Wednesday, 9 December 2009

Nigeria is My Country, I Have a Right to Discuss It

It is possible to live in decay and not know it
It started right before your eyes
You noticed the first crack but you procrastinated
I'll go back and fix it another day
Then that crack causes another crack
Yet again you noticed but failed to act
Afterall you have your hands full with other stuff that needs immediate attention
Until the whole thing bloody cracks
That you no longer notice it
Even though those cracks cut you here and there
It's nothing you're not used to it
So you don't see it as a big deal
People on the other side see how damaged things are
But you live in the damage so you don't know
When they mention it you tell them to keep shut and mind their own business
Yet in your mind you feel perplexed about your plight
Nothing a brave face in public wont cure, you assure yourself.
No matter how much you psyche yourself up
No matter how much you refuse to see the problem
It doesn't take the problem away
It is there and will always be there no matter how much your denial grow.
Nigeria has a problem, let us see it
If you're going to make an enemy of the person who points out a problem but profers no solution
and make a friend of the person who just fails to see the problem
then you're a bigger fool than I thought
I kid myself not
I am overwhelmed by the multiple problems we face as a nation
I dont even know if there's anything I can do to help
But please let no one tell me I cant discuss my country
Discussing a problem is not the same as tarnishing the image of the country
Please know the difference and keep your peace.

Monday, 7 December 2009

This Love Palaver Sef

So it's another Monday and while making my commute to work I was listening to songs on my Samsung Tocco. As I settled on my choice train seat my best heartbreak song came on; Think Twice by Celine Dion. Thinking of it now I don’t know which is my best between that song and that of Whitney Houston, Heartbreak Hotel. Having suffered two heartbreaks within the last two years those songs never fail to remind me of the pain I actually went through and the various things I did to cope with them. My dating life is rather chequered and full of drama and while I loved the highs in my early twenties, I think as I've grown older I've become less resilient.

I thought specifically about my heartbreak before the most recent. That happened more like a dream really because I wasn't expecting it. I mean we were planning on moving in together and starting our own family after deciding that the marriage route was not for us and zap! he was gone! I failed to believe I was never going to see him again after that fateful morning that he kissed my sleepy head goodbye. If I had known that was the last time I would see him I would have got my lazy ass out of bed and at least seen him off to the airport, hugged him tightly and cried on his shoulder. At least let that scene haunt him for the rest of his life…if he has a heart that is. How did I cope with it? Well I splashed out on a party and just hit the club scenes until I danced him out of my system. The anger and betrayal I felt kind of helped too and the fact that I soon got myself involved in a lusty relationship soon afterwards that I knew wasn't going anywhere. Lust did help me a lot but when that ended it was just as bad as the heartbreak because once again I felt empty and betrayed. I have no one to blame but me.

My most recent heartbreak started really from the inception of the short-lived relationship. Not having met someone to remotely like in the past year I met this seemingly plain looking man but with bags of personality. It wasn't love at first sight but after sleeping and waking up the next day and dreamt of him, I started to pay him a lot more attention. The sail went on from there really and I didn't know what it was but I just couldn't get enough of this guy. I wanted to speak to him all the time and spend all my days with him. He on the other hand was trying to be cautious and he claimed he didn’t understand how I am so into him since I seem to have a healthy social life. He was right, even I didn’t know especially as he didn't have a good profile. Here, I was dealing with a divorced father of two who listened to dodgy music and had zero social credentials. But who understands how these feelings work eh? Apart from that he clearly had a lot going on in his head because he kept questioning my 'realness' and he was pretty mean to me on so many levels. I didn't mind though. I wanted to prove to him that I was the real deal and while doing this I over-compensated for my worldliness and did a few stupid things which marked the end of the relationship. He called off the relationship out of the blue and all my plea fell on deaf ears. I literally felt my world was coming to an end. As a fighter and not ready to let go yet I somehow brought things back on track but really things were never the same again except for the sex which could never be bad even if we tried.

After we got back together, his questioning of my realness didn't stop and coupled with finding out some unpalatable facts about him I decided it was time to dump his ass and I did. I revealed what I found to him and said hurtful things to him thinking that was it. Only my stupid feelings for him wouldn't let me. I went back grovelling and true to his meanness he told me where to go. He even spurned my friendship. That was a first. Looking back at how I coped, I figured I actually didn’t cope because the whole drama started two weeks into our relationship and it was a real rollercoaster. So this wasn't one massive heartbreak, it was a systematic one and one which when I had the bad days it was pretty bad and the good days were really good. It was hard for me to be angry at him. In the end he came out of the relationship smelling of roses and me as the scarlet woman. Somehow in the whole charade, what really went down was lost on both of us and I was left with heaps of blames even though deep down I know I wasn't to blame. We were just two mis-matched people who couldn't make things work.

I am on the other side now looking back, enjoying the little things of life. I guess in life we go through certain things so as to appreciate little blessings.

Have a good one guys.

Thursday, 26 November 2009

No Sir, We Actually Just Want YOU!

Okay this is getting really ridiculous. Is there any single man out there these days who actually doesn't think that women are a devious lot who will do anything to get whatever they want?

I am totally up to my throat having these arguments with a growing number of men. My question is what do you have? You're not David Beckham or Denzel Washington neither do you have the brains of Eistein nor the quirkiness of Freud. You are not the best there is neither are you the most gifted. So what exactly is it that you have that I will be so after to resort to some grand planning just to lay my hands on?

Men need to get this unfounded thoughts out of their heads. Women are better equipped now to deal with any relationship/marriage eventualities so get your big heads out of the clouds and get with the program. The world has moved on so check the facts before making assumptions that have no basis.

Even a man who's worth nothing more than his pair of tattered jeans has the courage to spew such diatribe just cos the number of single women now outnumber men and more promising women are ending up with divorced fathers of two. Somehow the rest of the bunch who has zero to offer suddenly feels qualified to comment on women's morality.

Funny how men have been letting women down for as long as we could all remember but women still always manage to find something to love about them and to accept them irrespective of their flaws. Yet they wont stop bad mouthing women. Why dont you back up your opinion with some action and not go near a woman with a barge pole rather pursuing a woman while scheming and progressing with your hidden agenda.

Men are such bad loosers. Get over it. Women are getting better and there's nothing you can do about it. You either accept it or die in mysery. Mscheeew and no apologies made for the generalisation.

Sunday, 1 November 2009

Two-Timing, And You Know It.

