I ask this question because I've noticed the many struggles we sisters go through. We are unlikely to tell each other the truth and always go out of our way to paint a rosy picture of our situations when just speaking the truth may inspire and in many cases help another sister.
In this post, I am going to turn my attention to domestic violence. Many cases of it have been in my face lately and I'm forced to ask the question, what is going on? How come we have so many cases of it coming to the limelight now? We all know some women get battered in marriage both physically and mentally but the sheer number of cases cropping up these days has given me a cause to ponder on the choice we make in our life partners.
I know many expectations have changed and one cant simply say I'm marrying for love these days. Many women marry for all sorts of reasons; to get the parents off their backs, as a status thing, for security, for kids, for money or for whatever reason. But are we so driven by our desire to get hitched that we somehow slack on scrutinising the quality of the men we go for? I am by no means suggesting that just the men are to blame for this but are we as women actually assessing that beyond our physical and social needs we're indeed mentally ready to be a wife, mother and a life partner?
I'm inclined to believe that many women who are getting into marriages these days have very little ideas what to expect and feel ill-equipped to deal with situations because they've actually not dated or courted properly. From day one, what most women see especially when you're past a certain age is the altar and you just start to scheme and plan and strategise on how to get the man to commit. A commitment he might not want or be ready for. I am guilty of this as well.
This is probably due to the fact that as singles we get the most criticism from other sisters? Why isn't she married? Why does she not have kids yet? What's she doing with that short and ugly man? How could she stoop so low? And the list goes on and on. Little wonder women are just entering into union for the heck of it or for reasons of drawing approvals and admirations?
We need to go back to the drawing board sisters because I don't want to hear another story of a sister who topped herself or another whose husband butchered her to death. It is sickening, it is scary and I know it can be avoided. This is the time to act and the time to start changing our attitudes and expectations. Getting married or being with a man should not be a means to an end, it should be a well thought out process, a full awareness of oneself and a journey one is prepared to make in the right frame of mind and for the right reasons.
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Wednesday, 29 June 2011
Monday, 23 August 2010
Balancing Modern and Traditional Culture in Marriage/Relationship
I want to discuss an issue which I believe is relevant to most women in the UK. That of proper conduct/expectation when one is dealing with an African man. Most of us were brought up the African traditional way of life but have then left the shores of our homelands to make home for ourselves in foreign lands and have imbibed many of their cultures. However, African women in the UK who display too much Western culture in their way of life face so much misogyny from African men. I have even heard that men will simply refuse to marry such women and would rather marry white women. How does one know where one ends and the other starts when it comes to relationships or marriage? I know that quite a lot of African women grapple with identity problems and who wouldn't when opposing cultures clash?
Sometimes one may have good intentions but somehow come out looking as if one does not know what one is doing. There are certain things I do for my partner that some of my friends marvel at and ask why I go to such lengths. Also, there are certain things I do and they are quick to chastise me for not handling things well saying "he's the man". Sometimes I'm left all confused and wondering what I'm doing right or wrong.
Say for instance I want to go out with my friends, do I need a permission from my partner to go? Or say for instance I've done some cooking and after cooking decides to watch some telly. My partner then decides later that he is hungry, do I have to go and fetch him some food or does he do that himself? Laziness and love aside, am talking about realistic expectations here. Naturally I wouldn't seek permission to go out but I believe that it is my duty to go and get him the food. Does that mean I'm some sort of sell out who will gladly do one and not the other? After all, both acts fall under the remits of the traditional role/expectation of a woman? Do they not?
I've met guys in this UK who will expect you to be able to cook egusi for them and then on the other hand expect you to pick up the tab at restaurants too. It's not as if they'll ever take you to the mall and pay for your shopping. Some married men expect their wives to go 50-50 with the household bills but they hardly ever share the household chores 50-50. Is that not some sort of madness? At what point does it become rebellious of the wife when she feels hard done by and demands for fairness?
