I Am Prettier When...

I'm sick. Walai, it may sound strange but it's true. I've had the mother of all flu for the past one week but as weak as I felt, whenever I look in the mirror I see a prettier me. Sparkling eyes and clearer skin. I just don't understand. I've started feeling better now but I'm not looking forward to getting the 'normal' Parakeet look back. I want the 'pretty-sick' Parakeet look.

In other news, I gathered from a friend that most women tend to just marry a guy they are not wholly happy with because it is far more important to be married and have kids than to worry 'too' much about the guy because 'really most men are the same'. She told me, "Parakeet do not be deceived it is the way it goes". I guess that's what you get when you take your relationship problems to someone who is enduring their marriage rather than enjoying it. Me I will not marry until I am more happy than unhappy with my partner, whether I'm being reasonable or not, I shall sleep on my bed the way I lay it. Each to their own and God for us all.

Merry Christmas to my wonderful blogville family. Please share some cheer this season and God bless you all.

I am such a drama queen

...emotionally i.e. My close friends must be fed up with my up and down, my going and coming. Even I am fed up with myself.

What am I talking about? I gat no clue. I made a decision a few days back. One I was certain I wasn't going to change and I have announced it to all who cared to listen. 72 hours later, I seem to be buckling. I haven't made a 100% turnaround but I think I'm going to make the turn eventually.

Which begs the question, does Parakeet really know what she wants? Or is she simply wanting too much? If I was to bother answering that question, I'd say 'Yes I do know what I want but I am not getting it from who, where or what I want it from. Hence the conflict. So what to do? Search me.

Watch this space.

All Hail!

....www.sistazmag.com

A few good months ago it all started as a joke, then we started throwing ideas around and it began to form, then we thought why not do something about it? The idea grew, the form took shape and sistazmag came to fruition. We are hoping it will grow even more, but we would need you. Please visit and enjoy www.sistazmag.com...lets make it one big community of sisters and of course brothers who love sisters.

Where Are The Men???

I tend to choose my outfit based on how I'm feeling. Those feelings could range from bloatedness, to unattractiveness and on some lucky days, to sexiness. So I dress according to how I feel. However, now that I've stopped working it's far easier to pick an outfit, mainly jeans and a jumper. Half the time I don't even have to bother with ironing, the only positive thing about winter. Our coats tends to cover a lot of our inadequacies.

However how I dress determines if I'm going to get any advances from the opposite sex and to a certain extent the kind of guy that will show an interest in me. There are days when I don't pay much care to my dressing and I get the odd winks from pot bellied old men. Obviously this infuriates me but I immediately know why they think they could have a chance with me. However there are some days when I feel I'm totally chick and some dodgy looking fella with skin blacker than charcoal walks by with a limp and decides to make a pass at me. On such days I actually hate myself more than the unfortunate man that chose to fancy me. I don't know if I'm an isolated case but I'm often left feeling as if something had gone seriously wrong with my look, attracting such a person. I wonder if it's the cheap clothing or the fact that I just look like 'the sort'.

These days I actually don't attract guys that I think are 'correct' except in close gatherings. For some weird reason all the 'inbetweens' have evaporated into thin air. Only ugly mofos or some skinhead in saggy pants seem to take a shine to me these days. The last time a young likeable bloke fancied me was on the tube and he was too bloody shy to ask for my digits until I got to my stop. I mean how does that help and how exactly did I get here? Sometimes I try to console myself that since london is full of attached or married men, these guys actually see and fancy me but force themselves to look away because of the massive temptation I pose to them and of course the threat to their peaceful romantic arrangements. Yea I know, in my dreams.

I think I need a re-vamp of my wardrobe. I know I certainly don't walk the streets of London announcing that I am attached so I don't see any reason why that guy with the perfect bum doesn't think I'm approachable. Yes I've been told I walk around with a frown on my face which doesn't help, but there's been times I've smiled at a bloke in a crowded place and they've looked away. Well maybe the picture is not as grim as am painting it, but heck why do I even need to smile to get a guy's attention in the first of place. The glory of my presence alone should send them coming and then I'll have the liberty to say no thanks, I'm not available!

When Turn Ons Become Turn Offs

One of the phrases men like to use in describing us women is that we dont know what we want. I often like to say that contrary to that, our problem is that we know what we want a little bit too much but we know it's hard to find so we often settle for a close second while never really stopping the search for that exact thing we want. We do this by either trying to refine our close second choice into the real mccoy or look outside of that. Either way we press on until we either get tired or fate just happens.

For instance, one of the things a woman will assess before considering dating a man is, does he have a good job? Some may even go further by preferring to date men of certain professions only. May be someone that works in oil and gas for example. So a girl finally meets her dream man who has that oil and gas job, except he works on the rigs and have long spell away in some remote place. Then the wahala starts. That exact thing that attracted you to him becomes the cause of your aggravation. Suddenly, he works too much, he doesn't have time for you, you dont get to see him enough blablabla. I'm sure we're all familiar with this. Does anyone have any similar experiences of late?

