The Problem Goes Deeper Than a Few Beauty Enhancements

I read with interest the many comments made about the untimely death of the bum surgery girl (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1355605/Claudia-Aderotimi-dead-Police-hunt-transgender-doctor-injection.html). It did not surprise me that women were the most critical of her actions yet many women are guilty of the exact same thing she did albeit on a smaller scale. On Facebook and beyond, I see all sorts of different weaves and make-up that make a lot of women look unreal. I am not against weave-ons and make up so long as it is done properly and does enhance one’s natural beauty. However, many of the so-called enhancements women go through are no longer fit to be called enhancements, they should be called 'total change'. Change because when some women are stripped off the entire enhancement, one would hardly recognise them.

More and more cases of people who have cosmetic surgery mishaps are coming to our notice yet nothing is being done to change perceptions. Perhaps nothing can be done like the banking crisis that plunged the entire world into recession and nothing visible has been done to make sure it does not happen again. Perhaps this is the way the real world is, create a problem, see the havoc the problem is wreaking, show your disgust about it but curl back into the safety of your home and forget about it. However, for how long can we let these things go on?

A brief history of beauty especially in the West where most beauty ideas are exported to other parts of the world reveal that women have always been expected to look a certain way to make themselves desirable to men. In the Victorian times, a voluptuous woman would catch the attention of most men and to find husbands in those days you either had to be beautiful or come from a family of wealth. If you did not fall into either of these categories you are basically left a spinster or you end up marrying men who were considered the 'lowest' in society.

Besides getting married in those days, there was basically nothing else women could do with their lives. Absolutely nothing, which gives a little insight into why women pursued beauty as that was the only thing they could control to some extent. Women had no right to education so they can forget training to become a doctor or any other profession. Men were also in charge of the work places so getting a job or at least something decent was near impossible. Therefore, achieving the acceptable level of beauty and subsequently marrying a rich man became the main pre-occupation for women who were not fortunate enough...and there were many of them.

What does this show? That the idea of ideal beauty is by no means a modern phenomenon. What was not available then was the advanced technology we have now which helps women to 'see to' any part of their bodies that did not fit into this ideal. Most women wanted to be Barbie...tiny waist, big buxom, narrow nose and a pout. As time wore on, black women caught up with the fad what with the music videos that had women dancing in scanty outfits with atrociously big boobs and incredibly massive booties still managing to look trim. Freud blames women’s pursuit of beauty on their narcissistic nature but I disagree. I say it's what happens in a patriarchal world where many women’s chance of being noticed by a man is when she has managed to attain the acceptable and expected level of beauty. Even though more women are more educated than they did a century ago and now have access to work and a decent wage, much have not changed in terms of attaining ideal beauty primarily because most men would at first instance appreciate beauty before anything else. Why women need to gain the attention of men to feel validated is another issue entirely and I am not at liberty to tackle that in this note, as it will be a deviation from the subject matter

This is not another post by an angry Feminist who blames men for all of women's woes, far from it. This is a concerned woman who is trying to call people's attention to a much deeper problem than cosmetic surgery. This is a woman who foresees that more women and increasing men will turn to cosmetic procedures unless we tackle the issue of body image. Do not be surprised when I say men are increasingly turning to enhancement procedures and regimes too. Men now account for 9% of all cosmetic procedures carried out in the UK and it's a trend that is already apparent in the USA too. From 2000 to 2005, the number of men seeking cosmetic surgery increased 44% to 911,850, according to the American Society of Plastic Surgery (http://www.cosmeticsurgeryformen.co.uk/).

Pick up a regular women magazine like Cosmopolitan and you will find a centerspread of the male torso in all its glory… ripped muscles, six packs and all the works. Feminists will say this is evidence that women are also capable of voyeurism and it's no longer the preserve of the men. Is it really? Truth is we're all capable of being a peeping tom. The only reason why women never used to exhibit this side of them was because when it came to sex or anything sexual, women were supposed to be coy. Don't look at a man too much because he might consider you 'loose'. Pretend as if sex is alien to you because men like a bit of mystic. So the Feminist response to this unfairness is to put more men out there in women magazines and let the women have a feast. What does this tit for tat situation lead to? More men will become insecure about their bodies and therefore chase the body ideal too.

