Tuesday, 28 October 2008

Mother Daughter Talk

This is my first proper post in over a month I guess and there's so much to talk about but I'll try to keep it concise.

First shall I tackle the curiousity about Enigma, he may not appreciate this but it has to be done. Some people are asking how I knew it was him and what I mean by he's tight. Enigma and I have a mutual friend who had told me before that he had another friend who was also a blogger. So it was our mutual friend's bday bash this weekend and Enigma and I got introduced and the rest is history. When I say he's tight I mean his pseudonym is befitting of him. He may not have the conventional Will Smith look but he does have a presence you cant ignore and he carries himself immaculately. So to me that is tight...I hope I've laid all that curiousity to rest. And Enigma no vex for putting you out there like this.

Back to today's post....

Mum: Temidayo you know you're five years old and no longer a baby
Temi: Oh no mum, what have I done again?
Mum: You haven't done anything my dear. I just need to speak to you about something very important.
Temi: As long as its not about me not tying my shoe lace properly
Mum: You naughty girl...ehm how do I even start.
Temi: From the middle
Mum: (sighs)...ehm I want to talk to you about men and women
Temi: What about them?
Mum: You see there will come a time when you will have your own little Temi
Temi: (Tantrums) but mum I'm just a baby
Mum: (Looking worried)...I know my dear. I'm just trying to prepare your mind
Temi: My mind for what...?
Mum: Okay maybe this is not a good time, I'll talk to you later
Temi: (Now upset) but mum I wanna know now.
Phone rings, mum picks call...life saver...end of story.

How do you broach the topic of sex with a 5year old? They are proposing sex education in Britain's secondary schools and perhaps to primary school pupils as well who could be as young as 5. There's been debates whether it is safe or not to start with kids that young. How do you even begin to teach sex, love and relationship to someone as young as that. Admittedly I liked a boy as the tender age of 7 but it was just 'like' and he was much older so all I wanted him to do was read to me and take me for walks. Sex never crossed my mind and I remember vividly being highly embarrassed when we were watching soaps that depicted couples kissing. Even at that age I knew it was not something meant for a girl my age.

While I feel sex education is great I believe introducing it to children as young as 5 is too early. By God they have not even reached puberty yet so why not wait until then to explain the changes in their bodies and relate that to sex, marriage and love? That's my opinion but what do you guys think? Should children be taught sex, love and relationship education from the age of 5?

Enjoy your week.

34 comments:

rayo said...

my neighbours six year old daughter came to me one day nd told me, my teacher said 'if any boy or uncle touches ur bombom, tell ur mommy and tell him to stop'. i think its a start, little things like that. kids these days know more about sex and such stuff than i knew at that age and u'd be shocked to hear a 7 year old girl talking about a classmate who wants to be her 'boyfriend', she knows something and so telling her mor for her own protection is probably the best way to go.

QMoney said...

....gg off to read!!

QMoney said...

oops,dat was am 2nd..gg off to read.
i dnt tink sex shd be taught at dat tender age abeg.wetin?they shd be learning rhymes and knowing God and knowing right from wrong.
it could be intro in secondary school though...like d SS1 class cos i hear of gals of 13 gettin preg dis days and they dont even know..

aloted said...

5 year old ke...i feel that is too young...i agree with rayo... on starting with the little talks...and with Qmoney on what to concentrate on at that age...children should be read bed time stories including bible stories, if you are a christian...

but the actually sex sex talk...haba...no o..

nawa for these oyinbo people,,,they have come again o

miz-cynic said...

normally i would have also screamed....5 year old ke but men these days i will tell my daughter at least tht if any man ...esp. older touches her bombom...she should tell a family member or at the vey least moi. her mom!.

FFF said...

u r lucky sef. all d sex education i got was: men are bad! lol

am one 4 parents talking abt sex as openly as is age appropriate. in dat case, telling a 5 year old abt sex is a little too much. well, in a way it does depend on d circumstances. a young child who is potentially being exposed to wrong people who could abuse should know something abt 'good touches' & 'bad touches'. my sister discovered dat her 16 year old adopted son was flashing her 3 year old daughter cos d girl was somehow aware dat 'brother bringing out his penis 2 show her' isn't right & as such informed my sister abt it. really, it depends on wot d children r being told.

