Monday, 20 April 2009

Communication! Communication!! Communication!!!

I really cant over state that this is needed in every area of our lives. Even though most of us know this we still do not practice it. What brings me to this post? It was the removal man that helped me move on Friday. I had been disappointed by a friend who had promised to help me move. When he couldnt do it I called my standby as I figured it may happen and he too gave stories about doing the move in his small car so he asked me to get a man and a van which he paid for and he even came to help me do the packing and unpacking.

The van man was a very talkative but intelligent Bangladeshi man. He told us about his vast land in his home and all the extended family that rely on him as the head of the house. He said they see him as a millionnaire because he has a flourishing removal business but little did they know that he was neck deep in debts. His wife doesn't work so he has sole responsibility of everything and everyone. He was one of those people that took out mortgages with fake employment so it turned out he couldn't afford to pay his mortgage anymore. In the wake of the credit crunch things became really bad but his wife kept on spending money on the same level as she was before. He said he was never rich but now he is even poorer than he was but his wife didn't seem to care and one day they had a row and he asked her to go get a job.

He said she came back home one day only to have found a cleaning job of £10 an hour but they could only afford to give her 2 hours a day meaning she only makes £20 a day. By the time they deducted how much it will cost her to travel she would be left with just £10. Of cos that was nothing so he asked her to stay home but watch how she spends. He then went on to give a glowing remark about how her spending had reduced and how understanding she had been since his financial situation came to light.

I said to him that his wife was never an unreasonable woman. As long as he continued to make out he is rich then she will spend. It's a simple formular really. If I know a well that never dries, will I not go there to fetch all the time as much as I want rather than if I knew a well could dry up? I told him that his wife ought to have been his partner in life therefore she should be kept abreast of everything that's going on with him including the true picture of his finances. It just made me remember two of my exs and why we broke up. Men need to put communication before pride. A problem shared they say is half solved and I'm sure when a man opens up it doesn't get him ridicule from his significant other.

So the message today is communicate with your spouse/partner and you'll be suprised at how relieved you will be. Have a great and blessed week everyone.

34 comments:

kmplx said...

amen amen! infact, mek i quick bring microphone for you! una don hear!

Anonymous said...

thank you so much.this post is on point. communication is the key..

Afrobabe said...

I am certainly not first

L-VII said...

You are right about this, I think one should be honest about one's financial capabilities. He ought not to try to save face for his family or his wife, it's not really worth it.

Communicating with one's partner prolongs the life span of any relationship..

ShonaVixen said...

LOL@Afro!!!!
You are so right...communication is key!!!
In the meantime go claim your behind at Afro's page...LOL!!!!!!!

Phoenix said...

Funny you should put this up now.
Been needing to have a talk with Zamunda but been stalling.
FInally got to do it 2 days ago.
Things have been even more amazing!

cerberus said...

very well said

Tigeress said...

yeh Afro- u aint first.

Parakeet- didnt know u were moving. How did the move go? Settling in alright? living alone or in with flat mates?

I'll be moving ending of May......havent decided where to.

mizchif said...

True talk. Proper communication always helps. Less assumptions are made that way.

Meanawyl, what's ur email add? I want to send in a request!

doll said...

word

Writefreak said...

I am in 100 percent agreement with this post...one of the things i'm thankful for my Mr about, he always lets me know what's going on! and vice versa!

My World said...

Abeg tell them o...
Its 1 thing about us that guys jst dnt get..

Temite said...

You know I agreee but sometimes we also need to keep a sense of wonder and adoration in our spouses eyes. while it would be comforting to share everything, I still want absolute wonder when he looks at me.

CultureCynic said...

SPEAK ON IT!!!!!!!!! guys always try to subsribe to that "breadwinner" bizness which is all kosher but like u said if you dont let a girl know well might dry up, why wld she mellow down and take it easy!! i esp tout this for married ppl/live in couples.....talk it out, or someone is gonna smart up and walk it out.

well done!!!

ibiluv said...

in a marraige and keeping secrets about finances???????

he finally saw the light!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Afrobabe said...

Will take the message on board once I get me a partner!!!

Nice Anon said...

It is one thing to communicate with someone and then having that person stick to what you talked about. Communication is huge and we all need that in our lives.

RocNaija said...

..And you do and your words are used as a weapon against you the first time you have a misunderstanding..

Trust me on this one.. I know..

You can't blame some men for clamming up..

Smaragd said...

I couldnt agree more. infact one of my love languages is communication! we just gats to talk mehn, as in...

BUT i cant blame this man entirely, is the wife an illiterate? she did not hear about the credit crunch abi? that she was spending yafun yafun.

that said, u still havent answered the qstn i have been asking u repeatedly o Ms Parakeet. i'm not asking again sef *does "asko" to u*.

aloted said...

hmmm this post made sense ...a lot of sense

Buttercup said...

Well said. I can attest to the power of communication..

Buttercup said...

Dunno if my comment went through, my phone is acting up. Anyhoos, I was like, I can attest to the power of communication. You cudnt have said it any better.

Have a fab week yourself!

Freddie said...

Hmmm... communicating financial matters in a one party system (other party not working) is necessary but a slippery road to thread. "No form big man jump enter lagoon". Thread with full "gentinecity, sensinecity and carefinecity". Or else u'll be wearing the "native g-string" soon (pata olokun)... If I dey lie make I baff naked!

bumight said...

if you and your spouse cannot be honest and open about financial issues, then houston! we have a problem.

its one of two things:
1. u tell her, she understands, the world is a happy place.
2. u tell her, she ridicules you...maybe u need to reevaluate (before the marriage level sha)

QMoney said...

lemme jus add dat Communication isnt just lettin the partner know wasup,d way it is delivered is also very important.infact the most important,no offence intended but d female folk have a way of saying things d wrong way,d whole sharp tongue thing......

tankojjetty said...

you're so right on all 3 counts...
communication should come before pride...

applys to me too o...

i be big boy o, but even big boy ni wan ba (big boy get grade)...

even jay z make sure say the woman wey him dey do (beyonce) work pass am...

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

True you can say it again but I never told one of my ex's how much I earned and had saved coz he was always broke and in debt, I always prepared to be broke and in debt too even though i wasnt coz i didnt want to be lending him money 24/7.....selfish i know

Confessions of a London gal said...

"Men need to put communication before pride."
That right there is the main koko, now if only they can actually understand that!!

Nice one Parakeet!

LusciousRon said...

True talk. But are women prepared to hear the truth?

blazing said...

yep! deception never pays,not at any level.always nice to be here

Uzezi said...

u hit the nail right on the position. exactly.

Uzezi said...

lol @ Miss Definitely Maybe. I understand what you are saying, but really there should be other ways to discipline such a partner that will eventually help him/her out of such habit

Tairebabs said...

Although I believe that communication is key in every relationship, I also believe that every human being is entitled to have secrets but when it comes to finances I think it is important to share that information with your spouse.

StandTall-The Activist said...

Communication is the key really.

Congrats our lady journalist!