Thank you to everyone that commented on my last post. It was something weighing heavily on my mind and I needed to get it out. I'm so glad I did because not a word of condemnation was written but those of encouragement and positivity. Thank you all so much.

So today's post. I am aware that we girls like to snoop around our man. We like to know things he may be hiding away from us. Big question though, if we do find out he has secrets, what do we do? So you look through your man's phone to see if he's been sending or receiving texts from another girl apart from you. Or you hack into his emails to see if he's making the same promises he's making to you to another girl, and indeed you do find something. The 'I love you' he sent to Sarah. Or the 'I'll see you later' he sent to Bisi when he'd told you he was going to be held up in a long meeting at work. If you confront him with your information, how do you explain to him that you came by it in the first place? If you decide not to tell him, how do you deal with these other girls? This is a man you love and have dreams of spending the rest of your life with. He's almost near perfect other than for this new development. In fact you do not have a doubt in your mind that he loves you, but if he does why chase other women or keep secrets?

I've always said to myself that what you don't know would not hurt you, but I'm beginning to think that if it doesn't hurt you now, the likelihood of it coming back to bite you in the butt in future is higher and by then you may not have enough support system in place to help you cope. So sometimes it may pay to know early depending on what the nature of the information is and one could use this as an effective argument for snooping. The downside is though it forces someone to make decisions one may not be quite prepared to make at the time of the information coming to light. Say for instance you find that your man is seeing someone else who he seems to be into. If you confront him, he'd know that you've been through his stuff and if at the time of confrontation you were yet to make up your mind to leave him for his infidelity or not, then things may turn the other way. If what my idea of how a man will treat this kind of situation is anything to go by then I'd say he's likely to take a walk saying he could never trust you even though he was the one in the wrong from the outset. If this happens one will never know if he would have chosen to be with one or the other girl in the first place. Of course this argument will only hold water for a woman who's prepared to forgive a man of infidelity.

Truth is I don't know if I'm for snooping or not because ultimately the problem will always be now that I know what do I do with the information? Say if I find my man has been engaging in internet dating with girls he's not in the same location with. While they may not pose an immediate threat to our relationship, it is still a form of infidelity and if I bring it up with him, he'd know I've been snooping and then becomes more secretive. Is his internet relationship enough for me to walk out on our relationship? If I decide 'no' and do not bring it up then trust is damaged and enjoying the relationship becomes difficult.

What do you say guys?

Monday, 26 October 2009

Living A Goalless Life

Hello lovely peoples, I hope I meet una well.

So I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and one of the questions that arose was, Parakeet what's your goal in life??? And the answer is NONE! It is scary. I actually do things without really thinking deep as to what I want to come out of it. I looked through my life and realised that I've actually never wanted to be one thing. I've always seen the possibility of me being several things. Naturally my flair has always been for writing and reading everything readable. I enjoyed literature and every subject relating to the humanities. But then when I went to the hostel I became like a glorified Nurse. I was able to diagnose pretty accurately what could be wrong with someone and I was able to tell them what medication to use. I was never a sickly child, I just had a lot of sensitivities to things so I knew what Ihad to avoid and what I had to take when I was struck down by an illness. Everyone told me I had missed my calling. I should have gone to science class and studied to become a doctor or a pharmacist. But then they also said I'd make a good Teacher when my study time at the refectory became my teaching time. Yes our refectory doubled as our reading area so everyone came to Si Parakeet (as we were fondly called then). Well maybe not so fondly when you think about how wicked some Seniors were. I wasn't one of them though, seriously. lol.

Moving on to the higher institution I felt I could be a good Pyschologist. I had the ability to listen and give objective advice which when tried works (wish I could be the same with myself). Then I was involved in some social activities as an MC and Radio Presenter and some people saw a colourful career in the entertainment industry for me. Even I saw it but not so much now...hehehe. Some people say I ask the oddest questions and probe a bit too much so I'd be a good lawyer. Plus everything politics interests me which means I'd do well. All these little fragments of everything but no real ambition. I've never seen myself in the attire of a Lawyer trying to bring to book the world's most dangerous criminal. Never saw myself on TV as one beautiful Newscaster all the men are trying to date. Never seen me behind a huge table giving an advice to someone who had just tried to commit suicide, nor have I ever seen myself in a white gown holding a stethoscope. I have never even seen myself being knocked up and playing wifey in a home. So what have I ever seen myself as? The answer is NOTHING!

I went to school, got an education, came out with really good grades, got a passable job and I earn a living. I am able to pay my way. If I want something desperately I just need to save for it for a few months and I can buy it for myself (well aside a house and a jet). I have a 'relatively' comfortable life but I dont think I have big dreams. I dont see myself driving a posh or living in a big house. It doesn't mean I dont have desires. I do. Like I wish I could actually get my LPC done and qualify as a Solicitor and do pro bono work for the less priviledged in Nigeria. Like I wish I could have money to set up a charity and just educate and empower as many women as possible. I wish I could marry a wonderful man one day and be happy with a kid or two. But you see they're just wishes and if I dont achieve them it wouldn't seem like I've failed.

I know or at least we all know that it is normal to have goals. They say it gives you a purpose for living. However for me it is different. It is becoming more and more apparent that I just live for today and when the tide of life comes it blows wherever it likes, I pick myself up and then re-strategise and continue to live my life. Surely there's something wrong with that. Surely one must have goals and strive to fulfil them as a test of ones character. Can anyone diagnose the problem with Parakeet? Or am I just being to hard on myself?

Thursday, 17 September 2009

Just Remiscing

Life can be so familiar today, becoming a stranger tomorrow
It could kick you in the backside
You may land falling face flat on the ground
Or it may catapult you into an atmosphere of euphoric existence
How could one ever prepare for life?
Irrespective of one's evolving experiences
Life remains unravelling
Experiences could shape you
But life could either dissolve those shapes or remould them as it wishes
It could blow you from pillar to post with strength more than that of a whirlwind
But it could also comfort you like a baby cocooned in the shawl of its mother's embrace
Life deals you surprises beyond your comprehension
Some you can handle and some completely throws you
Life leaves you a wonderer and sometimes a wanderer
You start the day with a knowing knowledge of yesterday
But unknowing of what lurks in the future
Life leaves you positively and negatively breathless
It drains your energy yet infuses you with optimism for the future
Life is all things that is reality
It is all things that lives in the recesses of your mind
All things imagined and lived
Life is what it is
I will embrace, live it and love it.