I have a neighbour who spends night and day screaming on his wife. Telling her "ori e daru" (crazy or something derogatory along those lines) and she just keeps mute. Now it's either she goes comatose at the time he's busy reigning those abuse on her or she's one woman who is taking her traditional role way too seriously coupled with some heavy dose of stupidity. Bottom line is this woman never utters a word back to her husband. In fact often times I wonder if the man was merely just displaying some madness by picking a fight with their furniture. Only something that cannot speak will seat through such insults and not utter a word back in defence or whatever. In fact things get so bad that I have considered calling the cops because I do fear for her life. Now is this normal?
So sisters and brothers, how does one balance these two cultures without coming out looking like an idiot or a stuck up cow?
Sometimes one may have good intentions but somehow come out looking as if one does not know what one is doing. There are certain things I do for my partner that some of my friends marvel at and ask why I go to such lengths. Also, there are certain things I do and they are quick to chastise me for not handling things well saying "he's the man". Sometimes I'm left all confused and wondering what I'm doing right or wrong.
Say for instance I want to go out with my friends, do I need a permission from my partner to go? Or say for instance I've done some cooking and after cooking decides to watch some telly. My partner then decides later that he is hungry, do I have to go and fetch him some food or does he do that himself? Laziness and love aside, am talking about realistic expectations here. Naturally I wouldn't seek permission to go out but I believe that it is my duty to go and get him the food. Does that mean I'm some sort of sell out who will gladly do one and not the other? After all, both acts fall under the remits of the traditional role/expectation of a woman? Do they not?
I've met guys in this UK who will expect you to be able to cook egusi for them and then on the other hand expect you to pick up the tab at restaurants too. It's not as if they'll ever take you to the mall and pay for your shopping. Some married men expect their wives to go 50-50 with the household bills but they hardly ever share the household chores 50-50. Is that not some sort of madness? At what point does it become rebellious of the wife when she feels hard done by and demands for fairness?
I have a neighbour who spends night and day screaming on his wife. Telling her "ori e daru" (crazy or something derogatory along those lines) and she just keeps mute. Now it's either she goes comatose at the time he's busy reigning those abuse on her or she's one woman who is taking her traditional role way too seriously coupled with some heavy dose of stupidity. Bottom line is this woman never utters a word back to her husband. In fact often times I wonder if the man was merely just displaying some madness by picking a fight with their furniture. Only something that cannot speak will seat through such insults and not utter a word back in defence or whatever. In fact things get so bad that I have considered calling the cops because I do fear for her life. Now is this normal?
So sisters and brothers, how does one balance these two cultures without coming out looking like an idiot or a stuck up cow?
Friday, 10 July 2009
Fiddling With Fate
This is a hard subject for me cos am still a babe when it comes to spirituality and there are so many things I don’t understand. One thing I know however is that it is never advisable to peek into the future or a case or whatever.
This is what I mean. I know people who have gone to spiritualist who claim they see visions. I am not saying it is not possible to have visions but you know those ones that will describe some man you will meet, tall, dark handsome or whatever but they fall short of telling u exactly when and where you will meet him. And then you spend the rest of your life wondering if that tall dark handsome guy you met at the petrol station was the one that was foreseen or was it the one you met at the car park? Possibly the one at the supermarket until confusion kills your poor mind and you don’t know what you are doing anymore. My question is, why bother? Why don’t you just leave you life to fate or chance as it were and pray as you go along instead of seeking counsel or to be more archaic oracle.
A very close of friend of mine is currently tied in an unhappy marriage and too scared to leave because apparently the success he has today is tied to his wife. If he leaves he looses all. And in this day of credit crunch who wants to lose anything abi? How does he know this? He claims long before he met his wife they had prophesied that he would meet her and x and x will happen which has. Looks like brother hasn’t heard of familiar spirit. And while we're in the subject of Christianity and vision ask yourself does this vision tally with the word of God. So God will give you plenty of money and houses through this so-called woman but not someone that will make you closer to him? Does the bible not say seek ye first the kingdom of God and all things shall be added on to you? Even with this my inexperienced spirituality I know if it was God that really gave him that woman, then it wouldn’t be someone he doesn’t love and is so unhappy with, someone who will not help him grow spiritually and become closer to God.
