am talking about realistic expectations here. Naturally I wouldn't seek permission to go out but I believe that it is my duty to go and get him the food. Does that mean I'm some sort of sell out who will gladly do one and not the other? After all, both acts fall under the remits of the traditional role/expectation of a woman? Do they not?

I've met guys in this UK who will expect you to be able to cook egusi for them and then on the other hand expect you to pick up the tab at restaurants too. It's not as if they'll ever take you to the mall and pay for your shopping. Some married men expect their wives to go 50-50 with the household bills but they hardly ever share the household chores 50-50. Is that not some sort of madness? At what point does it become rebellious of the wife when she feels hard done by and demands for fairness?

I have a neighbour who spends night and day screaming on his wife. Telling her "ori e daru" (crazy or something derogatory along those lines) and she just keeps mute. Now it's either she goes comatose at the time he's busy reigning those abuse on her or she's one woman who is taking her traditional role way too seriously coupled with some heavy dose of stupidity. Bottom line is this woman never utters a word back to her husband. In fact often times I wonder if the man was merely just displaying some madness by picking a fight with their furniture. Only something that cannot speak will seat through such insults and not utter a word back in defence or whatever. In fact things get so bad that I have considered calling the cops because I do fear for her life. Now is this normal?

So sisters and brothers, how does one balance these two cultures without coming out looking like an idiot or a stuck up cow?

How True?

2010-08-04T16:18:00.005+01:00

So I have a pertinent question or two to ask.

Is it true that Nigerian women (living in Nigeria) will not leave their husbands if they find out he has a mistress? Basically, while pursuing my personal passion, I had the priviledge of hanging out with Tuface and his crew on Saturday night and this line of discussion broke out. Tuface's Manager stated with confidence that he is yet to meet a woman in Nigeria who would leave her husband solely because he was cheating and he had enough backing from the rest of the guys. He continued by saying that leaving your husband for cheating is mostly a western idea and that only young women who live abroad or have cultivated Western culture will do such a thing.

Something else I found irksome was a lady within the group who said her husband is free to do whatever he likes but she must not find out about it. She said she cannot expect her husband not to cheat but he must not bring it home. Now this is a lady that lives here in the UK and she seems to think it's the way most married Nigerian women think too. Is this valid?

I know a lot has changed in Nigeria since moving here seven years ago. I mean folks now leave University and walk straight into jobs within multi-national companies, the average person now has access to loans to finance a new car and more people are generally more well off than there were a decade ago. Off the back of that are stories of men and women cheating on their partners without a care in the world and how divorces are rife amongst newly married couples in Nigeria now. So everything is moving rather fast so I would naturally assume that women would have bought into the idea of leaving a cheating husband and fully expect the fidelity that comes with marriage from their spouses. I am not saying this is the right thing to do or not. I just wondered how accurate their assumptions are so guys let's discuss.

The New Kings of Nigeria

2010-07-08T11:32:00.000+01:00

...I beg to differ.

I caught a program on BBC iplayer titled 'The New Kings of Nigeria' and I couldn't help but marvel at how the BBC gets so much wrong. Anyway my grouse with the BBC aside, this is my take on the documentary. I cant even begin to say that I know what the intention of the BBC was but somehow they managed to trace a descendant of King Jaja of Opobo and attempted to tell the story of his mission to 'give back' or finish what king Jaja started some 140 years ago. This descendant happened to be King Jaja's grandson or great grandson and he kept going on about his inheritance. Where?

He'd spent the last 25 years in the UK and after loosing his steam as a 'hair conditioner' or was it 'air conditioner' Salesman (don't know now...sometimes I suffer from the 'H' factor palaver that seems to plague most Nigerians =D), he decided it was time to throw in the towel and try his luck is his motherland. So off to Nigeria he went and like so many he got his big break being the voice of Big Brother Nigeria. Nice voice I must say.

I should be happy for him right? Oh yea I am except I see beyond that. This guy apart from parading himself as some modern day messiah in this documentary, he was supposed to represent the nouveau rich Nigerian i.e. young Western educated Nigerians who speak with atypical Nigerian accent. He has clearly bought into the wider Nigerian mentality that because he lived and studied in the UK he's supposed to be something special. There’s still a lot of colonial mentality going on in terms of trying to be a cut above all others in this way.

He was shown flaunting his wealth which to be honest doesn't seem like a lot since he didn't live in one of them big houses you see in Nollywood movies. He spoke so disrespectfully to his Printer and houseboy as if he owned them and kept stressing his speech to display that janded twang. In my opinion he was trying too flipping hard! I didn’t get the documentary for a number of reasons. First, I failed to see how appropriate the title was, but that’s hardly a surprise. After spending time and money filming only the ghettos of Lagos and its inhabitants, the BBC felt the appropriate title for the documentary should be 'Welcome to Lagos". Very apt. NOT! And that's exactly what they have done with this documentary.

I see it to be about a guy who after spending the early part of his adult life in the United Kingdom decides to go back home. He like many others go back home with their 'jandedness' and all the works knowing full well that the average Nigerian will worship them for that. However, the big question is 'what exactly has he brought back with him to offer? In my opinion, zilch! Instead he got home and by virtue of the people he knew as well as his janded characteristics, he landed what is arguably one of the most coveted roles in the upcoming Nigerian reality TV culture. An opportunity that should have been reserved for a home grown talent and not a hair conditioner Salesman from the UK who just happened to have the ‘right’ accent.

What happened to the young men and women who struggled through incessant school closures to finish a four year degree in 7 years and are still out of jobs? Those who are still fighting tooth and nail to get into good jobs in order to lift themselves out of poverty. The group who have little formal education but are tapping into inner talents just to get their feet into the booming entertainment, beauty and fashion industries but are constantly being kicked down by the high and mighty. I will not fail to also mention people who are languishing in obscurity and all they ask for is an opportunity to find their way into prosperity. These are people who are choosing to do the right thing rather than resorting to yahoo yahoo (acronym for fraud) yet they get little or nothing back for their effort. However, the rich continue to re-distribute the wealth and opportunities amongst themselves so that the downtrodden continues to be oppressed.

While I recognise that the recent assault of reality programs on TV in Nigeria have helped a few more people to gain limelight and hence make a decent living, there's still much more that needs to be done. Nigeria is a country of 150 million people or more yet 70% of it's population live below poverty line (CIA World Fact Book). Therefore, the people that are helped through these programs are only a drop in the ocean. Do not get me wrong I have every admiration for this guy and I recognise that it takes bravery to abandon familiar terrains to venture into what’s largely a volatile state in Nigeria. Whether you were King Jaja of Opobo’s descendant or not. Also he must have done something right at least to have his documentary commissioned by the BBC (I'm assuming it's his work).

However, I would have preferred if the documentary really focused on Nigerians, who after acquiring foreign education and cultivating western culture move back to Nigeria to see how they fit in. Their battles and an exposure of the unnecessary adulation that is accorded to them if any and why. This guy was latching on to his affiliation to King Jaja of Opobo, and is that what makes him worthy of good TV? A man he never met let alone have a picture of and yet he’s this important person because he comes from that lineage. One of the factors that deters Nigeria from achieving true greatness is that we are a country of name dropping and power hungry people and somehow we feel that’s far important than what value we actually have as individuals. People go around believing that knowing one important person makes them important too. They fail to think of how to become important people in their own right.

I Feel I Should Write Something

2010-06-28T11:25:00.002+01:00

Dear Blog,

I cant say it has been a while. I have come here so many times to write something and never getting past the draft level. I counted this morning and there are seven drafts waiting to be published, none of which will see the light of day because those events have now passed.

These past few weeks have been very busy for me. There's a lot going on at work and I've been house hunting too. I'm moving into a new chapter in my life and I can hear faint tremors in my heart. On other days there's so much quietness inside of me that I can barely hear a thing. Not even my heart throbbing delicately against my chest.

There's so much I want to write about but so little is coming out. I used to be able to find solace here but not anymore. I mean I dont just feel I can come here and pour my heart to you anymore yet there's so much I carry inside of me. I dont want to complain, in fact I cant complain because there's so much to be grateful for. However I feel the next 6 months may roll into 2008 again. There's a distant fear that something may come and topple my peace and happiness and it will totally be of my doing.

I sit here and I think of how to stop that from happening. I'm bereft of ideas by that very fear that is etching away my optimism. There are so many things I wish I could undo. Or rather by some magical process blot it all away from my memory that I may go back to living life with clarity of mind and optimism. The nothing dey happen kind of optimism.

Likewise, there are so many people I wish I hadn't met. Those with heart of steels, the slimy ones, the ones with hidden agenda, the wolves in sheep clothing, those who pretend to care, those who just want to destroy you, the unforgiving ones as well as those who just think they are better than you. The ones who think one mistake defines you, chauvinistic and predatory pigs.

Am I angry? Well until writing this note I didn't think I was. Do I detect regret somewhere? Oh yes loads of it and I blame myself for it all. I brought this upon myself by sharing a table with people who should never have come past the door. By waiting until it was too late to do something about it and by thinking I was helpless when I had the power in me all along to prevail.

Dearest blog, there it is...I managed to pour it out. Now ciao!

For the Love of Nigeria

2010-04-16T13:25:00.003+01:00

There are so many things going through my mind right now and I can't even find an appropriate title for this post. I don't intend it to be a long post but I'll see if that's possible.

So I saw 'Welcome to Lagos' last night. A 3 part series of life in Lagos, well life in the slums of Lagos. In the the program makers words, "We were heading for the ghettos and slums" and when they got there they said "the dump became symbolic of everything we were trying to achieve in the films". So this people had an agenda, to feed into the stereotype that Nigeria is a lawless country, with poverty stricken people, rife with corruption and social unrest and home to creators of email scams.

What did they find? Yes they saw the slums, perhaps much worse than they could ever imagine but it must have been shocking for them to find decent, honest people who prefer a life of grime to a life of crime. "People who are proud of the fact that they earn an honest living, and are making a better life for themselves and their families through sheer determination and hard work". (Quoting Will Anderson, one of the programe makers.)

I've had tons of emails from friends who are unhappy with the way Nigeria was once again portrayed in a negative light. In fact when I saw the program last night I thought this documentary will show a balanced view of Lagos only to find out that was not the intention of BBC. The normal me would have been effing and blinding alongside my disgruntled friends but for some reason I've been smiling contentedly.

In contrast to most people, the program didn't leave a bitter taste in my mouth. I chose instead to see the positive message in it. The voiceover was more positive, almost a celebration of the resilience of Nigerians who live in such squalor. It may seem patronising because the images showed something different to the words but I'm ever the optimist.

The shock though is that as someone who lived in Lagos I didn't realise people lived like that. Even the bigger shock is the fact that the Lagos State Government is aware that these people exist and is doing nothing about it. I think that program needs to be aired in Nigeria to shame our politicians . Also the international community should stop allowing Politicians into their country until they fix our country. But we all know this is impossible. There's far too much to be gained from a country of both abundant natural and human resources for any sane nation not to want to be its ally.

What's my point. We can all be angry with these British Broadcasters or we can do something positive about it. We can paint the picture of the Nigeria we want them to see. Let's be frank, the media in most part of the world sensationalise everything. You think a successful tale of a country like Nigeria will make good TV? Heck no! That country is far too blessed already for Broadcasters around the world to air positive things about it. Instead they will concentrate on the ironies.

We have to go out there in numbers and in unity and not only tell the Nigerian stories we want the world to hear but also play out the Nigerian story we want the world to tell about our country through positive and influencing actions. It can be done and it starts with little steps from those people who are in the lowest ebb of our society through to the top.

NIGERIA! YES WE CAN!

Easter

2010-04-07T09:21:00.003+01:00

...It's essence is lost on me. I don't know the real reason for this and I'm not about to dish out blames on the commercialisation of the birth and resurrection of Jesus Christ by Westerners but I just know the period doesn't mean what it used to mean to me. There was a time when Easter meant a recalling of my sins to mind, a conscious effort not to participate in the persecution of Jesus Christ by eating meat on Good Friday and a true repentance of my sins on Easter Sunday followed by a heart felt celebration of the risen Lord on Easter Monday. That used to be me. Being catholic, I would have fasted one way or the other during lent and went for benediction every single day. I hated it but I felt a need to do it because after spending an hedonistic year eating and doing whatever I liked, I felt this was a time for me to be sober and be more reflective of how my actions may have displeased God and my fellow human.

This Good Friday gone, I spent the better part of the day driving from South Wales to England enjoying the comfort of the rented car I was driving, I had no care in the world and I totally forgot that some thousand years ago, as a Christian, someone died for me in order that I may have life and live it abundantly. After the tiresome drive, to show how insignificant the day had become to me, I cooked that night and ate meat. The moment I finished my meal I then remembered, OMD I just ate meat! Too late! The sheepish smile from my Muslim boyfriend did little to console me.

Saturday went by uneventful and I swore I was going to attend church on Easter Sunday. It was the least I could. However yours truly didn't wake up until 11:25 the following morning when church service was already underway. The baffling thing was that I did not feel any guilt, neither did I feel like I was missing out on anything. Now this is a far cry from who I used to be. I used to take church and my prayers very seriously. So what happened to me? Is it the environment or the fact that I'm so disillusioned by church and its activities rather than be inspired by it? I have developed such an acute sense of listening to my Pastor's teaching and I find myself I picking out everything he says. These days I tend to sift through the words, jotting down the ones I agree with and silently chastising him for the ones I feel are more 'Sales man type speech'. I never used to be that way. Before, everything my Pastor said was the word of God and even if it didn't sound right I just make it right in my head.

Am I well and truly backslidden or is this some sort of the awareness that I should just go with?

Why Doesn't Love Go Far Enough?

2010-03-12T09:45:00.003Z

Okay so you know you love this person right. As in not a minute passes on your watch that you don't think of them. You're generally very happy and very contented with things. On the flip side though, you get the down times.

Like the times you get so angry you dont wanna speak to them. The times you just don't give a toss about being kind or doing and saying the right things. Why cant love intervene at these crucial times? Times where you two just speak but are actually not hearing or listening to each other, or times when every little thing the other person does just riles you, or you row about the simplest of things. Why cant love step in and save the day?

Where's love when that blinding fury comes to the fore? Did love take a flight at the exact moment those horrible words spurtered out of your mouth? Where was love hiding when all you see are faults? Why cant love help you to be patient, not to say unkind words, to understand the other person better, to suppress that brewing fury from the pit of your belly, to be more appreciative. Why cant it just be there always, present everytime and makes everything sail smoothly and guide you on the right path?

Dear love, why can't you just be damn enough!

Some Friends

2010-03-01T20:19:00.002Z

...do go past their sell by dates.

In the past 2 weeks I've had some profound experiences and they are all connected to people that I call friends. It is nothing new that different friends play different roles in our lives, while some are important, most one can live without. I have a habit of calling everyone 'friend' but it's purely for lack of something better to call them. The ones I chat to almost weekly but hardly see, the one's I've never met but exchange emails with, the ones I went to school with, ones I met randomly. They are all friends but different kind of friends. Some of them I can't even stand either for their aggressiveness, inconsistencies or whatever but I put up with them anyway. Lately however, I've asked myself, why? Some friends I actually care deeply about and wish us to be closer but I hardly make a concerted effort to make that happen, again I ask why?

One pattern I've noticed about me is that the people who come through for me at the most dire times are those distant friends. Distant in the sense that I don't know them very well, we hardly hang out or even communicate. Only lately did I have one friend that I know she's done more for me and I've trusted more than I've trusted anyone in my entire life. Generally I've just lived my life meeting different people who have had both good and bad impacts in my life and those I question why I met in the first place.

Last week I was out of town in a foreign land and one of those I'll call a distant friend was there for me. I was extremely surprised about his magnanimity and that of his wife. This is someone I hadn't even picked my phone to call in a year until the week I was due to take my flight. I only just called him to let him know I was going to be in the neck of his wood but he dropped everything to show me round and keep me company. I'm still left wondering if I could do the same for someone I don't know very well.

This week however, another friend I've had for about 7 years let me down. He simply couldn't be happy for me with regards to certain developments in my life and that hurt me real bad. But I've asked my God to surprise him and sooner rather than later he'd be sorry. Sometimes we think certain people are our friends when in actual fact they are simply jealous of us. Some even think they are better than you while others are just interested in sharing the latest gossip with you. When you really look at it you have very little in common so why bother with the so-called friendship in the first place?

Today I celebrate friends, true friends. The ones worth having, the ones who love you in-spite of your flaws, the one who plan your future with you, the ones who laugh and cry with you, the ones who share silly nothings as well as the serious stuff with you, the ones you never see but who's got your back no matter what, the ones who scold you when needed and do not shy away from the truth, the ones who you feel comfortable to bare your heart and soul to. To Afrobabe and the special man in my life.

It'd be a Shame Really...

2010-01-30T15:09:00.003Z

...if I let January go without even putting up one post. So here it is. Happy new year my peoples. Not that anyone will be reading this anyway since I haven't done blog rounds in eons. I don't even know what's going on here in Blogville anymore, well except that Aloofar put up a post. Wow! A little bird tells me that our very own loved up couple Chari and Buttercup are back too. Happy days. I'm not joining the am back crew as I didn't go anywhere but it's nice to finally get around to writing something. So hey once more, happy new year.

I know a lot of us would have made resolutions and broken them already. Won't say welcome to the club cos I stopped making them a few years back. Resolutions are one of those 'jump on the bandwagon' things that most of us do. They do it, we do it. But as we become individuals in our own right we realise what it is we really should be doing. I guess am there when it comes to that.

So what's the new year been like so far? It's been somewhat okay. I've noticed I've turned into some sort of rebel at work. Scary! Always the first to tell management where to shove it! Am loving my new notoriety actually. Home front things are not great. Not really getting on with Mama at the moment and I couldn't help but think am getting a little too big for my own boots. Maybe it's not arrogance, maybe I just want change and I know being a jelly and a yes woman ain't gonna work anymore.

Personally am trying to develop myself mentally. You know wean myself off some bad habits in readiness for the great things I know is coming my way this year. Omo e no easy. Does anyone out there have patience in abundance? Parakeet needs some biko. I think am gonna start a charity for patience donation. I also need to learn to relax. Worry is like my middle name. I'm obsessed with planning so if there's something in the way that causes me not to have a good idea of what the near future holds I start to panic. I like to be in control of what happens around me so much that I forgot that God is really the one who runs things around here. So I'm trying everyday to call to mind the mercies of God more and more and to remind myself that he is God after all.

I've missed the partying scene a bit. Girlfriends have gone and got themselves boyfriends so everyone is cosying up with their man. Not that I have a problem with that. My man won't be complaining neither would theirs so everyone is happy. The other thing though is this winter. This has got to be the longest winter ever. Weytin! The cold is mercilessly relentless and I know we humans are never satisfied but mehn this one too much. This winter practically finished my mojo so right now I wanna skip spring...bring on summer sharp sharp. But in this UK that'll probably last only one week.

A lot can really happen in a month...

Nigeria is My Country, I Have a Right to Discuss It

2009-12-09T09:38:00.003Z

It is possible to live in decay and not know it
It started right before your eyes
You noticed the first crack but you procrastinated
I'll go back and fix it another day
Then that crack causes another crack
Yet again you noticed but failed to act
Afterall you have your hands full with other stuff that needs immediate attention
Until the whole thing bloody cracks
That you no longer notice it
Even though those cracks cut you here and there
It's nothing you're not used to it
So you don't see it as a big deal
People on the other side see how damaged things are
But you live in the damage so you don't know
When they mention it you tell them to keep shut and mind their own business
Yet in your mind you feel perplexed about your plight
Nothing a brave face in public wont cure, you assure yourself.
No matter how much you psyche yourself up
No matter how much you refuse to see the problem
It doesn't take the problem away
It is there and will always be there no matter how much your denial grow.
Nigeria has a problem, let us see it
If you're going to make an enemy of the person who points out a problem but profers no solution
and make a friend of the person who just fails to see the problem
then you're a bigger fool than I thought
I kid myself not
I am overwhelmed by the multiple problems we face as a nation
I dont even know if there's anything I can do to help
But please let no one tell me I cant discuss my country
Discussing a problem is not the same as tarnishing the image of the country
Please know the difference and keep your peace.

