Monday, 1 March 2010

Some Friends

...do go past their sell by dates.

In the past 2 weeks I've had some profound experiences and they are all connected to people that I call friends. It is nothing new that different friends play different roles in our lives, while some are important, most one can live without. I have a habit of calling everyone 'friend' but it's purely for lack of something better to call them. The ones I chat to almost weekly but hardly see, the one's I've never met but exchange emails with, the ones I went to school with, ones I met randomly. They are all friends but different kind of friends. Some of them I can't even stand either for their aggressiveness, inconsistencies or whatever but I put up with them anyway. Lately however, I've asked myself, why? Some friends I actually care deeply about and wish us to be closer but I hardly make a concerted effort to make that happen, again I ask why?

One pattern I've noticed about me is that the people who come through for me at the most dire times are those distant friends. Distant in the sense that I don't know them very well, we hardly hang out or even communicate. Only lately did I have one friend that I know she's done more for me and I've trusted more than I've trusted anyone in my entire life. Generally I've just lived my life meeting different people who have had both good and bad impacts in my life and those I question why I met in the first place.

Last week I was out of town in a foreign land and one of those I'll call a distant friend was there for me. I was extremely surprised about his magnanimity and that of his wife. This is someone I hadn't even picked my phone to call in a year until the week I was due to take my flight. I only just called him to let him know I was going to be in the neck of his wood but he dropped everything to show me round and keep me company. I'm still left wondering if I could do the same for someone I don't know very well.

This week however, another friend I've had for about 7 years let me down. He simply couldn't be happy for me with regards to certain developments in my life and that hurt me real bad. But I've asked my God to surprise him and sooner rather than later he'd be sorry. Sometimes we think certain people are our friends when in actual fact they are simply jealous of us. Some even think they are better than you while others are just interested in sharing the latest gossip with you. When you really look at it you have very little in common so why bother with the so-called friendship in the first place?

Today I celebrate friends, true friends. The ones worth having, the ones who love you in-spite of your flaws, the one who plan your future with you, the ones who laugh and cry with you, the ones who share silly nothings as well as the serious stuff with you, the ones you never see but who's got your back no matter what, the ones who scold you when needed and do not shy away from the truth, the ones who you feel comfortable to bare your heart and soul to. To Afrobabe and the special man in my life.

11 comments:

qmoney said...

Hmmm,welcome to my world indeed......i have felt like this before,i think i even blogged about it.e go better.congrats on ur man......wish u d very best

BBB said...

i am telling u, differentiating btween true friends and the ones that are just there in good times is so hard.
especially the ones who are just jealous and wish u harm so ud go below them in life......

we need infinite wisdom to weed them out
cheers to true friends

AlooFar said...

It's nice to have good friends.

NoLimit said...

I feel you on this post...choosing frineds wisely is quite important and when you have true friends...it is awesome!

Sting said...

Wow.... i loved this and totally agree with u. My older sister has warned me seriously to stop calling everyone "friend". I have had to learn the hard way abt that and i'm still learning.

LucidLilith said...

Good post. Well said. As you pointed out, people will surprise you from time to time.

musco said...

nice post.

...but true friends are rare!

Rita said...

I join you in celebrating friends...and my warmest regards to Afrobabe and the special man in your life.

Long time and take care...

kuesooM said...

I can so relate!

William Bond said...

Good introspection, I have been going through the very same things in life. I lived in Vegas most of my life and had a handful of friends that I thought where true friends only to find out that when I moved to be with my future bride in Michigan I was soon out of sight and out of mind. When I try to contact them they can't be bothered and it is a put on airs, so I am left feeling why bother.

Nemesiz said...

I can certainly relate to your feelings about friendship. leaving aside for a moment the fact that I am in fact one of your "friends" :)

I liked this in particular:

"It is nothing new that different friends play different roles in our lives, while some are important, most one can live without. I have a habit of calling everyone 'friend' but it's purely for lack of something better to call them."

It is indeed a rare thing to have a friend i.e. one that merits the title "friend" in the real sense of the word. In fact, I think it's a privilege! The fact is, in life, when the time comes to carry your cross, you're most likely to do so alone. This is why it is important to spend some time by yourself and not be dependent on others. But the key to avoiding disappointment, though, is to have low expectations..and never expect anyone to whom you are a real friend to be that back to you...

..and remember this always...

Friendship Aside, Only Freedom is Sacred (Olu Omoyele).


Yours,

Nemesiz