Wednesday, 2 September 2009

Thankful Wednesday

I have a lot to thank God for
For every breathe I take confirming that I have life
For the unflinching support from my family
For the friends that are true friends
For the love I share with someone special
For my job
For my lovely colleagues
For all my Blogville/Facebook/Twitter friends
For lost friends both alive and those sleeping in the Lord
For family far and near
For the body of Christ
For those who work behind the scenes to make the world a better place
For unexpected blessings
For the happiness of others and those shared with me
For optimism
And for so much more I cannot put into words
I thank the Lord God almighty.

Monday, 24 August 2009

Marriage Should Be With Bed Undefiled.

So says Hebrew 13:4.

Wow I cant believe it's been a month since I blogged. I hope everyone is well. Thanks very much for the comments in my last post and apologies for not responding personally.

A lot has been going on since my time away and most has been in the area of my emotional development. Not so much spiritual as most of you will think from my subject line. I went to church on Sunday after like 2 months and I was blessed. But no this post is not about the sermon that came from the pulpit.

This post is about a realisation. Something that somehow found its way into my mind considering the haziness that has been the state of it for a while. The day I let that thing slide into me 8 years ago was the day I took a step in the wrong direction. Somehow it has taken me a whole 8 years to realise this and to start to put right.

This as you will have gathered by now is having sex before marriage. It messes up so much but I don't think I knew how much. Even though I grew up in a very strict and religious home as most of us and was well aware the dangers of having premature sex, I still did it anyway. The moment I gained my freedom, it was the first thing I dabbled into with the same naive conviction that this is the man I am going to marry. 8 years on with a number of sexual partners under my belt, alas! I am still unmarried.

It is not the unmarried part that bothers me, it is the pieces of me that my previous sexual partner has taken with them as they move on with their respective lives that riles me. It is the fact that yet another man has seen my nakedness and not made a good woman of me. It is a depressing thought and it has left its toll on me without me paying much notice. I have come to the point now that I am sure sex is meaningless. So much ado about nothing but a mere gratification of sheer animalistic lust. It doesn't even help that every man I tend to meet these days just wants to jump straight into bed and not interested in my mind or anything else.

I ask myself is it too late to say no more to sex with another partner I am not married to? Like what man will take me serious these days if I said no sex until marriage especially as I am not a virgin? What right have I got to tell a potential to wait until the wedding night before he can go the whole nine yards? So now I feel this trepidation, that in the end because I did what I should have done last first, I may have lost a chance to put it right.

However there's this steely determination in me to just go ahead and shun sex. Too late or not I do not have any more desire to have sex with a man I am not married to and I am not looking at this from a religious point of view at all. I just don't think having sex will sort out any problems I have right now especially my apathy to relationship and marriage so I am staying off and if any potential is not happy with my decision he knows where the door is.

Necking is welcome though...wink* wink** wink***. Have a good one guys.

Friday, 10 July 2009

Fiddling With Fate

This is a hard subject for me cos am still a babe when it comes to spirituality and there are so many things I don’t understand. One thing I know however is that it is never advisable to peek into the future or a case or whatever.

This is what I mean. I know people who have gone to spiritualist who claim they see visions. I am not saying it is not possible to have visions but you know those ones that will describe some man you will meet, tall, dark handsome or whatever but they fall short of telling u exactly when and where you will meet him. And then you spend the rest of your life wondering if that tall dark handsome guy you met at the petrol station was the one that was foreseen or was it the one you met at the car park? Possibly the one at the supermarket until confusion kills your poor mind and you don’t know what you are doing anymore. My question is, why bother? Why don’t you just leave you life to fate or chance as it were and pray as you go along instead of seeking counsel or to be more archaic oracle.

A very close of friend of mine is currently tied in an unhappy marriage and too scared to leave because apparently the success he has today is tied to his wife. If he leaves he looses all. And in this day of credit crunch who wants to lose anything abi? How does he know this? He claims long before he met his wife they had prophesied that he would meet her and x and x will happen which has. Looks like brother hasn’t heard of familiar spirit. And while we're in the subject of Christianity and vision ask yourself does this vision tally with the word of God. So God will give you plenty of money and houses through this so-called woman but not someone that will make you closer to him? Does the bible not say seek ye first the kingdom of God and all things shall be added on to you? Even with this my inexperienced spirituality I know if it was God that really gave him that woman, then it wouldn’t be someone he doesn’t love and is so unhappy with, someone who will not help him grow spiritually and become closer to God.

There's only so much advise I can give my friend but as someone detached from the whole situation I can see the bondage my friend is in. Something he had brought upon himself by going to these so-called seers. If anything his situation has taught me even more to take a chance on life. Whatever happens happens and I know God's thoughts for me are thoughts of good and not of evil therefore I believe God will not bring tribulations my way that I can't overcome. Besides tribulations are there to develop our characters and we should not be afraid to seek God's face ourselves rather than go to seers. I hope everyone learns a thing or two from this.

Have a good weekend...xx

Wednesday, 24 June 2009

As You Lay Your Bed...

...So shall you lie on it.

I hope I meet everyone in peace and in good health. Just to say a quick thank you for all the kind words. Thanks a mill.

I am doing great having just arrived from a mini break and Tigress being the great hostess that she is ensured I had a good time. Imagine the woman, she kept worrying about if I was bored or not. I needed to rest and have a girly chat and of course some shopping therapy and I got exactly that. So Tigress you do well for my body o.

Now to the matter at hand, the above saying is one we're all used to hearing but I wonder if we pay enough attention to it when making certain life decisions. Here is the gist, an Ex of mine who's been on my case for us to reconcile for a while now had a baby a few months back. As I was the one who called the relationship off it didn't bother me. In fact I thought to myself that since he's pitched up his nest with another woman and they now have a child which to me seals their union then he'd get off my case. How wrong.

To say that I was flabbergasterd when this brother renewed his chase would be an understatement. I mean how on earth could he think he is good for me now when he wasn't before? I am not saying a man with a child is not a good man but in this case it's totally not right because he had his baby after he met me. Of course I didn't expect him to hang on forever but I thought at the time of getting another woman pregnant it meant that he had moved on for good. Clearly not. Anyway I told him there could never be US and that he made the decision to impregnate a woman he didn't love enough to be his wife, hence he should deal with it.

