Wednesday, 7 January 2009

Ladies Have the Right to Watch Their Backs

Hello everyone, I hope the good year started on a good note for us all. Mine has been good so far. Finally got some answers and I truly feel I can move on from some things now which lays the background to this post.

For someone who has been intermitently single for the most part of 9 months my dating tactics actually suck. Now I want to date and now I don’t want to and when I do decide to date I concentrate on just the one which often leads to me losing out completely because while am concentrating on getting to know this one guy I pay no attention to the other guys and then I end up not really liking this guy and by that time these other guys have lost interest or whatever. Being the lucky girl that I am its not too difficult finding someone else who is interested but then the cycle repeats itself and the result is the same.

So I have decided for the new year that I am gonna multi date. Did I hear people halla! Yes halla but that is the way to go after learning some harsh realities. For that guy who is currently asking me out and reading this post, sorry you’re not the only one am gonna be having drinks with or going to the movies with. You see men for a long time have always practised the 'keeping my options open' dating tactic and I don’t see why I cant or other women cant. One of the major lessons I learnt last year and that am taking with me is that love for a man is different for a woman. We just feel and act love differently and in as much as I've always wanted to believe that love is universal in feeling and in actions, I've had to just admit to myself that I have been wrong all along.

Armed with this new knowledge I'm ready to explore the dating scene. I'd have a meal with Goke, go for a walk with Ike, catch a movie with Paul and go dancing with Dapo for as long as I can carry it on without sex being involved and when I am definitely sure of what's going down with ONE then I'll take the plunge. There will always be risks so I am not saying that my new multi dating tactic will completely eliminate risks. What I intend to do is mitigate the risks as much as I can and make an informed choice before taking the plunge. Concentrating on dating one man which eventually leads to a relationship does not work for me although it took me this long for my thick brain to grasp that.

A friend of mine who is married told me this long ago but I always said to her that I coulnd't handle the distraction. You see one of the things I worry about is a man not trusting me. Taking too many calls or busy sending tons of text messages while in the company of a date always seem to me as not only disrespectful but I feel it makes you look like someone who her interests vested in too many men. You know how men's minds work. But then I am also there thinking if I don’t take this other guy's call or reply his text immediately he's gonna think I'm up to no good and not trust me. But I've since found out that making oneself too available for a man is not good in the first place. If a man is insecured enough to think that the reason your phone is off or you didn’t pick his call and reply to his text is because you're busy shacking up with another man, then you don’t need that kind of a man in your life anyway. He is going to end up making your life hell one way or the other when you guys get together so why even bother. Besides why do I care about a guy's feelings so much whether or not we are an item when he wouldn’t think twice before he stabs my own feelings.

So now its everyone to their own. If one of my multi dates gets wind of my tactics and does not like it then he's free to take a hike. Someone else will surely come along. No more would I care so much about a guy's feeling that I will compromise on getting what I want. When I finally get the ONE, I just have to hope that I have made the right choice. I'll keep you posted on my progress. Have a good one guys.

41 comments:

LusciousRon said...

First!

LusciousRon said...

I do agree all the best!

QMoney said...

First of all,i am mighty surprised that you or anyone dont multidate,haba when its not like the relationship has started?i think multidating makes a lotta sense.
yes i agree its rude to pick calls or reply txt durin an actual date i.e going out but as long as you have not agreed to be in a relationship,of course i support multidating.
I dont even think u should hide it,isnt dat what we call friends in nigeria?maybe cos of d different cultures but a guy u have not said "yes" to has to be really funny to think u can go out with other people.

ShonaVixen said...

You go girl!!!! So long as sex isnt involved, I'm with you all the way!!If men can do it, women can definitely do it BETTER!!!
I have also done the too much attention on one and then the other goes, but in 2k9 no more I say, if i can multi-task then i most certainly can multi-date!!..Keep us posted and i will too once I start!!..lol..

ShonaVixen said...

and i thought I was first....mcccccccccccheeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Parakeet said...

@Luscious...thanks. But why u never update?

Parakeet said...

@QMoney...I guess am still stuck in the 16th century. Am glad someone supports my venture.
@Shona...yeaaaaa. Maybe we'll become partners in crime. Hahaha!

