My Cousin (Part 1)

I promised I was going to do this, even though I really don't feel like anymore. So here's me trying to make good my promise.

How do I start to talk about the life of a girl born the same year as me but in different locations? While I was born in a tiny hospital in my home town she was born in a massive one in Houston, Texas where her dad had been a Pharmacist. Truth is I didn't know she existed until I was in my teens by which time she had been living with her mum in Lagos for some years. I moved in with them shortly after my secondary education while I was waiting to get into higher institution. She became the sister I never had and opened my eyes to Lagos life. You see I had never lived in Lagos before then. I was more of a tomboy having grown up with boys but she showed me the ropes of being feminine - Make-up, dresses, skirts and different hair do.

We had a few things in common like music and dancing but despite her size, she trounced me easily on the dance floor. Yes, Spice as I would call her was really big, she still had that American gene in her. She was not strikingly beautiful but she had all the curves in the right places. The rest of us in contrast were petite and somehow she felt that was the ideal size she ought to be, hence she suffered great self esteem which was to cause her several heart aches later.

You see Spice liked to eat and her mum absolutely spoiled her. It was in their house I first tasted American staples such as Kidney Beans, Aunt Jemima's maple syrup and Jif peanut better which till today has remained my favourite. Every time I visit the States I come back with Jif peanuts, standard! So even though Spice didn't like her figure, she continued to eat and eat and eat and ballooned and ballooned and ballooned. While the rest of us had plenty of male admirers, they were thin on her own side because of her sheer size. Picture a skinny pimpled face 19 year old bloke trying to ask out a woman that looks like she could be in her mid 20s. Definitely no go.

Things that happened the months following my moving in with them was to change that sister bonding we had and as you can all guess it’s a MAN!. She had been telling me about a bloke in church that she really liked but the bloke never looked her side. One Sunday we went to church and I went to the loo when my eyes beheld the most beautiful man I had ever seen. Our eyes locked and I smiled shyly at him and he coyly at me, then we went our separate ways. My heart was beating so fast and I coudn't wait to tell Spice about the guy that had taken my breath away. Finally after the church service, I had my chance to spill but as I was about to open my mouth she tapped me animatedly and said 'parakeet parakeet look at that guy, he's the one I've been talking to you about'. I raised up my head and I just froze. 'This cant be happening, not the same guy I've been shadowing', I thought. My heart instantly sank but I just smiled wryly and I said 'not to worry we'll do something about it'.

I picked up courage and walked up to him and his friends, he saw me from afar and I couldn’t help but notice the twinkle in his eyes while he was grinning from ear to ear and whispering something to his friends. I got to him with shaky legs and I said 'hey am parakeet my cousin over there likes you, can you come over and talk to her?' He looked at me amused but still smiling and said 'but I like you not your cousin so what do we do about that?'. Without thinking I told him not to worry and asked him for his number and left. I went back to my cousin and just simply told her he said he was busy with his friends. I mean how was I suppose to tell her that I was after the same man she had been agonising and now it looks like I have him. Who has more claim to him? She that saw him first or me whom he likes and I just happen to like him too?

This post of fast becoming my longest post ever so I'll stop here…will continue next week but am still looking for my cousin.

Have a great week all.

Drought

I cant believe I'm barely 3 months in blogville and I'm already experiencing drought of words. I give it to y'all who've kept faithfully to it...seriously I doff my hat. I dont know what brought on the drought, if its my recent challenges or simply that I dont have writing as innate as I would love to believe. Whichever the reason, I've got an even better reason to put up this post, YOU ALL. Blogville is really a wonderful place to be and thanks to all those who checked up on me...I love you all.

So where do I start? Of all places to think about slavery, I chose the bathroom to do it this morning. If am not wrong, October is black history month in the UK which inadvertently includes a reference to the slave trade. So why the hell was I thinking about the slave trade in June with lather all over my body? Well it must have been the Monday morning blues as I was trying to convince myself that slavery is not over yet. Its got to be slavery if I have to wake up at 6:30 am to go and push the pennies doing what I hate and what I don't wanna do. I tried to compare the slavery 200 years ago to now. Now, one deliberately subjects oneself to slavery while 200 years ago people were forced into it. 

