Wednesday, 3 September 2008
Forbidden Love and Love Misconceptions
I decided to put up this post because of the result of an earlier poll I conducted. A total of 25 people gave their opinion and just over a half of them said yes they would date the friend of an ex. To me that's a very startling result. When I put up that poll I expected more people to go for the "Are you mad" answer and those who would be in the affirmative to be in the minority. On the other hand I am happy that perhaps we as a people are moving away from those factors that forbade us to love. Perhaps we're gradually coming to the realisation that what matters at the end of the day is love? What really is love though?
In my last post I highlighted the situation that occurred between me and the friend of an ex. On reflection, I know now that I rejected him not because he was a friend of my ex but because I just didn't like him enough. Since that time, a friend of another ex has crossed my path and even I am surprised at the amount of feelings I have for him and if circumstances permitted us to be together then I'd gladly jump at the opportunity. Bottom line is when you really like someone and you know within yourself that this person is good for you and you both have honorable intentions, why should something such as him or her being a friend of your ex stop you from experiencing something most people want but only few are lucky enough to have? I am inclined to believe that the seven respondents who said they didn't know if they would date the friend of an ex could change their mind if given good reasons. If the other person is able to prove to them and make them see why they ought to be together, I want to believe that they would welcome the idea. Of course I may be wrong but this is totally my opinion.
Some people would argue that if you once loved your ex then you should never consider his friend later however much time may have passed since you last dated him/her. I started dating now a little under a decade ago and I still cant grasp the full understanding of the word 'love'. I was having a rather interesting chat with someone last week and he asked me if I had ever being in love. I answered saying I thought so but I get confused what love really is sometimes. He then offered a definition saying it is "that feeling that you feel what you never felt before". Yea I've heard that before except that my experience of falling and being in love has defied this modest definition time and time over. I know for certain I've been in love more than once and on those occasions the feeling did feel brand new and perhaps more intense than the previous but it's only a matter of time before I feel like that again where my previous feelings have been dashed. This is not to suggest that I fall in and out of love easily because there is usually a perfectly good reason why I fall out of love. I've been in love with someone I could never be with ever again in my life and don't they say that love never dies?
People say that if you fall in love with someone and later fall out of love with that person then it was not love in the first place but how many people do you know who married that boy or girl they were so crazily in love with for a long time? Most people do not get married to their so-called first love. At least its been eons since I heard such stories. There was always someone before there was you but it does not mean that the former was more special than the latter or does it? Certainly not in most cases or am I just naive? My believe that if you fall in love with someone and it is not watered or if such love does not have the right avenue to grow strong then it will eventually die. It doesn't mean that you never loved, it just meant that you either didn't try enough to keep that love or maybe you tried and the other person just made it extremely difficult for you to keep on. As they say, it takes two.
One of the other things I hear about love is that when you love someone you cant develop feelings for someone else but I know for sure that this is not true. Just because you're in love with someone does not mean that your potential feelings for others will automatically die. It's what you do when you feel for someone else that tests how strong the love you have for the first person is. People just tend to believe that love is all they need and that's where they get it wrong. You cant just have love and then forget about the other factors that makes you a whole person. I liken love to the acceleration you apply to a car to get it going. Yes the car may be a Lamborghini with whatever cylinders and metallic coating and a tank full of the finest fuel you can get, if you dont get into the driver seat, start the engine and move the car then it is as good as useless. You may even move the car and then drive recklessly and find yourself in the ditch. Love needs careful maneuvering and alertness, it needs looking after and constant polishing. In real life situation we are talking about things such as being faithful, patient, nurturing, attentive, understanding, appreciative, respectful etc. Yes the love you have for someone may want you to want to practice all these things, but it may not necessarily make you practice them. You have to make yourself do so, love just makes it easier to but it is never enough.
Finally I want to ask the question, does being in love hold the satisfaction one needs to live a fulfilled life? I always wondered but I have come to the realisation that perhaps not. For some it may just be their career and others some adrenaline fueled adventure. I am still finding out where my real satisfaction lies and I'm not sure if I want it to be love cos hmmmm...I rest my case!