Ladies Have the Right to Watch Their Backs

Hello everyone, I hope the good year started on a good note for us all. Mine has been good so far. Finally got some answers and I truly feel I can move on from some things now which lays the background to this post.

For someone who has been intermitently single for the most part of 9 months my dating tactics actually suck. Now I want to date and now I don’t want to and when I do decide to date I concentrate on just the one which often leads to me losing out completely because while am concentrating on getting to know this one guy I pay no attention to the other guys and then I end up not really liking this guy and by that time these other guys have lost interest or whatever. Being the lucky girl that I am its not too difficult finding someone else who is interested but then the cycle repeats itself and the result is the same.

So I have decided for the new year that I am gonna multi date. Did I hear people halla! Yes halla but that is the way to go after learning some harsh realities. For that guy who is currently asking me out and reading this post, sorry you’re not the only one am gonna be having drinks with or going to the movies with. You see men for a long time have always practised the 'keeping my options open' dating tactic and I don’t see why I cant or other women cant. One of the major lessons I learnt last year and that am taking with me is that love for a man is different for a woman. We just feel and act love differently and in as much as I've always wanted to believe that love is universal in feeling and in actions, I've had to just admit to myself that I have been wrong all along.

Armed with this new knowledge I'm ready to explore the dating scene. I'd have a meal with Goke, go for a walk with Ike, catch a movie with Paul and go dancing with Dapo for as long as I can carry it on without sex being involved and when I am definitely sure of what's going down with ONE then I'll take the plunge. There will always be risks so I am not saying that my new multi dating tactic will completely eliminate risks. What I intend to do is mitigate the risks as much as I can and make an informed choice before taking the plunge. Concentrating on dating one man which eventually leads to a relationship does not work for me although it took me this long for my thick brain to grasp that.

A friend of mine who is married told me this long ago but I always said to her that I coulnd't handle the distraction. You see one of the things I worry about is a man not trusting me. Taking too many calls or busy sending tons of text messages while in the company of a date always seem to me as not only disrespectful but I feel it makes you look like someone who her interests vested in too many men. You know how men's minds work. But then I am also there thinking if I don’t take this other guy's call or reply his text immediately he's gonna think I'm up to no good and not trust me. But I've since found out that making oneself too available for a man is not good in the first place. If a man is insecured enough to think that the reason your phone is off or you didn’t pick his call and reply to his text is because you're busy shacking up with another man, then you don’t need that kind of a man in your life anyway. He is going to end up making your life hell one way or the other when you guys get together so why even bother. Besides why do I care about a guy's feelings so much whether or not we are an item when he wouldn’t think twice before he stabs my own feelings.

So now its everyone to their own. If one of my multi dates gets wind of my tactics and does not like it then he's free to take a hike. Someone else will surely come along. No more would I care so much about a guy's feeling that I will compromise on getting what I want. When I finally get the ONE, I just have to hope that I have made the right choice. I'll keep you posted on my progress. Have a good one guys.

Happy New Year

I hope the year brings us all what we wish for and more.

I dont suppose I've been gone from blogville for that long yet so much has happened. Change they say is the only constant and how true. So many people have gone private like Archiwiz and Mizchif and some like Naapali and Unwritten have removed their blogs completely. Naijalines has  shiny new template that I really dig but for the life of me I cant seem to locate where to comment. I hope all is well in the homes of everyone with all these changes. I dont know whether they're positive or not but I am sure they know best.

I have been MIA myself and that's because I have been living life in a different sort of way. Life for me in the past few months has been in my head and while I have been doing a lot of brainstorming, I have also been getting physically active by clubbing. 

As usual I do not have any resolutions but I have one major target this year. I'm envisaging it will be achieved towards the last quarter of the year so I will fill you guys in on it once it has been achieved.

Some things though. 

*I am going to chase all those men that are not husband material away. I dont wanna know. Is it me or are men just becoming worse and worse. 

*I dont wanna hear any more stories about how you have a rotten marriage. You laid your bed so shall you lie on it. 

*As for the single brothers who dont know what they want, well go play the field else where. *For the seemingly good men who have good intentions but I dont like, I am sorry I just simply do not like you. I will no longer listen to your pleas about how I'll never regret marrying you or dating you. I wonder how many men a girl can marry or date. I would rather stay single than be with someone I dont like, love or what not but thankfully I wont have to do that. Hopefully. 

*I'll try not to moan too much about work anymore and just enjoy it as much as I can. 

*I'll stop accusing God of being partial and I'll pray more for my friends in need than myself.

Happy new year, happy new you!

Happy Crimbo

To all my beloved friends and well wishers in blogville, happy holidays and best wishes for 2009.

Love you all

Is She Dead?

Hello everyone, hope you've been keeping well. Many thanks for all the messages left for me. Very much appreciated. I am not back yet but someone emailed something to me at work today and I feel I have to share it. I will be back soon...promise.

While struggling with the reality of being a human instead of a myth, the strong black woman passed away. Medical sources say she died of natural causes, but those who knew her know she died from being silent when she should have been screaming, smiling when she should have been raging, from being sick and not wanting anyone to know because her pain might inconvenience them. She died from an overdose of other people clinging to her when she didn't even have energy for herself.

She died from loving men who didn't love themselves and could only offer her a crippled reflection. She died from raising children alone. She died from the lies her grandmother told her mother and her mother told her about life, men & racism. She died from being sexually abused as a child and having to take that truth everywhere she went every day of her life, exchanging the humiliation for guilt and back again.

She died from asphyxiation, from secrets she kept trying to burn away instead of allowing herself the kind of nervous breakdown she was entitled to, but only white girls could afford. She died from being responsible, because she was the last rung on the ladder and there was no one under her she could dump on. The strong black woman is dead.