Perhaps I got depressed that I will no longer have the pleasure to catch city boy's 'squaremile' gossip column any more as he quit for a better life. Well City boy is an investment banker. He makes shit load money and as we talk he has £3million in bank...that's just a million shy of what the company I used to work for had in bank. His slavery paid off big time. He worked graveyard hours, doing hideous tasks while having to kiss asses of clients he really hated their guts. To show his disgust, he wrote his article every week in the London paper breaking banking codes and exposing well kept secrets of city workers. We his avid readers pitied him and at the same time envied him. Well city boy packed it all in last week after he made sure his fattest bonus ever had been banked. Now I really wish I had that kind of a choice. 

While I was depressingly having my shower, my life flashed in front of me and I just didnt like the fact that I was going to that job. I know y'all will be like this parakeet sef, she whinges too much but welcome to the life of a 26 year old London gurl who still lives at home. Candidly, I thought extensively about the slave trade and the monotony that has become the life of many and I just wondered what the way out was. Not content, I linked the slave trade to nuclear power and the dominance of the West in world politics and the simple question I asked was, if at the time the west invaded africa and saw how helpless our forefathers were and instead of helping them, took them for slaves, how are we to trust that if the continued to advance on the nuclear power production, there wont be a repetition of the slave trade albeit in different ways? Are we to trust that where their fore-fathers were lacking in conscience that the new generation will have in abundance. Did I hear someone say food for thought? 

Well I moved on from there and got angry at our forefathers, why didnt they fight? Why did they just subject themselves to these people? Surely it is better to die once a valiant than die nine times a coward. But then I was like what do I know? As if I was there to be really sure and again I discovered that most of the things I know today of the slave trade were written by foreigner or shall I say scholars in the West. My history, written by someone else? How am I suppose to know the real truth behind the black race, of their struggles and there triumphs and it seemed to me like I have been cast into an abyss...I mean who knew that stories like that of the Great Debaters existed before Oprah and Denzel came together to tell it? I cant recollect where my trail of thoughts stopped but I marvel at my mind. Gosh, how did I manage to think of so much in the 15 minutes it takes to have my bath?

Anyways all said and done, I had a good day even though I had a slow start too the day. I have been happier these past few days as well, as I have learnt not to commit things to heart too much. I think that is what drags me down and am glad I've come out on top of it now.  Meanwhile am looking for my cousin...I will introduce her in my next post.

Have a good week everyone and keep smiling.

Love is Still in Vogue

Of all the things that come and go it seems that love has managed to weather the storm. I am sure quite a number of people dont even have a clue what love is and how it works but they wanna love anyway. That was the long and short of the central theme of Sex and the City: The Movie. 

I went to see the movie yesterday and I was laughing amidst tears. I have never seen a movie and cried so much in my entire life. I wasn't even sure of what I was crying for or why I was crying, but cry I did.  I guess I was crying for love, either for the lack of it, for the longing for it, for having it and not been able to be with it or for whatever. I just knew I cried my eyes out and laughed my heart out. Those were two good mixtures.

So Carrie Bradshaw finally married her Mr Big after a decade of dating and uncountable break- ups. How many women will still marry a man that left them at the alter? Food for thought everyone. As for he sex-crazed maid of honour, people like her dont do love. They do excitements. The sight of a hard-one is enough to set her pulse racing and turn her to jelly. She had the hunk of the century and a forever humping dog and even that wasn't enough. Some people are not just caught out for this relationship/marriage thingee even with 50 staring her in the face. What will she do when she looses whatever is left of her body and grace? Dont ask me.

