All Hail!

....www.sistazmag.com

A few good months ago it all started as a joke, then we started throwing ideas around and it began to form, then we thought why not do something about it? The idea grew, the form took shape and sistazmag came to fruition. We are hoping it will grow even more, but we would need you. Please visit and enjoy www.sistazmag.com...lets make it one big community of sisters and of course brothers who love sisters.

Where Are The Men???

I tend to choose my outfit based on how I'm feeling. Those feelings could range from bloatedness, to unattractiveness and on some lucky days, to sexiness. So I dress according to how I feel. However, now that I've stopped working it's far easier to pick an outfit, mainly jeans and a jumper. Half the time I don't even have to bother with ironing, the only positive thing about winter. Our coats tends to cover a lot of our inadequacies.

However how I dress determines if I'm going to get any advances from the opposite sex and to a certain extent the kind of guy that will show an interest in me. There are days when I don't pay much care to my dressing and I get the odd winks from pot bellied old men. Obviously this infuriates me but I immediately know why they think they could have a chance with me. However there are some days when I feel I'm totally chick and some dodgy looking fella with skin blacker than charcoal walks by with a limp and decides to make a pass at me. On such days I actually hate myself more than the unfortunate man that chose to fancy me. I don't know if I'm an isolated case but I'm often left feeling as if something had gone seriously wrong with my look, attracting such a person. I wonder if it's the cheap clothing or the fact that I just look like 'the sort'.

These days I actually don't attract guys that I think are 'correct' except in close gatherings. For some weird reason all the 'inbetweens' have evaporated into thin air. Only ugly mofos or some skinhead in saggy pants seem to take a shine to me these days. The last time a young likeable bloke fancied me was on the tube and he was too bloody shy to ask for my digits until I got to my stop. I mean how does that help and how exactly did I get here? Sometimes I try to console myself that since london is full of attached or married men, these guys actually see and fancy me but force themselves to look away because of the massive temptation I pose to them and of course the threat to their peaceful romantic arrangements. Yea I know, in my dreams.

I think I need a re-vamp of my wardrobe. I know I certainly don't walk the streets of London announcing that I am attached so I don't see any reason why that guy with the perfect bum doesn't think I'm approachable. Yes I've been told I walk around with a frown on my face which doesn't help, but there's been times I've smiled at a bloke in a crowded place and they've looked away. Well maybe the picture is not as grim as am painting it, but heck why do I even need to smile to get a guy's attention in the first of place. The glory of my presence alone should send them coming and then I'll have the liberty to say no thanks, I'm not available!

When Turn Ons Become Turn Offs

One of the phrases men like to use in describing us women is that we dont know what we want. I often like to say that contrary to that, our problem is that we know what we want a little bit too much but we know it's hard to find so we often settle for a close second while never really stopping the search for that exact thing we want. We do this by either trying to refine our close second choice into the real mccoy or look outside of that. Either way we press on until we either get tired or fate just happens.

For instance, one of the things a woman will assess before considering dating a man is, does he have a good job? Some may even go further by preferring to date men of certain professions only. May be someone that works in oil and gas for example. So a girl finally meets her dream man who has that oil and gas job, except he works on the rigs and have long spell away in some remote place. Then the wahala starts. That exact thing that attracted you to him becomes the cause of your aggravation. Suddenly, he works too much, he doesn't have time for you, you dont get to see him enough blablabla. I'm sure we're all familiar with this. Does anyone have any similar experiences of late?

In my own case, it was my very confident ex. I like a man who is confident and sure of himself. It sends me weak in the knees. It's not often that a guy sees an attractive girl and just simply says you're attractive but that was exactly what he did. No bullshiting like 'you look familiar'. He walked straight up to me in a crowded supermarket and said the 3 magic words, 'you are beautiful'. That was enough to melt me and the next thing we were having dinner. Now he's a plain looking guy but his confidence was enough to win my heart. We went on date but then I started to worry. If he found it that easy to get my attention, do I know the countless other women he can get that same way? Plus he actually has a very good sense of humour another attribute women like their potential partners to have. So all those turn ons for me at the beginning gradually started becoming my nightmare and it took me a while before I got over my paranoia.

I have seen these exact same things destroy some relationships and even marriages. So why are we women like this? Things like this only seem to give credence to men's notion that we don't know what we want but are we just victims of our own emotions? Like we just cant help ourselves how we feel and wanting certain things the way we just want them. Anyway that's the conumdrum I'll be trying to solve this weekend as I try to work through some domestic issues with my partner.

Have a good one guys.

Prophesies and other things

Hello everyone…hope guys in Nija had a good Ramadan break.

I was going to write about the dangers of prophesies after I had a rather disturbing conversation with my friend last week but reading a story about a half brother and sister who wants to get married in Ireland made me change my mind. Or maybe I can kill two birds with one stone.

