So says Hebrew 13:4.
Wow I cant believe it's been a month since I blogged. I hope everyone is well. Thanks very much for the comments in my last post and apologies for not responding personally.
A lot has been going on since my time away and most has been in the area of my emotional development. Not so much spiritual as most of you will think from my subject line. I went to church on Sunday after like 2 months and I was blessed. But no this post is not about the sermon that came from the pulpit.
This post is about a realisation. Something that somehow found its way into my mind considering the haziness that has been the state of it for a while. The day I let that thing slide into me 8 years ago was the day I took a step in the wrong direction. Somehow it has taken me a whole 8 years to realise this and to start to put right.
This as you will have gathered by now is having sex before marriage. It messes up so much but I don't think I knew how much. Even though I grew up in a very strict and religious home as most of us and was well aware the dangers of having premature sex, I still did it anyway. The moment I gained my freedom, it was the first thing I dabbled into with the same naive conviction that this is the man I am going to marry. 8 years on with a number of sexual partners under my belt, alas! I am still unmarried.
It is not the unmarried part that bothers me, it is the pieces of me that my previous sexual partner has taken with them as they move on with their respective lives that riles me. It is the fact that yet another man has seen my nakedness and not made a good woman of me. It is a depressing thought and it has left its toll on me without me paying much notice. I have come to the point now that I am sure sex is meaningless. So much ado about nothing but a mere gratification of sheer animalistic lust. It doesn't even help that every man I tend to meet these days just wants to jump straight into bed and not interested in my mind or anything else.
I ask myself is it too late to say no more to sex with another partner I am not married to? Like what man will take me serious these days if I said no sex until marriage especially as I am not a virgin? What right have I got to tell a potential to wait until the wedding night before he can go the whole nine yards? So now I feel this trepidation, that in the end because I did what I should have done last first, I may have lost a chance to put it right.
However there's this steely determination in me to just go ahead and shun sex. Too late or not I do not have any more desire to have sex with a man I am not married to and I am not looking at this from a religious point of view at all. I just don't think having sex will sort out any problems I have right now especially my apathy to relationship and marriage so I am staying off and if any potential is not happy with my decision he knows where the door is.
Necking is welcome though...wink* wink** wink***. Have a good one guys.