There's only so much advise I can give my friend but as someone detached from the whole situation I can see the bondage my friend is in. Something he had brought upon himself by going to these so-called seers. If anything his situation has taught me even more to take a chance on life. Whatever happens happens and I know God's thoughts for me are thoughts of good and not of evil therefore I believe God will not bring tribulations my way that I can't overcome. Besides tribulations are there to develop our characters and we should not be afraid to seek God's face ourselves rather than go to seers. I hope everyone learns a thing or two from this.
Have a good weekend...xx
This is what I mean. I know people who have gone to spiritualist who claim they see visions. I am not saying it is not possible to have visions but you know those ones that will describe some man you will meet, tall, dark handsome or whatever but they fall short of telling u exactly when and where you will meet him. And then you spend the rest of your life wondering if that tall dark handsome guy you met at the petrol station was the one that was foreseen or was it the one you met at the car park? Possibly the one at the supermarket until confusion kills your poor mind and you don’t know what you are doing anymore. My question is, why bother? Why don’t you just leave you life to fate or chance as it were and pray as you go along instead of seeking counsel or to be more archaic oracle.
A very close of friend of mine is currently tied in an unhappy marriage and too scared to leave because apparently the success he has today is tied to his wife. If he leaves he looses all. And in this day of credit crunch who wants to lose anything abi? How does he know this? He claims long before he met his wife they had prophesied that he would meet her and x and x will happen which has. Looks like brother hasn’t heard of familiar spirit. And while we're in the subject of Christianity and vision ask yourself does this vision tally with the word of God. So God will give you plenty of money and houses through this so-called woman but not someone that will make you closer to him? Does the bible not say seek ye first the kingdom of God and all things shall be added on to you? Even with this my inexperienced spirituality I know if it was God that really gave him that woman, then it wouldn’t be someone he doesn’t love and is so unhappy with, someone who will not help him grow spiritually and become closer to God.
There's only so much advise I can give my friend but as someone detached from the whole situation I can see the bondage my friend is in. Something he had brought upon himself by going to these so-called seers. If anything his situation has taught me even more to take a chance on life. Whatever happens happens and I know God's thoughts for me are thoughts of good and not of evil therefore I believe God will not bring tribulations my way that I can't overcome. Besides tribulations are there to develop our characters and we should not be afraid to seek God's face ourselves rather than go to seers. I hope everyone learns a thing or two from this.
Have a good weekend...xx
Wednesday, 24 June 2009
As You Lay Your Bed...
...So shall you lie on it.
I hope I meet everyone in peace and in good health. Just to say a quick thank you for all the kind words. Thanks a mill.
I am doing great having just arrived from a mini break and Tigress being the great hostess that she is ensured I had a good time. Imagine the woman, she kept worrying about if I was bored or not. I needed to rest and have a girly chat and of course some shopping therapy and I got exactly that. So Tigress you do well for my body o.
Now to the matter at hand, the above saying is one we're all used to hearing but I wonder if we pay enough attention to it when making certain life decisions. Here is the gist, an Ex of mine who's been on my case for us to reconcile for a while now had a baby a few months back. As I was the one who called the relationship off it didn't bother me. In fact I thought to myself that since he's pitched up his nest with another woman and they now have a child which to me seals their union then he'd get off my case. How wrong.
To say that I was flabbergasterd when this brother renewed his chase would be an understatement. I mean how on earth could he think he is good for me now when he wasn't before? I am not saying a man with a child is not a good man but in this case it's totally not right because he had his baby after he met me. Of course I didn't expect him to hang on forever but I thought at the time of getting another woman pregnant it meant that he had moved on for good. Clearly not. Anyway I told him there could never be US and that he made the decision to impregnate a woman he didn't love enough to be his wife, hence he should deal with it.
My puzzle is that why do men do this? I know this guy isn't young and may just wanna get having a baby out of the way but does he not look at the bigger picture before doing it? Why are more and more men taking the route of having baby mommas rather than wives? Is this what they have reduced us women to? I actually feel insulted that he had the audacity to talk love with me while treating a fellow lady like me with such disrespect. The other lady may unknowingly be holding out a torch for him while he is there asking another woman to be his wife.