This Love Palaver Sef

2009-12-07T09:31:00.003Z

So it's another Monday and while making my commute to work I was listening to songs on my Samsung Tocco. As I settled on my choice train seat my best heartbreak song came on; Think Twice by Celine Dion. Thinking of it now I don’t know which is my best between that song and that of Whitney Houston, Heartbreak Hotel. Having suffered two heartbreaks within the last two years those songs never fail to remind me of the pain I actually went through and the various things I did to cope with them. My dating life is rather chequered and full of drama and while I loved the highs in my early twenties, I think as I've grown older I've become less resilient.

I thought specifically about my heartbreak before the most recent. That happened more like a dream really because I wasn't expecting it. I mean we were planning on moving in together and starting our own family after deciding that the marriage route was not for us and zap! he was gone! I failed to believe I was never going to see him again after that fateful morning that he kissed my sleepy head goodbye. If I had known that was the last time I would see him I would have got my lazy ass out of bed and at least seen him off to the airport, hugged him tightly and cried on his shoulder. At least let that scene haunt him for the rest of his life…if he has a heart that is. How did I cope with it? Well I splashed out on a party and just hit the club scenes until I danced him out of my system. The anger and betrayal I felt kind of helped too and the fact that I soon got myself involved in a lusty relationship soon afterwards that I knew wasn't going anywhere. Lust did help me a lot but when that ended it was just as bad as the heartbreak because once again I felt empty and betrayed. I have no one to blame but me.

My most recent heartbreak started really from the inception of the short-lived relationship. Not having met someone to remotely like in the past year I met this seemingly plain looking man but with bags of personality. It wasn't love at first sight but after sleeping and waking up the next day and dreamt of him, I started to pay him a lot more attention. The sail went on from there really and I didn't know what it was but I just couldn't get enough of this guy. I wanted to speak to him all the time and spend all my days with him. He on the other hand was trying to be cautious and he claimed he didn’t understand how I am so into him since I seem to have a healthy social life. He was right, even I didn’t know especially as he didn't have a good profile. Here, I was dealing with a divorced father of two who listened to dodgy music and had zero social credentials. But who understands how these feelings work eh? Apart from that he clearly had a lot going on in his head because he kept questioning my 'realness' and he was pretty mean to me on so many levels. I didn't mind though. I wanted to prove to him that I was the real deal and while doing this I over-compensated for my worldliness and did a few stupid things which marked the end of the relationship. He called off the relationship out of the blue and all my plea fell on deaf ears. I literally felt my world was coming to an end. As a fighter and not ready to let go yet I somehow brought things back on track but really things were never the same again except for the sex which could never be bad even if we tried.

After we got back together, his questioning of my realness didn't stop and coupled with finding out some unpalatable facts about him I decided it was time to dump his ass and I did. I revealed what I found to him and said hurtful things to him thinking that was it. Only my stupid feelings for him wouldn't let me. I went back grovelling and true to his meanness he told me where to go. He even spurned my friendship. That was a first. Looking back at how I coped, I figured I actually didn’t cope because the whole drama started two weeks into our relationship and it was a real rollercoaster. So this wasn't one massive heartbreak, it was a systematic one and one which when I had the bad days it was pretty bad and the good days were really good. It was hard for me to be angry at him. In the end he came out of the relationship smelling of roses and me as the scarlet woman. Somehow in the whole charade, what really went down was lost on both of us and I was left with heaps of blames even though deep down I know I wasn't to blame. We were just two mis-matched people who couldn't make things work.

I am on the other side now looking back, enjoying the little things of life. I guess in life we go through certain things so as to appreciate little blessings.

Have a good one guys.

No Sir, We Actually Just Want YOU!

2009-11-26T15:49:00.003Z

Okay this is getting really ridiculous. Is there any single man out there these days who actually doesn't think that women are a devious lot who will do anything to get whatever they want?

I am totally up to my throat having these arguments with a growing number of men. My question is what do you have? You're not David Beckham or Denzel Washington neither do you have the brains of Eistein nor the quirkiness of Freud. You are not the best there is neither are you the most gifted. So what exactly is it that you have that I will be so after to resort to some grand planning just to lay my hands on?

Men need to get this unfounded thoughts out of their heads. Women are better equipped now to deal with any relationship/marriage eventualities so get your big heads out of the clouds and get with the program. The world has moved on so check the facts before making assumptions that have no basis.

Even a man who's worth nothing more than his pair of tattered jeans has the courage to spew such diatribe just cos the number of single women now outnumber men and more promising women are ending up with divorced fathers of two. Somehow the rest of the bunch who has zero to offer suddenly feels qualified to comment on women's morality.

Funny how men have been letting women down for as long as we could all remember but women still always manage to find something to love about them and to accept them irrespective of their flaws. Yet they wont stop bad mouthing women. Why dont you back up your opinion with some action and not go near a woman with a barge pole rather pursuing a woman while scheming and progressing with your hidden agenda.

Men are such bad loosers. Get over it. Women are getting better and there's nothing you can do about it. You either accept it or die in mysery. Mscheeew and no apologies made for the generalisation.

Two-Timing, And You Know It.

2009-11-01T22:26:00.004Z

Thank you to everyone that commented on my last post. It was something weighing heavily on my mind and I needed to get it out. I'm so glad I did because not a word of condemnation was written but those of encouragement and positivity. Thank you all so much.

So today's post. I am aware that we girls like to snoop around our man. We like to know things he may be hiding away from us. Big question though, if we do find out he has secrets, what do we do? So you look through your man's phone to see if he's been sending or receiving texts from another girl apart from you. Or you hack into his emails to see if he's making the same promises he's making to you to another girl, and indeed you do find something. The 'I love you' he sent to Sarah. Or the 'I'll see you later' he sent to Bisi when he'd told you he was going to be held up in a long meeting at work. If you confront him with your information, how do you explain to him that you came by it in the first place? If you decide not to tell him, how do you deal with these other girls? This is a man you love and have dreams of spending the rest of your life with. He's almost near perfect other than for this new development. In fact you do not have a doubt in your mind that he loves you, but if he does why chase other women or keep secrets?

I've always said to myself that what you don't know would not hurt you, but I'm beginning to think that if it doesn't hurt you now, the likelihood of it coming back to bite you in the butt in future is higher and by then you may not have enough support system in place to help you cope. So sometimes it may pay to know early depending on what the nature of the information is and one could use this as an effective argument for snooping. The downside is though it forces someone to make decisions one may not be quite prepared to make at the time of the information coming to light. Say for instance you find that your man is seeing someone else who he seems to be into. If you confront him, he'd know that you've been through his stuff and if at the time of confrontation you were yet to make up your mind to leave him for his infidelity or not, then things may turn the other way. If what my idea of how a man will treat this kind of situation is anything to go by then I'd say he's likely to take a walk saying he could never trust you even though he was the one in the wrong from the outset. If this happens one will never know if he would have chosen to be with one or the other girl in the first place. Of course this argument will only hold water for a woman who's prepared to forgive a man of infidelity.

Truth is I don't know if I'm for snooping or not because ultimately the problem will always be now that I know what do I do with the information? Say if I find my man has been engaging in internet dating with girls he's not in the same location with. While they may not pose an immediate threat to our relationship, it is still a form of infidelity and if I bring it up with him, he'd know I've been snooping and then becomes more secretive. Is his internet relationship enough for me to walk out on our relationship? If I decide 'no' and do not bring it up then trust is damaged and enjoying the relationship becomes difficult.

What do you say guys?

Living A Goalless Life

2009-10-26T14:23:00.004Z

Hello lovely peoples, I hope I meet una well.

So I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and one of the questions that arose was, Parakeet what's your goal in life??? And the answer is NONE! It is scary. I actually do things without really thinking deep as to what I want to come out of it. I looked through my life and realised that I've actually never wanted to be one thing. I've always seen the possibility of me being several things. Naturally my flair has always been for writing and reading everything readable. I enjoyed literature and every subject relating to the humanities. But then when I went to the hostel I became like a glorified Nurse. I was able to diagnose pretty accurately what could be wrong with someone and I was able to tell them what medication to use. I was never a sickly child, I just had a lot of sensitivities to things so I knew what Ihad to avoid and what I had to take when I was struck down by an illness. Everyone told me I had missed my calling. I should have gone to science class and studied to become a doctor or a pharmacist. But then they also said I'd make a good Teacher when my study time at the refectory became my teaching time. Yes our refectory doubled as our reading area so everyone came to Si Parakeet (as we were fondly called then). Well maybe not so fondly when you think about how wicked some Seniors were. I wasn't one of them though, seriously. lol.

Moving on to the higher institution I felt I could be a good Pyschologist. I had the ability to listen and give objective advice which when tried works (wish I could be the same with myself). Then I was involved in some social activities as an MC and Radio Presenter and some people saw a colourful career in the entertainment industry for me. Even I saw it but not so much now...hehehe. Some people say I ask the oddest questions and probe a bit too much so I'd be a good lawyer. Plus everything politics interests me which means I'd do well. All these little fragments of everything but no real ambition. I've never seen myself in the attire of a Lawyer trying to bring to book the world's most dangerous criminal. Never saw myself on TV as one beautiful Newscaster all the men are trying to date. Never seen me behind a huge table giving an advice to someone who had just tried to commit suicide, nor have I ever seen myself in a white gown holding a stethoscope. I have never even seen myself being knocked up and playing wifey in a home. So what have I ever seen myself as? The answer is NOTHING!

I went to school, got an education, came out with really good grades, got a passable job and I earn a living. I am able to pay my way. If I want something desperately I just need to save for it for a few months and I can buy it for myself (well aside a house and a jet). I have a 'relatively' comfortable life but I dont think I have big dreams. I dont see myself driving a posh or living in a big house. It doesn't mean I dont have desires. I do. Like I wish I could actually get my LPC done and qualify as a Solicitor and do pro bono work for the less priviledged in Nigeria. Like I wish I could have money to set up a charity and just educate and empower as many women as possible. I wish I could marry a wonderful man one day and be happy with a kid or two. But you see they're just wishes and if I dont achieve them it wouldn't seem like I've failed.

I know or at least we all know that it is normal to have goals. They say it gives you a purpose for living. However for me it is different. It is becoming more and more apparent that I just live for today and when the tide of life comes it blows wherever it likes, I pick myself up and then re-strategise and continue to live my life. Surely there's something wrong with that. Surely one must have goals and strive to fulfil them as a test of ones character. Can anyone diagnose the problem with Parakeet? Or am I just being to hard on myself?

Just Remiscing

2009-09-17T15:12:00.000+01:00

Life can be so familiar today, becoming a stranger tomorrow
It could kick you in the backside
You may land falling face flat on the ground
Or it may catapult you into an atmosphere of euphoric existence
How could one ever prepare for life?
Irrespective of one's evolving experiences
Life remains unravelling
Experiences could shape you
But life could either dissolve those shapes or remould them as it wishes
It could blow you from pillar to post with strength more than that of a whirlwind
But it could also comfort you like a baby cocooned in the shawl of its mother's embrace
Life deals you surprises beyond your comprehension
Some you can handle and some completely throws you
Life leaves you a wonderer and sometimes a wanderer
You start the day with a knowing knowledge of yesterday
But unknowing of what lurks in the future
Life leaves you positively and negatively breathless
It drains your energy yet infuses you with optimism for the future
Life is all things that is reality
It is all things that lives in the recesses of your mind
All things imagined and lived
Life is what it is
I will embrace, live it and love it.

Thankful Wednesday

2009-09-02T10:30:00.004+01:00

I have a lot to thank God for
For every breathe I take confirming that I have life
For the unflinching support from my family
For the friends that are true friends
For the love I share with someone special
For my job
For my lovely colleagues
For all my Blogville/Facebook/Twitter friends
For lost friends both alive and those sleeping in the Lord
For family far and near
For the body of Christ
For those who work behind the scenes to make the world a better place
For unexpected blessings
For the happiness of others and those shared with me
For optimism
And for so much more I cannot put into words
I thank the Lord God almighty.

Marriage Should Be With Bed Undefiled.

2009-08-24T14:21:00.003+01:00

So says Hebrew 13:4.

Wow I cant believe it's been a month since I blogged. I hope everyone is well. Thanks very much for the comments in my last post and apologies for not responding personally.

A lot has been going on since my time away and most has been in the area of my emotional development. Not so much spiritual as most of you will think from my subject line. I went to church on Sunday after like 2 months and I was blessed. But no this post is not about the sermon that came from the pulpit.

This post is about a realisation. Something that somehow found its way into my mind considering the haziness that has been the state of it for a while. The day I let that thing slide into me 8 years ago was the day I took a step in the wrong direction. Somehow it has taken me a whole 8 years to realise this and to start to put right.

This as you will have gathered by now is having sex before marriage. It messes up so much but I don't think I knew how much. Even though I grew up in a very strict and religious home as most of us and was well aware the dangers of having premature sex, I still did it anyway. The moment I gained my freedom, it was the first thing I dabbled into with the same naive conviction that this is the man I am going to marry. 8 years on with a number of sexual partners under my belt, alas! I am still unmarried.

It is not the unmarried part that bothers me, it is the pieces of me that my previous sexual partner has taken with them as they move on with their respective lives that riles me. It is the fact that yet another man has seen my nakedness and not made a good woman of me. It is a depressing thought and it has left its toll on me without me paying much notice. I have come to the point now that I am sure sex is meaningless. So much ado about nothing but a mere gratification of sheer animalistic lust. It doesn't even help that every man I tend to meet these days just wants to jump straight into bed and not interested in my mind or anything else.

I ask myself is it too late to say no more to sex with another partner I am not married to? Like what man will take me serious these days if I said no sex until marriage especially as I am not a virgin? What right have I got to tell a potential to wait until the wedding night before he can go the whole nine yards? So now I feel this trepidation, that in the end because I did what I should have done last first, I may have lost a chance to put it right.

However there's this steely determination in me to just go ahead and shun sex. Too late or not I do not have any more desire to have sex with a man I am not married to and I am not looking at this from a religious point of view at all. I just don't think having sex will sort out any problems I have right now especially my apathy to relationship and marriage so I am staying off and if any potential is not happy with my decision he knows where the door is.

Necking is welcome though...wink* wink** wink***. Have a good one guys.

Fiddling With Fate

2009-07-10T09:47:00.001+01:00

This is a hard subject for me cos am still a babe when it comes to spirituality and there are so many things I don’t understand. One thing I know however is that it is never advisable to peek into the future or a case or whatever.

This is what I mean. I know people who have gone to spiritualist who claim they see visions. I am not saying it is not possible to have visions but you know those ones that will describe some man you will meet, tall, dark handsome or whatever but they fall short of telling u exactly when and where you will meet him. And then you spend the rest of your life wondering if that tall dark handsome guy you met at the petrol station was the one that was foreseen or was it the one you met at the car park? Possibly the one at the supermarket until confusion kills your poor mind and you don’t know what you are doing anymore. My question is, why bother? Why don’t you just leave you life to fate or chance as it were and pray as you go along instead of seeking counsel or to be more archaic oracle.

A very close of friend of mine is currently tied in an unhappy marriage and too scared to leave because apparently the success he has today is tied to his wife. If he leaves he looses all. And in this day of credit crunch who wants to lose anything abi? How does he know this? He claims long before he met his wife they had prophesied that he would meet her and x and x will happen which has. Looks like brother hasn’t heard of familiar spirit. And while we're in the subject of Christianity and vision ask yourself does this vision tally with the word of God. So God will give you plenty of money and houses through this so-called woman but not someone that will make you closer to him? Does the bible not say seek ye first the kingdom of God and all things shall be added on to you? Even with this my inexperienced spirituality I know if it was God that really gave him that woman, then it wouldn’t be someone he doesn’t love and is so unhappy with, someone who will not help him grow spiritually and become closer to God.

There's only so much advise I can give my friend but as someone detached from the whole situation I can see the bondage my friend is in. Something he had brought upon himself by going to these so-called seers. If anything his situation has taught me even more to take a chance on life. Whatever happens happens and I know God's thoughts for me are thoughts of good and not of evil therefore I believe God will not bring tribulations my way that I can't overcome. Besides tribulations are there to develop our characters and we should not be afraid to seek God's face ourselves rather than go to seers. I hope everyone learns a thing or two from this.

Have a good weekend...xx

As You Lay Your Bed...

2009-06-24T13:17:00.003+01:00

...So shall you lie on it.

I hope I meet everyone in peace and in good health. Just to say a quick thank you for all the kind words. Thanks a mill.

I am doing great having just arrived from a mini break and Tigress being the great hostess that she is ensured I had a good time. Imagine the woman, she kept worrying about if I was bored or not. I needed to rest and have a girly chat and of course some shopping therapy and I got exactly that. So Tigress you do well for my body o.

Now to the matter at hand, the above saying is one we're all used to hearing but I wonder if we pay enough attention to it when making certain life decisions. Here is the gist, an Ex of mine who's been on my case for us to reconcile for a while now had a baby a few months back. As I was the one who called the relationship off it didn't bother me. In fact I thought to myself that since he's pitched up his nest with another woman and they now have a child which to me seals their union then he'd get off my case. How wrong.

To say that I was flabbergasterd when this brother renewed his chase would be an understatement. I mean how on earth could he think he is good for me now when he wasn't before? I am not saying a man with a child is not a good man but in this case it's totally not right because he had his baby after he met me. Of course I didn't expect him to hang on forever but I thought at the time of getting another woman pregnant it meant that he had moved on for good. Clearly not. Anyway I told him there could never be US and that he made the decision to impregnate a woman he didn't love enough to be his wife, hence he should deal with it.

My puzzle is that why do men do this? I know this guy isn't young and may just wanna get having a baby out of the way but does he not look at the bigger picture before doing it? Why are more and more men taking the route of having baby mommas rather than wives? Is this what they have reduced us women to? I actually feel insulted that he had the audacity to talk love with me while treating a fellow lady like me with such disrespect. The other lady may unknowingly be holding out a torch for him while he is there asking another woman to be his wife.

This is totally unfair and I'm really upset and if anything it has strenghtened my resolve not to give a man what he wants unless I am totally sure he can give me what I want. On the flipside I'm thinking perhaps he felt trapped with the baby. But my argument is this, if you do not plant semen into a woman, she has no business getting pregnant for you, hence the talk of entrapping you becomes baseless. You dont want an unplanned baby, then wear a freaking rubber.

Have a good one guys.

A Week Today

2009-06-11T10:44:00.003+01:00

Happy birthday T. I'm sure the Angels are cooking up a feast for you today your special day. Happy 33rd. Miss you as always.

Things are better. I feel lighter and I'm thankful. Will be going on a break next week and wouldn't update for a bit.

Thanks for all the messages. Love you all.

Death You've Done Me Bad, Again!

2009-06-06T08:42:00.004+01:00

What is life if all it brings is misery and sadness?
They say our sojourn on earth has a purpose
What purpose has a man who was snatched away by the cold hands of death in his prime come to fulfil?
In fact what is the whole point of that purpose if it has yet to be accomplished?
How could there be a God when a being so charming and so steadfast die a death so lonely and so painful?
How does one come to terms with knowing that the person who was here today ceases to be here tomorrow?
That a person so loved and admired could be spoken of in the past rather than present?
That his phone will ring and go unanswered because life has departed his body
Or non-reply to emails because he has taken his final breathe?
How does one deal with the hurt of knowing that all desires, aspirations and dreams go with this person to his final resting place? Never to see the light of day.

I really am sad.

I haven't stopped thinking about you.

Your smile and the way you grind your teeth together when you speak.

You taught me to play the Nintendo Wii.

I was useless with video games before you came along

Dodo was your favorite food. You ate it everything from eba to bread.

You wouldn't drink or smoke and spent so much time in church.

Helping out and being a role model.

You were a true gem and you touched my heart in unquantifiable ways.

I never said I loved you but now I say it

I really love you T and I'll carry you in my heart always.

Rest in peace.