Rita said...

What exactly is sex education?

If it is to tell my child not to allow someone touch him/her in certain areas and why it is not good, and what should be done if such a thing happens, that's fine for a young child.

But talking about reproductive organs, copulation, condoms, etc, then for me, it is a big NO for a child who has not yet reached puberty. They need to be mature enough to handle the information.

Tigeress said...

Enigma na wa o. If i didn't know you, i wld have tried to find a way to look for you. When i see in Dec. i'll try and look at u with different eyes. lmho!

yeh, i heard of the sex education thing. I'm totally against it and feel it should not be taught till the age where they can actually comprehend the whole concept. But at the same time, they should be made aware of improper touching.

Afronuts said...

Im not sure if this is the age to start teaching kids such things.
Why can't it be until their early teens?

Or could it be because early teens are also getting pregnant?
I think there must be some logical expalanation to embark on such a decision.

ShonaVixen said...

I agree with Rayo, kids these days are growing up faster...i think the lil talk about the touching, petting by older folks is wrong, my 7yr old niece is very much aware of whats going on, she's inquisitive too (i thought i was an inquisitive kid but she puts me to shame)...but i think 5 is way too young..

ShonaVixen said...

and u're so wrong!!!party wiv on point guys and u dont call ShonaVixen???M angry o....but glad to have ma gurl back!!!xoxo

Parrot said...

i think 5 is a bit too young but the parents should be able to pick d ideal time..y..because development varies..yes they are growing up quickly but each parent can determine when to start talking to her child by herself..

Abbie said...

I agree but for the fact that we live in different times where YOU HAVE TO TALK TO YOUR KID as early as possible. Too many predators and pediphiles out there just to make them aware. The birds and the bees can probably wait until puberty but the warning should start as soon as they are able to speak. I'm sure you've heard stories out there of men molesting girls as young as three?

geisha.song. said...

i think it should be watered down for kids that young, but they need to be aware.
parents already do have that talk with their kids; i mean there's so much child molestation going on. at least if they know that it is a bad thing they might be able to alert their parents about it.

Sola Folowosele said...

nice posting, thought-provoking too

Funms said...

wow, 5yrs? sounds too early but i dont blame them.... most of these kids know what it is thanks to the media and society at large..... thats what d world is turning into. at 5, i was learning twinkle twinkle little star.....

btw hun, wheres afrobabe? hope she's aiight?

Naija Idol said...

i think its way tooo young. They havent hit puberty yet.when i was 7 too, my brothers friend used to tell me i was his wife. i secretly liked him sha but i didnt even know wat sex was. i knew bout kissin and ish tho.

They can drop little hints but not telling them bout vaginas, condoms nd ish.

Ms Sula said...

We were 4, my cousin and I, and my aunt (my mom's sister and my cousin's mom) was pregnant. We used to spend all of our holidays/vacation together. This time it was at my aunt's house. Of course being the curious little wonders we were, we asked Auntie S. why was her belly growing like that. This is what she said.

Auntie S:When a man loves a woman very very much (like Uncle/Daddy and I love each other), they get married (hey we're catholics, lol!). Then it comes a point when the husband gives his wife a special grain to show her that he loves her very much.
Sula: A grain like an Orange seed?
Auntie S: Yes, similar to an orange seed. And then the wife swallows the grain, and it grows in her belly to become a beautiful baby girl or boy. Just like you girls.
Cousin: So you have a baby in your belly?
Auntie S: Yes dear.


I remember exactly where we were sitting, how it sounded so marvelous and lovely, and almost fairy-tale like. I reminded her last time about that nugget of knowledge she gave us, she had even forgotten!

There is a way to explain sexual relationships/encounters to children without veering into the inappropriate. I believe most parents don't venture there because they have their own unresolved issues about sex.

So no, I don't think 5 year old is too young to be educated about sex. The problem for me is WHO is doing the teaching. I'll rather do it myself than let a teacher I don't know do it.

(I need to stop writing posts in comments section, dang! :))

LusciousRon said...