This is totally unfair and I'm really upset and if anything it has strenghtened my resolve not to give a man what he wants unless I am totally sure he can give me what I want. On the flipside I'm thinking perhaps he felt trapped with the baby. But my argument is this, if you do not plant semen into a woman, she has no business getting pregnant for you, hence the talk of entrapping you becomes baseless. You dont want an unplanned baby, then wear a freaking rubber.
Have a good one guys.
I hope I meet everyone in peace and in good health. Just to say a quick thank you for all the kind words. Thanks a mill.
I am doing great having just arrived from a mini break and Tigress being the great hostess that she is ensured I had a good time. Imagine the woman, she kept worrying about if I was bored or not. I needed to rest and have a girly chat and of course some shopping therapy and I got exactly that. So Tigress you do well for my body o.
Now to the matter at hand, the above saying is one we're all used to hearing but I wonder if we pay enough attention to it when making certain life decisions. Here is the gist, an Ex of mine who's been on my case for us to reconcile for a while now had a baby a few months back. As I was the one who called the relationship off it didn't bother me. In fact I thought to myself that since he's pitched up his nest with another woman and they now have a child which to me seals their union then he'd get off my case. How wrong.
To say that I was flabbergasterd when this brother renewed his chase would be an understatement. I mean how on earth could he think he is good for me now when he wasn't before? I am not saying a man with a child is not a good man but in this case it's totally not right because he had his baby after he met me. Of course I didn't expect him to hang on forever but I thought at the time of getting another woman pregnant it meant that he had moved on for good. Clearly not. Anyway I told him there could never be US and that he made the decision to impregnate a woman he didn't love enough to be his wife, hence he should deal with it.
My puzzle is that why do men do this? I know this guy isn't young and may just wanna get having a baby out of the way but does he not look at the bigger picture before doing it? Why are more and more men taking the route of having baby mommas rather than wives? Is this what they have reduced us women to? I actually feel insulted that he had the audacity to talk love with me while treating a fellow lady like me with such disrespect. The other lady may unknowingly be holding out a torch for him while he is there asking another woman to be his wife.
This is totally unfair and I'm really upset and if anything it has strenghtened my resolve not to give a man what he wants unless I am totally sure he can give me what I want. On the flipside I'm thinking perhaps he felt trapped with the baby. But my argument is this, if you do not plant semen into a woman, she has no business getting pregnant for you, hence the talk of entrapping you becomes baseless. You dont want an unplanned baby, then wear a freaking rubber.
Have a good one guys.
Sunday, 8 June 2008
Love is Still in Vogue
Of all the things that come and go it seems that love has managed to weather the storm. I am sure quite a number of people dont even have a clue what love is and how it works but they wanna love anyway. That was the long and short of the central theme of Sex and the City: The Movie.
I went to see the movie yesterday and I was laughing amidst tears. I have never seen a movie and cried so much in my entire life. I wasn't even sure of what I was crying for or why I was crying, but cry I did. I guess I was crying for love, either for the lack of it, for the longing for it, for having it and not been able to be with it or for whatever. I just knew I cried my eyes out and laughed my heart out. Those were two good mixtures.
So Carrie Bradshaw finally married her Mr Big after a decade of dating and uncountable break- ups. How many women will still marry a man that left them at the alter? Food for thought everyone. As for he sex-crazed maid of honour, people like her dont do love. They do excitements. The sight of a hard-one is enough to set her pulse racing and turn her to jelly. She had the hunk of the century and a forever humping dog and even that wasn't enough. Some people are not just caught out for this relationship/marriage thingee even with 50 staring her in the face. What will she do when she looses whatever is left of her body and grace? Dont ask me.
Anyway I got an hypothetical situation for you guys and need you to put your thinking caps on. Lets call her Sally. She met Harry and instantly fell in love and they went on to have an explosive relationship for about 6 months before she finds out that he was married to some woman stashed away somewhere in another part of the world. The explanation he gave was that their marriage was on the rocks and they decided to tentatively go their separate ways. In between family mediation and stuff they get together again to try and make it work but instead of coming out in bliss, a baby boy was what came out of it before they went their separate ways again. Sally was naturally heartbroken but she wasn't about to continue a relationship with a married man, wife around or not, marriage in turmoil or not. After about 3 months of struggling to leave him she finally did.
