Monday, 26 October 2009

Living A Goalless Life

Hello lovely peoples, I hope I meet una well.

So I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and one of the questions that arose was, Parakeet what's your goal in life??? And the answer is NONE! It is scary. I actually do things without really thinking deep as to what I want to come out of it. I looked through my life and realised that I've actually never wanted to be one thing. I've always seen the possibility of me being several things. Naturally my flair has always been for writing and reading everything readable. I enjoyed literature and every subject relating to the humanities. But then when I went to the hostel I became like a glorified Nurse. I was able to diagnose pretty accurately what could be wrong with someone and I was able to tell them what medication to use. I was never a sickly child, I just had a lot of sensitivities to things so I knew what Ihad to avoid and what I had to take when I was struck down by an illness. Everyone told me I had missed my calling. I should have gone to science class and studied to become a doctor or a pharmacist. But then they also said I'd make a good Teacher when my study time at the refectory became my teaching time. Yes our refectory doubled as our reading area so everyone came to Si Parakeet (as we were fondly called then). Well maybe not so fondly when you think about how wicked some Seniors were. I wasn't one of them though, seriously. lol.

Moving on to the higher institution I felt I could be a good Pyschologist. I had the ability to listen and give objective advice which when tried works (wish I could be the same with myself). Then I was involved in some social activities as an MC and Radio Presenter and some people saw a colourful career in the entertainment industry for me. Even I saw it but not so much now...hehehe. Some people say I ask the oddest questions and probe a bit too much so I'd be a good lawyer. Plus everything politics interests me which means I'd do well. All these little fragments of everything but no real ambition. I've never seen myself in the attire of a Lawyer trying to bring to book the world's most dangerous criminal. Never saw myself on TV as one beautiful Newscaster all the men are trying to date. Never seen me behind a huge table giving an advice to someone who had just tried to commit suicide, nor have I ever seen myself in a white gown holding a stethoscope. I have never even seen myself being knocked up and playing wifey in a home. So what have I ever seen myself as? The answer is NOTHING!

I went to school, got an education, came out with really good grades, got a passable job and I earn a living. I am able to pay my way. If I want something desperately I just need to save for it for a few months and I can buy it for myself (well aside a house and a jet). I have a 'relatively' comfortable life but I dont think I have big dreams. I dont see myself driving a posh or living in a big house. It doesn't mean I dont have desires. I do. Like I wish I could actually get my LPC done and qualify as a Solicitor and do pro bono work for the less priviledged in Nigeria. Like I wish I could have money to set up a charity and just educate and empower as many women as possible. I wish I could marry a wonderful man one day and be happy with a kid or two. But you see they're just wishes and if I dont achieve them it wouldn't seem like I've failed.

I know or at least we all know that it is normal to have goals. They say it gives you a purpose for living. However for me it is different. It is becoming more and more apparent that I just live for today and when the tide of life comes it blows wherever it likes, I pick myself up and then re-strategise and continue to live my life. Surely there's something wrong with that. Surely one must have goals and strive to fulfil them as a test of ones character. Can anyone diagnose the problem with Parakeet? Or am I just being to hard on myself?

20 comments:

Rita said...

You are obviously one of the multi-talented people, and someone who will be successful in wherever she gets involved.

However, we can only know our purpose in life when we ask the person that created us. It could be all of the things you have got yourself involved with and He wants it channelled in the right place/way. Or it could just be one thing that makes everything about you fit.

And since you enjoy reading, try reading some books that can tell you more about who you are. And don't run away from the truth when it stares you in the face :-)

Welcome back.

ShonaVixen said...

I do agree that you're being hard on yourself..as Rita said you're actually one of those multi-talented people. If I told you the many things I dabble in and have tried..and to me thats given me experience and confidence..coz I know that my focus isnt just on one sole goal!
Where you true passion lies will come to you hon!!

TRYBES said...

Ask God for directions.Life in itself is hard enough to add more fraustrations to it. A man without plans lose everythin to the wind within a short span but God will guide you when and if you cry to him.

Myne Whitman said...

There's nothing wrong with you at all. I agree with what Rita has said, you have to ask from the source. Having a job is a good goal but ask yourself where you want to be in say 5 years? All the best.

ibiluv said...

God's speed..............

ibiluv said...

God's speed..............

Favoured Girl said...