My puzzle is that why do men do this? I know this guy isn't young and may just wanna get having a baby out of the way but does he not look at the bigger picture before doing it? Why are more and more men taking the route of having baby mommas rather than wives? Is this what they have reduced us women to? I actually feel insulted that he had the audacity to talk love with me while treating a fellow lady like me with such disrespect. The other lady may unknowingly be holding out a torch for him while he is there asking another woman to be his wife.

This is totally unfair and I'm really upset and if anything it has strenghtened my resolve not to give a man what he wants unless I am totally sure he can give me what I want. On the flipside I'm thinking perhaps he felt trapped with the baby. But my argument is this, if you do not plant semen into a woman, she has no business getting pregnant for you, hence the talk of entrapping you becomes baseless. You dont want an unplanned baby, then wear a freaking rubber.

Have a good one guys.

Thursday, 11 June 2009

A Week Today

Happy birthday T. I'm sure the Angels are cooking up a feast for you today your special day. Happy 33rd. Miss you as always.

Things are better. I feel lighter and I'm thankful. Will be going on a break next week and wouldn't update for a bit.

Thanks for all the messages. Love you all.

Saturday, 6 June 2009

Death You've Done Me Bad, Again!

What is life if all it brings is misery and sadness? 
They say our sojourn on earth has a purpose 
What purpose has a man who was snatched away by the cold hands of death in his prime come to fulfil? 
In fact what is the whole point of that purpose if it has yet to be accomplished? 
How could there be a God when a being so charming and so steadfast die a death so lonely and so painful? 
How does one come to terms with knowing that the person who was here today ceases to be here tomorrow? 
That a person so loved and admired could be spoken of in the past rather than present? 
That his phone will ring and go unanswered because life has departed his body 
Or non-reply to emails because he has taken his final breathe? 
How does one deal with the hurt of knowing that all desires, aspirations and dreams go with this person to his final resting place? Never to see the light of day.
I really am sad.
I haven't stopped thinking about you.
Your smile and the way you grind your teeth together when you speak.
You taught me to play the Nintendo Wii. 
I was useless with video games before you came along
Dodo was your favorite food. You ate it everything from eba to bread.
You wouldn't drink or smoke and spent so much time in church.
Helping out and being a role model.
You were a true gem and you touched my heart in unquantifiable ways.
I never said I loved you but now I say it
I really love you T and I'll carry you in my heart always.
Rest in peace.

Friday, 29 May 2009

OMG! I Chatted Up A Bloke

Hi my very peeps. Hope everyone is fine o. Well you dont have a choice, it's Friddaaaaaaaaaaay! So what's the reason for my excitement? It's simple, Parakeet chatted up a dude. As in I couldn't believe myself. It was on the Jubilee line platform and there was just me and him there. There was this uneasy air of silence around us and am like whaddaheck say hi, but I didn't. Instead I said "why are you so dressed up on a Friday"? He looked at me bemused but smiled and said "it's for work" so I asked him where he works cos work places dress down on Fridays. Turns out the reason he was all suited up was because he worked in bank. Oh well I know my chat up line was dull but eh you gotta give me credit for plucking up courage in the first place. In fact I did well for something I didn't intend to do in the first place...abi?

Anyway the rest was history jare. Found out he lived in the posher part of my neighbourhood, originally from Ghana and blablabla. At least he was gentleman enough to not let me ask for his number (Not that I was going to) but hey we parted with numbers when he asked. Am I gonna see him if he calls for a date? I dont know cos I have my hands full at the moment. You remember those two guys Tee and Kim, dont you? Dem still dey there o. I've been trying to jabo Tee but the guy dey persistent no be small so the battle continues.

Ehm... quick random question. Since there are more and more men these days lying about their marital status for the sake of some nookie I've been thinking it may be down to the fact that we now frown so much on polygamy. Of cos I may be totally wrong but hey it doesn't stop me from wondering that 'if guys had the clear choice to take second wives and so on as it was the norm back in the days, would they go outright and just do it rather than lie and cheat?' Please whatever your answer is must be backed up with reasons and inferences drawn from real life situations if possible. Thanks for being my panel of professors on this matter...hehehehe.

Abeg am outta here, enjoy your weekend lovely people.

Monday, 18 May 2009

How Did I Get Here?

How are you my lovely peeps. Hope I meet you all in peace. As for y'all in Nija how are you coping with the fuel scarcity? That news made me tore up my move back to Nija plans o. Who's gonna queue in the scorching sun to buy fuel? No be me, mba. My yansh is staying in London for now.

Talking about yansh two guys are after my yansh o and I like them both so what do I do? If you guys dont answer me sharp sharp am gonna end up with two boyfriends o. See the two of them are different. One is 6ft 1inch tall and has the darkest beautiful skin I've seen in a while. Lets call him Tee. The other one I'm gonna call Kim is only about 5ft 6 inches tall (I think I tower above him just a lil) but he oozes the kind of sexiness I've not come across in a long time. Kim and I share more interests than Tee and I share and Kim is more socially & upwardly mobile than Tee. As in Kim and I can talk everything from politics to the latest sex position while at most Tee and I can talk Football and US foreign policy. 

They're both different but Kim speaks better English than Tee. Kim just reminds me of those kind of guys we used to trip for as Teenagers. All those ABC and Inexcess boys in UNILAG who act like they don't shyte! You know dem kind :) Looks like am still stuck in me teens, hehehe. Tee on the other hand has a swagger that makes me wet my pants but he cant kiss to save his life. Dude cant even bloody open his mouth properly. But Kim is a very good kisser. Yes I know I kissed them both. I have to now, it's all part of the test.

If one were to place them on a scale from what I know of the two of them so far I think they're square which is where the dilemma lies. I could go for Tee cos I have a weakness for tall dark guys and he seems well grounded but then Kim's intellectual ability is something I cant ignore plus he's ever so sweet. Oya guys put on ur thinking caps o I want answers.

Ciao for now!

Monday, 4 May 2009


I know y'all must be thinking she's done her usual disappearing acts again but this time it is for good reason. I settled yet again into a new apartment so I officially feel at home after months of giving up my old place. I have also been working on a little pet project ScoopsNija which I frankly don't know where it is heading yet but at least the likes of Afrobabe and Roc believes in me. I am counting on your support guys as you will see less and less of Parakeet but more and more of Scoops hopefully. For all those who are resident in the UK and have hot gist about anything and everything about Nigerians living here please hit your girl up and leave the rest to me. Much appreciated.