ShonaVixen said...

yes hon!!!we can share our experiences...*rubbing my hands with glee*..lol...

aloted said...

lol this post is funny...but serious at the same time

i guess it depends on what exactly dating means to u...if these guys are all friends then its fine...cuz u are not committed to anyone yet..but once it is exclusive i guess it is a different ball game.

just be true to yourself and let God take control...he knows who mr right is..and can/will lead him to u if u trust him.

sorry didnt mean to preach cuz i think it is beginning to sound like a sermon but i hope u get what i mean

ablackjamesbond said...

Isnt there an idiom/proverb that captures this multi date thing. Yeah..do not put all ur eggs in one basket.

But there is another u should be mindful of as well as you take up this strategy:what is good for the goose...

Happy nu year hon.

Sting said...

My friend told me this last year. She always has multiply guys she's dating, not sleeping with oh! I guess she learned the hard way.

Whatever works for u.

StandTall-The Activist said...

Hmmm this is big o. I am sure if you are multi-dating you wont make any one serious until you are sure whom you wanna be serious with. Hmmm, still tough this one

StandTall-The Activist said...

And no S-X

Funms-the rebirth said...

i agree, dont put all ur eggs in one basket but be careful, NO SEX till ur sure of who u want..... thats y its dating, not a relationship. have fun dearie

Afrobabe said...

I feel u babes...I shall watch from a distance so that any missles they throw ur end dont break my head...

You want to multi date....I on the other hand want to compromise and accept the fools as they are....

Sha said...

lol
goodluck gurl

Temite said...

Uhmmmm Goodluck. But I simply cant handle that much drama. I am already having problems keeping one Man, not to talk about dealing with more than one man at a time, I will surely lose my mind. Good luck tho, I am interested in how it goes.

mizchif said...

Goodluck, make sure u let us know how it goes tho!

Parakeet said...

@Shona…hahahaha
@aloted…no exclusivity in multi dating my dear until my mind is made up and then I drop the rest. Yes the best way to look at them will be platonic friends, no sex involved.
@Dudu007…I feel ya but there wouldn't have been a need to do this if brothers have been true in this first place. Oh yes I am well aware that what is sauce for the good is sauce for the gander.
@Sting…I hear you my sister, everything for like get risk. If you've tried it one way and it has not worked, you shudn't be scared to try another. God help us.
@Standtall…I hear u my sister. No sex for sure. I oly have one body biko.
@Funms…thanks for the support darling
@Afrobabe…I don’t suffer fools gladly my dear
@Sha…thanks sis
@Temite…I know what you mean. I am a dramaless Queen myself. Maybe its time to take up a few dramas but remember am not gonna be having a romantic relationship with any of them for a while. Will just meet, study and then pick one. There's a book called the 4 man plan, apparently it works. Will keep you posted.
@Mizchif…I sure will, thanks.

rayo said...

i think i'm wt temite on this one, i personally cldnt handle it but if it works 4 u...

Dammy said...

Hmmm...

Patiently waiting to see how it turns out.

Hope it works.

Safe trip!

StandTall-The Activist said...

HEY, DROP BY AT MY BLOG FOR A MINUTES TO READ WHAT AFROBABE SAID ABOUT YOU ON "THURSDAY INTERVIEW"
THANKS

tobenna said...

You mean you do not multi-date?
*shaking my head in wonder*
Thats kinda like shooting yourself in the leg.

I'm not sure Temite & Rayo understand the gist.
Or maybe I'm the one misreading.
You say that you will go out on dates with different guys until you meet the one that is right for you. Meaning you do not commit to any until you meet the right one, then discard the others.

If thats what you mean, then I do not think anything's wrong with that.
It would serve to keep them on their toes and guys do love competition. I used to.

Only know that there is a thin line between doing that and guys mistaking you as available for everyone.

Ms Sula said...

I have always believed in dating until being with somebody. Going out and getting to know someone does not equate being with that person.

It is not even a matter of watching your back as it is just normal. Who applies to only one university or job, who visits only one house? You have to check out several of those before finding the one that works the best. Even for shoes we do try several pairs to find the one that fit just right. So it is actually very normal to multi date.

Just make sure to let those fellas know that you're currently dating and that you are trying to get to know them better before making a committed decision. It's what adults do.