I don't think 5 is too young. Kids these days watch way too much stuff on tv and the internet.
You would be surprised at what they know already.
When I was 6, I knew about sex because I had a cousin staying with us, every afternoon she comes home with her boyfriend and they do sturvs.
She tells me to go to the neighbour's house or something but one day she thought I had gone but I was still in the house and I saw evrything.
It became a regular and I just told my mum about it one day and she discussed it with me. I am glad she did. I didn't have to contend with all the half truths about sex I heard at puberty I was very well informed. I also read my first Mills & Boon at age 7.

tankojjetty said...

teach them now...
as soon as possible...
cause they got tv...
they got the internet...
better hearing it from mummy or daddy's mouth early on...
but leave out the "you'll get pregnant if a guy touches you " bit...lol

Standtall said...

Sex education is not too early for a 5 yr old.

Talking sex is different from teaching sex education. If parents dont let the kids understand their body and why they are not to be touched and so on, tehy will surely get the info thru other means

bumight said...

you would be surprised at what 5 year olds know.
i think 3 year olds should know what good touch and bad touch is.

there was one day i was watching one of the cartoon channels and the whole program was about one girl that wanted to kiss some guy in her class!

these kids are exposed to things early. of course at 5 years of age, they dont need to know the nitty gritty of sex, but they need to know that it is wrong so that one yeye uncle will not come and say "do you want to lick ice-cream".

aloted said...

@bumight- abeg which one be "do you want to lick icecream" again o..

men i am learing some new things from the comments on this post...hmmm

AnyaPosh said...

wow...at 5 yrs old! well, at 5 i was kissing boys and playing hide and seek, so i don't think it's far-fetched to start doing sex ed for these youngsters. Abeg, the earlier the better. Let them know about birth control and STDs at least.

ibiluv said...

5-too young
10 is cool

but its aiight to tell a 5yr old....dont let ANYONE touch u.......

naijalines said...

I'm with Rita on this one.

Favoured Girl said...

I think after the age of 4, kids start becoming aware of their bodies, so they should be taught to be aware of people trying to touch them in a wrong way. And also you'll be surprised at what is shown on kids TV these days. A five-year old can easily be enticed or misinformed by the media so it's up to parents to give them the right age-appropriate information about sex. When my niece was six years old, she started questioning her parents on why they kiss and stuff like that. It depends on the child's maturity though. I hope I would know my child well enough to know when to start talking to them.

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

I think there is a misconception that sex education is all about actually having sex. Its not. Sex education is about relationships, what is and is not appropriate touching etc, sexual hygiene, the differences between boys and girls etc. I dont think teachers are idiots who will jus stand in front of 5yr olds and start saying oh you can fcuk this way or that way. I totally agree that sex education should be taught earlier than it currently is. The taboos around sex need to be removed thats why children are raped and molested without everyone having a clue whats going on. Understanding about sex and having it are too different things. Talking about it might ensure that children have the correct information and will actually remove some of the novelty around sex, knowledge is power

talesandtallies said...

I think the media has a lot to do with infiltrating the thoughts of young ones these days... censoring the type of friends she has and stuff she watches on tv is really important without being strict is rili important*am i contradicting myself or wat?*lol

sha sha... as far as you let her know she is free to talk to you about anything at all, she will open up when the time is right

OluwaDee said...

I dont even know.

I feel its better to wait till they hit puberty.

But I'll tell my kids; "'if any boy or uncle touches ur bombom or kisses u, tell ur mommy and tell him to stop'"

ablackjamesbond said...

I also think Rita is on point here.

Parakeet said...

@ALL...the comments here are interesting to read and though there are varied, they are all geared towards the common good. If I were to summarise these thoughts I would say that we've mostly agreed that 5 year olds shud know the basics abt touching or perhaps unusual sexual behavior but the really nitty gritty involving sexual encounters between men and women should be avoided until at least puberty.

Fair enough!

Doja said...

@ Rayo.. reading your comment just reminded me of why I would NOT want my daughter to be taught sex education.
There are many reasons why a boy or uncle would accidentally touch someone else bum bum and asking a child to tell mum might lead to a situation where someone is being labeled a pervert incorrectly.

Little kids talk a lot, so if parents build a relationship of trust with their little kids, I think the children will casually mention it that someone touched them.

30+ said...

I agree with Ms Sula's Aunt, that is the best way.

But Doja on the other hand you want to be careful.