OMG! I Chatted Up A Bloke

2009-05-29T10:16:00.003+01:00

Hi my very peeps. Hope everyone is fine o. Well you dont have a choice, it's Friddaaaaaaaaaaay! So what's the reason for my excitement? It's simple, Parakeet chatted up a dude. As in I couldn't believe myself. It was on the Jubilee line platform and there was just me and him there. There was this uneasy air of silence around us and am like whaddaheck say hi, but I didn't. Instead I said "why are you so dressed up on a Friday"? He looked at me bemused but smiled and said "it's for work" so I asked him where he works cos work places dress down on Fridays. Turns out the reason he was all suited up was because he worked in bank. Oh well I know my chat up line was dull but eh you gotta give me credit for plucking up courage in the first place. In fact I did well for something I didn't intend to do in the first place...abi?

Anyway the rest was history jare. Found out he lived in the posher part of my neighbourhood, originally from Ghana and blablabla. At least he was gentleman enough to not let me ask for his number (Not that I was going to) but hey we parted with numbers when he asked. Am I gonna see him if he calls for a date? I dont know cos I have my hands full at the moment. You remember those two guys Tee and Kim, dont you? Dem still dey there o. I've been trying to jabo Tee but the guy dey persistent no be small so the battle continues.

Ehm... quick random question. Since there are more and more men these days lying about their marital status for the sake of some nookie I've been thinking it may be down to the fact that we now frown so much on polygamy. Of cos I may be totally wrong but hey it doesn't stop me from wondering that 'if guys had the clear choice to take second wives and so on as it was the norm back in the days, would they go outright and just do it rather than lie and cheat?' Please whatever your answer is must be backed up with reasons and inferences drawn from real life situations if possible. Thanks for being my panel of professors on this matter...hehehehe.

Abeg am outta here, enjoy your weekend lovely people.

How Did I Get Here?

2009-05-18T21:23:00.004+01:00

How are you my lovely peeps. Hope I meet you all in peace. As for y'all in Nija how are you coping with the fuel scarcity? That news made me tore up my move back to Nija plans o. Who's gonna queue in the scorching sun to buy fuel? No be me, mba. My yansh is staying in London for now.

Talking about yansh two guys are after my yansh o and I like them both so what do I do? If you guys dont answer me sharp sharp am gonna end up with two boyfriends o. See the two of them are different. One is 6ft 1inch tall and has the darkest beautiful skin I've seen in a while. Lets call him Tee. The other one I'm gonna call Kim is only about 5ft 6 inches tall (I think I tower above him just a lil) but he oozes the kind of sexiness I've not come across in a long time. Kim and I share more interests than Tee and I share and Kim is more socially & upwardly mobile than Tee. As in Kim and I can talk everything from politics to the latest sex position while at most Tee and I can talk Football and US foreign policy.

They're both different but Kim speaks better English than Tee. Kim just reminds me of those kind of guys we used to trip for as Teenagers. All those ABC and Inexcess boys in UNILAG who act like they don't shyte! You know dem kind :) Looks like am still stuck in me teens, hehehe. Tee on the other hand has a swagger that makes me wet my pants but he cant kiss to save his life. Dude cant even bloody open his mouth properly. But Kim is a very good kisser. Yes I know I kissed them both. I have to now, it's all part of the test.

If one were to place them on a scale from what I know of the two of them so far I think they're square which is where the dilemma lies. I could go for Tee cos I have a weakness for tall dark guys and he seems well grounded but then Kim's intellectual ability is something I cant ignore plus he's ever so sweet. Oya guys put on ur thinking caps o I want answers.

Ciao for now!

Helloo000!

2009-05-04T14:19:00.005+01:00

I know y'all must be thinking she's done her usual disappearing acts again but this time it is for good reason. I settled yet again into a new apartment so I officially feel at home after months of giving up my old place. I have also been working on a little pet project ScoopsNija which I frankly don't know where it is heading yet but at least the likes of Afrobabe and Roc believes in me. I am counting on your support guys as you will see less and less of Parakeet but more and more of Scoops hopefully. For all those who are resident in the UK and have hot gist about anything and everything about Nigerians living here please hit your girl up and leave the rest to me. Much appreciated.

As for my last post, you wonderful people of blogville once again have reminded me of why I love it here in blogville. I wrote a post and you guys finished off where I left it so I say thank you for your wisdom and sincere apologies for not being about to respond. Again I say communication with reason is always the best policy.

Have a good one guys...love you all.

Communication! Communication!! Communication!!!

2009-04-20T11:49:00.003+01:00

I really cant over state that this is needed in every area of our lives. Even though most of us know this we still do not practice it. What brings me to this post? It was the removal man that helped me move on Friday. I had been disappointed by a friend who had promised to help me move. When he couldnt do it I called my standby as I figured it may happen and he too gave stories about doing the move in his small car so he asked me to get a man and a van which he paid for and he even came to help me do the packing and unpacking.

The van man was a very talkative but intelligent Bangladeshi man. He told us about his vast land in his home and all the extended family that rely on him as the head of the house. He said they see him as a millionnaire because he has a flourishing removal business but little did they know that he was neck deep in debts. His wife doesn't work so he has sole responsibility of everything and everyone. He was one of those people that took out mortgages with fake employment so it turned out he couldn't afford to pay his mortgage anymore. In the wake of the credit crunch things became really bad but his wife kept on spending money on the same level as she was before. He said he was never rich but now he is even poorer than he was but his wife didn't seem to care and one day they had a row and he asked her to go get a job.

He said she came back home one day only to have found a cleaning job of £10 an hour but they could only afford to give her 2 hours a day meaning she only makes £20 a day. By the time they deducted how much it will cost her to travel she would be left with just £10. Of cos that was nothing so he asked her to stay home but watch how she spends. He then went on to give a glowing remark about how her spending had reduced and how understanding she had been since his financial situation came to light.

I said to him that his wife was never an unreasonable woman. As long as he continued to make out he is rich then she will spend. It's a simple formular really. If I know a well that never dries, will I not go there to fetch all the time as much as I want rather than if I knew a well could dry up? I told him that his wife ought to have been his partner in life therefore she should be kept abreast of everything that's going on with him including the true picture of his finances. It just made me remember two of my exs and why we broke up. Men need to put communication before pride. A problem shared they say is half solved and I'm sure when a man opens up it doesn't get him ridicule from his significant other.

So the message today is communicate with your spouse/partner and you'll be suprised at how relieved you will be. Have a great and blessed week everyone.

Rant!

2009-04-09T09:04:00.004+01:00

This is going to be a rant and most of you may not identify with it but rant I will anyway. Jade Goody just passed away and even in her death people have not stopped heaping criticisms at her. Anyone familiar with British television will know Sir Michael Parkinson and may just be aware of his recent comments about the deceased that she represented all that is paltry and wretched about Britain.

I personally believe that those comments were totally uncalled for. So Jade may not have what people see as traditional talents or the sort of intelligence that have been cultivated through having a decent education. But I believe she did what she could to better her life. Not all whose father died of a drug overdose in a KFC toilet and one whose mother did not give a damn could have turned themselves around like she did. Some people with her background could have turned out a drum head, in prison, a destitute ,a prostitute and the list goes on and on. But she made use of popular culture to be who she was today.

There are other people with better background who dream of having half the opportunity and fortune she had when she was alive. She rose from a nobody to someone whose photographs and news sell magazines. So she doesn't know how to play the guitar or sing like an angel, but what she had she used and what she was given she appreciated. She made mistakes just like everyone else but she learned from that and tried to make amends. Instead of the likes of Sir Parkinson to blame Britain and her parents who let her down, they decide to take an easy target like poor Jade.

I am sick and tired of these people who live their lives on old ideologies and old money and believe other means of making money or living your life is inferior to theirs. Rap music incites violence, opera music replenishes the soul, what bollocks. The world have moved on from the bourgeois ideology and will continue to do so, popular culture is here to stay and whether they like it or not it will continue to expand.

Ronan Keating said he hopes his children doesn't turn out like Katie Price (Jordan) asking what talent has she got exactly? What talent does a woman who made her money first from modelling, then diversified into lingerie business, writing kids story books, and one day hoping to represent her country in equestrian sport in the Olympics not have? It beggars believe that Jordan has done more influential things than this Ronan Keating guy who believes he can sing and therefore he is better than her.

Just because she made her money from modelling doesn't mean that her money is worth is less than that of someone who made it from e.g. painting. Talking about arts has anyone of you been to the Tate Modern lately and seen the so-called post modernist arts been displayed. How did we move from paintings such as the Mona Lisa to a careless smudge of paint on a canvass and call that art? Yet it commands millions of pounds in sale? They want the people to accept that this is contemporary art because it was probably painted by someone in their elite group they cant come to terms with the fact that youths derive a lot of enjoyment from dancing stanky legs?
I could go on and on but I'll better stop here. Have a good Easter everyone and God bless.

P.S.
Buttercup, ShonaVixen, Vera Ezimora, Temite, Good Naija Girl, Afrobabe, wordsmith, Ms Sula and Tigress are starting a blog titled The African Women so please check them out and add to your blogroll.

For the Love of Tigress

2009-03-25T11:11:00.003Z

See I hate this tagging thing abi how una dey call am for blogville. I am a lazy blogger and that much you guys know. I wonder why that category wasn’t on the naijabloggers award nomination list sef. I bet I would have been nominated and of cos won. Tagging is tedious and parakeet is lazy. But I love Tigress so am gonna accept the honest scrap award. I crave honesty, I give honesty for the most part but I hardly ever get it back. God is able.

Here are ten things you didn’t wish were true about me;

* I can suck my finger for Africa. Now before you scream, I dropped the baton at SS1 when I went to the hostel. Senior cant be seen sucking her finger at 13 now kai! Proper dishi. But trust me I was a pro. I could suck my finger all day and not eat anything. That was my comfort.

* I have been in love 2ce in my life and the last being of recent. I count myself lucky but shame I fell for unsuitable men.

* I gave my life to Christ on January 4 2001 but have since back slidden abi weytin be the correct word. I still love God though.

* I pray more in tongues than actual words. I can never seem to get actual words out right but I could pray in tongues for hours and hours until I fall into trans. Oh yes…trans. The few times I've had private moments I always seem to find myself in some place I cant explain and when I come to, life couldn’t be better.

* I have never seen my father but I have some memories of him, how that's possible I don’t know. Maybe in my previous life sha.

* I've had sex in a public pool. Ehn…public pool in the full glare of people in broad day light. I didn’t come though.

* People see me as an efiko but I actually never came first in school well until the last term in SS3 when everyone else was concentrating on WAEC. I then sat for my WAEC and failed Maths and English. Duh! How do you reconcile that?

* I don’t know if I wanna get married or have kids but I feel I would only do it when and if I meet the right person which I fear I may not. God help me.

* I feel like I need a shrink to unlock some of my anxieties and confront some demons but I so hate to be vulnerable that I feel am just gonna die one day with all my burden on my shoulders.

* There was a time I really fancied kissing a girl but not anymore after a horrible experience I had. Please don't ask me.

Now am passing this on to 18andabove, Kmplx, H20, AnyaPosh, Kush, Ms Sula and Mizchif and these you must do to accept your award

1.You must brag about it

2.You must include the name of the blogger who bestowed the award on you and link back to the blogger

3.You must choose a minimum of seven (7) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. 4.Show their names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with Honest Weblog.

5.List at least ten (10) honest things about yourself. Then pass it on!

And did I brag yet?…yeyeyeyeyeyeye don’t hate me cos am hotter than you.

Have a good week everyone.

First Anniversary

2009-03-19T13:16:00.003Z

Yeeeeeeee, I did it albeit lazily. Clocked a year and over 50 posts in blogville. Now clap for me everyone. Its been real fun and I've made some fantastic friends virtually and even taken some into the real world. Thanks all for making this such a worthwhile experience for me and for letting me face one fact that I've refused to accept in a while. I can be complacent in a lot of ways. I secretly call myself 'daku-daji' blogger and yet am not contrite. I guess this is me and I can only just do what I can do. Hmm...I give up on myself.

I dont really have anything to post today but I just wanna share a lesson that I learned in a rather hard way. A man will do what a man will do. Forget love or commitment. Some of you may feel am taking a hardline on the matter but the truth is that men are just men. They make decisions devoid of emotions. They look at practicalities, what will work for them and what wont. If you are that woman who just happens to be in their life at a wrong time, no matter how much they profess love, they're still going to do what they are going to do, mostly without you in the grand scheme of things. Some sisters know this already but for those who dont please take note. Do everything for yourself. Let a man meet you where you are happy to me be met. Dont tailor your life and decisions to sync into the life of your SO well until he actually makes you his wife.

Where did all these come from? I had long suspected this was the case but love no dey gree me see road, lol. However watching the Nigerian movie Reloaded just confirmed all my suspicions. One of the characters played excellently by Stephanie Okereke dedicated 7yrs of her life to a man, had six abortions for him and yet he simply refused to marry her claiming he didnt have the means to support a family. Yet he goes out there and impregnates another woman whom he promptly made preparations to marry. This movie is a must see for all women because it's loaded with vital lessons one must take through the whole dating game and even into marriage.

I leave you with peace and love.

Friends or Men, Which Way To Go?

2009-03-08T15:26:00.005Z

I just wanna rant about my friend o. We went raving and I met this fine brother who is a friend to my friend's brother in law. For the sake of brevity lets call my friend Sheila and the fine brother Lee. Lee is not exactly a drop dead gorgeous guy but he exudes the sort of sexiness that is rare to come by these days. As I have decided to remain single, I didn't really give him face but we got on fine during the night. Before we parted ways he asked for my number which I gave him. In the car with Sheila and the rest of the crew, she says to me "Parakeet be careful what pictures go on facebook". Am like "why"? She says "oh cos Lee has a girlfriend". I just wondered where that came from cos I didn't even take a picture of Lee and even if I did, having a girlfriend doesn't mean a guy cant be seen in pictures with other people on a night out. Then she breaks into my thoughts and announces that "Lee is a player, he's got too many girls" blabla and I was wondering what the need for that was but then I kept shut. I knew something was up right there.

Anyhoos Lee didn't call me until 3 days after our meeting. I couldn't speak then so I asked him to email me instead and he sends me one dumb email saying he just wanted to say hi. I replied with 'am fine' and that was the end of our email exchange. Sheila calls me later at night and we gossiped as usual about men then I quipped in that Lee called me and stuff. Next thing is she says to me is that "seriously Lee is trouble stay away''. I told her nothing is up with me and Lee and I dont intend for anything to happen but even if I was him being a bad boy wouldn't deter me. I also told her I've noted what she said and will put it in mind. She said ok and we went on to talk about something else.

The next day she calls me again this time all very serious and went into a barrage of why I should really stay away from Lee and she told me that he uses women and stuff. Again I told her I appreciate her concern but that there was nothing to me and Lee and even if there was going to be I am capable of taking care of myself. She didnt seem to like this. She took offence and we ended the conversation on a very bad note. A few hours later, my phone rings and it was Lee saying he didnt want some pple disrespecting him cos he simply talked to me. Turns out Sheila had told her sister who of cos is married to Lee's friend and her sister had called Lee to warn him to steer clear of me.

I just dont understand what the whole thing is about. I know there's more to it than what Sheila told me but then if Lee was such a bad person it concerns me that they continue to hang out with him and I told Sheila as much. Also I don't feel Sheila has the right to command me to stay off Lee because I'm an adult and I can damn well do what I like. She can advise me as a true friend and then lend me a shoulder to cry on when it all blows up in my face but instead she has chosen not to talk to me anymore cos I wouldn't listen to her. This is suppose to be a friendship not a tyranny. And now the bad girl in me is really curious about this bad boy called Lee.

Dear blogville what do you suppose happened between Sheila and Lee that she's so adamant I must stay off him? I must add though that both parties deny ever having a relationship or anything sexual. So what is up really? Any thoughts?

Courting Disaster

2009-03-04T09:19:00.001Z

I saw him for the first time when he brought his friend to mine. Introductions were made and from then on I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. As we were chatting away in the car I studied his side frame. Unlike most men he lacked side burns just the way I liked it. His skin was dark and smooth as that of a black panther. As if he knew I was looking at him he looked at me too and I was instantly drawn into his penetrating gaze. I noticed his eyelashes then, longer and fuller than that of Barbie. His delicate features drew me even more to him and I must have lost my trail of thought for a second there. Long and short of it was that I was staring at a very beautiful man and I fell in love at first sight.

I knew he was a no go for me because his friend was interested in me and they must have had their 'boy talk' about me but I still let him creep into my heart. I let my guard down when his first text came. Just when I though I had committed my attraction for him into oblivion, his text came and dredged up all those buried feelings. They came in just as rapidly as my replies and my heart never stopped its fast and thunderous beating neither did my anticipation for his replies wither. There marked the beginning of a beautiful relationship or so I thought.

The months that followed were beautiful and happy. I had a reason to wake up and to smile. He touched every angle of my heart and soul with his words and actions. He loved me like a woman should be loved and made me feel things I thought was impossible. Things moved on at a speed and it felt like we'd been together for years then came the bombshell. He is married. I should have known, single men don't come that complete and totally besotted to you. I should have seen this from afar but then I was too loved up to see. Even then common sense didn't kick in because I was too wrapped up in love to think straight. I knew I was doing something terrible but I couldn’t bring myself to let go. I loved this man and I just cant walk away not after all we'd shared. Yes it was only for about 3 or 4 months but those were the best period in my life in recent times. Love is a bad bad thing. I am not sure I want it to happen to me anymore.

As you would guess the honeymoon period was gradually nearing its end. He has to baby sit, go to the airport, do things at home. Things I couldn't share with him. His other life came first now. The times we saw lessened then I started to drift back into reality. Once again I am with the wrong man. A man that I loved truly but a man who could never be totally mine. I tried once, twice and then some more to get rid of him but I always went back. I had to try one more time and this time I had to be mean to him, make him hate me and hopefully he'd leave me alone for good since I can't seem to do it myself. I said mean things to him. Things that made him doubt I ever loved him. Things that really hurt him and perhaps shattered his ego. Then I committed him to the history books. I am still alive and breathing and went on to have a few more disastrous relationships.

Have a great week everyone.

Multi-Dating My Foot

2009-02-27T10:07:00.004Z

Truth be told, I cant crack this multi-dating thing...that's the update.

How are you my very own peoples. I must first pay homage to whom homage is due. I say thank you for counting me worthy enough to still come round and read my rants even though I have been slack in my duties of timely updates and blog rounds. I also wanna say a massive thank you to those who have made my buddy RocNaija to feel rather welcome to our family. Kudos also to the brains behind Naija Bloggers Award. Una do well.

My adept followers will know about my resolve to go multi-dating in order to find THE ONE. Well Stop Press: Parakeet is still very much single. The multi-dating thing has not worked for two plausible reasons, one because I actually never got round to doing it and two because I just don’t get attracted to guys no more. Ehn…I don’t get attracted to girls either before you start thinking all those naughty thoughts. Even though I agreed to give both leggedese benz and mercedes benz brothers a chance for a date with moi, I just couldn't bring myself to follow up after such dates. There was just no motivation or energy even though for the most part these guys are perfect gentlemen.

I have decided to give up on dating and give up on men until I can reasonably start to 'feel' again. At least am not doing what most women do and blame men for my woes. I am just putting my hands up here to say that I am emotionally barren at the moment and no need leading a guy on who may just happen to have genuine interest. In the meantime though I shall be searching for answers as to why and how I got here. Has anyone out there been here before? Do we have a shrink in the house whom Parakeet may just speak to?

A girl needs some help here. I'm out in peace. Be back soon so have a great weekend everyone.

Would My Top Five Make Yours?

2009-02-17T23:25:00.005Z

Hi everyone, hope I meet you well. Since I've been unable to blog I got someone new to blogville who is guest blogging for me today. Below is his ingenuity.

So she said.. "you're actually a good writer.. U ever considered blogging before?"
And I said.."Thought about it once but never got round to doing it.. Besides who would read anyways..?''
"You should try it sometime.. You'll be surprised.."
"Really? Hmm.. Maybe I should guestblog for u and see how it goes" I said, jokingly
"Yeah sure! Not a problem.."
''oops!!''

So two months later, its RocNaija guestblogging for TheParakeet.

Amazing how the most 'off-the-cuff' conversations, strike a chord sometimes..
I tend to have mixed emotions when I talk 'off-the-cuff' with my people..
Ranges from being nostalgic.. to 'hmm-never-did-that-before'.. To 'I'm-glad-that-never-happened-to-me'

So I came up with a list.. Should be longer than it is but as we're in an era of downsizing..