Anyway I got an hypothetical situation for you guys and need you to put your thinking caps on. Lets call her Sally. She met Harry and instantly fell in love and they went on to have an explosive relationship for about 6 months before she finds out that he was married to some woman stashed away somewhere in another part of the world. The explanation he gave was that their marriage was on the rocks and they decided to tentatively go their separate ways. In between family mediation and stuff they get together again to try and make it work but instead of coming out in bliss, a baby boy was what came out of it before they went their separate ways again. Sally was naturally heartbroken but she wasn't about to continue a relationship with a married man, wife around or not, marriage in turmoil or not. After about 3 months of struggling to leave him she finally did. 

Within a year of leaving Harry, she went on to have 2 stormy and unsuccessful relationships of which Harry knew about because they remained friends. You see they had that special kind of bond that even a break up couldn't break. Just as she was about to give up on love she meet Mr Weirdo whom she surprisingly likes. Mr Weirdo says he likes her a lot and wants to be with her for real but problem is Mr Weirdo hardly calls since she agreed to date him. In fact Mr Weirdo hardly replies her text and all he seems interested in is to want to talk and have sex. So she's not particularly sure if Mr Weirdo is for real but she strangely likes him and would like to give him a chance.

She's only been seeing Mr Weirdo for just over a fortnight and she had made steps to severe the friendship between her and Harry because she doesn't want Harry thinking she has a problem keeping men, or that she's sleeping around or that another man has broken her heart again. She honestly feel that the reason she's been unlucky with men after Harry is because they still remained tight friends and he was still a major part of her life so she wants to give herself and Mr Weirdo a fair chance of working without interference from Harry. 

The dilemma however is that Harry not aware of Mr Weirdo suddenly wants her back and has begun to work on his divorce. He's asking her to move in with him, happy to start a family and give her a ring as a symbol of his love and commitment to her but he says no marriage. Just co-habitation because he doesn't wanna go down that route twice. She still has love for Harry and does not particularly mind the co-habitation suggestion but she is just confused as to what to do? What does she do with Mr Weirdo, what will her family say, living with a man without marriage, is she really happy without having the marriage ceremony? She doesn't know what to do so she's asking blogville what is right for her to do.

Changes

Well I really dont have anything to blog about today cos my week has not been particularly eventful. Plus I've been going through some emotional and psychological troughs these past few days and it seems like am just in Limbo.

Am sure you guys will agree with me that the most unlikely place to have a reflection is in a club full of sweaty bodies and cigarette laden breathe. Well that was where I had mine. It was my friends bday do and he decided to have it in a club so for the second weekend in a row I put on my party clothes and headed out with my friend who happens to be a rookie driver. Have you ever been driven by someone who is just learning to drive? Well lets just say for the duration of the journey my heart was in my mouth ready to jump out at anytime. But we got there in one piece...dont get me started on parking the car though.

Anyways back to my reflection, for someone who loves to dance especially to 80s hits and Nija hip hop, I wasnt just feeling the place. I kept looking at the girls and was wondering if they were all miserable like I was and the guys just seemed alien to me. I went outside for some fresh air and saw some  guys blowing cigarette smoke into the air and exchanging numbers with some girls. I looked at them and felt so different. I just kept asking myself what they hell I was doing here. Gone were the days when I indulged in my favorite sport of flirting openly with guys and leaving them high and dry. I am not a drinker nor a smoker so all I do in a club is dance and flirt and that I couldn't even muster.

So I went back indoors, kissed all my friends good night and headed out of the club. Back in my bed at 3 am I started to reminisce on a lot of stuff such as what I wanted in life, what I have now and how to go about getting the rest that I wanted. One thing that popped out was that most of the major decisions I've made in my life revolved around whoever my husband was gonna be. Is that how other girls make their decisions or am I just the only stupid girl alive? So I made a decision right there and then to make decisions solely for me and not to accommodate some imaginary husband I dont have yet. Its funny how little changes in thinking makes a lot of difference cos I felt instantly relieved. So armed with my new found weapon, I am setting upon the world to conquer it. Starting from this september!

Have a good week guys.

P.S.

I changed my display name from Ollay to Parakeet. Cheers!

