Friday, 19 September 2008

Trouble Sleep Yanga Go Wake Am


That is what our people in Nigeria say in Pidgin English when one decides to go look for trouble by perhaps doing a stupid thing. In this case trouble was taking a stroll away and I decided to go and tap it by the shoulders.


How did it start? Well I found my old address book from Nigeria. This is not a joke but the number of complimentary cards I found was enough to make a paper machie house. Most girls in Nija will testify to this, when you go out you are bound to meet some big man somewhere who's looking for a fresh blood to devour. Often they are rich, married, way older than you and with bellies bigger than that of a 9 months pregnant woman. But somehow back in the days it shows some sort of street smart pride when your wallet is adorned by complimentary cards of Senators or oil boys even if you don't really take them as Aristos. I had a few good ones myself and I found one of such ones in my stash of complimentary cards. Now the man in question is not exactly top notch but he worked for Chevron and your girl was trying to get into the company then. So I pallied him up only that he wanted more than I could give so I severed our friendship and kissed goodbye to the Chevron job he was going to help me with.



Fast forward 6 years yours truly decided to give him a buzz having found his card but I didn't know I was setting myself up for trouble. The buzz was just to say hi o...now I know why they say that an idle mind is the devils works shop. He remembered me quite alright and we chatted about a few things here and there asked for my number which I gave to him thinking he'd never call anyway. Now that mistake is almost costing me my sanity now. Man refuse to back down on his calls o. He basically intends to blow up my phone and he's driving me outta my mind. He even said that he's coming to London next month to see me. See me see wahala, ki la gbe, ki le ju? (I dont know the translation to that one, that's some Yoruba slang). Anywhoos at that point I knew I had to act so I told him that seeing him will be tough o cos I live with my partner. He went into a stony silence and then suddenly exclamated, "you live with a man?!" I was like shoo, since when did that become a crime but I forgot that those things are frowned upon in Nigeria. Only that was not the reason for his shock, the real reason was that because I called him he felt that I wanted us to be an item. I mean from where to where? For all I care this man could have gone grey and I could have become yokozuna in the 6 years we haven't seen. Why would a 2 minute call to you suggest that I want to shag you on your next trip to London? If I didn't have anything to do with you sexually then, why would I do now? It still irks me that he even thought along those lines at all and I'm really wondering at the state of men/women affairs in Nigeria. Frankly I don't find it funny and I dont think its proper at all. Hopefully that will put him off ever calling me again.



Really men are wired differently but at least now I've learnt my lessons. When next I see trouble, I'll take the back road. I siddon look...

47 comments:

H2O-works said...

hahaha...I better be first here oo...lol

H2O-works said...

but for real tho...it still beats me that rate at which our naija girls gets "disturbed" by all them aristo type men oo...I worry 4 our young women oo. Just pray ur excuse is enuff to scare him away sha, cos u know ur fone # is info enuff 4 him to reverse lookup and find ur address sha...

Parakeet said...

Hmm...H2o, how you take dey do am. This your first position these days.

Now u're scaring me. Anyway he gat my PAYG number which aint registered so there's no way he will get me. I think I just have to ignore any strange number calling my phone now.

Rita said...

I don't know if I am right, but I have this feeling that some men believe you "want" them...whether or not something has happened between the both of you...
In your case, it seemed the guy perceived you saying, "Ok, I want you now, I will agree now..."
Please, can a guy help us understand them...why must trouble wake up?

naijalines said...

Guys are def wired differently. A guy would not call if he wasn't thinking of 'something'. I guess he put you in his shoes cos he would only call you if he was interested.

H2O-works said...

wow! I've actually been first 3 times here now..:-) Well na sleeplessness dey cause am sha, it seems like all I can do is take naps at nite when Im suppose to be sleeping (I need help on that oo) and given that we are in different timezones, and since I follow ur blog on a regular, Im awake when u post which happens to be mostly in the mornings...lol...my position might drop :-( once I return to my regular sleep pattern...

***Enjoy screening ur calls***...but hey wat if Im the one calling?? :-)

Parakeet said...

@Rita...yea, some enlightenment on that will do.
@Naija...hmm, that got me thinking actually.
@H20...then I'd have to give you my personal pager. But wait o. Why cant you sleep sef. Abi you want me to help you with that?