Within a year of leaving Harry, she went on to have 2 stormy and unsuccessful relationships of which Harry knew about because they remained friends. You see they had that special kind of bond that even a break up couldn't break. Just as she was about to give up on love she meet Mr Weirdo whom she surprisingly likes. Mr Weirdo says he likes her a lot and wants to be with her for real but problem is Mr Weirdo hardly calls since she agreed to date him. In fact Mr Weirdo hardly replies her text and all he seems interested in is to want to talk and have sex. So she's not particularly sure if Mr Weirdo is for real but she strangely likes him and would like to give him a chance.
She's only been seeing Mr Weirdo for just over a fortnight and she had made steps to severe the friendship between her and Harry because she doesn't want Harry thinking she has a problem keeping men, or that she's sleeping around or that another man has broken her heart again. She honestly feel that the reason she's been unlucky with men after Harry is because they still remained tight friends and he was still a major part of her life so she wants to give herself and Mr Weirdo a fair chance of working without interference from Harry.
The dilemma however is that Harry not aware of Mr Weirdo suddenly wants her back and has begun to work on his divorce. He's asking her to move in with him, happy to start a family and give her a ring as a symbol of his love and commitment to her but he says no marriage. Just co-habitation because he doesn't wanna go down that route twice. She still has love for Harry and does not particularly mind the co-habitation suggestion but she is just confused as to what to do? What does she do with Mr Weirdo, what will her family say, living with a man without marriage, is she really happy without having the marriage ceremony? She doesn't know what to do so she's asking blogville what is right for her to do.
Wednesday, 2 April 2008
Who's your happiness dependent on?
I was having a messenger conversation last night with a friend of mine who's just left his wife of 4 years and has a 3 year old daughter. He was trying to give me advice on marriage and some important things popped out of our conversation. It makes a long read but the points made are quite important and relevant and I will like to know what your point of view is. There are no right or wrong ideas.
Friend: na wife go determine if the man go live happily or not. once una marry, u let urself go, all those things weh u do to catch am, u stop. all the lace bra, push ups, go turn to cottons later, all the low rise jeans go turn to wrapper rise
Ollay: its not as simple as that
Friend: even a pastor friend weh i get deh complain too
hin wife no deh give am do anymore, shes always tired
for six months now no sex
Ollay: you men fail to appreciate the psychological and physiological changes women go through when they grow older and have kids
Friend: hmm u never go thru am now so how u wan take know
Ollay: as a woman i can identify with other women who have gone thru it
Friend: yea some men are bad, we all know that,but suprisingly, na the good ones deh suffer
Ollay: u guys need to start changing your thinking and attitude. While it is not acceptable for a woman to let herself go it is unfair for a man to ask a woman to be like she was when she was 24 after she's had one or more kids, grown older with slower metabolism and has more responsibility both in the house and at work
Friend: ok, u know what, lets have this conversation in ur second year of marriage
just remember everything weh we discuss today
cause me i no deh forget stuff
Ollay: listen am not saying you're not mentioning what the poblems are but you men just fail to see the sheer scale of it
and that in itself is a problem you expect too much and think too much about your dicks. where is the compassion
how many men are still their trendy self as when they first got married. were you not the one saying you want to loose weight too, that's the same way it is for women. men get away with murder yet crucify women. have you forgotten they have feelings too?
Friend: at least i realised i need to loose weight, u guys don’t. after na don born, dem don deh call u mama risi,e don finish everything go just deh sloppy
Ollay: trust me they do. am undertaking a research for my dissertaion. I sampled 102 women and 96% of them have tried to loose weight but its difficult.
Friend: dem wan lose weight aftr men don dissapoint them. tell me about women weh deh husband house
Ollay: nah, a sizable number of them are married
Friend: really
Ollay: sometimes I really do wonder what planet men come from,your arguments are so one-sided. while I agree with you that some women do sit on their butts and do nothing abt their look you fail to see that men have unrealistic demands
Friend: i am not saying we do not have faults men have faults, we cheat,but most times its because our women lose the sex urge, stop looking attractive and stop caring about themselves. i am talking from experience,so will many men
Ollay: na lie what abt the men who cheat on perfectly stunning women, you will say its cos they have one comma. abegi
Friend: women dont know what it takes to make thir man happy anymore.
