Wednesday, 4 August 2010

How True?

So I have a pertinent question or two to ask.

Is it true that Nigerian women (living in Nigeria) will not leave their husbands if they find out he has a mistress? Basically, while pursuing my personal passion, I had the priviledge of hanging out with Tuface and his crew on Saturday night and this line of discussion broke out. Tuface's Manager stated with confidence that he is yet to meet a woman in Nigeria who would leave her husband solely because he was cheating and he had enough backing from the rest of the guys. He continued by saying that leaving your husband for cheating is mostly a western idea and that only young women who live abroad or have cultivated Western culture will do such a thing.

Something else I found irksome was a lady within the group who said her husband is free to do whatever he likes but she must not find out about it. She said she cannot expect her husband not to cheat but he must not bring it home. Now this is a lady that lives here in the UK and she seems to think it's the way most married Nigerian women think too. Is this valid?

I know a lot has changed in Nigeria since moving here seven years ago. I mean folks now leave University and walk straight into jobs within multi-national companies, the average person now has access to loans to finance a new car and more people are generally more well off than there were a decade ago. Off the back of that are stories of men and women cheating on their partners without a care in the world and how divorces are rife amongst newly married couples in Nigeria now. So everything is moving rather fast so I would naturally assume that women would have bought into the idea of leaving a cheating husband and fully expect the fidelity that comes with marriage from their spouses. I am not saying this is the right thing to do or not. I just wondered how accurate their assumptions are so guys let's discuss.


Onose said...

first off, that lady from the UK is S.T.U.P.I.D. I will never make an excuse for a man as to why hes cheating " oh hes a man, thats what they do' you can cancel all that. Cheating should not tolerated from either party. I guess shes right because in a sense her hubby can do whatever he wants because its not her he has to answer to when its all said and done, its God.

doll said...

well i think its largely true. the consensus amoungst women folk is that men will alway cheat, be it husband or boyfriend, some see it blatantly and turn a blind eye, its just sad.

I believe every relationship should have deal breakers, whether cheating is one of it or not, is now the individual's prerogative, for me it is

Myne Whitman said...

I think it is unfair to think there would be a one stand for everyone. I have seen older married women who left their husbands for infidelity as well as young ones. At the same time, a lot of women tolerate cheating husbands and that's their prerogative too. Let's stop from trying to box women into boxes, accepting a man/husband for more than just his unfaithfulness does not mean a woman is backward. Even in the west, women stay with cheaters, e.g Hilary Clinton. Let us remember that the vows during a marriage include more than just faithfulness.

miz-cynic said...

personall the only reason i will not leave a cheating ma is if i hv kids
ultimately i woul not want them to be unsble by leaving my family but tht guy shd just kno tht its over for us emotionally.

Qmoney said...

I totally agree with doll and myne,every relationship should have a deal-breaker and cheating might not be it for some people...having a different stand doesnt make one stupid/backward

From the religious point of view,that's what pastor bimbo's mission statement was.In the old testament,one could leave their hubby cos of infidelity but it's not that way in the new testament.

All in all,i dont think one should give their spouse that attitiude of "you can cheat" but if he does....there are loads of things one has to consider oh...if he has HIV,goodbye to him..if he's not many things to consider

***please note that i have a separate opinion on beating/violence..dat one,pack ur load and goooooooooo cos he might kill one abeg

Repressed One said...

The short answer to your question is Yes! It is true...especially the western/new age women part.

I say its cos the woman back then could do no better. He cheats and they leave to go where? Back to their fathers houses? It's their mums that will send them back sef.

The woman from UK is also largely right in saying a lot of her peers think the same way....I've heard it too many times.

As for me n my house....may God forbid bad thing!!

NigerianDramaQueen said...

To be honest,

Several Nigerian women living in Nigeria know their husband cheat. I don't know a single one who would leave her husband on that account.

I think it's not really a deal breaker in Nigeria, because our society is polygamous, and so in many ways cheating is not seen as a big deal. My 2 cents sha.

musco said...

Seems to be a 'woman' affair here based on the comments.

As usual, we bear d brunt!

God help us men ...

ibiluv said...

people cheat

spouses leave or stay

person to person.......

Parakeet said...

@Onose...I hear you. She may sound stupid but that's some pple's reality.
@Doll...I so agree on the deal breaking thing. Always good to set boundaries that's not necessarily defined by cheating.
@Myne...Couldn't agree more. Fidelity is not the only pillar of a marriage and while I agree that both parties should always remain faithful it would seem rather stupid to just act on the whim of unfaithfulness and throwaway what could otherwise be a good marriage.
@Miz-cynic...True. I guess we all have what works for us.
@Qmoney...It's a matter of each to their own isn't it. No one cap fits all for these kind of situations.
@Repressed one...beyond economic power what about emotional stability? Some women may feel the need to have a man around to feel whole emotionally than not to have at all. And sometimes delving into new emotional situations may just seem too daunting for some.
@NDQ...could be that these women are handing more and more men free tickets to infidelity? How do we strike a balance? E no easy for men o.

Lara said...

most Nigerian women do not leave their men because he cheats...most times not because they still love him but to spite him and make sure he does not have that which he craves if they leave him and also if children are involved.

LG said...

i cosign 'ibiluv

lol@musco, boyalomo :)

Anyaposh said...

hahaha, this idea of condoning/allowing/never-minding cheating is hilarious!

Perhaps it wasn't an issue in the days when women were solely dependent on men for sustainance and physical protection. But in this 2010?! gimme a break! With all the feminism, and equitable pay, and women's rights; why do some people (women) think it's OK to re-relegate themselves to the dark ages?

And especially with the epidemic of STDs and STIs. Cheating - Casual Sex is a deal-breaker in any marriage.

And what about all the emotional trauma the woman is putting herself through? At least, if it was a legit polygamous household then maybe she can psyche herself about her husband sleeping with other women. But then, we all know the kind of hatred & animosity characteristic of polygamous unions!
So polygamy aside, a husband is allegedly fucking someone else and the wife pretends to ignore it so that she doesn't offend herself?! hahaha. She might as well go & jump off a bridge and save herself the self-deceit.

...These are the kinds of things that cause cancer. Emotional heartache. After people will say it's microwaves and plastic...

Anonymous said...

These are the kinds of things that cause cancer. Emotional heartache. After people will say it's microwaves and plastic...

Lol @anyaposh!!!

I think it's a personal decision.

Most people care a lot about "what people think"

Only those who love themselves and car about their own happiness would drop their husband like he's hot

After all the bible has given permission (even though I can see it's only in the OT)

There should never been an excuse for a man or woman to cheat

As for roles.... I believe there are unspoken rules. I fetch you your food and you provide for the house.

StandTall-The Activist said...

I am not included in that Nigerian woman actually...

StandTall-The Activist said...

Myne Whitman had said it all!!!

NDQ: You will be surprised to know that even Nigerian women do leave cheating husbands, the number might be very tiny but yes, it happens