Trouble Sleep Yanga Go Wake Am

That is what our people in Nigeria say in Pidgin English when one decides to go look for trouble by perhaps doing a stupid thing. In this case trouble was taking a stroll away and I decided to go and tap it by the shoulders.

How did it start? Well I found my old address book from Nigeria. This is not a joke but the number of complimentary cards I found was enough to make a paper machie house. Most girls in Nija will testify to this, when you go out you are bound to meet some big man somewhere who's looking for a fresh blood to devour. Often they are rich, married, way older than you and with bellies bigger than that of a 9 months pregnant woman. But somehow back in the days it shows some sort of street smart pride when your wallet is adorned by complimentary cards of Senators or oil boys even if you don't really take them as Aristos. I had a few good ones myself and I found one of such ones in my stash of complimentary cards. Now the man in question is not exactly top notch but he worked for Chevron and your girl was trying to get into the company then. So I pallied him up only that he wanted more than I could give so I severed our friendship and kissed goodbye to the Chevron job he was going to help me with.

Fast forward 6 years yours truly decided to give him a buzz having found his card but I didn't know I was setting myself up for trouble. The buzz was just to say hi o...now I know why they say that an idle mind is the devils works shop. He remembered me quite alright and we chatted about a few things here and there asked for my number which I gave to him thinking he'd never call anyway. Now that mistake is almost costing me my sanity now. Man refuse to back down on his calls o. He basically intends to blow up my phone and he's driving me outta my mind. He even said that he's coming to London next month to see me. See me see wahala, ki la gbe, ki le ju? (I dont know the translation to that one, that's some Yoruba slang). Anywhoos at that point I knew I had to act so I told him that seeing him will be tough o cos I live with my partner. He went into a stony silence and then suddenly exclamated, "you live with a man?!" I was like shoo, since when did that become a crime but I forgot that those things are frowned upon in Nigeria. Only that was not the reason for his shock, the real reason was that because I called him he felt that I wanted us to be an item. I mean from where to where? For all I care this man could have gone grey and I could have become yokozuna in the 6 years we haven't seen. Why would a 2 minute call to you suggest that I want to shag you on your next trip to London? If I didn't have anything to do with you sexually then, why would I do now? It still irks me that he even thought along those lines at all and I'm really wondering at the state of men/women affairs in Nigeria. Frankly I don't find it funny and I dont think its proper at all. Hopefully that will put him off ever calling me again.

Really men are wired differently but at least now I've learnt my lessons. When next I see trouble, I'll take the back road. I siddon look...