ShonaVixen said...

yup men are wired differently,,,because well he wouldnt call some1 after 6 years just to say 'Hi', so m sure as you hung up he such a grin on his face, thinking of what he would do to you which he couldnt 6 yrs ago...lol....
hey thanks for making me smile by that 'YOKOZUNA' statement...lol...takes me back

geisha said...

babes only call guys they like - for the most part anyway, with the exception of family and reeeally good friends. therefore, guys generally assume that a babe taking time to use her credit to make a phone call must want 'that thing'!
that said, it was kinda forward of him to'v assumed you wanted him to fly out to come see you. even tho i doubt he woulda planned to spend money on a plane ticket just to toast babe. it was just part of his scopes! lol.
poor guy, now you've gone and broken his heart with your scandalous revelation!


geisha.song.

Parakeet said...

@Shona...you know what am beginning to think am the naive one here. Lol at Yokozuna
@Geisha...you know what? You're right. Scopes gone bad I guess.

rayo said...

yep, definitely wired differently. just a phone cal nd e don dey assume all that. he'll prob still call u either way.

LG said...

Nawawa'o :)

H2O-works said...

yes oo...I wud like it if u can help me sleep...LOL...but on d real it is killing me oooooo

aloted said...

lol..pele o parakeet..
like others have said guys are so wired differently...any little thing u do or say they think you are interested in them.

Calling a guy (who isn't like your friend, u get?) out of the blues tells him "she wants me"...what a conceited childish way to think but omo thats how some men are for u o...

anyway i am glad u have learnt ur lesson ;-)

Free-flowing Florida said...

sure dudes & babes r wired differently, but as 4 dat call thing & him equating it dat u r interested n him - daz completely him o. i've guys i worked with a long time ago call me up & say hi. & vice versa. they ddnt suggest a hook up or a shag. i've also have guys dat i called up 2 say hello who tot there was more dan meets d eye. it's an individual thing.

don't stress 4 d man. he's not going 2 look 4 ur address. naija men r not like dat. not wen they can get buddy 4rm any corner of d d place by chicks impressed by 'oil money'

Afrobabe said...

Kai....no what?? not fair at all...rara...for those who dont understand yoruba like me, it means at all...

lmao....yes now...what did you call him for if not for sex???

Please help a brother out!!!

Parakeet said...

@Rayo...If he calls again am def cussing him out
@LG...na real wa
@Aloted...honestly I cant believe am well over 2 decades old and I still dont know how to deal with men. I need proper cane.
@FFF...abi. I thot that was rather weird. I even asked him if he was married and he said 50/50. What the hell does that mean? lol!
@Afro...I guess you have to come and take yoruba lessons with me. And remember say your cane still dey under bed. Dicks plenty for london, I dont need to endure 6 hours air travel to get one...lol.

Guys pardon my vulgarity but that's what Afro does to you.

NikkiSab said...

Men were built in d dark, dats why dia wires got mixed up. A simple polite smile reads in dia brain is translated - she wants me! De r sometimes hypocrites - so its ok to b old and mayb married and chase a young gal but its a bad tin if u say u r living wit ur man....plzzz.Life is funny both sexes dont get demselves but cant b witout each oda. Fashi d grandpa lol!!!

bumight said...

I guess he thought it was like some second opportunity. Guys always do that especially if you were the one to call them,

Buttercup said...

lol..i guess it was kinda 'normal' for him to think u wanted somn..u refused him in the past, so callin him now cud only mean one thing..to him anywayz..

Smaragd said...

na true, trouble sleep dey snore You come go wake am!lol

"Ki la gbe, ki le ju" is usually said to someone who's overreacting or exaggerating. cant translate it literally, let's ask Allied...lol

Jarrai said...

Hahahaha...ok ok, i know its not funny but girlfriend men are like this...they are very black and white unlike us complex creatures.

I called an ex a few weeks ago to say happy birthday and the guy immediately thought that i wanted him "bad"...i laughed off his approaches cause the dude has a new babe!!!

I don't call any of my male "friends" unless i need services...lol lol

Afronuts said...

LMAO!!

U remind of of that charlie chaplin movie where the tramp enters a cage where a lion is sleeping and wants to form brave dude...