However the situation is not so bad for men yet because men are still more regarded for their wallets and masculinity than for their looks. Many men will boast that a man need not be handsome and can get a way with some flab as long as their wallets was overflowing with cash. Being handsome is merely a plus, a rich and confident man can get any woman he wants and in fact many women will agree to this. However, how many times do we hear that a woman need not be beautiful, just have brains and you will be fine? Still very rare indeed. That's the reality we live in but this is not to say that ideal look pressure is not creeping up on men too. If we continue to take the advantage of the social power women now have to peddle ideas of what a 'real man' should look like, it is only going to lead to the same body image problem many women are battling with today. Skinny men will fatten up with protein supplements and then work themselves to death in the gym to get the muscled bodies more women are finding desirable while women who are still expected to have 'soft' lean bodies will resort to liposuction because using the gym will likely turn you to a Madonna look alike.

We need to change the entire way we see beauty and encourage people to be healthy whether they are fair or dark, short or tall, flat bum or protruding bum, big boobs or small boobs, 6 packs or even belly. No one is born perfect and no one could ever achieve ideal beauty because ideas about beauty will keep changing. Narcissistic attitude is mostly brought on by the balance of power in society, which drives us towards unrealistic pursuit of most things beauty and wealth inclusive. It is not our nature and we have the power to change things for the better.

I Am Prettier When...

I'm sick. Walai, it may sound strange but it's true. I've had the mother of all flu for the past one week but as weak as I felt, whenever I look in the mirror I see a prettier me. Sparkling eyes and clearer skin. I just don't understand. I've started feeling better now but I'm not looking forward to getting the 'normal' Parakeet look back. I want the 'pretty-sick' Parakeet look.

In other news, I gathered from a friend that most women tend to just marry a guy they are not wholly happy with because it is far more important to be married and have kids than to worry 'too' much about the guy because 'really most men are the same'. She told me, "Parakeet do not be deceived it is the way it goes". I guess that's what you get when you take your relationship problems to someone who is enduring their marriage rather than enjoying it. Me I will not marry until I am more happy than unhappy with my partner, whether I'm being reasonable or not, I shall sleep on my bed the way I lay it. Each to their own and God for us all.

Merry Christmas to my wonderful blogville family. Please share some cheer this season and God bless you all.

I am such a drama queen

...emotionally i.e. My close friends must be fed up with my up and down, my going and coming. Even I am fed up with myself.

What am I talking about? I gat no clue. I made a decision a few days back. One I was certain I wasn't going to change and I have announced it to all who cared to listen. 72 hours later, I seem to be buckling. I haven't made a 100% turnaround but I think I'm going to make the turn eventually.

Which begs the question, does Parakeet really know what she wants? Or is she simply wanting too much? If I was to bother answering that question, I'd say 'Yes I do know what I want but I am not getting it from who, where or what I want it from. Hence the conflict. So what to do? Search me.

Watch this space.

All Hail!

....www.sistazmag.com

A few good months ago it all started as a joke, then we started throwing ideas around and it began to form, then we thought why not do something about it? The idea grew, the form took shape and sistazmag came to fruition. We are hoping it will grow even more, but we would need you. Please visit and enjoy www.sistazmag.com...lets make it one big community of sisters and of course brothers who love sisters.

Where Are The Men???

I tend to choose my outfit based on how I'm feeling. Those feelings could range from bloatedness, to unattractiveness and on some lucky days, to sexiness. So I dress according to how I feel. However, now that I've stopped working it's far easier to pick an outfit, mainly jeans and a jumper. Half the time I don't even have to bother with ironing, the only positive thing about winter. Our coats tends to cover a lot of our inadequacies.

However how I dress determines if I'm going to get any advances from the opposite sex and to a certain extent the kind of guy that will show an interest in me. There are days when I don't pay much care to my dressing and I get the odd winks from pot bellied old men. Obviously this infuriates me but I immediately know why they think they could have a chance with me. However there are some days when I feel I'm totally chick and some dodgy looking fella with skin blacker than charcoal walks by with a limp and decides to make a pass at me. On such days I actually hate myself more than the unfortunate man that chose to fancy me. I don't know if I'm an isolated case but I'm often left feeling as if something had gone seriously wrong with my look, attracting such a person. I wonder if it's the cheap clothing or the fact that I just look like 'the sort'.

These days I actually don't attract guys that I think are 'correct' except in close gatherings. For some weird reason all the 'inbetweens' have evaporated into thin air. Only ugly mofos or some skinhead in saggy pants seem to take a shine to me these days. The last time a young likeable bloke fancied me was on the tube and he was too bloody shy to ask for my digits until I got to my stop. I mean how does that help and how exactly did I get here? Sometimes I try to console myself that since london is full of attached or married men, these guys actually see and fancy me but force themselves to look away because of the massive temptation I pose to them and of course the threat to their peaceful romantic arrangements. Yea I know, in my dreams.