As for my last post, you wonderful people of blogville once again have reminded me of why I love it here in blogville. I wrote a post and you guys finished off where I left it so I say thank you for your wisdom and sincere apologies for not being about to respond. Again I say communication with reason is always the best policy.

Have a good one you all.

Monday, 20 April 2009

Communication! Communication!! Communication!!!

I really cant over state that this is needed in every area of our lives. Even though most of us know this we still do not practice it. What brings me to this post? It was the removal man that helped me move on Friday. I had been disappointed by a friend who had promised to help me move. When he couldnt do it I called my standby as I figured it may happen and he too gave stories about doing the move in his small car so he asked me to get a man and a van which he paid for and he even came to help me do the packing and unpacking.

The van man was a very talkative but intelligent Bangladeshi man. He told us about his vast land in his home and all the extended family that rely on him as the head of the house. He said they see him as a millionnaire because he has a flourishing removal business but little did they know that he was neck deep in debts. His wife doesn't work so he has sole responsibility of everything and everyone. He was one of those people that took out mortgages with fake employment so it turned out he couldn't afford to pay his mortgage anymore. In the wake of the credit crunch things became really bad but his wife kept on spending money on the same level as she was before. He said he was never rich but now he is even poorer than he was but his wife didn't seem to care and one day they had a row and he asked her to go get a job.

He said she came back home one day only to have found a cleaning job of £10 an hour but they could only afford to give her 2 hours a day meaning she only makes £20 a day. By the time they deducted how much it will cost her to travel she would be left with just £10. Of cos that was nothing so he asked her to stay home but watch how she spends. He then went on to give a glowing remark about how her spending had reduced and how understanding she had been since his financial situation came to light.

I said to him that his wife was never an unreasonable woman. As long as he continued to make out he is rich then she will spend. It's a simple formular really. If I know a well that never dries, will I not go there to fetch all the time as much as I want rather than if I knew a well could dry up? I told him that his wife ought to have been his partner in life therefore she should be kept abreast of everything that's going on with him including the true picture of his finances. It just made me remember two of my exs and why we broke up. Men need to put communication before pride. A problem shared they say is half solved and I'm sure when a man opens up it doesn't get him ridicule from his significant other.

So the message today is communicate with your spouse/partner and you'll be suprised at how relieved you will be. Have a great and blessed week everyone.

Thursday, 9 April 2009


This is going to be a rant and most of you may not identify with it but rant I will anyway. Jade Goody just passed away and even in her death people have not stopped heaping criticisms at her. Anyone familiar with British television will know Sir Michael Parkinson and may just be aware of his recent comments about the deceased that she represented all that is paltry and wretched about Britain.

I personally believe that those comments were totally uncalled for. So Jade may not have what people see as traditional talents or the sort of intelligence that have been cultivated through having a decent education. But I believe she did what she could to better her life. Not all whose father died of a drug overdose in a KFC toilet and one whose mother did not give a damn could have turned themselves around like she did. Some people with her background could have turned out a drum head, in prison, a destitute ,a prostitute and the list goes on and on. But she made use of popular culture to be who she was today.

There are other people with better background who dream of having half the opportunity and fortune she had when she was alive. She rose from a nobody to someone whose photographs and news sell magazines. So she doesn't know how to play the guitar or sing like an angel, but what she had she used and what she was given she appreciated. She made mistakes just like everyone else but she learned from that and tried to make amends. Instead of the likes of Sir Parkinson to blame Britain and her parents who let her down, they decide to take an easy target like poor Jade.

I am sick and tired of these people who live their lives on old ideologies and old money and believe other means of making money or living your life is inferior to theirs. Rap music incites violence, opera music replenishes the soul, what bollocks. The world have moved on from the bourgeois ideology and will continue to do so, popular culture is here to stay and whether they like it or not it will continue to expand.

Ronan Keating said he hopes his children doesn't turn out like Katie Price (Jordan) asking what talent has she got exactly? What talent does a woman who made her money first from modelling, then diversified into lingerie business, writing kids story books, and one day hoping to represent her country in equestrian sport in the Olympics not have? It beggars believe that Jordan has done more influential things than this Ronan Keating guy who believes he can sing and therefore he is better than her.

Just because she made her money from modelling doesn't mean that her money is worth is less than that of someone who made it from e.g. painting. Talking about arts has anyone of you been to the Tate Modern lately and seen the so-called post modernist arts been displayed. How did we move from paintings such as the Mona Lisa to a careless smudge of paint on a canvass and call that art? Yet it commands millions of pounds in sale? They want the people to accept that this is contemporary art because it was probably painted by someone in their elite group they cant come to terms with the fact that youths derive a lot of enjoyment from dancing stanky legs?
I could go on and on but I'll better stop here. Have a good Easter everyone and God bless.

Buttercup, ShonaVixen, Vera Ezimora, Temite, Good Naija Girl, Afrobabe, wordsmith, Ms Sula and Tigress are starting a blog titled The African Women so please check them out and add to your blogroll.

Wednesday, 25 March 2009

For the Love of Tigress

See I hate this tagging thing abi how una dey call am for blogville. I am a lazy blogger and that much you guys know. I wonder why that category wasn’t on the naijabloggers award nomination list sef. I bet I would have been nominated and of cos won. Tagging is tedious and parakeet is lazy. But I love Tigress so am gonna accept the honest scrap award. I crave honesty, I give honesty for the most part but I hardly ever get it back. God is able.

Here are ten things you didn’t wish were true about me;

* I can suck my finger for Africa. Now before you scream, I dropped the baton at SS1 when I went to the hostel. Senior cant be seen sucking her finger at 13 now kai! Proper dishi. But trust me I was a pro. I could suck my finger all day and not eat anything. That was my comfort.

* I have been in love 2ce in my life and the last being of recent. I count myself lucky but shame I fell for unsuitable men.

* I gave my life to Christ on January 4 2001 but have since back slidden abi weytin be the correct word. I still love God though.

* I pray more in tongues than actual words. I can never seem to get actual words out right but I could pray in tongues for hours and hours until I fall into trans. Oh yes…trans. The few times I've had private moments I always seem to find myself in some place I cant explain and when I come to, life couldn’t be better.

* I have never seen my father but I have some memories of him, how that's possible I don’t know. Maybe in my previous life sha.

* I've had sex in a public pool. Ehn…public pool in the full glare of people in broad day light. I didn’t come though.