Basically, this friend of mine has two younger sisters who are both married and of 4 girls, she's the only one who is yet to get married and she's about 30. At the beginning of our conversation she didn’t sound like she was bothered over the fact that she's only not just married but also not dating anyone. I mean I didn’t think anything was wrong with this as she's doing very well careerwise. I've always thought everything in their own time. However, when I realised the real reason why she wasn't bothered, I became rather concerned. Apparently, she had been introduced to this Prophetess who told her that her glory will shine when she's 32 and it is that glory that will attract her future husband to her. Basically babe is going around not caring to date because she believes at 2012 her husband will come…whaddaeff!

I mean this is the 21st century and am surprised to find people who still live their lives according to such prophesies. Just today I read a story of how a woman was duped out of N3.6million just because she was looking for a husband. Stupidity doesn’t even begin to describe her. Yoruba will call it 'edi' and I couldn't agree more. Who in their right thinking mind will give N3.6million to one Iya Ijebu to find her husband if she's not under some sort of overpowering spell? Many of our young women fall for these kinds of scams even at a time when we think civilisation has helped to cure some of our backwardness. What do you say?

Now to the story of the siblings who want to get married. So they met and fell in love without realising they were related and went ahead to have a child. Now they want to get married but the law prohibits them from doing so. I have every sympathy for this couple whom I believe must have been traumatised by the revelation that they are related and I'm not entirely sure where I stand. I mean they have a child together already and that's the worst they could have done. Apart from medical problems the kids may develop, getting married wouldn't change what has happened, would it? What are your thoughts but first please click here to read the complete story.

Balancing Modern and Traditional Culture in Marriage/Relationship

I want to discuss an issue which I believe is relevant to most women in the UK. That of proper conduct/expectation when one is dealing with an African man. Most of us were brought up the African traditional way of life but have then left the shores of our homelands to make home for ourselves in foreign lands and have imbibed many of their cultures. However, African women in the UK who display too much Western culture in their way of life face so much misogyny from African men. I have even heard that men will simply refuse to marry such women and would rather marry white women. How does one know where one ends and the other starts when it comes to relationships or marriage? I know that quite a lot of African women grapple with identity problems and who wouldn't when opposing cultures clash?

Sometimes one may have good intentions but somehow come out looking as if one does not know what one is doing. There are certain things I do for my partner that some of my friends marvel at and ask why I go to such lengths. Also, there are certain things I do and they are quick to chastise me for not handling things well saying "he's the man". Sometimes I'm left all confused and wondering what I'm doing right or wrong.

Say for instance I want to go out with my friends, do I need a permission from my partner to go? Or say for instance I've done some cooking and after cooking decides to watch some telly. My partner then decides later that he is hungry, do I have to go and fetch him some food or does he do that himself? Laziness and love aside, am talking about realistic expectations here. Naturally I wouldn't seek permission to go out but I believe that it is my duty to go and get him the food. Does that mean I'm some sort of sell out who will gladly do one and not the other? After all, both acts fall under the remits of the traditional role/expectation of a woman? Do they not?

I've met guys in this UK who will expect you to be able to cook egusi for them and then on the other hand expect you to pick up the tab at restaurants too. It's not as if they'll ever take you to the mall and pay for your shopping. Some married men expect their wives to go 50-50 with the household bills but they hardly ever share the household chores 50-50. Is that not some sort of madness? At what point does it become rebellious of the wife when she feels hard done by and demands for fairness?

I have a neighbour who spends night and day screaming on his wife. Telling her "ori e daru" (crazy or something derogatory along those lines) and she just keeps mute. Now it's either she goes comatose at the time he's busy reigning those abuse on her or she's one woman who is taking her traditional role way too seriously coupled with some heavy dose of stupidity. Bottom line is this woman never utters a word back to her husband. In fact often times I wonder if the man was merely just displaying some madness by picking a fight with their furniture. Only something that cannot speak will seat through such insults and not utter a word back in defence or whatever. In fact things get so bad that I have considered calling the cops because I do fear for her life. Now is this normal?

So sisters and brothers, how does one balance these two cultures without coming out looking like an idiot or a stuck up cow?

How True?

So I have a pertinent question or two to ask.

Is it true that Nigerian women (living in Nigeria) will not leave their husbands if they find out he has a mistress? Basically, while pursuing my personal passion, I had the priviledge of hanging out with Tuface and his crew on Saturday night and this line of discussion broke out. Tuface's Manager stated with confidence that he is yet to meet a woman in Nigeria who would leave her husband solely because he was cheating and he had enough backing from the rest of the guys. He continued by saying that leaving your husband for cheating is mostly a western idea and that only young women who live abroad or have cultivated Western culture will do such a thing.

Something else I found irksome was a lady within the group who said her husband is free to do whatever he likes but she must not find out about it. She said she cannot expect her husband not to cheat but he must not bring it home. Now this is a lady that lives here in the UK and she seems to think it's the way most married Nigerian women think too. Is this valid?