Ollay: why shud men depend on women to be happy? why cant they seek their happiness for themselves, everything is a woman's fault. am sick and tired of men trying to pull the wool over women's eyes due to their own inadequacies
Friend: thats what u think, u still thinking like a single person
Ollay: you never waka so? you think she wont be happy anymore or you wont be happy anymore? abeg leave story
Friend: ok, u go soon enter. i have been there, u have not, if u marry and leave because u are not happy,whats the probabilty that the next one will be better. thats why our grandmothers teh for husband house cause deh work it out
Ollay: who needs a man to be happy I dont depend on a man to be happy he's coming into my life to share in my happiness and to give me more happiness not to make me happy. Am gonna try my best to live in harmony just like I would do if i was at work or church or anywhere else. And if after I’ve done my best, he’s not happy then the door is there for him. if he compromises my happiness and I’ve tried to make things work to no avail, the door is there for me. Let no man come and tell me am the architect of his own misfortune. life is what we individually make of it not what someone else makes of it for you. chikena
Friend: ok o, u win, ur mentality never change at all. when u marry ,u no know say when one is not happy,the other is not
Ollay: am not saying that each other's happiness dont impact on one anothers. what am saying is that when you are both unhappy and have tried to work it out without success you move on and get ur happiness back.
Friend: u think its that easy abi, stop thinking like this o
Ollay: marriage shud be abt two happy pple who want to share their love and hapiness together but when it becomes difficult to share such love and happiness then they shud find an amicable way to resolve things.
Friend: talk as an educated person but not as an experienced person. let me ask u, are u happy
Ollay: of cos am happy
Friend: with urself?
Ollay: yes
Friend: when u dont have a man
Ollay: absolutely
Friend: ok, good for u
Ollay: happiness have categories, you could be happy being single then have a different sort of happiness when you’re with someone. but it doesnt mean that when you were single you were unhappy. you could also be with someone and be happy but you could break up and find that you're happier. also happiness does not mean you dont compromise or compromise does not mean you cant be happy. bending your rules may not make you completely happy but I doubt you will bend your rules at all if it was going to cost you too much unhappiness. breaking off your marriage may not making you instantly happy but in the long run you may become happier. it all depends on the where, when, why, who, how
Friend: u see ,thats selfishness right there,when u married,its not bout u alone again, u have to stop been self centered. its about ur family
Ollay: selfishness is subjective. what;s the point of rowing 24 7 with ur wifey and the children can hear. how happy do you think they will be?
Friend: u know me, i go rub am to ur face when u change this way of reasoning
Ollay: forget it. life unravels and as it unravels one's points of view changes. so i wait for it to unravel.
Friend: u need loose small of this fire o, u are still young sha, u never see life
Ollay: if u say so
Below is excerpts from our conversation.
Friend: na wife go determine if the man go live happily or not. once una marry, u let urself go, all those things weh u do to catch am, u stop. all the lace bra, push ups, go turn to cottons later, all the low rise jeans go turn to wrapper rise
Ollay: its not as simple as that
Friend: even a pastor friend weh i get deh complain too
hin wife no deh give am do anymore, shes always tired
for six months now no sex
Ollay: you men fail to appreciate the psychological and physiological changes women go through when they grow older and have kids
Friend: hmm u never go thru am now so how u wan take know
Ollay: as a woman i can identify with other women who have gone thru it
Friend: yea some men are bad, we all know that,but suprisingly, na the good ones deh suffer
Ollay: u guys need to start changing your thinking and attitude. While it is not acceptable for a woman to let herself go it is unfair for a man to ask a woman to be like she was when she was 24 after she's had one or more kids, grown older with slower metabolism and has more responsibility both in the house and at work
Friend: ok, u know what, lets have this conversation in ur second year of marriage
just remember everything weh we discuss today
cause me i no deh forget stuff
Ollay: listen am not saying you're not mentioning what the poblems are but you men just fail to see the sheer scale of it
and that in itself is a problem you expect too much and think too much about your dicks. where is the compassion
how many men are still their trendy self as when they first got married. were you not the one saying you want to loose weight too, that's the same way it is for women. men get away with murder yet crucify women. have you forgotten they have feelings too?