* People see me as an efiko but I actually never came first in school well until the last term in SS3 when everyone else was concentrating on WAEC. I then sat for my WAEC and failed Maths and English. Duh! How do you reconcile that?

* I don’t know if I wanna get married or have kids but I feel I would only do it when and if I meet the right person which I fear I may not. God help me.

* I feel like I need a shrink to unlock some of my anxieties and confront some demons but I so hate to be vulnerable that I feel am just gonna die one day with all my burden on my shoulders.

* There was a time I really fancied kissing a girl but not anymore after a horrible experience I had. Please don't ask me.

Now am passing this on to 18andabove, Kmplx, H20, AnyaPosh, Kush, Ms Sula and Mizchif and these you must do to accept your award

1.You must brag about it
2.You must include the name of the blogger who bestowed the award on you and link back to the blogger
3.You must choose a minimum of seven (7) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. 4.Show their names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with Honest Weblog.
5.List at least ten (10) honest things about yourself. Then pass it on!

And did I brag yet?…yeyeyeyeyeyeye don’t hate me cos am hotter than you.
Have a good week everyone.

Thursday, 19 March 2009

First Anniversary

Yeeeeeeee, I did it albeit lazily. Clocked a year and over 50 posts in blogville. Now clap for me everyone. Its been real fun and I've made some fantastic friends virtually and even taken some into the real world. Thanks all for making this such a worthwhile experience for me and for letting me face one fact that I've refused to accept in a while. I can be complacent in a lot of ways. I secretly call myself 'daku-daji' blogger and yet am not contrite. I guess this is me and I can only just do what I can do. Hmm...I give up on myself.

I dont really have anything to post today but I just wanna share a lesson that I learned in a rather hard way. A man will do what a man will do. Forget love or commitment. Some of you may feel am taking a hardline on the matter but the truth is that men are just men. They make decisions devoid of emotions. They look at practicalities, what will work for them and what wont. If you are that woman who just happens to be in their life at a wrong time, no matter how much they profess love, they're still going to do what they are going to do, mostly without you in the grand scheme of things. Some sisters know this already but for those who dont please take note. Do everything for yourself. Let a man meet you where you are happy to me be met. Dont tailor your life and decisions to sync into the life of your SO well until he actually makes you his wife.

Where did all these come from? I had long suspected this was the case but love no dey gree me see road, lol. However watching the Nigerian movie Reloaded just confirmed all my suspicions. One of the characters played excellently by Stephanie Okereke dedicated 7yrs of her life to a man, had six abortions for him and yet he simply refused to marry her claiming he didnt have the means to support a family. Yet he goes out there and impregnates another woman whom he promptly made preparations to marry. This movie is a must see for all women because it's loaded with vital lessons one must take through the whole dating game and even into marriage.

I leave you with peace and love.

Sunday, 8 March 2009

Friends or Men, Which Way To Go?

I just wanna rant about my friend o. We went raving and I met this fine brother who is a friend to my friend's brother in law. For the sake of brevity lets call my friend Sheila and the fine brother Lee. Lee is not exactly a drop dead gorgeous guy but he exudes the sort of sexiness that is rare to come by these days. As I have decided to remain single, I didn't really give him face but we got on fine during the night. Before we parted ways he asked for my number which I gave him. In the car with Sheila and the rest of the crew, she says to me "Parakeet be careful what pictures go on facebook". Am like "why"? She says "oh cos Lee has a girlfriend". I just wondered where that came from cos I didn't even take a picture of Lee and even if I did, having a girlfriend doesn't mean a guy cant be seen in pictures with other people on a night out. Then she breaks into my thoughts and announces that "Lee is a player, he's got too many girls" blabla and I was wondering what the need for that was but then I kept shut. I knew something was up right there.

Anyhoos Lee didn't call me until 3 days after our meeting. I couldn't speak then so I asked him to email me instead and he sends me one dumb email saying he just wanted to say hi. I replied with 'am fine' and that was the end of our email exchange. Sheila calls me later at night and we gossiped as usual about men then I quipped in that Lee called me and stuff. Next thing is she says to me is that "seriously Lee is trouble stay away''. I told her nothing is up with me and Lee and I dont intend for anything to happen but even if I was him being a bad boy wouldn't deter me. I also told her I've noted what she said and will put it in mind. She said ok and we went on to talk about something else. 

The next day she calls me again this time all very serious and went into a barrage of why I should really stay away from Lee and she told me that he uses women and stuff. Again I told her I appreciate her concern but that there was nothing to me and Lee and even if there was going to be I am capable of taking care of myself. She didnt seem to like this. She took offence and we ended the conversation on a very bad note. A few hours later, my phone rings and it was Lee saying he didnt want some pple disrespecting him cos he simply talked to me. Turns out Sheila had told her sister who of cos is married to Lee's friend and her sister had called Lee to warn him to steer clear of me. 

I just dont understand what the whole thing is about. I know there's more to it than what Sheila told me but then if Lee was such a bad person it concerns me that they continue to hang out with him and I told Sheila as much. Also I don't feel Sheila has the right to command me to stay off Lee because I'm an adult and I can damn well do what I like. She can advise me as a true friend and then lend me a shoulder to cry on when it all blows up in my face but instead she has chosen not to talk to me anymore cos I wouldn't listen to her. This is suppose to be a friendship not a tyranny. And now the bad girl in me is really curious about this bad boy called Lee.

Dear blogville what do you suppose happened between Sheila and Lee that she's so adamant I must stay off him? I must add though that both parties deny ever having a relationship or anything sexual. So what is up really? Any thoughts?

Wednesday, 4 March 2009

Courting Disaster

I saw him for the first time when he brought his friend to mine. Introductions were made and from then on I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. As we were chatting away in the car I studied his side frame. Unlike most men he lacked side burns just the way I liked it. His skin was dark and smooth as that of a black panther. As if he knew I was looking at him he looked at me too and I was instantly drawn into his penetrating gaze. I noticed his eyelashes then, longer and fuller than that of Barbie. His delicate features drew me even more to him and I must have lost my trail of thought for a second there. Long and short of it was that I was staring at a very beautiful man and I fell in love at first sight.