She died from being dragged down and sat upon by un-evolved women posing as sisters and friends. She died from tolerating Mr. Pitiful, just to have a man around the house. She died from sacrificing herself for everybody and everything when what she really wanted to do was be a singer, a dancer, or some magnificent other. She died from lies of omission because she didn't want to bring the black man down.

She died from myths that would not allow her to show weakness without being chastised by the lazy and hazy. She died from hiding her real feelings until they became hard and bitter enough to invade her womb and breasts like angry tumors. She died from never being enough of what men wanted, or being too much for the men she wanted. She died from being too black and died again for not being black enough.


She died from being misinformed about her mind, her body & the extent of her royal capabilities. She died from knees pressed too close together because respect was never part of the foreplay that was being shoved at her. And sometimes when she refused to die, when she just refused to give in she was killed by the lethal images of blonde hair, blue eyes and flat butts, being rejected by the OJ.'s, the Quincy's, the Cuba's & the Kobe's.

Sometimes, she was stomped to death by racism & sexism, executed by hi-tech ignorance while she carried the family in her belly, the community on her head, and the race on her back!
The strong black woman is dead! Or is she?

I know I'm not! Pass this on to all the strong black women that you love, respect, and admire! I just did.

Kudos to whoever put this together orginally...great stuff. Have a nice one all.

Going AWOL

Just for a bit...will be back sometime hopefully before the new year.

Take care everyone and have a nice one.

Xoxo

OBAMAMANIA PROVES TRUE!

He did it in the most honorable way. Who says a black man is incapable? Welcome to the 'real new world order'. Congratulations Obama! Congratulations America! Congratulations world! And most importantly congratulations black people!

P.S.

Kudos to McCain for being gracious in concession!

The Snobbish Attitude of Most Nigerians

Now I'm not about to point fingers because I'm guilty of it to some extent but if I'm frank those were back in the day of limited knowledge. The days where I valued the 'foreign' stuff over homegrown or the expensive material things over the things that offered real value for money. Now I know better that showing class or sophistication does not have to include looking down on people or saying 'I am better than you'.

What informed this post? Well I had gone to see a friend of mine whom I only met just over a month ago. From the little I know of him, I gathered he was one of those people who had a semi priviledged background. He grew up in the Ikoyi/VI area of Lagos, went to Kings College and had a car even before he went to university. Someone whose parents were so liberal to the point that they would drink together and even allowed him to host wild parties in fully air-conditioned room with cigarette smoke dancing around the room.  Till today he still carries on with that sort of life and his conversations mostly surround video games, girls and parties. 

Let me give in a little background to this. In London most Nigerians live in the South East like Peckham, Thamesmead etc and in the East like Barking which are mostly area for working class people and immigrants. Most of the Nigerian clubs are also concentrated in the SE and East of London so you find a lot of Nigerians within these neighbourhood have a lot in common. Sometimes people in their bid to appear 'different' will go to the 'city' to party and mingle because this is where you mostly find white middle class people. If you go to city clubs you will feel like you really are in London because the crowd and music is different. When some Nigerians go to places like that to party they come back to boast to their peers about how they partied with 'cream girls' and city boys.

Such was the scene at my friends place on Saturday. He and his friend went on about how they went to a club in the city called Ink and the crowd was so much better that they have decided not attend 'gongo aso' clubs anymore. Gongo aso meaning clubs with heavy Nigerian presence and Nigerian music. They ranted on about how they do not feel like they are in London and cant even speak 'phone' like a real london guy anymore because they keep mixing with all these people who were fortunate enough to get a visa to London but cant speak good English. It was blatant that they brought that classism from Lagos where peeps from Ikoyi believe that they are better than those who live in Oshodi. They washed down London girls saying they are loud and money grabbing but one of them is married to a Nigerian woman. They gave examples of their friends who would not even speak to a Nigerian person because they do not want their 'razzness' to rub off on them and berated Nigerians for speaking their language too often.

I looked on in horror as these two people exhibited a lack of respect for anything Nigerian. I was so gob-smacked that I didn't even know what to say to them but in my mind I was thinking how pathetic they were. I admit that some Nigerian people put their fellow Nigerians to shame with their unpolished attitude especially in public transport. Some of them shout at the top of their voice when speaking to each other or on the telephone. In fact just last Tursday I listened on as one Yoruba dude gave a vivid description of how he slept with his girlfriend that he hadn't seen for a while and how thick his sperm was blabla and I thought this is gross. However I don't think this problem is isolated to the Nigerian community only. I see a lot of East Europeans who get on the bus and chatter on in their language and some British folks who just go on and on.

However what my two friends are forgetting is that the white man's way of life is not better than ours. While they clearly do some things better than us, it does not mean our culture and way of life pales in comparison to theirs. It is good to enjoy and appreciate a little bit of everything as this leads to a healthy balance in life. I believe what people should aim for is to be able to hold their own in any situation. If you want to party in 'chinawhite' with footballers and reality TV stars, well do so and not put down 'carbon' where Naeto c may just show up if he's in town. If you wish to wear a Georgio Armani suit, do so and not put down my 'ankara'. If you wish to speak in your British accent, please do so and not put down my own accent because frankly I ain't Bri'ish.  There are more to people than meet the eye and no one human being is above the other even if our social status may suggest so. We are all going to die and be buried and our soul will leave our bodies. People should learn to feed their soul and their minds and not just their bodies. Karl Marx was known for capitalism, Newton for gravity, Freud for psychoanalysis and Mother Teresa for her humanitarian work, what will you be known for when you finally depart this earth?