5. The heat.. and mosquitoes.
I hate it when I'm in subzero degrees somewhere and the weatherwoman comes on saying ' still icy winds across europe.. But lagos is 30.. Abuja 35'And that buzz in ur ear.. The one where u slap yourself cos your half asleep.. Priceless!

4. NEPA
When we were younger it was ''up! Nepa!'' But as the years piled on, we took to whispering 'oh nepa' in exasperation. Still... Better than saying ''oh phcn!'' (always thought they left out the vowels intentionally ;-) )

3. Horns
Yeah.. Odd one I know. But it's the first thing u notice when ur out of Naija for a bit..No okada's whizzing past with lorry horns attached.. No danfo's on pedestrian kerbs horns blaring.. No molues at breakneck speeds playing tunes with their horns..
Nothing.. Just absolute silence

2. Motherland
The comedy skits.. The saxophone.. the enigma.. Nuff said.

1. Blowjob on kuramo beach..
Where did that come from? Heady akoka days & ranks under the never-did-that category.
If u want that story, you'll have to click here.

So there u have it folks..

So what would u take off my list and swap with something else?
RocNaija signing off..

9 Days into February Happy New Month

2009-02-09T11:58:00.000Z

'Iwo yi laro' (cant translate, soz) you Yorubas will say but I can only say make una no vex. I've been tied down with moving and stuff so no time to update or to reply to comments. I have been on the road a lot for someone who wants to stay indoors because of the cold. My mobile has become my best friend but unfortunately I couldnt update blogger from it. Imagine after taking time to type all the response to comments and the publish link just failed to activate. Google take note.

When I get a bit settled I promise to do my blog rounds and to update but for now just to let you know that I'm alive and well.

Have a good month everyone.

Winter Is Such A Libido Killer

2009-01-17T09:44:00.006Z

Ok Scratch libido and replace it with something along the lines of 'the urge to socialise or date as it were'.

Manners, sorry guys how una dey? For those in Nija hope the sun is not biting too much. One of my dates landed in Nija a few days ago and he couldn't stop moaning about how hot it was and how he felt he'd just die. That's what happens when you leave sub zero temperature and swap it for over 32 degrees. For those of us in the West namely Yankee and Jand we know all too well how the winter this year has been so harsh. Certainly doesn't give much credence to their global warming clap trap. Talk about GW, do you know what the two-faced back stabbing British government has done again? After slamming like £20 green tax on short haul flights and £4o on long haul to make people think twice about flying they then approved a third run way for Heathrow. Now they claim to be the environmental champions of the world by introducing things like HIP packs which could make your home almost unsell-able if found short of the energy standards stipulated in the pack and also the £400 road tax slammed on so called gas guzzlers. So how does destroying 700 homes and then building a 3rd runway that would see Heathrow retain its crown as world busiest airport comply with their very own fight to save the planet by cutting their own emission. Well I'm not surprised sha, only Labour will say they'd not increase institution tuition fee only for it to go up from £1150 that year to £3000 the following year. In fact I be mumu for still believing in this government and any other government for that matter. Who invented politics sef? We need to go exhume that dude's body and kill him again 10 times over.

Sorry, manners again, so back to todays post. Remember the long epistle that was my last post where I was trying to prove hard and saying am going out there to multi date. Well it hasn't happened. E be like say God wan teach me lesson as I no dey meet dudes with cars anymore. Well that isn't God's fault really but most of those guys with cars have pot bellies and me and pot bellies no dey see eye to eye. Anyways all the guys on my radar now are tall and slim just the way I like them but no car and that just messes things up. I've been turning down lets go to the movie requests and bar requests like American Embassy refusing Nigerian's visa. The thing don tire me o and its not like am one high maintenance girl, I'm just lazy. How am I suppose to find better boyfriend if I cant be bothered to socialise? Any thoughts on this? You see I'm happy to meet up after work and such but they work at different times and that just makes it impossible. Once am home at the weekend nothing fit carry me comot house o, not in that biting cold unless of cos it's of utmost importance and e be like say socialising no dey that important level...yet.

Anyway this is a formal announcement that Parakeet cannot take any dating applications for now until summer which on a second thought defeats my purpose of having a spanking hot guy by then. What can a woman do eh? I hate this country sometimes!

Ladies Have the Right to Watch Their Backs

2009-01-07T09:56:00.000Z

Hello everyone, I hope the good year started on a good note for us all. Mine has been good so far. Finally got some answers and I truly feel I can move on from some things now which lays the background to this post.

For someone who has been intermitently single for the most part of 9 months my dating tactics actually suck. Now I want to date and now I don’t want to and when I do decide to date I concentrate on just the one which often leads to me losing out completely because while am concentrating on getting to know this one guy I pay no attention to the other guys and then I end up not really liking this guy and by that time these other guys have lost interest or whatever. Being the lucky girl that I am its not too difficult finding someone else who is interested but then the cycle repeats itself and the result is the same.

So I have decided for the new year that I am gonna multi date. Did I hear people halla! Yes halla but that is the way to go after learning some harsh realities. For that guy who is currently asking me out and reading this post, sorry you’re not the only one am gonna be having drinks with or going to the movies with. You see men for a long time have always practised the 'keeping my options open' dating tactic and I don’t see why I cant or other women cant. One of the major lessons I learnt last year and that am taking with me is that love for a man is different for a woman. We just feel and act love differently and in as much as I've always wanted to believe that love is universal in feeling and in actions, I've had to just admit to myself that I have been wrong all along.

Armed with this new knowledge I'm ready to explore the dating scene. I'd have a meal with Goke, go for a walk with Ike, catch a movie with Paul and go dancing with Dapo for as long as I can carry it on without sex being involved and when I am definitely sure of what's going down with ONE then I'll take the plunge. There will always be risks so I am not saying that my new multi dating tactic will completely eliminate risks. What I intend to do is mitigate the risks as much as I can and make an informed choice before taking the plunge. Concentrating on dating one man which eventually leads to a relationship does not work for me although it took me this long for my thick brain to grasp that.

A friend of mine who is married told me this long ago but I always said to her that I coulnd't handle the distraction. You see one of the things I worry about is a man not trusting me. Taking too many calls or busy sending tons of text messages while in the company of a date always seem to me as not only disrespectful but I feel it makes you look like someone who her interests vested in too many men. You know how men's minds work. But then I am also there thinking if I don’t take this other guy's call or reply his text immediately he's gonna think I'm up to no good and not trust me. But I've since found out that making oneself too available for a man is not good in the first place. If a man is insecured enough to think that the reason your phone is off or you didn’t pick his call and reply to his text is because you're busy shacking up with another man, then you don’t need that kind of a man in your life anyway. He is going to end up making your life hell one way or the other when you guys get together so why even bother. Besides why do I care about a guy's feelings so much whether or not we are an item when he wouldn’t think twice before he stabs my own feelings.

So now its everyone to their own. If one of my multi dates gets wind of my tactics and does not like it then he's free to take a hike. Someone else will surely come along. No more would I care so much about a guy's feeling that I will compromise on getting what I want. When I finally get the ONE, I just have to hope that I have made the right choice. I'll keep you posted on my progress. Have a good one guys.

Happy New Year

2009-01-03T12:23:00.002Z

I hope the year brings us all what we wish for and more.

I dont suppose I've been gone from blogville for that long yet so much has happened. Change they say is the only constant and how true. So many people have gone private like Archiwiz and Mizchif and some like Naapali and Unwritten have removed their blogs completely. Naijalines has shiny new template that I really dig but for the life of me I cant seem to locate where to comment. I hope all is well in the homes of everyone with all these changes. I dont know whether they're positive or not but I am sure they know best.

I have been MIA myself and that's because I have been living life in a different sort of way. Life for me in the past few months has been in my head and while I have been doing a lot of brainstorming, I have also been getting physically active by clubbing.

As usual I do not have any resolutions but I have one major target this year. I'm envisaging it will be achieved towards the last quarter of the year so I will fill you guys in on it once it has been achieved.

Some things though.

*I am going to chase all those men that are not husband material away. I dont wanna know. Is it me or are men just becoming worse and worse.

*I dont wanna hear any more stories about how you have a rotten marriage. You laid your bed so shall you lie on it.

*As for the single brothers who dont know what they want, well go play the field else where. *For the seemingly good men who have good intentions but I dont like, I am sorry I just simply do not like you. I will no longer listen to your pleas about how I'll never regret marrying you or dating you. I wonder how many men a girl can marry or date. I would rather stay single than be with someone I dont like, love or what not but thankfully I wont have to do that. Hopefully.

*I'll try not to moan too much about work anymore and just enjoy it as much as I can.

*I'll stop accusing God of being partial and I'll pray more for my friends in need than myself.

Happy new year, happy new you!

Happy Crimbo

2008-12-24T17:25:00.003Z

To all my beloved friends and well wishers in blogville, happy holidays and best wishes for 2009.

Love you all

Is She Dead?

2008-12-09T10:16:00.012Z

Hello everyone, hope you've been keeping well. Many thanks for all the messages left for me. Very much appreciated. I am not back yet but someone emailed something to me at work today and I feel I have to share it. I will be back soon...promise.

While struggling with the reality of being a human instead of a myth, the strong black woman passed away. Medical sources say she died of natural causes, but those who knew her know she died from being silent when she should have been screaming, smiling when she should have been raging, from being sick and not wanting anyone to know because her pain might inconvenience them. She died from an overdose of other people clinging to her when she didn't even have energy for herself.

She died from loving men who didn't love themselves and could only offer her a crippled reflection. She died from raising children alone. She died from the lies her grandmother told her mother and her mother told her about life, men & racism. She died from being sexually abused as a child and having to take that truth everywhere she went every day of her life, exchanging the humiliation for guilt and back again.

She died from asphyxiation, from secrets she kept trying to burn away instead of allowing herself the kind of nervous breakdown she was entitled to, but only white girls could afford. She died from being responsible, because she was the last rung on the ladder and there was no one under her she could dump on. The strong black woman is dead.

She died from being dragged down and sat upon by un-evolved women posing as sisters and friends. She died from tolerating Mr. Pitiful, just to have a man around the house. She died from sacrificing herself for everybody and everything when what she really wanted to do was be a singer, a dancer, or some magnificent other. She died from lies of omission because she didn't want to bring the black man down.

She died from myths that would not allow her to show weakness without being chastised by the lazy and hazy. She died from hiding her real feelings until they became hard and bitter enough to invade her womb and breasts like angry tumors. She died from never being enough of what men wanted, or being too much for the men she wanted. She died from being too black and died again for not being black enough.

She died from being misinformed about her mind, her body & the extent of her royal capabilities. She died from knees pressed too close together because respect was never part of the foreplay that was being shoved at her. And sometimes when she refused to die, when she just refused to give in she was killed by the lethal images of blonde hair, blue eyes and flat butts, being rejected by the OJ.'s, the Quincy's, the Cuba's & the Kobe's.

Sometimes, she was stomped to death by racism & sexism, executed by hi-tech ignorance while she carried the family in her belly, the community on her head, and the race on her back!
The strong black woman is dead! Or is she?

I know I'm not! Pass this on to all the strong black women that you love, respect, and admire! I just did.

Kudos to whoever put this together orginally...great stuff. Have a nice one all.

Going AWOL

2008-11-18T12:05:00.002Z

Just for a bit...will be back sometime hopefully before the new year.

Take care everyone and have a nice one.

Xoxo

OBAMAMANIA PROVES TRUE!

2008-11-05T04:29:00.005Z

He did it in the most honorable way. Who says a black man is incapable? Welcome to the 'real new world order'. Congratulations Obama! Congratulations America! Congratulations world! And most importantly congratulations black people!

P.S.

Kudos to McCain for being gracious in concession!

The Snobbish Attitude of Most Nigerians

2008-11-02T13:10:00.004Z

Now I'm not about to point fingers because I'm guilty of it to some extent but if I'm frank those were back in the day of limited knowledge. The days where I valued the 'foreign' stuff over homegrown or the expensive material things over the things that offered real value for money. Now I know better that showing class or sophistication does not have to include looking down on people or saying 'I am better than you'.

What informed this post? Well I had gone to see a friend of mine whom I only met just over a month ago. From the little I know of him, I gathered he was one of those people who had a semi priviledged background. He grew up in the Ikoyi/VI area of Lagos, went to Kings College and had a car even before he went to university. Someone whose parents were so liberal to the point that they would drink together and even allowed him to host wild parties in fully air-conditioned room with cigarette smoke dancing around the room. Till today he still carries on with that sort of life and his conversations mostly surround video games, girls and parties.

Let me give in a little background to this. In London most Nigerians live in the South East like Peckham, Thamesmead etc and in the East like Barking which are mostly area for working class people and immigrants. Most of the Nigerian clubs are also concentrated in the SE and East of London so you find a lot of Nigerians within these neighbourhood have a lot in common. Sometimes people in their bid to appear 'different' will go to the 'city' to party and mingle because this is where you mostly find white middle class people. If you go to city clubs you will feel like you really are in London because the crowd and music is different. When some Nigerians go to places like that to party they come back to boast to their peers about how they partied with 'cream girls' and city boys.

Such was the scene at my friends place on Saturday. He and his friend went on about how they went to a club in the city called Ink and the crowd was so much better that they have decided not attend 'gongo aso' clubs anymore. Gongo aso meaning clubs with heavy Nigerian presence and Nigerian music. They ranted on about how they do not feel like they are in London and cant even speak 'phone' like a real london guy anymore because they keep mixing with all these people who were fortunate enough to get a visa to London but cant speak good English. It was blatant that they brought that classism from Lagos where peeps from Ikoyi believe that they are better than those who live in Oshodi. They washed down London girls saying they are loud and money grabbing but one of them is married to a Nigerian woman. They gave examples of their friends who would not even speak to a Nigerian person because they do not want their 'razzness' to rub off on them and berated Nigerians for speaking their language too often.

I looked on in horror as these two people exhibited a lack of respect for anything Nigerian. I was so gob-smacked that I didn't even know what to say to them but in my mind I was thinking how pathetic they were. I admit that some Nigerian people put their fellow Nigerians to shame with their unpolished attitude especially in public transport. Some of them shout at the top of their voice when speaking to each other or on the telephone. In fact just last Tursday I listened on as one Yoruba dude gave a vivid description of how he slept with his girlfriend that he hadn't seen for a while and how thick his sperm was blabla and I thought this is gross. However I don't think this problem is isolated to the Nigerian community only. I see a lot of East Europeans who get on the bus and chatter on in their language and some British folks who just go on and on.

However what my two friends are forgetting is that the white man's way of life is not better than ours. While they clearly do some things better than us, it does not mean our culture and way of life pales in comparison to theirs. It is good to enjoy and appreciate a little bit of everything as this leads to a healthy balance in life. I believe what people should aim for is to be able to hold their own in any situation. If you want to party in 'chinawhite' with footballers and reality TV stars, well do so and not put down 'carbon' where Naeto c may just show up if he's in town. If you wish to wear a Georgio Armani suit, do so and not put down my 'ankara'. If you wish to speak in your British accent, please do so and not put down my own accent because frankly I ain't Bri'ish. There are more to people than meet the eye and no one human being is above the other even if our social status may suggest so. We are all going to die and be buried and our soul will leave our bodies. People should learn to feed their soul and their minds and not just their bodies. Karl Marx was known for capitalism, Newton for gravity, Freud for psychoanalysis and Mother Teresa for her humanitarian work, what will you be known for when you finally depart this earth?

Mother Daughter Talk

2008-10-28T09:16:00.003Z

This is my first proper post in over a month I guess and there's so much to talk about but I'll try to keep it concise.

First shall I tackle the curiousity about Enigma, he may not appreciate this but it has to be done. Some people are asking how I knew it was him and what I mean by he's tight. Enigma and I have a mutual friend who had told me before that he had another friend who was also a blogger. So it was our mutual friend's bday bash this weekend and Enigma and I got introduced and the rest is history. When I say he's tight I mean his pseudonym is befitting of him. He may not have the conventional Will Smith look but he does have a presence you cant ignore and he carries himself immaculately. So to me that is tight...I hope I've laid all that curiousity to rest. And Enigma no vex for putting you out there like this.

Back to today's post....

Mum: Temidayo you know you're five years old and no longer a baby
Temi: Oh no mum, what have I done again?
Mum: You haven't done anything my dear. I just need to speak to you about something very important.
Temi: As long as its not about me not tying my shoe lace properly
Mum: You naughty girl...ehm how do I even start.
Temi: From the middle
Mum: (sighs)...ehm I want to talk to you about men and women
Temi: What about them?
Mum: You see there will come a time when you will have your own little Temi
Temi: (Tantrums) but mum I'm just a baby
Mum: (Looking worried)...I know my dear. I'm just trying to prepare your mind
Temi: My mind for what...?
Mum: Okay maybe this is not a good time, I'll talk to you later
Temi: (Now upset) but mum I wanna know now.
Phone rings, mum picks call...life saver...end of story.

How do you broach the topic of sex with a 5year old? They are proposing sex education in Britain's secondary schools and perhaps to primary school pupils as well who could be as young as 5. There's been debates whether it is safe or not to start with kids that young. How do you even begin to teach sex, love and relationship to someone as young as that. Admittedly I liked a boy as the tender age of 7 but it was just 'like' and he was much older so all I wanted him to do was read to me and take me for walks. Sex never crossed my mind and I remember vividly being highly embarrassed when we were watching soaps that depicted couples kissing. Even at that age I knew it was not something meant for a girl my age.

While I feel sex education is great I believe introducing it to children as young as 5 is too early. By God they have not even reached puberty yet so why not wait until then to explain the changes in their bodies and relate that to sex, marriage and love? That's my opinion but what do you guys think? Should children be taught sex, love and relationship education from the age of 5?

Enjoy your week.

Hi Everyone

2008-10-26T16:53:00.003Z

Just to say many thanks to all that have been checking up on me. I am doing great just a little busy with the things of life I guess.

So keep your mind at rest dearest bloggers and know that Parakeet is fine wherever she is. Have a blessed week everyone.

P.S.

Guess who I met on one of my night crawling??? Enigma and he's tight!

The Farce of Modern Governance

2008-09-25T09:32:00.002+01:00

So George Bush is imploring American tax payers to shell out more money to offset the financial crisis caused by a greedy few? Who are those greedy few? Did he mean to say myself, my govt and the big corporations? Because if he said that he wont be further from the truth. I am sick and tired of people solely dumping the downturn of the capital market at the doorstep of bankers. These people were just instruments of greed used by government and big corporation to grab capital that was then used to fight Iraq war and used to buy up smaller companies just to face off competition within the market. Take the advertising industry for instance, there are only 7 major companies in the world who own a network of other companies. So it could be said that these giants basically control the advertising revenues of the developed nations and some notable developing countries like India and Nigeria. The banks have to make this funds available to them but they try to make us believe they are doing it for us. If we don’t give this people money to run businesses then you may not be able to buy that cheap item of clothing or furniture which is a total lie.

Mass production made it possible for people to develop false needs. If these manufacturers did not manufacture these things and then engineered our minds to make us believe we need them then we'd only be a people who used what we really needed, namely clothing, food and shelter. I am not about to slate technology because mobile phones and automobiles are a great invention but who really needs a touch sensitive phone for instance? Hello! I've got fingers and they're not broken. Or a car where I could watch TV when my attention should really be on the road and I can go back home and watch TV on a better screen. They even managed to make us believe we need HDTV so that we can see the wrinkles in Ellen Degenres' face. Better picture they call it but why don’t you just give me a slap on my face and ask me to hand over my money. We now live in a world where success is judged on ones material possession and the likes of Victoria Beckham can go to the newspaper and say my perfume empire is worth £109million. Looks like that's really news these days. Now Russia wants to go claim ownership of some part of the Antarctic…money money money and now the whole world is crumbling just because there is less of it in circulation. How could man become such a servant to what it made? I didn’t hear God say when he finished creation that go and be servants to the animals…I thought it read go and have dominion over the animals and the things of the world.