I knew he was a no go for me because his friend was interested in me and they must have had their 'boy talk' about me but I still let him creep into my heart. I let my guard down when his first text came. Just when I though I had committed my attraction for him into oblivion, his text came and dredged up all those buried feelings. They came in just as rapidly as my replies and my heart never stopped its fast and thunderous beating neither did my anticipation for his replies wither. There marked the beginning of a beautiful relationship or so I thought.

The months that followed were beautiful and happy. I had a reason to wake up and to smile. He touched every angle of my heart and soul with his words and actions. He loved me like a woman should be loved and made me feel things I thought was impossible. Things moved on at a speed and it felt like we'd been together for years then came the bombshell. He is married. I should have known, single men don't come that complete and totally besotted to you. I should have seen this from afar but then I was too loved up to see. Even then common sense didn't kick in because I was too wrapped up in love to think straight. I knew I was doing something terrible but I couldn’t bring myself to let go. I loved this man and I just cant walk away not after all we'd shared. Yes it was only for about 3 or 4 months but those were the best period in my life in recent times. Love is a bad bad thing. I am not sure I want it to happen to me anymore.

As you would guess the honeymoon period was gradually nearing its end. He has to baby sit, go to the airport, do things at home. Things I couldn't share with him. His other life came first now. The times we saw lessened then I started to drift back into reality. Once again I am with the wrong man. A man that I loved truly but a man who could never be totally mine. I tried once, twice and then some more to get rid of him but I always went back. I had to try one more time and this time I had to be mean to him, make him hate me and hopefully he'd leave me alone for good since I can't seem to do it myself. I said mean things to him. Things that made him doubt I ever loved him. Things that really hurt him and perhaps shattered his ego. Then I committed him to the history books. I am still alive and breathing and went on to have a few more disastrous relationships.

Have a great week everyone.

Friday, 27 February 2009

Multi-Dating My Foot

Truth be told, I cant crack this multi-dating thing...that's the update.

How are you my very own peoples. I must first pay homage to whom homage is due. I say thank you for counting me worthy enough to still come round and read my rants even though I have been slack in my duties of timely updates and blog rounds. I also wanna say a massive thank you to those who have made my buddy RocNaija to feel rather welcome to our family. Kudos also to the brains behind Naija Bloggers Award. Una do well.

My adept followers will know about my resolve to go multi-dating in order to find THE ONE. Well Stop Press: Parakeet is still very much single. The multi-dating thing has not worked for two plausible reasons, one because I actually never got round to doing it and two because I just don’t get attracted to guys no more. Ehn…I don’t get attracted to girls either before you start thinking all those naughty thoughts. Even though I agreed to give both leggedese benz and mercedes benz brothers a chance for a date with moi, I just couldn't bring myself to follow up after such dates. There was just no motivation or energy even though for the most part these guys are perfect gentlemen.

I have decided to give up on dating and give up on men until I can reasonably start to 'feel' again. At least am not doing what most women do and blame men for my woes. I am just putting my hands up here to say that I am emotionally barren at the moment and no need leading a guy on who may just happen to have genuine interest. In the meantime though I shall be searching for answers as to why and how I got here. Has anyone out there been here before? Do we have a shrink in the house whom Parakeet may just speak to?

A girl needs some help here. I'm out in peace. Be back soon so have a great weekend everyone.

Tuesday, 17 February 2009

Would My Top Five Make Yours?

Hi everyone, hope I meet you well. Since I've been unable to blog I got someone new to blogville who is guest blogging for me today. Below is his ingenuity.

So she said.. "you're actually a good writer.. U ever considered blogging before?"
And I said..
"Thought about it once but never got round to doing it.. Besides who would read anyways..?''
"You should try it sometime.. You'll be surprised.."
"Really? Hmm.. Maybe I should guestblog for u and see how it goes" I said, jokingly
"Yeah sure! Not a problem.."

So two months later, its
RocNaija guestblogging for TheParakeet.

Amazing how the most 'off-the-cuff' conversations, strike a chord sometimes..
I tend to have mixed emotions when I talk 'off-the-cuff' with my people..
Ranges from being nostalgic.. to 'hmm-never-did-that-before'.. To 'I'm-glad-that-never-happened-to-me'

So I came up with a list.. Should be longer than it is but as we're in an era of downsizing..

The heat.. and mosquitoes.
I hate it when I'm in subzero degrees somewhere and the weatherwoman comes on saying ' still icy winds across europe.. But lagos is 30.. Abuja 35'And that buzz in ur ear.. The one where u slap yourself cos your half asleep.. Priceless!

When we were younger it was ''up! Nepa!'' But as the years piled on, we took to whispering 'oh nepa' in exasperation. Still... Better than saying ''oh phcn!'' (always thought they left out the vowels intentionally ;-) )

Yeah.. Odd one I know. But it's the first thing u notice when ur out of Naija for a bit..No okada's whizzing past with lorry horns attached.. No danfo's on pedestrian kerbs horns blaring.. No molues at breakneck speeds playing tunes with their horns..
Nothing.. Just absolute silence

The comedy skits.. The saxophone.. the enigma.. Nuff said.

Blowjob on kuramo beach..
Where did that come from? Heady akoka days & ranks under the never-did-that category.
If u want that story, you'll have to
click here.

So there u have it folks..

So what would u take off my list and swap with something else?
RocNaija signing off..

Monday, 9 February 2009

9 Days into February Happy New Month

'Iwo yi laro' (cant translate, soz) you Yorubas will say but I can only say make una no vex. I've been tied down with moving and stuff so no time to update or to reply to comments. I have been on the road a lot for someone who wants to stay indoors because of the cold. My mobile has become my best friend but unfortunately I couldnt update blogger from it. Imagine after taking time to type all the response to comments and the publish link just failed to activate. Google take note.

When I get a bit settled I promise to do my blog rounds and to update but for now just to let you know that I'm alive and well.

Have a good month everyone.

Saturday, 17 January 2009

Winter Is Such A Libido Killer

Ok Scratch libido and replace it with something along the lines of 'the urge to socialise or date as it were'.