I know a lot has changed in Nigeria since moving here seven years ago. I mean folks now leave University and walk straight into jobs within multi-national companies, the average person now has access to loans to finance a new car and more people are generally more well off than there were a decade ago. Off the back of that are stories of men and women cheating on their partners without a care in the world and how divorces are rife amongst newly married couples in Nigeria now. So everything is moving rather fast so I would naturally assume that women would have bought into the idea of leaving a cheating husband and fully expect the fidelity that comes with marriage from their spouses. I am not saying this is the right thing to do or not. I just wondered how accurate their assumptions are so guys let's discuss.

The New Kings of Nigeria

...I beg to differ.

I caught a program on BBC iplayer titled 'The New Kings of Nigeria' and I couldn't help but marvel at how the BBC gets so much wrong. Anyway my grouse with the BBC aside, this is my take on the documentary. I cant even begin to say that I know what the intention of the BBC was but somehow they managed to trace a descendant of King Jaja of Opobo and attempted to tell the story of his mission to 'give back' or finish what king Jaja started some 140 years ago. This descendant happened to be King Jaja's grandson or great grandson and he kept going on about his inheritance. Where?

He'd spent the last 25 years in the UK and after loosing his steam as a 'hair conditioner' or was it 'air conditioner' Salesman (don't know now...sometimes I suffer from the 'H' factor palaver that seems to plague most Nigerians =D), he decided it was time to throw in the towel and try his luck is his motherland. So off to Nigeria he went and like so many he got his big break being the voice of Big Brother Nigeria. Nice voice I must say.

I should be happy for him right? Oh yea I am except I see beyond that. This guy apart from parading himself as some modern day messiah in this documentary, he was supposed to represent the nouveau rich Nigerian i.e. young Western educated Nigerians who speak with atypical Nigerian accent. He has clearly bought into the wider Nigerian mentality that because he lived and studied in the UK he's supposed to be something special. There’s still a lot of colonial mentality going on in terms of trying to be a cut above all others in this way.

He was shown flaunting his wealth which to be honest doesn't seem like a lot since he didn't live in one of them big houses you see in Nollywood movies. He spoke so disrespectfully to his Printer and houseboy as if he owned them and kept stressing his speech to display that janded twang. In my opinion he was trying too flipping hard! I didn’t get the documentary for a number of reasons. First, I failed to see how appropriate the title was, but that’s hardly a surprise. After spending time and money filming only the ghettos of Lagos and its inhabitants, the BBC felt the appropriate title for the documentary should be 'Welcome to Lagos". Very apt. NOT! And that's exactly what they have done with this documentary.

I see it to be about a guy who after spending the early part of his adult life in the United Kingdom decides to go back home. He like many others go back home with their 'jandedness' and all the works knowing full well that the average Nigerian will worship them for that. However, the big question is 'what exactly has he brought back with him to offer? In my opinion, zilch! Instead he got home and by virtue of the people he knew as well as his janded characteristics, he landed what is arguably one of the most coveted roles in the upcoming Nigerian reality TV culture. An opportunity that should have been reserved for a home grown talent and not a hair conditioner Salesman from the UK who just happened to have the ‘right’ accent.

What happened to the young men and women who struggled through incessant school closures to finish a four year degree in 7 years and are still out of jobs? Those who are still fighting tooth and nail to get into good jobs in order to lift themselves out of poverty. The group who have little formal education but are tapping into inner talents just to get their feet into the booming entertainment, beauty and fashion industries but are constantly being kicked down by the high and mighty. I will not fail to also mention people who are languishing in obscurity and all they ask for is an opportunity to find their way into prosperity. These are people who are choosing to do the right thing rather than resorting to yahoo yahoo (acronym for fraud) yet they get little or nothing back for their effort. However, the rich continue to re-distribute the wealth and opportunities amongst themselves so that the downtrodden continues to be oppressed.

While I recognise that the recent assault of reality programs on TV in Nigeria have helped a few more people to gain limelight and hence make a decent living, there's still much more that needs to be done. Nigeria is a country of 150 million people or more yet 70% of it's population live below poverty line (CIA World Fact Book). Therefore, the people that are helped through these programs are only a drop in the ocean. Do not get me wrong I have every admiration for this guy and I recognise that it takes bravery to abandon familiar terrains to venture into what’s largely a volatile state in Nigeria. Whether you were King Jaja of Opobo’s descendant or not. Also he must have done something right at least to have his documentary commissioned by the BBC (I'm assuming it's his work).

However, I would have preferred if the documentary really focused on Nigerians, who after acquiring foreign education and cultivating western culture move back to Nigeria to see how they fit in. Their battles and an exposure of the unnecessary adulation that is accorded to them if any and why. This guy was latching on to his affiliation to King Jaja of Opobo, and is that what makes him worthy of good TV? A man he never met let alone have a picture of and yet he’s this important person because he comes from that lineage. One of the factors that deters Nigeria from achieving true greatness is that we are a country of name dropping and power hungry people and somehow we feel that’s far important than what value we actually have as individuals. People go around believing that knowing one important person makes them important too. They fail to think of how to become important people in their own right.