By all means if Americans are happy to bail out the banks it will be the way to go but will the government act this time? Will they ensure that legislation is put in place to protect people more, that banks do not give credit to those who clearly cannot pay and those hedge fund people stop making greedy deals? I am not an economist and I don’t know how these things work but I know that the government sat on their butts the whole time lapping up the glory that comes from a perceived economic buoyancy when in fact the whole thing was built on a farce. God just look at it, who thought Lehman Bros could fall? Anyway this is where the rant stops but I just hope that these morons in government will learn a vital lesson here that greed can bring you money only for a short period but will probably wreak more havoc than they can handle.

Have a wonderful week!

Trouble Sleep Yanga Go Wake Am

2008-09-19T09:16:00.004+01:00

That is what our people in Nigeria say in Pidgin English when one decides to go look for trouble by perhaps doing a stupid thing. In this case trouble was taking a stroll away and I decided to go and tap it by the shoulders.

How did it start? Well I found my old address book from Nigeria. This is not a joke but the number of complimentary cards I found was enough to make a paper machie house. Most girls in Nija will testify to this, when you go out you are bound to meet some big man somewhere who's looking for a fresh blood to devour. Often they are rich, married, way older than you and with bellies bigger than that of a 9 months pregnant woman. But somehow back in the days it shows some sort of street smart pride when your wallet is adorned by complimentary cards of Senators or oil boys even if you don't really take them as Aristos. I had a few good ones myself and I found one of such ones in my stash of complimentary cards. Now the man in question is not exactly top notch but he worked for Chevron and your girl was trying to get into the company then. So I pallied him up only that he wanted more than I could give so I severed our friendship and kissed goodbye to the Chevron job he was going to help me with.

Fast forward 6 years yours truly decided to give him a buzz having found his card but I didn't know I was setting myself up for trouble. The buzz was just to say hi o...now I know why they say that an idle mind is the devils works shop. He remembered me quite alright and we chatted about a few things here and there asked for my number which I gave to him thinking he'd never call anyway. Now that mistake is almost costing me my sanity now. Man refuse to back down on his calls o. He basically intends to blow up my phone and he's driving me outta my mind. He even said that he's coming to London next month to see me. See me see wahala, ki la gbe, ki le ju? (I dont know the translation to that one, that's some Yoruba slang). Anywhoos at that point I knew I had to act so I told him that seeing him will be tough o cos I live with my partner. He went into a stony silence and then suddenly exclamated, "you live with a man?!" I was like shoo, since when did that become a crime but I forgot that those things are frowned upon in Nigeria. Only that was not the reason for his shock, the real reason was that because I called him he felt that I wanted us to be an item. I mean from where to where? For all I care this man could have gone grey and I could have become yokozuna in the 6 years we haven't seen. Why would a 2 minute call to you suggest that I want to shag you on your next trip to London? If I didn't have anything to do with you sexually then, why would I do now? It still irks me that he even thought along those lines at all and I'm really wondering at the state of men/women affairs in Nigeria. Frankly I don't find it funny and I dont think its proper at all. Hopefully that will put him off ever calling me again.

Really men are wired differently but at least now I've learnt my lessons. When next I see trouble, I'll take the back road. I siddon look...

For Friends

2008-09-16T15:24:00.005+01:00

This goes out to my dear friend, Ruvimbo. We met 5 years ago at the criminal law class in undergrad, we hit it off immediately and people wondered whether we were sisters. Problem was our accents gave us away, she's from Zim and I from Nig but the bond was formed. We've been through a lot together and we never stopped talking about our numerous relationship problems and our career plans.

We hardly saw each other but kept in touch via phone and we held such important places in each others heart. Her sojourn in the UK is over for now and she's moving on to bigger and greater things in SA. My heart and prayers go with her while I'll physically miss her. Ruvimbo you've been more than a friend and I love you so much. I am so glad I have this opportunity to organise a leaving do for you and am glad we'll be spending your last few days in the UK together.

P.S.
Everyone in blogville you've been a pillar for me. I've not had much chance to do my blog rounds but I'll get to it soon.

Love to all!

24 Hour Miracle

2008-09-14T14:21:00.006+01:00

I just want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for your support during my down time. I feel so blessed having you all to support and I am sure you will be rejoicing with me now that my respite has come. My psyche experienced a turn around in 24 hours and it is a miracle indeed for instead of being emotionally drained and unhappy, I am leaping in joyfulness. I got a news which for many may be considered bad news but in truth it was good news. The person I received the news about is the singular reason I hadn't made much progress in a certain part of my life for the last 2 years and I am glad that I am now free of that bondage.

My facebook status now reads God's WAY may not be the OBVIOUS way but it is ALWAYS the BEST way and instead of singing Brandy's Almost Doesn't Count, I'm now singing My Life is in Your Hands by Kirk Franklin

You don't have to worry

And don't you be afraid

Joy comes in the morning

Trouble they don't last always

For there's a friend in Jesus

Who will wipe your tears away

And if your heart is broken

Just lift your hands and say

Oh I know that I can make it

I know that I can stand

No matter what may come my way

My life is in your hands

With Jesus I can take it

With him I know I can stand

No matter what may come my way

My life is in yours

So when your test and trials

They seem to weigh you down

And all your friends and loved ones

Are no where to be found

Remember there's a friend in Jesus

Who will wipe your tears away

And if your heart is broken

Just lift your hands and say

Oh I know that I can make it

I know that I can stand

No matter what may come my way

My life is in your hands

With Jesus I can take it

With him I know I can stand

No matter what may come my way

My life is in yours

Have a good and blessed week everyone and please participate in the poll I put up. Mucho Gracias!

Feeling Blue

2008-09-12T11:26:00.005+01:00

Yea...I've been feeling uncharacteristically melancholic...too many emotions running amok and and I have a lot rummaging through my thoughts. I cant narrow them down to something in particular. I hate this feeling and to make matters worse a lot of sad love songs have been playing in my head but this feelings go beyond love. It definitely has to do with much more than that. I am a Christian but yesterday I felt like seeing a clairvoyant, a palm reader or anything, anyone just for a quick fix answer.

I feel like I'm involved in some sort of waiting game, what for I dont have a tiny clue and at this point am singing Brandy's Almost Doesn't Count

Almost made you love me
Almost made you cry
Almost made you happy, baby
Didn't I didn't I
You almost had me thinkin'
You were turned around
But everybody knows
Almost doesn't count

Almost heard you saying
You were finally free
What was always missing for you, baby
You'd found it in me
But you can't get to heaven
Half off the ground
Everybody knows
Almost doesn't count

I can't keep on lovin' you
One foot outside the door
I hear a funny hesitation
Of a heart that's never really sure
Can't keep on tryin'
If you're looking for more
Than all that I could give you
Than what you came here for

Gonna find me somebody
Not afraid to let go
Want a no doubt be there kind of man
You came real close
But everytime you built me up
You only let me down
And everybody knows
Almost doesn't count

Maybe you'll be sorry
Maybe you'll be cold
Maybe you'll come runnin' back, baby
From the cruel cruel world
Almost convince me
You're gonna stick around
But everybody knows
Almost doesn't count

So maybe I'll be here
Maybe I'll see ya 'round
That's the way it goes
Almost doesn't count

Almost doesn't count...for love, career, family, everything...and right now, I feel all am getting is almost.

When will the fullness come?

Kismet

2008-09-10T13:39:00.003+01:00

This thing they call destiny, fate…whatever do you believe in can be interwoven? People born of different races, creed, background can come together in the future and their fates meet each other. At first one does not know where it is heading, but if one sits back and watch, one will see how it unfolds.

It is with heavy heart I announce the death of my cousin's baby father. Those who follow my blog ardently will know her story. I still haven't heard from her, her mum is hiding away from the family but from a reliable source came the news this morning that he was shot dead right in front of his home by a gang of armed robbers. I am a very sad girl today even though the guy and I did not get on he certainly had something remarkable about him and I am sure my cousin saw even more beyond that.

Where does fate come into this you ask? Well my cousin grew up in America and she had a brother who got into gangs there. He was a rapper and belonged to the West side then he got caught up in the whole Tupac Biggie brouhaha and was shot dead a few months after Tupac died too. Those who know how these gangsters operate would know that it was not just Tupac who died during that time that so many other underground and unknown rappers died too. Sadly he was one of them. He was shot by a drive by shooting in front of a supermarket. He was the only son my aunt had, he was never married neither did he have a child. So really my cousin was the only child that remained for my aunt and it was not before long before she started to misbehave too which culminated in her having a child out of wedlock and for a guy who was well you know what. It is wrong to speak ill of the dead.

As naïve teenagers then, we persuaded my cousin to terminate the pregnancy but words filtered through to her mum and when she got wind of it she made her keep the baby. Thank God for that because now that my cousin is no where to be found, and her brother died years ago, that boy remains the only solace for my aunt. See where fate comes in? Or maybe I'm just trying to see something good out of a pretty bad situation. Now to the baby father who just died, he misbehaved for a long time and was almost cast out by his family. He terrorised a lot of people and it was rumoured that he was involved in cultism and even robbed people sometimes. Fate caught up with him somehow and now he's six feet under but that seed that he planted a few years ago is still here. His son will now be the source of joy both to his parents and to my aunt. I pray that he grows up to be all they wanted his father to be and even more. Deaths in Texas and Lagos, a child born illegitimately, but becomes a beacon of hope for the future. Kismet!

Life is strange, this world baffles me but when things happen and we have no explanation someone supreme knows it all and it is that being we should take everything to. That being is called so many names and I call that being my God, the light that shines my path and sees me forth to a good end.

RIP to the dead ones!

Forbidden Love and Love Misconceptions

2008-09-03T21:17:00.000+01:00

I decided to put up this post because of the result of an earlier poll I conducted. A total of 25 people gave their opinion and just over a half of them said yes they would date the friend of an ex. To me that's a very startling result. When I put up that poll I expected more people to go for the "Are you mad" answer and those who would be in the affirmative to be in the minority. On the other hand I am happy that perhaps we as a people are moving away from those factors that forbade us to love. Perhaps we're gradually coming to the realisation that what matters at the end of the day is love? What really is love though?

In my last post I highlighted the situation that occurred between me and the friend of an ex. On reflection, I know now that I rejected him not because he was a friend of my ex but because I just didn't like him enough. Since that time, a friend of another ex has crossed my path and even I am surprised at the amount of feelings I have for him and if circumstances permitted us to be together then I'd gladly jump at the opportunity. Bottom line is when you really like someone and you know within yourself that this person is good for you and you both have honorable intentions, why should something such as him or her being a friend of your ex stop you from experiencing something most people want but only few are lucky enough to have? I am inclined to believe that the seven respondents who said they didn't know if they would date the friend of an ex could change their mind if given good reasons. If the other person is able to prove to them and make them see why they ought to be together, I want to believe that they would welcome the idea. Of course I may be wrong but this is totally my opinion.

Some people would argue that if you once loved your ex then you should never consider his friend later however much time may have passed since you last dated him/her. I started dating now a little under a decade ago and I still cant grasp the full understanding of the word 'love'. I was having a rather interesting chat with someone last week and he asked me if I had ever being in love. I answered saying I thought so but I get confused what love really is sometimes. He then offered a definition saying it is "that feeling that you feel what you never felt before". Yea I've heard that before except that my experience of falling and being in love has defied this modest definition time and time over. I know for certain I've been in love more than once and on those occasions the feeling did feel brand new and perhaps more intense than the previous but it's only a matter of time before I feel like that again where my previous feelings have been dashed. This is not to suggest that I fall in and out of love easily because there is usually a perfectly good reason why I fall out of love. I've been in love with someone I could never be with ever again in my life and don't they say that love never dies?

People say that if you fall in love with someone and later fall out of love with that person then it was not love in the first place but how many people do you know who married that boy or girl they were so crazily in love with for a long time? Most people do not get married to their so-called first love. At least its been eons since I heard such stories. There was always someone before there was you but it does not mean that the former was more special than the latter or does it? Certainly not in most cases or am I just naive? My believe that if you fall in love with someone and it is not watered or if such love does not have the right avenue to grow strong then it will eventually die. It doesn't mean that you never loved, it just meant that you either didn't try enough to keep that love or maybe you tried and the other person just made it extremely difficult for you to keep on. As they say, it takes two.

One of the other things I hear about love is that when you love someone you cant develop feelings for someone else but I know for sure that this is not true. Just because you're in love with someone does not mean that your potential feelings for others will automatically die. It's what you do when you feel for someone else that tests how strong the love you have for the first person is. People just tend to believe that love is all they need and that's where they get it wrong. You cant just have love and then forget about the other factors that makes you a whole person. I liken love to the acceleration you apply to a car to get it going. Yes the car may be a Lamborghini with whatever cylinders and metallic coating and a tank full of the finest fuel you can get, if you dont get into the driver seat, start the engine and move the car then it is as good as useless. You may even move the car and then drive recklessly and find yourself in the ditch. Love needs careful maneuvering and alertness, it needs looking after and constant polishing. In real life situation we are talking about things such as being faithful, patient, nurturing, attentive, understanding, appreciative, respectful etc. Yes the love you have for someone may want you to want to practice all these things, but it may not necessarily make you practice them. You have to make yourself do so, love just makes it easier to but it is never enough.

Finally I want to ask the question, does being in love hold the satisfaction one needs to live a fulfilled life? I always wondered but I have come to the realisation that perhaps not. For some it may just be their career and others some adrenaline fueled adventure. I am still finding out where my real satisfaction lies and I'm not sure if I want it to be love cos hmmmm...I rest my case!

WTF!

2008-08-28T22:08:00.004+01:00

listen i said stuff i didnt mean
i apologised and meant it
let me make it up to u
pick any football jersey and i will send it to u

That statement came from a dude that was asking me out a few months back but didnt quite know how to handle rejection and resorted to tongue lashing me instead. Really I haven't stopped laffing...what is the world turning to? Is this how guys apologise for misdeeds these days? Buy me some chavvy jersey and that's it? So razz...shege I don suffer. Guys this dude just dereped una.

This is not a real post...but I just had to share this with my lovely peeps in blogville. Make e no be say na only me go laff. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Much Needed Break

2008-08-26T20:50:00.019+01:00

Hello guys, hope y'all are keeping well (yea yea went to yankee for 5 days and now am saying y'all...lmao!). Yes o, I went for a short break in Maryland/DC and met the delectable Abbie. She's such a lovely person and I dont mean to sound patronising but frankly its refreshing to know people like her still exists. My good time started with her, she bought me lunch and showed me some lovely shops for me to do my shopping. This was all in Maryland and on Friday I hooked up with an old friend in DC who I hadn't seen in six years. I dont know how they do it in Yankee but this dude was so generous to the point that he paid for me to stay at the 5* Grand Hyatt, organised for us to go on a cruise and took me to the Baltimore Aquarium. Such magnanimity astounds me especially when it comes from someone not expecting anything back.

One of the highlights of my trip occurred in Baltimore. We had parked like a mile away from the aquarium as we didnt really know where it was. We had to leg it to the place and while walking his eyes caught what he thought was yoruba language written on a stone slab buried into the ground. He called my attention to it and alas it turned out to be the most shocking discovery. See for yourself!

The translation is this;

My only thinking is that this was carved into the grounds built by our forefathers who were taken as slaves. There were other languages such as Chinese and Arabic I think. He tried to explain to me that Baltimore is historically known to be a town where slaves where taken to when they were shipped off Africa. Does anyone know anything about this?

.......................................................................................................

On a lighter note, everyday I have reasons to believe that men are indeed from mars. I think I blogged about how my ex's best friend was asking me out and I told him to get stuffed. Well one of his chatting lines was that he had spoken to my ex and he agreed to him asking me out. Of course I found this ridiculous believing that my ex would never agree to such a thing seeing as he was my first and bla bla bla. In fact a while ago we were discussing getting back together but for the fact that he went to take this Charity job that made it frustrating to communicate so we forgot about that. You can imagine my surprise when his dear old friend told me he had given his go ahead for us to date. Fuming I waited patiently until he was out of the bush that he normally goes to work and after like over 6 weeks of waiting I finally was able to contact him. So I asked him if truly he had given his friends his blessing for us to date and he said well he cant strictly say that but he did tell his friend that if he was interested in me he could go ahead.

By now I was reeling from the shock of his revelation and wondered what he took me for. He tried to placate me and said the reason he said that was because it was not his place to decide who I now like no matter how special things were between us. He then gave me an analogy that if a master had taken his time to look after a dog from when it was a puppy and they had formed a bond and become almost inseparable. Then someone comes along and decides to take the dog from the master he said the natural thing the dog will do is bite and fight the intruder away. In a nutshell he expected me to say NO to his friend but he would not prevent his friend from asking me out. Obviously he was happy that I told his friend where to go but I just cant help but wonder at how men really think. I mean its totally abnormal. A friend of mine cant come to me and says she fancies my ex however long ago it was and I'll say to her to go ahead. Even though I may not mind them dating obviously cos I would have moved on, I will never give her the impression that I don't mind. Anyway I just find it rather funny.

Need to do my blog rounds now guys and it does feel nice to be back to my routine! Have a good week.

The Dark Knight

2008-08-18T10:02:00.004+01:00

Okay so I joined the thousands of people who had seen the new Batman film and I must say it was a rather enjoyable experience. I wont into the details of it as I don’t want to spoil it for the other people who still have aspirations of going to see it. The cinematography was awesome alongside for hair raising stunts. I was thoroughly impressed. However I find the subtle theme of the movie rather unsettling. There are various themes that popped out of it and as someone who took film analysis as a module back in uni, I certainly recognised most of them and their various significance. The one I find rather unsettling though was towards the end of the movie, where the joker fantastically played by Heath Ledger managed to turn the man who stood for everything good to the evil side in 60 minutes. I must say quickly here as an aside that Heath, may his soul rest in peace does deserve that posthumous Oscar it has been rumoured he may receive.

Now back to the main point, the District Attorney of Gotham trudged the dirt and scum of the city to bring the perpetrators to book. He was largely seen as the modern day Caesar, the one to finally clean up the streets of a crime ridden metropolis. He stood for everything upright and honourable but due to lack of communication and perhaps the very organised friends of the joker who help him pull of the sickest of all rampages in an already downtrodden city, he eventually turned evil himself. The joker was able to convince him in a matter of minutes that the friends he had known and worked with for the most of his professional career where untrustworthy zealots who planned to take him out. I mean this same joker whom everyone cringes at the sight of and who is solely responsible for a large chunk of the ill that befell the city managed to convince the DA that his friends were untrustworthy? Even if there were would a good person not try to find out for himself is this joker has an iota of seriousness in him?

How could someone who has been so good for the most part of his life just turn bad like that. I think that is a rather disturbing message to send out to people that a life of dedication and uprightness could mean nothing in a matter of minutes. People who do good may become discouraged if evil is portrayed to have such power. But really does evil have that much power and capabilities or I'm just been paranoid? That single messages negates all the principle I learnt as a growing child that good surpasses all things and is most powerful. If there's any truth in what I have learnt that how come evil triumphed over good in the case of this young and promising DA?

I think script writers, directors and producers should be careful the sort of messages they convey through their movies. For who in the world would really want to continue to do good if they feel that the people around them do not have their interest at heart. People will simply become nonchalant and just do whatever they like if its that easy to turn to the dark side. Already we see that more and more people are becoming selfish, me inclusive. They give less thought to their neighbours and more to what they can get out of any situations and movies like this will just make an already bad situation worse. I just hope that people who go to see the movie do not concentrate on the theme I picked out!

Have a blessed week guys.

P.S.
Please remember to vote in my little poll on the right there. Many thanks.

Revenge is Sweet

2008-08-14T22:28:00.003+01:00

Hahahahaha...am so laffing. Some dude just made my whole week. Okay this is the story. I met this guy o, a while ago. Spanking clean guy o. He doesn't have a Will Smith face but he can hold his own wherever he goes. A guy who hits the gym and has a physique to die for, carries himself with such charisma, works as an investment banker, has his own home and even more spanking friends. His taste is exquisite, inexpensive but totally classy and he knows how to enjoy the simple things of life. He is so well mannered and treats a lady with respect (at least that was the way he treated me). In short, the sort of guy any girl would dream to wake up to for the rest of her life. Except for the small fact that bobo thinks that he is God's gift to women o. Ok we met and he kept the call going for a while, once in a while I must say. He basically kept me on the edge, making me wait for his call and waiting for the time he was gonna ask me out on a date. Well as per babe too, I mustered all the will power I had from wherever they were deep buried o and I waited it out until the day he finally said let's go out.

