Thursday, 25 September 2014

Confronting the New You

...or perhaps the YOU that you only just found out.

No point saying it's been a minute. I've looked around blogville and I can hardly recognise new bloggers. It's refreshing to see that a lot more people have taken on blogging to unleash their creativity. That can only be a good thing. Before I get carried away with my observation, I need to get quickly to today's post.

My life has really changed in the last few years, I got married, became a mum, gained a new family and even moved to a different place. They're all mostly positive things. Then there have been the challenging times, like learning to put yourself second, being responsible for someone else, learning to navigate the new relationships formed and the complexities of living with someone etc.

While all this was happening, I also came to a new realisation, I do not like WORKING! I've always thought myself as a hard worker. I did well academically and excelled in all roles I've held. I've always thought I will be some top notch career woman. I'm in an industry where there's so much opportunity for progression and I'm still only in my early 30s...what could possibly go wrong?

Well well, Parakeet simply doesn't like the 9 to 5. My role is quite intense. I spend a good part of my day writing materials for bids and what not. I do well...I get the contracts in BUT I hate my job. I doubt I will like any other job that requires me to wake up in the morning and go through the same old thing over and over again. That's not me...this is not what I thought having a career means. I got it all wrong. Or maybe I'm not just cut out to be a career woman. Maybe that term in itself is a cliche or another ideology to get us all to conform. Something for us to feel like we've achieved something with our lives while lining the pockets of the capitalist with wads of money. Maybe it's nothing...

Now, I've got to go back to the drawing board and figure out exactly what I want to do and will enjoy doing. It's a shock actually to think at my age I still don't know what I want out of life. But maybe life is just not one linear streak of living, maybe life is an adventure with nooks and crannies to explore. Maybe this is going to be a rebirth for second chance at life. To discover new things and rekindle old interests.

I have my plans mapped out for the next year or so, so the discovery cant start now...but when the appointed time comes, I hope it's one that I find exciting and rewarding.