Lucky u...u for smell pepper for inside a man's boxers.

But everybody makes mistakes...lol

How u been jare?

Mogaji said...

Haha! Only Nigerian men do that. If all you did was add him on facebook or hi5 he would have done the same. I don't know why there is such a vast cultural difference between Naija and U.S. A lady walking down the street would probably get a marriage proposal. Here you could be seeing someone for a year and you would not even graduate to girlfriend/boyfriend status.

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

LOL
He probably thought all his christmases had come true at once
He probably sang alleluyah when you got off the phone, thought not only where these showers of blessings but hail storms of them. He almost had you bagged.....poor guy almost doesnt count lol

Funms said...

aristos and their ways.......... poor man already had his hopes high, maybe he'd even bought ticket sef....... wonder y these so called old men have no shame

Sting said...

Very interesting that he would think that. I have no idea what else to say, it's baffling.

Jaycee said...

Lol @ taking the back road when next you see trouble...

'Some' men 'choose' to be wired differently...

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

men! can't stand them, can't...

What's that saying, again?

=P

Hope all is well.

NIGERIAN CURIOSITY
IT WAS SO MUCH EASIER WHEN I ONLY HAD ONE

Tigeress said...

lol! pele. an idle mind IS the devil's workshop indeed. Naija men only see green light- sething that baffles me. the more u resist- the more they seem interested. As for those pot bellied old men.....nasty nasty nasty!! then again, i dont blame them- they do shag these girls after all.

mizchif said...

Dis na real "Cat dey sleep, rat go bite im tail"

The guy probably thinks you have the hots for him, since u kept his contact and still reached out after so long.

NigerianDramaQueen said...

Yes oh, yanga dey sleep and you go wake am! Na u start am!LMAO

Afrobabe said...

What??? Talking about dicks??? Mind your language lady...bad girl...tryin to spoil me...

Osondu Awaraka said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dammy said...

Aristos! The nightmare of single men!

Men are wired to do the hunting while women enjoy the chase!

I guess the dude thinks like the prodigal son- this time 'daughter', you are retracing your steps back to the fatherly bossom of his excellency! It's just natural for him to think that you wana play ball now...afteral "Men are wired differently".

But...seriously, what were you still doing with his contact? Why did you give him yours? Why did you even call him in the first place? Is there something you are not telling us? Lol...



How u dey?
I missed reading your blog. I've been away for a while but now, I am back.

Mz. Dee said...

Lmao..dude was wantin sum jand booty!!!

Abujamaiden said...

mybe 'cause you called after all these years he thinks "the love" didn't die.

Enigma said...

LMAO!!!! Wetin you sef dey find? Ehn?..now you are blaming the 'bad wiring' of men...

Aristo indeed!

fluffycutething said...

And of course no man has showed up to enlighten us!!!!

the young nigerian virgin said...

lol...parakeet, let sleeping dogs lie...lol

doll said...

Like everyone has said. Men are wired that way. LOL@ your title. Babe pls consider removing dis word verification thingy. its a real biatch

Muse said...

di man dey him own, di gal call am. as e come be sey she no need di job again, werin she wan make di randy man do?

shame on him! LOL!!!

(¯`·._.·[***Fresh&Fab***]·._.·´¯) said...

wow...wow

ibiluv said...

na u call am
so na u find trouble

since u werent really friends
i blame not the guy for thinking na cos of a little "sumthing" u call am

change ur number

Allied said...

Apart fem "men are wired differently" if a dude, you had a crush on calls you out of the blue and just says he wants to check on you, won't you be happy ? don't lie oh!

Of course u would be and call him if he gave u his contacts.

So u truly use Yanga go wake trouble

AnyaPosh said...

hahaha!!! OMgosh...i haven't been here in a hot minute and I was beginning to forget how funny you are. damn...my oh my...but true talk - "trouble dey sleep, yanga go wake am"!

Parrot said...

ohmigod..so funny..dos men ehen..esp dos bald,bigbellied,Idiotic men who think they are God's gift to women..If not for unseemly ladies who make them think everyone is like dat...

And about calling a guy,dats why i don't call makes em feel important..evrytime i did that they always want to see me or can you come over..duh