Bobo chooses wagamama at the west end as if he knew that I cant work a pair of chopsticks. Anyway dinner went ok and we went to a nearby bar for a drink where I hung to every word of his the whole time. He must have noticed I was drooling cos just then he announced that we were leaving. We took our leave o and he drops me home saying "i'll call". I thought hmmm, you better do. Bobo called as promised the night after and we spoke for a bit. I thot well he made the first call which is a good dating sign now. I called bobo a few nights later for some idle chat but we didnt talk much before he said he was gonna call me back Call back didnt come until three nights later. I was seething the whole time before the call but as soon as my phone rang and I saw his name my heart melted. We started to talk o and a minute later bobo gets a call on his house phone says he was gonna call back. Call back didnt come for another week or so before I then decided to call o. I called bobo and in his usual style he said he'll cal lme back after less than 1 minute of speaking. By now your girl was blind with fury and as soon as I got off the phone I deleted bobo's number o. It was so hard getting him out of my mind o but I did one way or other.

Guess what my people? My phone rings tonight almost a month after bobos efizy and it was a number I was not familiar with. Hmm I picked up and said "hello who's this" and there was silence from the other end. Next thing I heard was a deep sigh and a solemn 'so you deleted my number'. I knew it was bobo one time and I just started to laff uncontrollably. I laffed and laffed and laffed and poor thinh he must have been wondering is i was mad. It felt so good getting one over him. Even though I knew it was him, I pretended as if I didnt know. He felt so embarrassed and said he was gonna call me back instead. I know he ain't gonna call and I frankly dont give a damn but am glad I was able to show him that girls these days dont wait around for men no more. He may have been doing it with other girls but it wont wash with this babe! Ah so fine boys also cry? Shege! Bobo made my night o. He so made my night. Yes you're hot but am HOTTER! Go tell your mama. Girls its doable. A guy tries to prove he's all that and a bag of chips? You tell him where to stick it Hahahahahah!

My weekend is gonna be fun! Enjoy urs too.

Men Are Becoming Sissies

2008-08-04T10:31:00.004+01:00

We all know most women are preoccupied with their appearance and philosophers such as Sigmund Freud put this down to women's narcissistic nature. Women's narcissism he says was developed as a result of 'penis envy' because during our evolution from infancy to girls we stopped short of developing what he calls the super-ego. Men on the other side developed the super ego that's why they pay more attention to external things such as amassing wealth than personal beauty.

Susan Bordo, Wendy Chapkis among other early feminists were obviously opposed to this view and posited that patriarchal culture is to be blamed for women's intense pursuit of beauty.. They claim that it is not biological for women to want to seek beauty above other things but rather because from birth there have been gender roles demarcated for both sexes where girls are bought dolls and dressed in gowns while boys are encouraged to be involved in activities related to display of strength and vigour such as sports.

Why am I going all academic? Well my point is from the word go we all know there are gender roles. We've come to expect the woman to pay attention to her physical appearance while making herself desirable to men. The man on the other hand is expected to be all macho and work hard to get a fat bank balance. As women we are expected to attribute things such as rippling muscles, hard square jaw, hard bodies and the likes to a real man. The closest a man could ever dream to being feminine is to smell nice. Other than this, nothing but an 'alpha male' will do.

Fast forward 21st century, gender roles is beginning to be blurred and it is now commonplace to find women in positions hitherto occupied by men and vice versa. However who could ever think that men would become so effeminate? They coined a new term 'metrosexual' to describe heterosexual men who have a strong concern for their appearance. A good example of a metrosexual man is David Beckham. Some women tried to come to terms with this new soft alpha male with ladies like me even preferring a metrosexual brother as long as he stops short of being gay and vain. I mean who needs a sissy?

Alas last Friday I was reading my favourite evening paper, The Londonpaper and six or seven pages down the headlines blared 'Guyliner or Manscara..? Splashed over the page were men who had applied eyeliner and looked no more than a court jester. I'm like what is this? To my horror the article covered how super drug had released a make up line for men. What for? Why on earth will any real man need a eye liner? I'm all for using moisturisers and perhaps eye brow trimming but eye liner or mascara? As if that was not enough, on BBC breakfast this morning, they unearth how tights are now being made for men and I'm thinking would they need to start wearing skirts too? I certainly don’t wear tights when I wear trousers so why is there a need for tights to be made for men?

I guess the implication for this is that most of the gender theories that have been developed in the past to explain the differences between man and woman may need to be revised. The likes of Freud unfortunately he's dead now would have to go back to the drawing board and re-write their theories. I am thinking the feminists are right on this one, gender roles are man-made and not nature based. I personally think that after God created the foundations of the world everything else that was created including culture, religion, beliefs, norms etc are man-made and if it is manmade it is changeable.

Have a good week everyone.

The Woes of a Single Girl

2008-07-24T09:39:00.004+01:00

I hate to announce to the world that I'm single but I'm sure the regulars of my blog know my story already so this doesn't feel much like am baring it all. Being single has been so full of drama, much drama than I anticipated and I don't know if a loathe or cherish it. You see this is the longest I've been single in my entire life of active dating which started about 8 years ago. Its not like I've ever been afraid of going it alone but I get so much attention from guys that its difficult to make a decision to be alone and of course fighting off the advances is real work. Even now sef I wonder if I'm truly single because I do have a love interest. To me 3 months of being single is a feat indeed. I've only ever managed a week in the past. It shows am growing more mature.

See men are a funny lot, I mean they never stop to astound me. In the past week also they've been coming out in their full glory and proving to me over and over again that one should only take their profession of love with a pinch of salt. Take for instance Kay, a guy I met when I was 13. I know what you're thinking and even I am aghast at the sort of dealings I had with men at that age. I hate to blow my own trumpet but I have been fighting away boys as old as 18 from the tender age of 12. I was a big girl for my age...my koko (you girls know) started at 8 and by 10 my aunt will tease me that my abo (bum) is starting to be visible. I didn't take much notice of these changes going through my body because after all it was my body and I still sucked my fingers. Ahem, yes I didn't stop sucking my fingers until JS2 so yes I was a big baby. No one new my secret of course, except my brothers.

Sorry to deviate, anyway Kay was a guy I met in Lagos during the long break we have after the JS3 exams. We both liked each other but as we were both young we knew our boundaries even though he had finished secondary school by then. I remember us dancing to the song 'I swear' in their living room but that was how far we went. Well maybe we shared a chaste kiss sha...after all one does't become pregnant from a kiss even though our parents lied to us that we will. What bull thinking of it now. Anyways as I don't live in Lagos, I had to go back to my home town at the end of the holidays and inadvertently said my goodbye to Kay. I still haven't seen him up till today except that a few weeks ago we jammed on FB. Yes almighty FB. Naturally there was excitement and all. He's now a big boy and works for a oil company in Lagos. He called me and we spoke for hours. Next day I receive an email from him saying lets start again from where we paused except that he was forgetting a little information on his FB page that he was engaged. I was quick to call his attention to it and lo and behold man went to quickly change his status from engaged to networking. What gives? Men I ask una why bother?

The two other interesting encounter I had with men all trying to get into my pants involved one 24 year old guy. Admittedly I was the one who added him on FB but that was because I thought he was an old friend. By the time we got talking I found he was not the one but that was enough time for him to confess undying love. I told man that I was 2 years older than him that I preferred my men mature both in age and mental faculties and he went on about how he didn't know I was older blablabla that he cant even go there too cos his parents would not approve and that he just couldn't handle an older woman. Just as I thought I had seen the back of him he contacts me again to say he couldn't get me off his mind and that he wanted us to get married. All this happened within 2 weeks. Now I'm wondering if I give these men impression that I'm stupid or desperate because I felt rather insulted that one small 24 year old boy will attempt to get into my pants with the promise of marriage. I really don't know where I got the strength to send him on his way without cursing his father.

The last but not the least was another old time friend who had 'engaged' on his FB profile too only to spend 1 hour with me on the phone last night saying he thinks that his fiancée of 4 years is wrong for him. When I asked him why, he obviously didn't have any tangible reason. Long and short of it was that he's always had a thing for me and he feels that God brought us back together for a reason. Hello! So ri ila loju mi ni? (Do I look like I've got tribal marks on my face...a derogatory phrase that suggests one is not socially savvy).

Well that's a glimpse of what has been going on with me in that wise o and frankly its really making it easier for me to remain single. If these are the calibre of men available these days I'll gladly remain single. I really don't know why men think women are stupid. I know there were those days when women hung to every word a man said to them, believing his every promise and having their hearts shattered in the end. But this is the 21st century and it seems that men are still stuck in the mentality of the twentieth or nineteenth century. A man need not tell a lie about what he wants because a woman can see right through these days. I believe women today often go into a relationship with their eyes and ears open and they know what to expect. A decision to date is no longer reliant on the man's lyrics or empty promises but on what the lady feels is good for her at the time. So please men go back to the drawing board and do away with all your annoying wooing tactics. Frankly its so jaded!

Is the Holy Spirit a Man?

2008-07-09T11:51:00.004+01:00

Okay…this article may not go down well with a few Christians so if you are sometimes averse to hearing other people's point of view it may not be a bad idea to pass now. This is not going to be a stinging article at Christians or Christianity because I am a Christian too, but I'm just eager to share some of my uneasiness with regards to certain happenings within the Anglican church now and no before you ask am not an Anglican. I'm just a girl who is interested in world affairs especially that which affects me in some ways.

If you've been following the news closely the past few weeks you will be aware of the storm brewing in this traditional church and one which threatens to divide it. First it was the ordination of a gay Bishop, second it was the solemnization of a marriage ceremony between two gay Priests and more recently it is the debate to allow women be ordinated as Bishops. The tradition of only allowing men to be priests in both the Anglican and Catholic stems I believe from the teachings in the bible. 1st Corinthians 14:34-35 reads that women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the Law says. 35, If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church.

Take note of the reference to the law in the verse which means that long before Apostle Paul's teaching, it had been in place not to allow women take to the pulpit and this was widely practiced in Corinth. People who've read the story of the Apostle Paul will know how holy and spirit filled he became after God turned him into a new leaf following his persecutions of Christians in Damascus. He went on to write several letters to all the early churches in Ephesus, Galatia, Corinth etc and the letters he wrote them is what forms most part of the teachings of the new testament. No doubt Apostle Paul was highly qualified to teach what he believes was the mind of God in most matters. For this reason, are we then to accept that the holy spirit was sanctioning this practise through the teachings of Apostle Paul? Is this really God's mind or just an extension of a tradition and law that has for long relegated women to the back seat and to further manhood and patriarchal ideology?

Most indication from the bible shows women's role within the society as secondary. Where men are involved they are expected to play second fiddle. Proverbs 31: 10 downward describes the woman who is worth far more than rubies which obviously could be seen as the epitome of perfection and for other women to emulate. I struggle to find a similar passage for men. Someone help me out here. What happened to God's instruction about the man tilling the ground to provide for his family in Genesis when he booted Adam and Eve out of the Garden. Plenty of chapters down it is the woman who suddenly has to travel far and wide to bring her food like a merchant ship. I find it irksome that women are expected to dedicate their whole life to the service of their husband and keeping their home and must be happy to do so. Anything contrary to this arrangement and she's bound to incur the wrath of the law and its custodians. However God used women like Deborah, Ruth, Miriam Tabitha etc to carry out his work on earth and this to me shows that God is not gender biased no matter how much some of the teachings in the bible seem to portray this. To me this bias infiltrated the teachings of the bible through the laws and customs that already governed the people. It doesn't matter to me that God is often referred to in pronouns such as Him or He because I know that God is a spirit and has no gender.

Doesn’t the bible teach us that we all carry an anointing and all have gifts according to that which the Holy Spirit has bestowed upon us? So how come it is only men who just happen to have the gift of becoming a Priest or Bishop? What gives more right for a man to stand at the pulpit to teach the bible, prophesying, healing people and calling them to repentance that makes a woman incapable of doing the same? I know certainly that when there are two masters on a ship, there's a high chance of that ship capsizing but I'm saying there shouldn't be gender roles for men and women when it comes to profession. Anyone should be able to choose to do what they want to do provided they have shown the skills and mental aptitude needed to undertake such profession. I know order is needed in a society and there is a need to distinguish sometimes, but not when it comes to things that brings genuine fulfilment and that which God will not generally frown upon. I am a woman, I love being a woman and I recognise that there are certain things expected of me as a woman, but I will only do those things as long as it pleases me and I know am not displeasing God. I know Jesus Christ did say give onto God what is God's and on to Caesar what is Caesar's which means that he recognises some of the laws that govern peoples' lives but I doubt he recognises a law that persecutes and discriminates against women.

Women have always considered to being at the mercy of the debilitating condition i.e.. their monthly flow but does that make them incapable of handling the work of God. Perhaps some of it flow from the tradition that a woman on her period in impure in the sight of God therefore she cannot be fit to come into the presence of God all the time. Leviticus 15:19 " 'When a woman has her regular flow of blood, the impurity of her monthly period will last seven days, and anyone who touches her will be unclean till evening. I went to a catholic school and I know when all of our sisters are on their monthly because they don’t wear there normal attire which I find rather ridiculing because everyone will know she's got the pees. This may be the reason why men who have for as long as we can remember have been at the helm of affairs decided to instil an institution that will make it illegitimate for women to do certain things. There are a good number of female vicars but why cant they be made Bishops as well if they fully merit it? Don't men have discharges too? In Leviticus 15 The LORD said to Moses and Aaron, 2 "Speak to the Israelites and say to them: 'When any man has a bodily discharge, the discharge is unclean. 3 Whether it continues flowing from his body or is blocked, it will make him unclean. Reading further 'When a man has an emission of semen, he must bathe his whole body with water, and he will be unclean till evening. 17 Any clothing or leather that has semen on it must be washed with water, and it will be unclean till evening. Now for Vicars in Anglican churches who are allowed to have wives and all, wouldnt it make it impure for them to be in the house of the Lord and carry out their duties. Double standards right there. One rule for women and another for men.

Am tired of typing but the whole point of my bleating is that let's not confuse the things that God is really concerned about with the pursuits or our own tradition or beliefs. Christianity is not about either. Its about the call of a people to be holy and to love God with all their hearts while serving him in spirit and in truth. It overrides gender or racial differences. It doesn’t matter whether you're man or woman and once God has given you a mantle to lead let no church tradition or society norm hold you back because the holy Spirit is not biased, neither is it man or woman.

My Cousin (Part 2)

2008-07-04T13:31:00.002+01:00

Ah...I saw all the comments so by popular demand I've had to post the part 2 earlier than I planned. Y'all are forgetting that this story is not about me. I just gave this prelude so that you can understand how she thinks and how it came to be that am looking for her now. I didnt plan on advancing church guy story beyond the point I stopped in the previous but am gonna do a quick summary.

I liked the guy and she liked him but he likes me which naturally gave me a upper hand. However being cousins I didn't want to hurt her feelings so I spoke to her about letting me be with him but she wasn't happy so I gave up on my mission. It was pure torture seeing church guy every Sunday and not being able to talk to him. The torture was not to last though cos Spice on finding out that he will never look her side set her gaze on someone else. The guy lived on the other street to ours and to say he's a hunk is an understatement. The guy was fit, much more than church guy and even I got jealous. However the dilemma was how to get this guy to notice her. So every evening after doing up our make-up and wearing our minis we'll head up to the junction of the guy's street. The reason we did this was because we noticed he had a pattern of taking a stroll in the evening. It was as if he wanted to be noticed too because he always looked fresh and sharp. For days we would do our mini camping but the guy failed to talk to either of us girls and we were getting frustrated.

So one day I decided I had had enough. I wanted to seriously be with church guy and I was hoping that this guy will take Spice's mind off him for good. So on one of our camping trips I summoned up courage and walked up to fine boy as I have now chosen to call him. I was startled that he smiled broadly but then my heart started to pound loudly. I could have sworn he heard it but the smile on his face assured me that I was making a fool of myself. I told him my name, introduced my cousin and just basically told him that he seemed not to have lots of friends in the neighbourhood because he was always alone and we wanted to be his friend. Surprisingly he was more forthcoming than we thought and he asked us over to his place. Turned out fine boy was a pro in scrabble and chess and Spice had the same interest so that was sorted. Soon Spice started to go there by herself and I was left alone to go after church guy. It didnt last with Fine boy and Spice though because shortly after Spice went on holiday to Texas came back with lots of gift for him he promptly dumped her for her childish behaviour. I know Spice can be childish a lot of the time but Fine boy really hurt her because he made sure he slept with her one last time before announcing it was over.

Spice's claws was all out for me as if I was the one who made things go wrong. I mean I was with church boy and we were happy but she felt I was responsible somehow. Things just basically went from bad to worse and whatever was left of her self esteem took a nose dive. I think that was the point Spice became notorious because she then started to see the bad boy of the neighbourhood. Bad boy was not in school, was skinny as if he had HIV (in fact it was rumoured that he did), was blacker than charcoal and was a cult boy (it was also rumoured that he had a gun that he used to steal things from motorists on the third mainland bridge). Long and short, bad boy was bad news but spice was too in love to see. He treated her like dirt but she went back for more. One day I got fed up and scolded him to leave my cousin alone only to find a group of boys issuing me warning a few days later if I didnt back off. Scared for my life I shut up cos I found that everything I told Spice about bad boy filters back to him.

So I left them alone and went to uni. By the time I came back Spice had become pregnant for bad boy which was pretty bad because unlike the rest of us who had passed WAEC and JAMB and headed to uni, she was still struggling to pass hers. And y'all know that in Nigeria when a girl falls pregnant out of wedlock and without certain level of education it is automatically assumed that her life is over. We found out then that Bad boy had been hoping that if he knocked up Spice they will get married and she can file for him to move to Yankee. Clearly Spice was hurt when we found out and she planned to get rid of the baby but on the said day of the termination her mum got wind of it and barred her from doing it.

Things never remained the same again. I left Nigeria a few months after Spice put to bed and the next time I saw her was 5 yrs later when she called me to say that she was in London. I went to see her in the hotel she was holed up in and saw her with another good for nothing bloke. Basically it was pure mistake that I gave her my number because shortly after that I started getting foreign calls on my phone saying that spice took their $10k away and they are sending people after her to kill her. They threatened that if I didnt tell them where she was they were gonna send people after me too but I threatened them back saying the call can be traced therefore I'd report to the police. Spice couldn't give me sufficient information as to why these people were after her so I just kept my distance and she disappeared into oblivion.

2 months later I got a call from Spice's mum saying they didnt know where she was but I told her I didnt know either. Turned out Spice had done another deal involving $80k and was now in custody in the US. Somehow she made a deal and was let off. Spice resurfaced in my life again telling me she had cleaned up her act and we were even planning to meet up but the week we planned it for she disappeared again. Phone off and no reply to my messages. This was back in May and I still haven't heard from her neither has her mum. Now am scared she's got herself into another trouble. Should I be worried guys?

My Cousin (Part 1)

2008-07-01T13:16:00.005+01:00

I promised I was going to do this, even though I really don't feel like anymore. So here's me trying to make good my promise.

How do I start to talk about the life of a girl born the same year as me but in different locations? While I was born in a tiny hospital in my home town she was born in a massive one in Houston, Texas where her dad had been a Pharmacist. Truth is I didn't know she existed until I was in my teens by which time she had been living with her mum in Lagos for some years. I moved in with them shortly after my secondary education while I was waiting to get into higher institution. She became the sister I never had and opened my eyes to Lagos life. You see I had never lived in Lagos before then. I was more of a tomboy having grown up with boys but she showed me the ropes of being feminine - Make-up, dresses, skirts and different hair do.

We had a few things in common like music and dancing but despite her size, she trounced me easily on the dance floor. Yes, Spice as I would call her was really big, she still had that American gene in her. She was not strikingly beautiful but she had all the curves in the right places. The rest of us in contrast were petite and somehow she felt that was the ideal size she ought to be, hence she suffered great self esteem which was to cause her several heart aches later.