Manners, sorry guys how una dey? For those in Nija hope the sun is not biting too much. One of my dates landed in Nija a few days ago and he couldn't stop moaning about how hot it was and how he felt he'd just die. That's what happens when you leave sub zero temperature and swap it for over 32 degrees. For those of us in the West namely Yankee and Jand we know all too well how the winter this year has been so harsh. Certainly doesn't give much credence to their global warming clap trap. Talk about GW, do you know what the two-faced back stabbing British government has done again? After slamming like £20 green tax on short haul flights and £4o on long haul to make people think twice about flying they then approved a third run way for Heathrow. Now they claim to be the environmental champions of the world by introducing things like HIP packs which could make your home almost unsell-able if found short of the energy standards stipulated in the pack and also the £400 road tax slammed on so called gas guzzlers. So how does destroying 700 homes and then building a 3rd runway that would see Heathrow retain its crown as world busiest airport comply with their very own fight to save the planet by cutting their own emission. Well I'm not surprised sha, only Labour will say they'd not increase institution tuition fee only for it to go up from £1150 that year to £3000 the following year. In fact I be mumu for still believing in this government and any other government for that matter. Who invented politics sef? We need to go exhume that dude's body and kill him again 10 times over.

Sorry, manners again, so back to todays post. Remember the long epistle that was my last post where I was trying to prove hard and saying am going out there to multi date. Well it hasn't happened. E be like say God wan teach me lesson as I no dey meet dudes with cars anymore. Well that isn't God's fault really but most of those guys with cars have pot bellies and me and pot bellies no dey see eye to eye. Anyways all the guys on my radar now are tall and slim just the way I like them but no car and that just messes things up. I've been turning down lets go to the movie requests and bar requests like American Embassy refusing Nigerian's visa. The thing don tire me o and its not like am one high maintenance girl, I'm just lazy. How am I suppose to find better boyfriend if I cant be bothered to socialise? Any thoughts on this? You see I'm happy to meet up after work and such but they work at different times and that just makes it impossible. Once am home at the weekend nothing fit carry me comot house o, not in that biting cold unless of cos it's of utmost importance and e be like say socialising no dey that important level...yet.

Anyway this is a formal announcement that Parakeet cannot take any dating applications for now until summer which on a second thought defeats my purpose of having a spanking hot guy by then. What can a woman do eh? I hate this country sometimes!

Wednesday, 7 January 2009

Ladies Have the Right to Watch Their Backs

Hello everyone, I hope the good year started on a good note for us all. Mine has been good so far. Finally got some answers and I truly feel I can move on from some things now which lays the background to this post.

For someone who has been intermitently single for the most part of 9 months my dating tactics actually suck. Now I want to date and now I don’t want to and when I do decide to date I concentrate on just the one which often leads to me losing out completely because while am concentrating on getting to know this one guy I pay no attention to the other guys and then I end up not really liking this guy and by that time these other guys have lost interest or whatever. Being the lucky girl that I am its not too difficult finding someone else who is interested but then the cycle repeats itself and the result is the same.

So I have decided for the new year that I am gonna multi date. Did I hear people halla! Yes halla but that is the way to go after learning some harsh realities. For that guy who is currently asking me out and reading this post, sorry you’re not the only one am gonna be having drinks with or going to the movies with. You see men for a long time have always practised the 'keeping my options open' dating tactic and I don’t see why I cant or other women cant. One of the major lessons I learnt last year and that am taking with me is that love for a man is different for a woman. We just feel and act love differently and in as much as I've always wanted to believe that love is universal in feeling and in actions, I've had to just admit to myself that I have been wrong all along.

Armed with this new knowledge I'm ready to explore the dating scene. I'd have a meal with Goke, go for a walk with Ike, catch a movie with Paul and go dancing with Dapo for as long as I can carry it on without sex being involved and when I am definitely sure of what's going down with ONE then I'll take the plunge. There will always be risks so I am not saying that my new multi dating tactic will completely eliminate risks. What I intend to do is mitigate the risks as much as I can and make an informed choice before taking the plunge. Concentrating on dating one man which eventually leads to a relationship does not work for me although it took me this long for my thick brain to grasp that.

A friend of mine who is married told me this long ago but I always said to her that I coulnd't handle the distraction. You see one of the things I worry about is a man not trusting me. Taking too many calls or busy sending tons of text messages while in the company of a date always seem to me as not only disrespectful but I feel it makes you look like someone who her interests vested in too many men. You know how men's minds work. But then I am also there thinking if I don’t take this other guy's call or reply his text immediately he's gonna think I'm up to no good and not trust me. But I've since found out that making oneself too available for a man is not good in the first place. If a man is insecured enough to think that the reason your phone is off or you didn’t pick his call and reply to his text is because you're busy shacking up with another man, then you don’t need that kind of a man in your life anyway. He is going to end up making your life hell one way or the other when you guys get together so why even bother. Besides why do I care about a guy's feelings so much whether or not we are an item when he wouldn’t think twice before he stabs my own feelings.

So now its everyone to their own. If one of my multi dates gets wind of my tactics and does not like it then he's free to take a hike. Someone else will surely come along. No more would I care so much about a guy's feeling that I will compromise on getting what I want. When I finally get the ONE, I just have to hope that I have made the right choice. I'll keep you posted on my progress. Have a good one guys.

Saturday, 3 January 2009

Happy New Year

I hope the year brings us all what we wish for and more.

I dont suppose I've been gone from blogville for that long yet so much has happened. Change they say is the only constant and how true. So many people have gone private like Archiwiz and Mizchif and some like Naapali and Unwritten have removed their blogs completely. Naijalines has  shiny new template that I really dig but for the life of me I cant seem to locate where to comment. I hope all is well in the homes of everyone with all these changes. I dont know whether they're positive or not but I am sure they know best.

I have been MIA myself and that's because I have been living life in a different sort of way. Life for me in the past few months has been in my head and while I have been doing a lot of brainstorming, I have also been getting physically active by clubbing. 

As usual I do not have any resolutions but I have one major target this year. I'm envisaging it will be achieved towards the last quarter of the year so I will fill you guys in on it once it has been achieved.

Some things though. 
*I am going to chase all those men that are not husband material away. I dont wanna know. Is it me or are men just becoming worse and worse. 
*I dont wanna hear any more stories about how you have a rotten marriage. You laid your bed so shall you lie on it. 
*As for the single brothers who dont know what they want, well go play the field else where. *For the seemingly good men who have good intentions but I dont like, I am sorry I just simply do not like you. I will no longer listen to your pleas about how I'll never regret marrying you or dating you. I wonder how many men a girl can marry or date. I would rather stay single than be with someone I dont like, love or what not but thankfully I wont have to do that. Hopefully. 
*I'll try not to moan too much about work anymore and just enjoy it as much as I can. 
*I'll stop accusing God of being partial and I'll pray more for my friends in need than myself.

Happy new year, happy new you!