I think I need a re-vamp of my wardrobe. I know I certainly don't walk the streets of London announcing that I am attached so I don't see any reason why that guy with the perfect bum doesn't think I'm approachable. Yes I've been told I walk around with a frown on my face which doesn't help, but there's been times I've smiled at a bloke in a crowded place and they've looked away. Well maybe the picture is not as grim as am painting it, but heck why do I even need to smile to get a guy's attention in the first of place. The glory of my presence alone should send them coming and then I'll have the liberty to say no thanks, I'm not available!

When Turn Ons Become Turn Offs

One of the phrases men like to use in describing us women is that we dont know what we want. I often like to say that contrary to that, our problem is that we know what we want a little bit too much but we know it's hard to find so we often settle for a close second while never really stopping the search for that exact thing we want. We do this by either trying to refine our close second choice into the real mccoy or look outside of that. Either way we press on until we either get tired or fate just happens.

For instance, one of the things a woman will assess before considering dating a man is, does he have a good job? Some may even go further by preferring to date men of certain professions only. May be someone that works in oil and gas for example. So a girl finally meets her dream man who has that oil and gas job, except he works on the rigs and have long spell away in some remote place. Then the wahala starts. That exact thing that attracted you to him becomes the cause of your aggravation. Suddenly, he works too much, he doesn't have time for you, you dont get to see him enough blablabla. I'm sure we're all familiar with this. Does anyone have any similar experiences of late?

In my own case, it was my very confident ex. I like a man who is confident and sure of himself. It sends me weak in the knees. It's not often that a guy sees an attractive girl and just simply says you're attractive but that was exactly what he did. No bullshiting like 'you look familiar'. He walked straight up to me in a crowded supermarket and said the 3 magic words, 'you are beautiful'. That was enough to melt me and the next thing we were having dinner. Now he's a plain looking guy but his confidence was enough to win my heart. We went on date but then I started to worry. If he found it that easy to get my attention, do I know the countless other women he can get that same way? Plus he actually has a very good sense of humour another attribute women like their potential partners to have. So all those turn ons for me at the beginning gradually started becoming my nightmare and it took me a while before I got over my paranoia.

I have seen these exact same things destroy some relationships and even marriages. So why are we women like this? Things like this only seem to give credence to men's notion that we don't know what we want but are we just victims of our own emotions? Like we just cant help ourselves how we feel and wanting certain things the way we just want them. Anyway that's the conumdrum I'll be trying to solve this weekend as I try to work through some domestic issues with my partner.

Have a good one guys.

Prophesies and other things

Hello everyone…hope guys in Nija had a good Ramadan break.

I was going to write about the dangers of prophesies after I had a rather disturbing conversation with my friend last week but reading a story about a half brother and sister who wants to get married in Ireland made me change my mind. Or maybe I can kill two birds with one stone.

Basically, this friend of mine has two younger sisters who are both married and of 4 girls, she's the only one who is yet to get married and she's about 30. At the beginning of our conversation she didn’t sound like she was bothered over the fact that she's only not just married but also not dating anyone. I mean I didn’t think anything was wrong with this as she's doing very well careerwise. I've always thought everything in their own time. However, when I realised the real reason why she wasn't bothered, I became rather concerned. Apparently, she had been introduced to this Prophetess who told her that her glory will shine when she's 32 and it is that glory that will attract her future husband to her. Basically babe is going around not caring to date because she believes at 2012 her husband will come…whaddaeff!

I mean this is the 21st century and am surprised to find people who still live their lives according to such prophesies. Just today I read a story of how a woman was duped out of N3.6million just because she was looking for a husband. Stupidity doesn’t even begin to describe her. Yoruba will call it 'edi' and I couldn't agree more. Who in their right thinking mind will give N3.6million to one Iya Ijebu to find her husband if she's not under some sort of overpowering spell? Many of our young women fall for these kinds of scams even at a time when we think civilisation has helped to cure some of our backwardness. What do you say?

Now to the story of the siblings who want to get married. So they met and fell in love without realising they were related and went ahead to have a child. Now they want to get married but the law prohibits them from doing so. I have every sympathy for this couple whom I believe must have been traumatised by the revelation that they are related and I'm not entirely sure where I stand. I mean they have a child together already and that's the worst they could have done. Apart from medical problems the kids may develop, getting married wouldn't change what has happened, would it? What are your thoughts but first please click here to read the complete story.