You see Spice liked to eat and her mum absolutely spoiled her. It was in their house I first tasted American staples such as Kidney Beans, Aunt Jemima's maple syrup and Jif peanut better which till today has remained my favourite. Every time I visit the States I come back with Jif peanuts, standard! So even though Spice didn't like her figure, she continued to eat and eat and eat and ballooned and ballooned and ballooned. While the rest of us had plenty of male admirers, they were thin on her own side because of her sheer size. Picture a skinny pimpled face 19 year old bloke trying to ask out a woman that looks like she could be in her mid 20s. Definitely no go.

Things that happened the months following my moving in with them was to change that sister bonding we had and as you can all guess it’s a MAN!. She had been telling me about a bloke in church that she really liked but the bloke never looked her side. One Sunday we went to church and I went to the loo when my eyes beheld the most beautiful man I had ever seen. Our eyes locked and I smiled shyly at him and he coyly at me, then we went our separate ways. My heart was beating so fast and I coudn't wait to tell Spice about the guy that had taken my breath away. Finally after the church service, I had my chance to spill but as I was about to open my mouth she tapped me animatedly and said 'parakeet parakeet look at that guy, he's the one I've been talking to you about'. I raised up my head and I just froze. 'This cant be happening, not the same guy I've been shadowing', I thought. My heart instantly sank but I just smiled wryly and I said 'not to worry we'll do something about it'.

I picked up courage and walked up to him and his friends, he saw me from afar and I couldn’t help but notice the twinkle in his eyes while he was grinning from ear to ear and whispering something to his friends. I got to him with shaky legs and I said 'hey am parakeet my cousin over there likes you, can you come over and talk to her?' He looked at me amused but still smiling and said 'but I like you not your cousin so what do we do about that?'. Without thinking I told him not to worry and asked him for his number and left. I went back to my cousin and just simply told her he said he was busy with his friends. I mean how was I suppose to tell her that I was after the same man she had been agonising and now it looks like I have him. Who has more claim to him? She that saw him first or me whom he likes and I just happen to like him too?

This post of fast becoming my longest post ever so I'll stop here…will continue next week but am still looking for my cousin.

Have a great week all.

Drought

2008-06-23T19:34:00.005+01:00

I cant believe I'm barely 3 months in blogville and I'm already experiencing drought of words. I give it to y'all who've kept faithfully to it...seriously I doff my hat. I dont know what brought on the drought, if its my recent challenges or simply that I dont have writing as innate as I would love to believe. Whichever the reason, I've got an even better reason to put up this post, YOU ALL. Blogville is really a wonderful place to be and thanks to all those who checked up on me...I love you all.

So where do I start? Of all places to think about slavery, I chose the bathroom to do it this morning. If am not wrong, October is black history month in the UK which inadvertently includes a reference to the slave trade. So why the hell was I thinking about the slave trade in June with lather all over my body? Well it must have been the Monday morning blues as I was trying to convince myself that slavery is not over yet. Its got to be slavery if I have to wake up at 6:30 am to go and push the pennies doing what I hate and what I don't wanna do. I tried to compare the slavery 200 years ago to now. Now, one deliberately subjects oneself to slavery while 200 years ago people were forced into it.

Perhaps I got depressed that I will no longer have the pleasure to catch city boy's 'squaremile' gossip column any more as he quit for a better life. Well City boy is an investment banker. He makes shit load money and as we talk he has £3million in bank...that's just a million shy of what the company I used to work for had in bank. His slavery paid off big time. He worked graveyard hours, doing hideous tasks while having to kiss asses of clients he really hated their guts. To show his disgust, he wrote his article every week in the London paper breaking banking codes and exposing well kept secrets of city workers. We his avid readers pitied him and at the same time envied him. Well city boy packed it all in last week after he made sure his fattest bonus ever had been banked. Now I really wish I had that kind of a choice.

While I was depressingly having my shower, my life flashed in front of me and I just didnt like the fact that I was going to that job. I know y'all will be like this parakeet sef, she whinges too much but welcome to the life of a 26 year old London gurl who still lives at home. Candidly, I thought extensively about the slave trade and the monotony that has become the life of many and I just wondered what the way out was. Not content, I linked the slave trade to nuclear power and the dominance of the West in world politics and the simple question I asked was, if at the time the west invaded africa and saw how helpless our forefathers were and instead of helping them, took them for slaves, how are we to trust that if the continued to advance on the nuclear power production, there wont be a repetition of the slave trade albeit in different ways? Are we to trust that where their fore-fathers were lacking in conscience that the new generation will have in abundance. Did I hear someone say food for thought?

Well I moved on from there and got angry at our forefathers, why didnt they fight? Why did they just subject themselves to these people? Surely it is better to die once a valiant than die nine times a coward. But then I was like what do I know? As if I was there to be really sure and again I discovered that most of the things I know today of the slave trade were written by foreigner or shall I say scholars in the West. My history, written by someone else? How am I suppose to know the real truth behind the black race, of their struggles and there triumphs and it seemed to me like I have been cast into an abyss...I mean who knew that stories like that of the Great Debaters existed before Oprah and Denzel came together to tell it? I cant recollect where my trail of thoughts stopped but I marvel at my mind. Gosh, how did I manage to think of so much in the 15 minutes it takes to have my bath?

Anyways all said and done, I had a good day even though I had a slow start too the day. I have been happier these past few days as well, as I have learnt not to commit things to heart too much. I think that is what drags me down and am glad I've come out on top of it now. Meanwhile am looking for my cousin...I will introduce her in my next post.

Have a good week everyone and keep smiling.

Love is Still in Vogue

2008-06-08T13:34:00.005+01:00

Of all the things that come and go it seems that love has managed to weather the storm. I am sure quite a number of people dont even have a clue what love is and how it works but they wanna love anyway. That was the long and short of the central theme of Sex and the City: The Movie.

I went to see the movie yesterday and I was laughing amidst tears. I have never seen a movie and cried so much in my entire life. I wasn't even sure of what I was crying for or why I was crying, but cry I did. I guess I was crying for love, either for the lack of it, for the longing for it, for having it and not been able to be with it or for whatever. I just knew I cried my eyes out and laughed my heart out. Those were two good mixtures.

So Carrie Bradshaw finally married her Mr Big after a decade of dating and uncountable break- ups. How many women will still marry a man that left them at the alter? Food for thought everyone. As for he sex-crazed maid of honour, people like her dont do love. They do excitements. The sight of a hard-one is enough to set her pulse racing and turn her to jelly. She had the hunk of the century and a forever humping dog and even that wasn't enough. Some people are not just caught out for this relationship/marriage thingee even with 50 staring her in the face. What will she do when she looses whatever is left of her body and grace? Dont ask me.

Anyway I got an hypothetical situation for you guys and need you to put your thinking caps on. Lets call her Sally. She met Harry and instantly fell in love and they went on to have an explosive relationship for about 6 months before she finds out that he was married to some woman stashed away somewhere in another part of the world. The explanation he gave was that their marriage was on the rocks and they decided to tentatively go their separate ways. In between family mediation and stuff they get together again to try and make it work but instead of coming out in bliss, a baby boy was what came out of it before they went their separate ways again. Sally was naturally heartbroken but she wasn't about to continue a relationship with a married man, wife around or not, marriage in turmoil or not. After about 3 months of struggling to leave him she finally did.

Within a year of leaving Harry, she went on to have 2 stormy and unsuccessful relationships of which Harry knew about because they remained friends. You see they had that special kind of bond that even a break up couldn't break. Just as she was about to give up on love she meet Mr Weirdo whom she surprisingly likes. Mr Weirdo says he likes her a lot and wants to be with her for real but problem is Mr Weirdo hardly calls since she agreed to date him. In fact Mr Weirdo hardly replies her text and all he seems interested in is to want to talk and have sex. So she's not particularly sure if Mr Weirdo is for real but she strangely likes him and would like to give him a chance.

She's only been seeing Mr Weirdo for just over a fortnight and she had made steps to severe the friendship between her and Harry because she doesn't want Harry thinking she has a problem keeping men, or that she's sleeping around or that another man has broken her heart again. She honestly feel that the reason she's been unlucky with men after Harry is because they still remained tight friends and he was still a major part of her life so she wants to give herself and Mr Weirdo a fair chance of working without interference from Harry.

The dilemma however is that Harry not aware of Mr Weirdo suddenly wants her back and has begun to work on his divorce. He's asking her to move in with him, happy to start a family and give her a ring as a symbol of his love and commitment to her but he says no marriage. Just co-habitation because he doesn't wanna go down that route twice. She still has love for Harry and does not particularly mind the co-habitation suggestion but she is just confused as to what to do? What does she do with Mr Weirdo, what will her family say, living with a man without marriage, is she really happy without having the marriage ceremony? She doesn't know what to do so she's asking blogville what is right for her to do.

Changes

2008-06-01T21:52:00.007+01:00

Well I really dont have anything to blog about today cos my week has not been particularly eventful. Plus I've been going through some emotional and psychological troughs these past few days and it seems like am just in Limbo.

Am sure you guys will agree with me that the most unlikely place to have a reflection is in a club full of sweaty bodies and cigarette laden breathe. Well that was where I had mine. It was my friends bday do and he decided to have it in a club so for the second weekend in a row I put on my party clothes and headed out with my friend who happens to be a rookie driver. Have you ever been driven by someone who is just learning to drive? Well lets just say for the duration of the journey my heart was in my mouth ready to jump out at anytime. But we got there in one piece...dont get me started on parking the car though.

Anyways back to my reflection, for someone who loves to dance especially to 80s hits and Nija hip hop, I wasnt just feeling the place. I kept looking at the girls and was wondering if they were all miserable like I was and the guys just seemed alien to me. I went outside for some fresh air and saw some guys blowing cigarette smoke into the air and exchanging numbers with some girls. I looked at them and felt so different. I just kept asking myself what they hell I was doing here. Gone were the days when I indulged in my favorite sport of flirting openly with guys and leaving them high and dry. I am not a drinker nor a smoker so all I do in a club is dance and flirt and that I couldn't even muster.

So I went back indoors, kissed all my friends good night and headed out of the club. Back in my bed at 3 am I started to reminisce on a lot of stuff such as what I wanted in life, what I have now and how to go about getting the rest that I wanted. One thing that popped out was that most of the major decisions I've made in my life revolved around whoever my husband was gonna be. Is that how other girls make their decisions or am I just the only stupid girl alive? So I made a decision right there and then to make decisions solely for me and not to accommodate some imaginary husband I dont have yet. Its funny how little changes in thinking makes a lot of difference cos I felt instantly relieved. So armed with my new found weapon, I am setting upon the world to conquer it. Starting from this september!

Have a good week guys.

P.S.

I changed my display name from Ollay to Parakeet. Cheers!

The Long Weekend is Over

2008-05-26T16:46:00.004+01:00

Where did it go? I remember I was looking forward to my long weekend which started at 12:30pm on Wednesday with so much excitement and a mental note of all I was going to do. After work that Wednesday I went to see a dear friend whom I used to work with. The bobo is now a big boy having finished his PHD and gone to work for Shell. He was in London for 2 weeks for training and was lodged at the Radisson. Even though I had known him for just over 2 years I consider him a confidante cos he gat so much sense on him and he's a good listener. He once told me that his wife didnt like me because she felt that he fancied me which I found absurd but I guess the wife get hindsight o. When I got to his hotel room the guy confessed to liking me all along and now he was feeling mushy mushy as he termed it. I just carried my bag and left. He was the last friend I had who hadn't asked me , married or not. So my people I've given up on having guys as friends. They cant tell the difference. At least most.

Thursday came o...what did I do?. Cant even remember. Oh...I was at home but had a pleasant surprise. I wont spill on that. I also went on a few errands. So that was Thursday gone without nothing eventful happening. Friday too was much the same except that a friend who wanted me to write him a song came to visit. Am rooting for him to get on the X-Factor, hopefully I will have one very famous friend in the near future. The highlight of his visit too was that he wanted to have his wicked way with me. And he used to be very close to my first love. I say ehn, men tire me, maybe na me get something for body. Who knows? But I managed to convince him there could never be me and him. He took it real hard but who cares.

Friday continued to be a weird day cos of my funny oyinbo neighbour. I went to the grocery store to get something and saw the man driving past and I gave him the typical oyinbo eye service smile. Am sure y'all know that smile wey no dey reach belle. I couldn't find what I was looking for and decided to take the bus and go further down to look for it. What I didnt know was that this man was following my bus. Let me give you the man's history. The guy is married to some Cameroonian woman and they have a daughter together. They live just two doors away from ours with the woman's two older son and daughter whom have since moved out. I dont talk to any of them except for the older daughter, Abi when she used to lived there. In fact the girl just forced herself on me that was how we got talking. One day my friend came over and we were putting some 'for sale' posters on her car and this man saw us. He instantly liked my friend cos I saw the lascivious look he was giving her. The man then said hi to me and told me he liked my friend but I said she was married and he was like oh and quickly went inside. From then on when we see each other we tend to say a kurt hi and that's it.

So me smiling at him driving the other day was my usual courtesy only the man read it wrong and followed me in his Mercedes SEL. When I got off the bus and I saw the man, I was shell shocked. He rolled down his glass and I asked him what he wanted and why he followed the bus, and he said because I smiled at him "in a different way". Shuo, see me see trouble o. From where to where? Anyway I told him I was not interested in him and sent him on his way. The guy felt like a fool and said "keep this our little secret". As if...which secret? Yeye fool. In fact now am thinking may be he shagged his step daughter that was why she was chased out of the house cos the circumstances in which Abi left the house was shady. Middle of the night kinda yawa!

Saturday came o and I didnt do anything much but went dancing at night. I burnt my beloved blouse so that fouled my mood before I left home and I and my friends got lost making matters worse. I got to the said club and instead of finding cute looking guys na so so women full there. It was like they were selling them there...real bevy of beautiful ladies. My eyes dropped and jumped back into their sockets. I tot I was looking hot in my killer shorts and Steve Madden heels but I saw cleavages and died! Anyway the night was a drag sha cos I couldnt find any blokes to flirt with in my usual club style. I just had a spitzer, danced a bit and headed back to my cold bed.

Sunday I woke up with killer headache. Missed church and just laid there on my bed chatting to my numerous internet friends. My headache really handicapped me cos I had two invitations to go out which I had to turn down. So it ended up a drag just like today is ending up. Bank holiday Monday no work but marooned in the house cos of horrible weather. Chatting to some moronic guys who cant stop talking about sex and there's my long weekend gone down the loo. Gosh! there's got to be more to life than this.

Anyways my peoples, have a lovely week.

Tagged

2008-05-20T20:10:00.004+01:00

Lolu tagged me which is not funny but anyways since the dust of my previous posts has died down, I can share 6 of my idiosyncrasies. Not so fast...am tagging Abbie, Babz and Oracle.

Just follow the rules below

Rules:
1. Link the person/people who tagged you
2. Mention the rules in your blog
3. Mention six(6) spectacular quirks of urs
4. Tag 6 fellow bloggers by adding their links
5. Let each of the tagged bloggers know they've been tagged..via their blogs

Now my answers;

1. I hate being asked out..shege! Its so hard telling unrelenting men why they are not good enough for you. The whys never stop. If you say you're not ready, they will ask why, if you say its not yet time, they will ask why, if you say you dont like them, why. Why , why, why until heaven falls. Spare me abeg!

2. I think I have a mild form of OCD…am obessed with arrangements. When I go shopping and buy sweetcorn or anything in a tie sha..I spend the next 30 minutes or so arranging them so that they are all facing the same place and are sitting right on top of each other.

3. Damp towels give me the creeps. I will only share a partner's towel if am convinced its just been washed and I get to use it first.

4. I like to fondle my nipple while lying naked on my bed. Funny thing is it does nothing for me. I normally do that when there’s something deep I am thinking about…weird?

5. The other thing I do naked or at least semi-naked is to dance around in my room usually to 80s hits. I don’t have a clue why I do this, but I do anyways , usually on Saturday mornings.

6. Damn I hate people eating out loudly or sucking on something aloud…kai, it pisses me off. My mum does it and it annoys the shit outta me! My ex does it too so am glad I got rid of him…lol!

Today's Post

I want to rant about Facebook. Yea yea, I know am prolly gonna step on a few toes but who cares. I love FB but that place is driving me off the wall. What's it with men sef? Guys I've not seen since primary school now feel the need to profess undying love they harboured for me when I never even get breast...what can fa? I say the thing dey vex me. While am happy to hook up with old friends, colleagues and mates, I dont want to know how your girlfriend lives in Hong Kong and how you suck at long distance, so am suppose to be make shift girlfriend ehn? All these guys just wanna get laid and they think they can use emotional blackmail for moi!

Also, why e be say the word fiance nor dey fear men again. Tell a guy you're hooked and you're digging even a deeper hole for yourself. Folks dont even have respect for each other anymore. The bible's says thou shalt not covet they neighbour's wife...or goods...oginni? Abeg guys there are many fishes in the ocean, leave the taken ones alone.

Finally, my nija men! I know y'all are brave and can even talk to the dead body of Marilyn monroe but una nor dey look face? E be like say unapproachable no dey una dico. Its not all the time you see a fine girl that you have to chat her up (yes, I know am a fine girl and am saying that with all EMPHASIS!...lol). See you have to be tactical about these things. Choose a time and place. Dont try and chat me up while am running up the escalator trying to catch the Jubilee line, you want make I lose my fine teeth. These days I have to rely on my very humble iPod shuffle. Once I see nija men gathered and their eyes darting about, I just stick it on cos I know the next thing am gonna hear is whistles. Haba, abeg leave nija connection in Nija...this is jand!

Am Back!

2008-05-11T15:09:00.002+01:00

Yea...I know that sounds so cliche but you will forgive me...I'm a bit rusty in being creative with words now after spending the last month battling my dissertation. Well I finally gave it in last Thursday but had two more course works to battle. They were both completed yesterday and I give them in on wednesday...I eagerly await my first class in Jesus name.

I apologise for my bad manners...I should have said hello to all you beautiful bloggers first. H-E-L-L-O! Hope y'all been okay and been having fun. To all those who are in locations where there's been winter, hope you're enjoying the summer that is being ushered in. And for those who are in incessant sunshine...na una dey enjoy...just dont burn!

I've spent the last week being indoors so I've not been able to enjoy he 26 degrees sunshine in London yet. Am ready to step out this week hopefully I can still catch some of it. Is any of you girls thinking of going shopping for summer yet? I'm rearing to go.

Ah...a lot has happened to me since I've been gone o. The likes of Afrobabe will know. I've got so much I want to write about but I'll take them one at a time. I have a few stops to do at my favorites blogs first.

Aww...it feels so good to be back. Am rubbing my palms together and smiling sheepishly now...Y-E-L-L-Y!

I'll be Missing in Action

2008-04-14T12:04:00.002+01:00

Hello everyone I hope we all had a great weekend. How do I start this. Okay, I have felt really welcome to blogville and I've been really enjoying myself. However I do have more pressing things I need to attend to right now. I have just 4 weeks to complete my degree and in the middle of writing my dissertation so my plate is full at the moment. It will really be tight making time to write and read blogs within this period so I have decided to suspend all blogging activities until the 18th of May.

Obviously I cant rule out the occassional peeking through my favorite blogs cos I think I am addicted already but that will be it. I am really gonna miss you all and I hope by the time am back there will be some juicy readings to catch up on. Good luck with everything and see you guys soon.
Tara!

...And the Earth Moved

2008-04-08T20:43:00.009+01:00

I saw you first
I was waiting on the platform
You were alighting from the train
Our eyes met
My heart froze

It was a daily occurrence from then on
I purposely stay on the same platform
Just to catch a glimpse of you
And a glimpse of you I did catch

My heart does a skip
Every time my gaze behold yours
I wonder if you feel the same
Oblivious of the multitude of people around us
I could feel the warm fuzzy feeling coursing through my body

My courage fails me
But I long for you to say hi
Wondering if you notice me at all
Wondering if you feel what I feel

Today I got my chance
Suddenly all was gone
There was just me and you
Within inches of each other
My heart jumped in joy

I opened my mouth
But nothing came out
All I felt was the lump in my throat
The music on my iPod had suddenly stopped

Then I saw your lips move
Did he say hello?
My innocent brown eyes looked at you
Inquiring and willing you to say something

Nothing came
You passed me by
My shoulders slumped in dejection
I looked back at you
With eyes welled in tears

Our eyes locked again
I thought I saw your lips coil in a smile
And a faint sparkle in your eyes
Or did I not?