Good Luck sweetie! And here's to your new, shiny and fun dating life.

Tigeress said...

My dear, as long as u are not in a relationship with anyone- then u can go out on dates with as many as possible. Just be wise about it and not rub it in the other guys face. Cos obviously the guy has seen u, liked u, and decided to go for u. Now u have to decide whether or not he is the right one, or he's serious, or genunine. U're a prey to all these men.

FFF said...

qmoney said my words exactly!!!!! me i multidated oh. & i no even hide my own. i no be him girlfriend. if d dude wants me 2 b one, he should declare his intentions! as far as i was concerned, those men were 'friends'. anyone who disagreed should prove their case, period.

Buttercup said...

u seem to have it all figured out..all the best sweetie, we'll be waiting for the progress reports!

Writefreak said...

Happy new year!
Hmm..this is a sensitive issue.I suppose so long as they're all not assuming they're your boyfriends and you're exclusive with them it's ok.
Please trust God to help you handle it, too many times we take our lives in our hands...
Have fun rolling with the brodas!

Uzezi said...

you go girl. im still screaming u go girl. do it. and i mean do it. guys do it u know.

i have always believed that when relationships begins, its like a circle in life. the guy and the girl have other people interested in them. its a game and who wins win and at that point, they both let go every other contestant.


years ago a friend told me not to try it and have just one guy o. that u have more so when one fucks up, you have another.

some people will frown at it. i see nothing wrong with it because it doesnt mean you have to sleep with any of them at all.

but a point comes when we realise who we want and then we just let others go.

like they say, the worse mistake we can make is to treat your future husband like a common friend

Parakeet said...

@Rayo…different strokes me dear. Lets see if I can handle this
@Dammy…Wish me luck
@Standtall…that was a good job
@Tobe…big ups bro. At least I gat support from a brother.
@Ms Sula…preach it sister.
@Tigeress…you know am really liking this support. Wow, looks like I've been slacking the whole time.
@FFF…and since you're married to a gorgeous man, it clearly worked. Lets hope it works for me too.
@Buttercup…lets hope I can back my words up with actions. Will keep you posted
@Writefreak…Happy new year to you too. Yes, it’s a thing line init? So I gotta be careful. Thanks.
@Uzezi…I'm feeling your words sister. Thanks.

rethots said...

"Someone else will surely come along...." and till then, i finally have the permission to go multi-dating till "...I finally get the ONE,

AlooFar said...

I wish you all the best in this career of yours.

rethots said...

"Someone else will surely come along...." and till then, i finally have the permission to go multi-dating till "...I finally get the ONE,

Afrobabe said...

Hmmm..I am thinking most people reading this dont get that you are talking about dates or if they get that then they dont get that going on dates and actually dating someone are two different things....

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

my sista, nothing wrong with having that attitude. Unless of course one is in a committed relationship...

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

Read something a while back about the four man plan
which is similar to what you are talking about,
i totally agree with you
no sense putting all your eggs in one basket

Beulah! said...

First time here!, nice blog

NigerianDramaQueen said...

Yay! Your back!! I missed you while you were away!! Happy New Year!!!

I've always believed in multi-dating. It's the way to go...it allows you to meet many people, keep your options, etc. When you finally decide you want to get serious with one person you can then decide to go exclusive. As the saying goes, "don't put all your eggs in one basket"lol.

The only thing is to make sure that everyone your dating knows that it is not an exclusive relationship yet.

I wish you all the best and cant wait to hear about your 2009 multi-dating adventures:-)

Jarrai said...

Its better to have a back up plan my sis..if A messes up, then there is B, C & D. Thats the only way to go. Unless A ties you down with lots of attention and love and a big massive ring on your finger!!

Happy new year xx

Parakeet said...

@Rethots...oh yes u can
@Aloofar...na real career, lol
@Afro...me sef wonder o
@Solomonsydelle...thanks for the support.
@Miss DM...I so wanna read that book to give me some inspiration
@Beulah...thanks.
@NDQ...fine madam, nice to hear from you. Yea, u make valid points right there. Well noted.
@Jarrai...yea that's the best way to see it. As a back up plan. Happy new year to you too

Smaragd said...

i'm 100% with u.

u go girl, nothing do u.

and a belated happy ne year jare,pardon the lateness.