Wednesday, 7 April 2010

Easter

...It's essence is lost on me. I don't know the real reason for this and I'm not about to dish out blames on the commercialisation of the birth and resurrection of Jesus Christ by Westerners but I just know the period doesn't mean what it used to mean to me. There was a time when Easter meant a recalling of my sins to mind, a conscious effort not to participate in the persecution of Jesus Christ by eating meat on Good Friday and a true repentance of my sins on Easter Sunday followed by a heart felt celebration of the risen Lord on Easter Monday. That used to be me. Being catholic, I would have fasted one way or the other during lent and went for benediction every single day. I hated it but I felt a need to do it because after spending an hedonistic year eating and doing whatever I liked, I felt this was a time for me to be sober and be more reflective of how my actions may have displeased God and my fellow human.

This Good Friday gone, I spent the better part of the day driving from South Wales to England enjoying the comfort of the rented car I was driving, I had no care in the world and I totally forgot that some thousand years ago, as a Christian, someone died for me in order that I may have life and live it abundantly. After the tiresome drive, to show how insignificant the day had become to me, I cooked that night and ate meat. The moment I finished my meal I then remembered, OMD I just ate meat! Too late! The sheepish smile from my Muslim boyfriend did little to console me.

Saturday went by uneventful and I swore I was going to attend church on Easter Sunday. It was the least I could. However yours truly didn't wake up until 11:25 the following morning when church service was already underway. The baffling thing was that I did not feel any guilt, neither did I feel like I was missing out on anything. Now this is a far cry from who I used to be. I used to take church and my prayers very seriously. So what happened to me? Is it the environment or the fact that I'm so disillusioned by church and its activities rather than be inspired by it? I have developed such an acute sense of listening to my Pastor's teaching and I find myself I picking out everything he says. These days I tend to sift through the words, jotting down the ones I agree with and silently chastising him for the ones I feel are more 'Sales man type speech'. I never used to be that way. Before, everything my Pastor said was the word of God and even if it didn't sound right I just make it right in my head.

Am I well and truly backslidden or is this some sort of the awareness that I should just go with?

10 comments:

doll said...

muslim boyfriend? come and give us the gist..how have you been though

I agree with you, that the whole event has been over-commercialised. however, i think one can still re-live the essence of the day and the significance to every individual remains a strong indicator of the level one's relationship with God is

BBB said...

you not alone
while am not a actholic
so i never used to practice lent or no meat on good friday
but i really do feel my christian life is on the downlow......

UBIUDUE (Nigeria's marketplace) said...

i feel u BBB, nid to step it up.

Jaycee said...

Maybe you are getting more mature in the sense that you feel Easter is not really about "not eating meat" on Good Friday. Shouldn't life be deeper than that?

What would life be if we didn't have questions? Answer: perfect. But it isn't...and so we have questions about everything...and so we hunger and we thirst...and then our questions eventually get answered. Hmmm...life!

Funms-the rebirth said...

u know i feel the same way.... like it seems i cant be bothered and certain traditions in Christianity has lost its meaning.....
so my sister has a boyfriend? i expect a detailed email ASAP...miss uuuuuuu

Myne Whitman said...

I think you need to ask yourself some questions because Christianity is not about what pastor said, or eating meat or going to church on Sunday. It is a personal relationship with God.

All the best and give us gist.

My world said...

happy belated easter,dear :-)

Jennie Lee said...

There is definitely a growing apathy toward religion out there. It sounds like you are confused by your own personal apathy and, at least one some level, desire to change. The change has to come from within your heart - a desire to do things not because someone has told you to, but because you want to know and to love God.

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

I was too busy being sick and worried about a sick child for most of that weekend. But, in the midst of it all we found time to spend quality time together and I appreciate that aspect of all holidays.

Anyway, just came by to check in on ya. Happy belated Easter and update with the info abeg.

=)

Jaycee said...

Did I tell you I went scouting for "Parakeet" on twitter and found hundreds of them and didn't know which one was you? LOL