The Long Weekend is Over

Where did it go? I remember I was looking forward to my long weekend which started at 12:30pm on Wednesday with so much excitement and a mental note of all I was going to do. After work that Wednesday I went to see a dear friend whom I used to work with. The bobo is now a big boy having finished his PHD and gone to work for Shell. He was in London for 2 weeks for training and was lodged at the Radisson. Even though I had known him for just over 2 years I consider him a confidante cos he gat so much sense on him and he's a good listener. He once told me that his wife didnt like me because she felt that he fancied me which I found absurd but I guess the wife get hindsight o. When I got to his hotel room the guy confessed to liking me all along and now he was feeling mushy mushy as he termed it. I just carried my bag and left. He was the last friend I had who hadn't asked me , married or not. So my people I've given up on having guys as friends. They cant tell the difference. At least most.

Thursday came o...what did I do?. Cant even remember. Oh...I was at home but had a pleasant surprise. I wont spill on that. I also went on a few errands. So that was Thursday gone without nothing eventful happening. Friday too was much the same except that a friend who wanted me to write him a song came to visit. Am rooting for him to get on the X-Factor, hopefully I will have one very  famous friend in the near future. The highlight of his visit too was that he wanted to have his wicked way with me. And he used to be very close to my first love. I say ehn, men tire me, maybe na me get something for body. Who knows? But I managed to convince him there could never be me and him. He took it real hard but who cares.

Friday continued to be a weird day cos of my funny oyinbo neighbour. I went to the grocery store to get something and saw the man driving past and I gave him the typical oyinbo eye service smile. Am sure y'all know that smile wey no dey reach belle. I couldn't find what I was looking for and decided to take the bus and go further down to look for it. What I didnt know was that this man was following my bus. Let me give you the man's history. The guy is married to some Cameroonian woman and they have a daughter together. They live just two doors away from ours with the woman's two older son and daughter whom have since moved out. I dont talk to any of them except for the older daughter, Abi when she used to lived there. In fact the girl just forced herself on me that was how we got talking. One day my friend came over and we were putting some 'for sale' posters on her car and this man saw us. He instantly liked my friend cos I saw the lascivious look he was giving her. The man then said hi to me and told me he liked my friend but I said she was married and he was like oh and quickly went inside. From then on when we see each other we tend to say a kurt hi and that's it.

So me smiling at him driving the other day was my usual courtesy only the man read it wrong and followed me in his Mercedes SEL. When I got off the bus and I saw the man, I was shell shocked. He rolled down his glass and I asked him what he wanted and why he followed the bus, and he said because I smiled at him "in a different way". Shuo, see me see trouble o. From where to where? Anyway I told him I was not interested in him and sent him on his way. The guy felt like a fool and said "keep this our little secret". As if...which secret? Yeye fool. In fact now am thinking may be he shagged his step daughter that was why she was chased out of the house cos the circumstances in which Abi left the house was shady. Middle of the night kinda yawa!

Saturday came o and I didnt do anything much but went dancing at night. I burnt my beloved blouse so that fouled my mood before I left home and I and my friends got lost making matters worse. I got to the said club and instead of finding cute looking guys na so so women full there. It was like they were selling them there...real bevy of beautiful ladies. My eyes dropped and jumped back into their sockets. I tot I was looking hot in my killer shorts and Steve Madden heels but  I saw cleavages and died! Anyway the night was a drag sha cos I couldnt find any blokes to flirt with in my usual club style. I just had a spitzer, danced a bit and headed back to my cold bed. 

Sunday I woke up with killer headache. Missed church and just laid there on my bed chatting to my numerous internet friends. My headache really handicapped me cos I had two invitations to go out which I had to turn down. So it ended up a drag just like today is ending up. Bank holiday Monday no work but marooned in the house cos of horrible weather. Chatting to some moronic guys who cant stop talking about sex and there's my long weekend gone down the loo. Gosh! there's got to be more to life than this.

Anyways my peoples, have a lovely week.

Tagged

Lolu tagged me which is not funny but anyways since the dust of my previous posts has died down, I can share 6 of my idiosyncrasies. Not so fast...am tagging Abbie, Babz and Oracle.