Sweetie, you're not being too hard on yourself, you are multi-talented! I know how you feel cos I was in your position three years ago, wondering why I had ended up as an accountant. I had several interests but I wasn't really passionate about anything.

One day I picked up the book "Purpose Driven Life" and I digested everything in it. It really opened my eyes and it gave me pointers on how to find my talent and purpose. I'll definitely recommend it to you too! Read it thoughtfully and keep praying to God reveal your purpose.

Knowing your purpose makes a HUGE difference in the way you live. All the best dearie.

BBB said...

dont be hard on your self..
most of us wonder what it really is we are aimig for or if we are doing d right things in y life..its only God that can give directions..he is d light unto our feet and d lamp on our path

tankojjetty said...

Hmmm...I think you could actually be all and more...why be known for one thing and not all ehn?

I think ultimately with you possibilities abound, you're actually one of very few people who wouldnt want to be confined to a box...a tag.

Like you set your mind to something and get it done. maybe, just maybe, you have goals but you dont want to be burdened by the name "goal"

Finally i think you're doing good, and as long as you make positive impact in one person life, thats a goal fulfilled in itself.

i dey come back blogville small small sha...lol

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

You cant live through life with a manual, you have to be versatile adaptable. I believe in multi talents it means you are probably more well cushioned to the blows of life than someone who is focused on just one thing coz if that one thing falls apart......

lucidlilith said...

I dont think you are goal-less...just content with life in general...

Tigeress said...

Sweeite- i dont even let it bother me anymore. I take each day as it comes. I dont know my purpose in life. If i can come to terms with it- then to hell with everyone else who has an issue with it.

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

my sister, the sentiment you share is one that creeps up on me far too often. When that happens, I definitely send God a little message asking for guidance and the perseverance to get through the period.

God dey babe, always.

musco said...

...this piece really got me thinking abt my entire sojourn on earth!

Bibi said...

well, i have so many goals that i can never possibly achieve all in one lifetime. but because none of these dreams are education required, i sometimes feel like i have no dream. but i just have to snap out of it and remeber that I am here for a reason. might not be the reason why 99% of the world's population is here but a reason nontheless.

Bibi said...

rita has said it out of my mouth. lol

Anonymous said...

It's an asset to be multi-skilled and be adaptable to one's circumstances in the unpredictable world that we live in . One can plan life to the last detail but the best plans may not happen.

Sometimes, the best achievements are those where you simply seize the moment. Just live, girl and leave the rest to Him who knows best.

xxx Naijalines.

Parakeet said...

@Anonymous - Oh my days Naijalines...where have you been? I hope you are well? And thanks so much for your comment.

xx

Nemesiz said...

Personally, I have come to terms with the fact that I, like all of humanity, am living a meaningless and purposeless life. So, if your question is 'what is my purpose? i.e. for what reason have I been "created"' or 'why am I here on earth?' Then I think the answer is staring u in the face if you're brave enough to accept it i.e. there is no purpose.

However, goals are different, since these are essentially desires that you decide for yourself and, therefore, strive to achieve. I think goals are important because otherwise you will drift aimlessly, with no apparent benefits. So, please do set goals, aim high and go for them! But I think you're struggling on the "commitment" front. You need to commit in order to achieve set goals. So while it is decidedly good/beneficial to be multi-faceted (I am one of those ppl too), committing to some intention is rewarding in the long run. But you mustn't feel that commitment necessarily requires you to be mono-focused e.g. you can commit to becoming a psychologist, lawyer etc but at the same time still do some part-time radio show or write in your spare time...you shouldn't abandon ALL your interests for just ONE. But one or two may have to take priority for a period of time as a result of the need to commit!

I admit, of cos, that ironically, part of the reason for goal-setting is essentially to fabricate meaning and purpose to fill the void.

Yours simply,

- Nemz

rishant said...

Hi Parakeet,

I used to be a very goal oriented person since age 12 and I qualified IIT JEE ( a tough entrance exam). I was always very stressful even though I succeeded by normal standards and when I went into college I made bigger goals, which stressed me more. One day life did not happen the way I wanted and I really broke. I cried for months and months.

I remembered my childhood and realised that the day I have started making goals, I have actually become stressed, less witty, less intelligent.

I stopped making goal and am leading an awesome life. Everything is a surprise now. I do not want to exchange my new found spontaneity and peace with anything in this world.

I keep on reading about people who lead a similar life and this is how I reached your blog. Good going. love you :) [ just felt like writing ]