Friend: at least i realised i need to loose weight, u guys don’t. after na don born, dem don deh call u mama risi,e don finish everything go just deh sloppy
Ollay: trust me they do. am undertaking a research for my dissertaion. I sampled 102 women and 96% of them have tried to loose weight but its difficult.
Friend: dem wan lose weight aftr men don dissapoint them. tell me about women weh deh husband house
Ollay: nah, a sizable number of them are married
Friend: really
Ollay: sometimes I really do wonder what planet men come from,your arguments are so one-sided. while I agree with you that some women do sit on their butts and do nothing abt their look you fail to see that men have unrealistic demands
Friend: i am not saying we do not have faults men have faults, we cheat,but most times its because our women lose the sex urge, stop looking attractive and stop caring about themselves. i am talking from experience,so will many men
Ollay: na lie what abt the men who cheat on perfectly stunning women, you will say its cos they have one comma. abegi
Friend: women dont know what it takes to make thir man happy anymore.
Ollay: why shud men depend on women to be happy? why cant they seek their happiness for themselves, everything is a woman's fault. am sick and tired of men trying to pull the wool over women's eyes due to their own inadequacies
Friend: thats what u think, u still thinking like a single person
Ollay: you never waka so? you think she wont be happy anymore or you wont be happy anymore? abeg leave story
Friend: ok, u go soon enter. i have been there, u have not, if u marry and leave because u are not happy,whats the probabilty that the next one will be better. thats why our grandmothers teh for husband house cause deh work it out
Ollay: who needs a man to be happy I dont depend on a man to be happy he's coming into my life to share in my happiness and to give me more happiness not to make me happy. Am gonna try my best to live in harmony just like I would do if i was at work or church or anywhere else. And if after I’ve done my best, he’s not happy then the door is there for him. if he compromises my happiness and I’ve tried to make things work to no avail, the door is there for me. Let no man come and tell me am the architect of his own misfortune. life is what we individually make of it not what someone else makes of it for you. chikena
Friend: ok o, u win, ur mentality never change at all. when u marry ,u no know say when one is not happy,the other is not
Ollay: am not saying that each other's happiness dont impact on one anothers. what am saying is that when you are both unhappy and have tried to work it out without success you move on and get ur happiness back.
Friend: u think its that easy abi, stop thinking like this o
Ollay: marriage shud be abt two happy pple who want to share their love and hapiness together but when it becomes difficult to share such love and happiness then they shud find an amicable way to resolve things.
Friend: talk as an educated person but not as an experienced person. let me ask u, are u happy
Ollay: of cos am happy
Friend: with urself?
Ollay: yes
Friend: when u dont have a man
Ollay: absolutely
Friend: ok, good for u
Ollay: happiness have categories, you could be happy being single then have a different sort of happiness when you’re with someone. but it doesnt mean that when you were single you were unhappy. you could also be with someone and be happy but you could break up and find that you're happier. also happiness does not mean you dont compromise or compromise does not mean you cant be happy. bending your rules may not make you completely happy but I doubt you will bend your rules at all if it was going to cost you too much unhappiness. breaking off your marriage may not making you instantly happy but in the long run you may become happier. it all depends on the where, when, why, who, how
Friend: u see ,thats selfishness right there,when u married,its not bout u alone again, u have to stop been self centered. its about ur family
Ollay: selfishness is subjective. what;s the point of rowing 24 7 with ur wifey and the children can hear. how happy do you think they will be?
Friend: u know me, i go rub am to ur face when u change this way of reasoning
Ollay: forget it. life unravels and as it unravels one's points of view changes. so i wait for it to unravel.
Friend: u need loose small of this fire o, u are still young sha, u never see life
Ollay: if u say so
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