In my own case, it was my very confident ex. I like a man who is confident and sure of himself. It sends me weak in the knees. It's not often that a guy sees an attractive girl and just simply says you're attractive but that was exactly what he did. No bullshiting like 'you look familiar'. He walked straight up to me in a crowded supermarket and said the 3 magic words, 'you are beautiful'. That was enough to melt me and the next thing we were having dinner. Now he's a plain looking guy but his confidence was enough to win my heart. We went on date but then I started to worry. If he found it that easy to get my attention, do I know the countless other women he can get that same way? Plus he actually has a very good sense of humour another attribute women like their potential partners to have. So all those turn ons for me at the beginning gradually started becoming my nightmare and it took me a while before I got over my paranoia.

I have seen these exact same things destroy some relationships and even marriages. So why are we women like this? Things like this only seem to give credence to men's notion that we don't know what we want but are we just victims of our own emotions? Like we just cant help ourselves how we feel and wanting certain things the way we just want them. Anyway that's the conumdrum I'll be trying to solve this weekend as I try to work through some domestic issues with my partner.

Have a good one guys.

Prophesies and other things

Hello everyone…hope guys in Nija had a good Ramadan break.

I was going to write about the dangers of prophesies after I had a rather disturbing conversation with my friend last week but reading a story about a half brother and sister who wants to get married in Ireland made me change my mind. Or maybe I can kill two birds with one stone.

Basically, this friend of mine has two younger sisters who are both married and of 4 girls, she's the only one who is yet to get married and she's about 30. At the beginning of our conversation she didn’t sound like she was bothered over the fact that she's only not just married but also not dating anyone. I mean I didn’t think anything was wrong with this as she's doing very well careerwise. I've always thought everything in their own time. However, when I realised the real reason why she wasn't bothered, I became rather concerned. Apparently, she had been introduced to this Prophetess who told her that her glory will shine when she's 32 and it is that glory that will attract her future husband to her. Basically babe is going around not caring to date because she believes at 2012 her husband will come…whaddaeff!

I mean this is the 21st century and am surprised to find people who still live their lives according to such prophesies. Just today I read a story of how a woman was duped out of N3.6million just because she was looking for a husband. Stupidity doesn’t even begin to describe her. Yoruba will call it 'edi' and I couldn't agree more. Who in their right thinking mind will give N3.6million to one Iya Ijebu to find her husband if she's not under some sort of overpowering spell? Many of our young women fall for these kinds of scams even at a time when we think civilisation has helped to cure some of our backwardness. What do you say?

Now to the story of the siblings who want to get married. So they met and fell in love without realising they were related and went ahead to have a child. Now they want to get married but the law prohibits them from doing so. I have every sympathy for this couple whom I believe must have been traumatised by the revelation that they are related and I'm not entirely sure where I stand. I mean they have a child together already and that's the worst they could have done. Apart from medical problems the kids may develop, getting married wouldn't change what has happened, would it? What are your thoughts but first please click here to read the complete story.

Balancing Modern and Traditional Culture in Marriage/Relationship

I want to discuss an issue which I believe is relevant to most women in the UK. That of proper conduct/expectation when one is dealing with an African man. Most of us were brought up the African traditional way of life but have then left the shores of our homelands to make home for ourselves in foreign lands and have imbibed many of their cultures. However, African women in the UK who display too much Western culture in their way of life face so much misogyny from African men. I have even heard that men will simply refuse to marry such women and would rather marry white women. How does one know where one ends and the other starts when it comes to relationships or marriage? I know that quite a lot of African women grapple with identity problems and who wouldn't when opposing cultures clash?

Sometimes one may have good intentions but somehow come out looking as if one does not know what one is doing. There are certain things I do for my partner that some of my friends marvel at and ask why I go to such lengths. Also, there are certain things I do and they are quick to chastise me for not handling things well saying "he's the man". Sometimes I'm left all confused and wondering what I'm doing right or wrong.

Say for instance I want to go out with my friends, do I need a permission from my partner to go? Or say for instance I've done some cooking and after cooking decides to watch some telly. My partner then decides later that he is hungry, do I have to go and fetch him some food or does he do that himself? Laziness and love aside, am talking about realistic expectations here. Naturally I wouldn't seek permission to go out but I believe that it is my duty to go and get him the food. Does that mean I'm some sort of sell out who will gladly do one and not the other? After all, both acts fall under the remits of the traditional role/expectation of a woman? Do they not?

I've met guys in this UK who will expect you to be able to cook egusi for them and then on the other hand expect you to pick up the tab at restaurants too. It's not as if they'll ever take you to the mall and pay for your shopping. Some married men expect their wives to go 50-50 with the household bills but they hardly ever share the household chores 50-50. Is that not some sort of madness? At what point does it become rebellious of the wife when she feels hard done by and demands for fairness?

I have a neighbour who spends night and day screaming on his wife. Telling her "ori e daru" (crazy or something derogatory along those lines) and she just keeps mute. Now it's either she goes comatose at the time he's busy reigning those abuse on her or she's one woman who is taking her traditional role way too seriously coupled with some heavy dose of stupidity. Bottom line is this woman never utters a word back to her husband. In fact often times I wonder if the man was merely just displaying some madness by picking a fight with their furniture. Only something that cannot speak will seat through such insults and not utter a word back in defence or whatever. In fact things get so bad that I have considered calling the cops because I do fear for her life. Now is this normal?

So sisters and brothers, how does one balance these two cultures without coming out looking like an idiot or a stuck up cow?