Wednesday, 29 June 2011

Women: Are We Our Own Enemy?

I ask this question because I've noticed the many struggles we sisters go through. We are unlikely to tell each other the truth and always go out of our way to paint a rosy picture of our situations when just speaking the truth may inspire and in many cases help another sister.

In this post, I am going to turn my attention to domestic violence. Many cases of it have been in my face lately and I'm forced to ask the question, what is going on? How come we have so many cases of it coming to the limelight now? We all know some women get battered in marriage both physically and mentally but the sheer number of cases cropping up these days has given me a cause to ponder on the choice we make in our life partners.

I know many expectations have changed and one cant simply say I'm marrying for love these days. Many women marry for all sorts of reasons; to get the parents off their backs, as a status thing, for security, for kids, for money or for whatever reason. But are we so driven by our desire to get hitched that we somehow slack on scrutinising the quality of the men we go for? I am by no means suggesting that just the men are to blame for this but are we as women actually assessing that beyond our physical and social needs we're indeed mentally ready to be a wife, mother and a life partner?

I'm inclined to believe that many women who are getting into marriages these days have very little ideas what to expect and feel ill-equipped to deal with situations because they've actually not dated or courted properly. From day one, what most women see especially when you're past a certain age is the altar and you just start to scheme and plan and strategise on how to get the man to commit. A commitment he might not want or be ready for. I am guilty of this as well.

This is probably due to the fact that as singles we get the most criticism from other sisters? Why isn't she married? Why does she not have kids yet? What's she doing with that short and ugly man? How could she stoop so low? And the list goes on and on. Little wonder women are just entering into union for the heck of it or for reasons of drawing approvals and admirations?

We need to go back to the drawing board sisters because I don't want to hear another story of a sister who topped herself or another whose husband butchered her to death. It is sickening, it is scary and I know it can be avoided. This is the time to act and the time to start changing our attitudes and expectations. Getting married or being with a man should not be a means to an end, it should be a well thought out process, a full awareness of oneself and a journey one is prepared to make in the right frame of mind and for the right reasons.


LG said...

1sttttt or am i??

btw yes we are

Parakeet said...

@LG...indeed you're first. You get winch? lol.

How you dey my sis?

LusciousRon said...

We are o! I just wish many more women would stop listening to society and just take time to find the right partner instead of rushing the firts man to come along.

AlooFar said...

3rd or am I?


doll said...

societal pressure yea...but for most people its the fear of the unknown and change that makes them stay in bad relationship.

Run Run Run Run if you are in one and reading this

Andy said...

Wow, impressed to see that you still blog! Awesome

@ilola said...

I think the main cause of rushed marriage is pressure from family and friends. If we will learn to withstand it, I feel the unfortunate incidence will reduce.
Please, read my post on 'Mrs Pressured', I am sure you will find it interesting. You can find a link to it under my 'popular posts' gadgets.

First time here and following. Please, check out my blog at

Scribblers Inc said...

Very well put...Dropped in to your blog after AGES and glad to see its still active! Though the tone definitely seems to have changed...all for the better ofcourse! :)

Scribblers Inc.

Kitten said...

GREAT post about a serious issue that needs to be addressed.

Myne Whitman said...

True word!

Muse Origins said...

Domestic violence is still such a huge part of some women's lives. And this is probably because we women allow it- either through low self esteem or lack of empowerment

Muse Origins
Muse Origins FB

Graphic Design Agency said...

It is a fact that there women who resort to early marriage or resort to arranged marriage to escape the household where she grows up for some valid reasons thinking that starting a family will solve her problems.