Just follow the rules below

Rules:
1. Link the person/people who tagged you
2. Mention the rules in your blog
3. Mention six(6) spectacular quirks of urs
4. Tag 6 fellow bloggers by adding their links
5. Let each of the tagged bloggers know they've been tagged..via their blogs

Now my answers;

1. I hate being asked out..shege! Its so hard telling unrelenting men why they are not good enough for you. The whys never stop. If you say you're not ready, they will ask why, if you say its not yet time, they will ask why, if you say you dont like them, why. Why , why, why until heaven falls. Spare me abeg!

2. I think I have a mild form of OCD…am obessed with arrangements. When I go shopping and buy sweetcorn or anything in a tie sha..I spend the next 30 minutes or so arranging them so that they are all facing the same place and are sitting right on top of each other.

3. Damp towels give me the creeps. I will only share a partner's towel if am convinced its just been washed and I get to use it first.

4. I like to fondle my nipple while lying naked on my bed. Funny thing is it does nothing for me. I normally do that when there’s something deep I am thinking about…weird?

5. The other thing I do naked or at least semi-naked is to dance around in my room usually to 80s hits. I don’t have a clue why I do this, but I do anyways , usually on Saturday mornings.

6. Damn I hate people eating out loudly or sucking on something aloud…kai, it pisses me off. My mum does it and it annoys the shit outta me! My ex does it too so am glad I got rid of him…lol!

Today's Post

I want to rant about Facebook. Yea yea, I know am prolly gonna step on a few toes but who cares. I love FB but that place is driving me off the wall. What's it with men sef? Guys I've not seen since primary school now feel the need to profess undying love they harboured for me when I never even get breast...what can fa? I say the thing dey vex me. While am happy to hook up with old friends, colleagues and mates, I dont want to know how your girlfriend lives in Hong Kong and how you suck at long distance, so am suppose to be make shift girlfriend ehn? All these guys just wanna get laid and they think they can use emotional blackmail for moi!

Also, why e be say the word fiance nor dey fear men again. Tell a guy you're hooked and you're digging even a deeper hole for yourself. Folks dont even have respect for each other anymore. The bible's says thou shalt not covet they neighbour's wife...or goods...oginni? Abeg guys there are many fishes in the ocean, leave the taken ones alone.

Finally, my nija men! I know y'all are brave and can even talk to the dead body of Marilyn monroe but una nor dey look face? E be like say unapproachable no dey una dico. Its not all the time you see a fine girl that you have to chat her up (yes, I know am a fine girl and am saying that with all EMPHASIS!...lol). See you have to be tactical about these things. Choose a time and place. Dont try and chat me up while am running up the escalator trying to catch the Jubilee line, you want make I lose my fine teeth. These days I have to rely on my very humble iPod shuffle. Once I see nija men gathered and their eyes darting about, I just stick it on cos I know the next thing am gonna hear is whistles. Haba, abeg leave nija connection in Nija...this is jand!

Am Back!

Yea...I know that sounds so cliche but you will forgive me...I'm a bit rusty in being creative with words now after spending the last month battling my dissertation. Well I finally gave it in last Thursday but had two more course works to battle. They were both completed yesterday and I give them in on wednesday...I eagerly await my first class in Jesus name.

I apologise for my bad manners...I should have said hello to all you beautiful bloggers first. H-E-L-L-O! Hope y'all been okay and been having fun. To all those who are in locations where there's been winter, hope you're enjoying the summer that is being ushered in. And for those who are in incessant sunshine...na una dey enjoy...just dont burn!

I've spent the last week being indoors so I've not been able to enjoy he 26 degrees sunshine in London yet. Am ready to step out this week hopefully I can still catch some of it. Is any of you girls thinking of going shopping for summer yet? I'm rearing to go.

Ah...a lot has happened to me since I've been gone o. The likes of Afrobabe will know. I've got so much I want to write about but I'll take them one at a time. I have a few stops to do at my favorites blogs first. 

Aww...it feels so good to be back. Am rubbing my palms together and smiling sheepishly now...Y-E-L-L-Y!