Guys I wrote this a while ago for a bloke that used to make my heart flutter at the train station but whom I never had the courage to walk up to. My normal self would have walked up to him to have a chat, but at 8 o'clock in the morning while everyone is trying to find their way to work, that is hardly an ideal time to exchange chit chat with a stranger who may even knock you back. Has anybody ever found themselves in this perplexing situation? How did you deal with?

My Friends in Nigeria and Western Guys

2008-04-05T22:35:00.004+01:00

Okay, some of us have probably had an encounter with the yankee or jand boy who comes to Nija throwing money around, driving a big car and wanting to sleep with all the beautiful girls around. I've never been personally involved with any of the sort but I have rolled with friends who have them as boyfriends and I must say it can be real fun. We eat in choice restaurants as well as gaining entry into clubs that ordinarily cost a fortune for girls like us. Another glamour of dating yankee or jand guy is the fact that you can flaunt them around your friends who salivate over their smooth skin and fluid accent.

Perhaps under this allurement is the major heartbreak that lurks around for these girls. Its all well and good when a girl decides to date a Yankee/Jand guy for money, but when such a girl pins her hopes on him for marriage then she's asking for trouble. For most of my friends who have married guys from abroad, their husbands acted swiftly ensuring that they ask for their hands in marriage within no time and bring them to live for them in their respective states. But for the majority of guys who just go to Nija to have a nice time, they make false promises of marriage, visit Nigeria about 3 times a year but never make any concrete arrangements to seal their liaisons with the girls they've made promises of love to. In turn, under the razzle-dazzle of money, the girls forget to use their God-given brains to smell the coffee before its too late.

Within the last few months I've had calls from three of my friends who called me all crying about their broken heart. The guys who broke their hearts all fit the prototype of the typical Yankee/Jand guy who already has a wife and kid(s) and furnishes them with empty promises of love and marriage. Even for someone who lives in London, I've been deceived by these same kind of guy and quickly had to learn the hard way. Perhaps what surprises me most is that all of them have fallen victim of the sorts of guys not once, not twice. Accepted, most of them run after these guys cos they have suddenly seen a free ticket to London or Yankee but are they so stupid to fall in love? Maybe its poverty that has not only eaten deep into their pockets but also into brains.

Please girls smarten up, if you're gonna date a western guy at all let it be just for his money and accept any other things that comes with it as a bonus. Stop blowing up my phones cos I ain't agony aunt.

Who's your happiness dependent on?

2008-04-02T20:35:00.008+01:00

I was having a messenger conversation last night with a friend of mine who's just left his wife of 4 years and has a 3 year old daughter. He was trying to give me advice on marriage and some important things popped out of our conversation. It makes a long read but the points made are quite important and relevant and I will like to know what your point of view is. There are no right or wrong ideas.

Below is excerpts from our conversation.

Friend: na wife go determine if the man go live happily or not. once una marry, u let urself go, all those things weh u do to catch am, u stop. all the lace bra, push ups, go turn to cottons later, all the low rise jeans go turn to wrapper rise
Ollay: its not as simple as that
Friend: even a pastor friend weh i get deh complain too
hin wife no deh give am do anymore, shes always tired
for six months now no sex
Ollay: you men fail to appreciate the psychological and physiological changes women go through when they grow older and have kids
Friend: hmm u never go thru am now so how u wan take know
Ollay: as a woman i can identify with other women who have gone thru it
Friend: yea some men are bad, we all know that,but suprisingly, na the good ones deh suffer
Ollay: u guys need to start changing your thinking and attitude. While it is not acceptable for a woman to let herself go it is unfair for a man to ask a woman to be like she was when she was 24 after she's had one or more kids, grown older with slower metabolism and has more responsibility both in the house and at work
Friend: ok, u know what, lets have this conversation in ur second year of marriage
just remember everything weh we discuss today
cause me i no deh forget stuff
Ollay: listen am not saying you're not mentioning what the poblems are but you men just fail to see the sheer scale of it
and that in itself is a problem you expect too much and think too much about your dicks. where is the compassion
how many men are still their trendy self as when they first got married. were you not the one saying you want to loose weight too, that's the same way it is for women. men get away with murder yet crucify women. have you forgotten they have feelings too?
Friend: at least i realised i need to loose weight, u guys don’t. after na don born, dem don deh call u mama risi,e don finish everything go just deh sloppy
Ollay: trust me they do. am undertaking a research for my dissertaion. I sampled 102 women and 96% of them have tried to loose weight but its difficult.
Friend: dem wan lose weight aftr men don dissapoint them. tell me about women weh deh husband house
Ollay: nah, a sizable number of them are married
Friend: really
Ollay: sometimes I really do wonder what planet men come from,your arguments are so one-sided. while I agree with you that some women do sit on their butts and do nothing abt their look you fail to see that men have unrealistic demands
Friend: i am not saying we do not have faults men have faults, we cheat,but most times its because our women lose the sex urge, stop looking attractive and stop caring about themselves. i am talking from experience,so will many men
Ollay: na lie what abt the men who cheat on perfectly stunning women, you will say its cos they have one comma. abegi
Friend: women dont know what it takes to make thir man happy anymore.
Ollay: why shud men depend on women to be happy? why cant they seek their happiness for themselves, everything is a woman's fault. am sick and tired of men trying to pull the wool over women's eyes due to their own inadequacies
Friend: thats what u think, u still thinking like a single person
Ollay: you never waka so? you think she wont be happy anymore or you wont be happy anymore? abeg leave story
Friend: ok, u go soon enter. i have been there, u have not, if u marry and leave because u are not happy,whats the probabilty that the next one will be better. thats why our grandmothers teh for husband house cause deh work it out
Ollay: who needs a man to be happy I dont depend on a man to be happy he's coming into my life to share in my happiness and to give me more happiness not to make me happy. Am gonna try my best to live in harmony just like I would do if i was at work or church or anywhere else. And if after I’ve done my best, he’s not happy then the door is there for him. if he compromises my happiness and I’ve tried to make things work to no avail, the door is there for me. Let no man come and tell me am the architect of his own misfortune. life is what we individually make of it not what someone else makes of it for you. chikena
Friend: ok o, u win, ur mentality never change at all. when u marry ,u no know say when one is not happy,the other is not
Ollay: am not saying that each other's happiness dont impact on one anothers. what am saying is that when you are both unhappy and have tried to work it out without success you move on and get ur happiness back.
Friend: u think its that easy abi, stop thinking like this o
Ollay: marriage shud be abt two happy pple who want to share their love and hapiness together but when it becomes difficult to share such love and happiness then they shud find an amicable way to resolve things.
Friend: talk as an educated person but not as an experienced person. let me ask u, are u happy
Ollay: of cos am happy
Friend: with urself?
Ollay: yes
Friend: when u dont have a man
Ollay: absolutely
Friend: ok, good for u
Ollay: happiness have categories, you could be happy being single then have a different sort of happiness when you’re with someone. but it doesnt mean that when you were single you were unhappy. you could also be with someone and be happy but you could break up and find that you're happier. also happiness does not mean you dont compromise or compromise does not mean you cant be happy. bending your rules may not make you completely happy but I doubt you will bend your rules at all if it was going to cost you too much unhappiness. breaking off your marriage may not making you instantly happy but in the long run you may become happier. it all depends on the where, when, why, who, how
Friend: u see ,thats selfishness right there,when u married,its not bout u alone again, u have to stop been self centered. its about ur family
Ollay: selfishness is subjective. what;s the point of rowing 24 7 with ur wifey and the children can hear. how happy do you think they will be?
Friend: u know me, i go rub am to ur face when u change this way of reasoning
Ollay: forget it. life unravels and as it unravels one's points of view changes. so i wait for it to unravel.
Friend: u need loose small of this fire o, u are still young sha, u never see life
Ollay: if u say so

Have You Noticed?

2008-04-01T21:40:00.008+01:00

This yeye British government...they are such two-faced cowards. Haven't you noticed that when they want to do something bad they start with something good first. Anyway let me break it down for you. First it was global warming. Do you remember how they started? They started by encouraging people to go green cos it's ethical to be kind to the environment. They tried to convince people that they are doing it to safe-guard the environment for the future generation and bladibla...Then the rhetoric changed to green tax? Green tax? What da heck does that mean? They added £10 to short haul flights and £20 to long hauls. They increased road tax on gaz guzzlers and home information pack was introduced for 4-bedroom homes, then now to 3 bedrooms and its gonna spread to all homes before the end of the year. People are now penalised for not being 'mindful' of the environment. All of these measures generating millions if not billions of pounds in revenue for the government. And what do they use it for? To house single mothers who deliberately fall out of school to get pregnant (issue for another day).

What is the object of my rants today...immigration. You guys will be like I've come again but yes I will talk...the headlines on British newspapers today is IMMIGRATION DOES NOT BRING ANY BENEFIT TO BRITAIN. I am sure I dont need to start dissecting how wrong that headline is. My issue is not whether immigration has been beneficial to Britain or not, my issue is that the British government is the most spineless, lip-service govt that I know. What will be so wrong in them admitting that immigration has been beneficial to our country but we were too stupid to know when to stop. I am in immigrant in Britain but even I look around me and see how immigration is crippling the same economy it helped build because the British government were either too stupid or too greedy to do something about it. Now that they're ready to do something about it they feel smearing the hardworking immigrants who have worked to put this country on the financial power map is the right way to go about it. For the shallow minded people that make up a third of the indigenous British people, what they'll do now is regard immigrants with a scornful and contemptuous look on their faces without knowing the full facts. People who don't live in this country don't have a good idea how unenlightened indigenous British people are. A large chunk of the them dont have minds of their own and its the Sun newspaper who makes up their mind for them (chei...have you seen those page 3 girls?).

Anyways back to business. I guess the only good things about this recent development is that the Nigerians who felt this was home before can now start to return home to do something better. Hopefully we can fix Nija's problems together and live a better life out there cos trust me this place is turning very wack! And those who are outside the gate peeking in, spending all their hard earned money all in the name of coming to the UK may have a re-think. British economy is sinking and they want to blame it on the immigrants who built their country for them...I siddon look.

What Do I Call This?

2008-03-17T16:46:00.005Z

Why do white people ask weird questions. Okay this is what I do for a living. I work for an independent accreditation company here in London as a consultant. Like am fond of saying, consultant is an elaborate name to describe someone whose major repsonsibilty is compliance. So if you ever want to tender for a contract with any of the Local Authorities we look after, you come to me, I'll tell you what you need and make sure you have then at the time of application and move you on for vetting and my job is done.

While carrying out my duties I tend to speak to a lot of business owners. Dealing with them just made me realise how unwilling people are when it comes to parting with their money even if its going to bring them more business. They whinge and whinge about how they have to pay for something they've never paid before and the most irritating companies are ones who are in line to clinch a £10,000000 contract yet they don’t want to pay me a meagre £550 to make sure they are fully eligible to get it. The worst part of my day is when a company has failed health and safety checks. Chineke!

Anyway back to the weird question bit. I spoke to this guy today who wanted me to list him on the database of some Local Authorities. After I had dealt with his query then the questions started.

Businessman: So what does Ollay mean
Ollay: wealth
Businessman: Sorry?
Ollay: wealth you idiot (but the idiot bit was more of an aside)
Businessman: Oh nice, do you have a gap in your tooth as well?
Ollay: (Gobsmacked! what has a tooth gap got to do with wealth, unless am missing something here but I smiled) No
Businessman: Do you know Ollay means hello in Spanish
Ollay: So I've been told
Businessman: So basically you're Hello (and he mentioned my surname)
I laughed but didn’t find it funny. Just when I thought the worst was over
Businessman: How tall are you?
Ollay: Why do you ask?
Businessman: Just curious
Ollay: Okay 5"7
Businessman: (thinks) hmm... you're not that tall
Ollay: (Jesus! Like I need to be told. I need to get rid of him sharpish) Mr Businessman is there anything else you'd like me to help with (all business like)
Businessman: (Chuckled) No but just one more thing, do you have big eyes?

Now that was the last straw…I totally freaked out at this point and said "am sorry am unable to answer that question as I cant see its relevance to your business". Then he dropped the bombshell
Businessman: Am sorry that you feel uncomfortable but you see am blind and I just wanted to picture what you look like.

Now am perplexed as I didn’t know what to think. Should I believe him or not? But he did make me feel guilty cos I was kinda harsh on him. The problem though is how can the CEO of a door entry company be blind? How does he carry out his work? Does anyone regularly have to deal with weird questions like I seem to do everyday?

The Lost Battle of Dieting.

2008-03-16T00:07:00.004Z

I am sure am like every other girl out there. I worry about my waistline and feel guilty whenever I eat anything remotely unhealthy. Isn't the world a cruel place? Why is it that the food items that does your body good are the most expensive and worst tasting set of food available? Before I came to this country I didnt even know what my dress size was. I've heard about the gym but only thought of it as a place people who have too much money go to or where a girl in search of a mega rich Aristo go to. A trip down Excellence Hotel Ikeja on a Saturday and you will find all those beer bellied rich man sprinting away on the treadmill. How futile when by 6pm that same evening they are at Iya Rici's beer-palour drinking goat meat pepper-soup and Odeku.

Back to me, In Nigeria I eat what I want to eat and am never worried about my weight. In fact what pre-occupied my mind then was how I could have a bigger bum and boobs. I was never the stick thin neither was I yokozuna. Infact some people called me 'lepa-orobo' mainly because of my tiny waist but voluptuous hips. My stomach was taut like someone who does 120 crunches a day when in fact the only sport I did was a regular swimming every weekend. Even that wasn't done with the intent of keeping in shape.

Fast forward 5 years, I now know what a dress size is. My first shopping down Oxford Street was at Benettons where I went home with some size 10-12 clothes. In the land of plenty I developed an unhealthy craving for Doritos and for someone who had always liked biscuit I had loads of varieties to choose from. Then my waistline started to expand but I didnt see it. I sent photos of myself back to friends home and they say 'you've added weght'. Still I couldn't see until one day I went shopping and I noticed I had to buy a size 14...what had happened? I've always had big cheeks but now it looked I had golf ball stuffed into my mouth. I consoled myself that am big and beautiful and size 14 was hardly fat.

But the attention from guys started to dry up. No longer was I regarded to as sexy, they just say you're beautiful and that wasn't quite enough for an egoistic girl like me. My friends told me a few home truths about how different I looked now and in fact took the effort to send me a school magazine that had a picture of me as one of the hottest babes on campus. Dang! it was time to act. I went shopping for a whole healthy range (weight watchers to be precise). I spent £140 in one go and in a week had thrown all of them in the bin. It wasn't just me. I couldn't stand all them yeye food abeg and went back to my pounded yam and egusi soup but knew I still had to do something. So I went shopping for diet tablets; Adios, Zotrim which had no desired effect on me so I ditched them.

It took a while for me to know that it was entirely futile trying to loose weight. My life now is different from the life of the girl in that magazine so embarking on the journey of yoyo dieting was a complete waste of time. Back then I used to go dancing from Thursday to Saturday and of cos my swimming every weekend and these activities were enough to burn off whatever fat I may have absorbed from eating ewa elepo. However in London, I try to go the gym which I pay £35 for and only managed to go 7 times in 3 months. I dont have friends to go out dancing with and even if I do where was the time? The little time I have left for myself is spent catching up on lost energy during the week in preparation for the following week. My life is home, school, work and back home and food is a major part of my daily activities.

However, one look around you and you get a constant reminder of why 'fat' has been criminalised so no matter how busy I am, I have to find time to embark on a permanent solution diet. Last year July I read up on all available journals on healthy dieting and through my gained knowledge I lost 17lbs. Yippee! that's a whole stone and 5 pounds and I went back to being a size 12, it was all worth it. Now am told am sexy again and some even say am smoking hot now that's what i want to hear... The down side to my new found figure is the guilt trip that accompanies every unhealthy food I ingest. My friend bought me a strawberry cheesecake today and I almost finished the whole lot. Now I feel so guilty about putting such bad food in my body that I've become suddenly unhappy. hence my reason for writing this. Mentally, am thinking how many calories have I added on to my body and how do I loose it. I've had to change my wardrobe and am so scared of going back to a size 14 and do a new set of shopping only to loose it again. This back and forth is what I dread but even I know that it is what am going to be beleaguered with for the rest of my life. Dieting is a lost battle so why even try?

When Shall It All End?

2008-03-13T19:04:00.001Z

I look forward when my trepidation about being at the airport will end. Its funny how I should tremble at the prospect of being in a airport after all trepidation is what innocent Iraqis feel when their beloved country is bombed every minute by both friend and foe and my situation is nothing compared to theirs. Well dont they say different strokes for different folk? I cling to it.

There is a long queue of people; short, white, black, fat, thin, tall and there's me with that sullen face and heavy bag and a heart pounding so loud it jolts the person next to me. Gosh, its only a queue to passport control so what's my problem? My problem is my green passport. The fact that it makes me suffer some sort of discrimination that is not often meted out to holders of other coloured passports unless of course of you are of Pakistani origin or your name has something to do with Islam. In a world ruled by the likes of the powerful Americans, terrorism is only the senior brother to fraud and document falsification.

I say am proud to be Nigerian only when the likes of Tuface wins MTV award or Samuel Peter wins the WBC heavy weight but most times I am ashamed to be Nigerian and dont find it particularly flattering when I have to flash my green passport at immigration control. In fact in the long queue I have to hide my passport until I get to the desk. Call it paranoia but I actually could save myself a lot of scornful looks by that single act. On getting to the desk, am asked all sorts of stupid questions they already have answers to as if they were waiting for you to just tell one lie and they send you packing. When they've been unsuccessful at ruffling your feathers they deliberately keep you waiting for God knows what. On one occasion they told me that they kept me waiting cos some idiots had falsified the Nigerian passport through the Nigerian Immigration Service and issued it to unknowing Nigerians. So they got a directive to check every passport to make sure its not one of the fake ones. I've had my passport 6 years prior to this time and one glance at how battered it is, you don't need some mind numbing experiment to tell that this passport is not one of the forged ones. Yet they made me wait 45 minutes after a long flight of 6 hours. You sit there shuffling your toes, biting the corner of your lips and people stare at you with that she's-a-criminal look plastered all over their faces.

And what's the cause of all this acrimony? I bet as Nigerians we all know so I dont need to go down that route. However my fifty cent is that before you falsify that document or embark upon fleecing people off their hard earned money, think of the millions of Nigerians whom you are criminalising in the process. There are Nigerians all over the world especially in the West who are doing great things but have minute media coverage but every so often the under hand antics of a few Nigerians get ample coverage. As we all know, bad news travel faster. I carry my cross as a Nigerian but indeed its a big burden upon my feeble back...

This Online Malarkey

2008-03-12T21:16:00.001Z

Oh how I love the internet. Different people of varied colour, intellect and background, typing away, all trying to make their mark known. Some with pleasure and some with frustration venting their anger on the poor machine. Am a member of a Nigerian online community and this is the reason am writing today. I love using the forum and learning about other people's opinion about different subjects but boy! sometimes I log off seething. You come across all sorts of people. Recently a young girl of about 22 has become the object of my incessant anger. Apart from the fact that she is a multi-profiler (Oh yes another freedom the internet avails you; multiple personalities) she is also rude. Why do people feel that just because they are behind a computer screen they have to put all ethics beside? The fact that it is a Nigerian online community makes it even worse because from where we come from, younger people show a lot of respect for the older folks and just because you all have access to the internet does not make you all equal in intellect, age and otherwise. The frustrating thing about using such forums is that you cant reach out to wack the idiot across the face. Many a times I wish I could make my frustrations known by firing back at her but its all just going to turn into such a major mess so all I'm left with is to show her that I'm the bigger person by keeping quiet; let her wallow in all her stupidity. Perhaps more frustrating is the older folks in the house who suck up to her and let her get away with such belligerence.