I'm sick. Walai, it may sound strange but it's true. I've had the mother of all flu for the past one week but as weak as I felt, whenever I look in the mirror I see a prettier me. Sparkling eyes and clearer skin. I just don't understand. I've started feeling better now but I'm not looking forward to getting the 'normal' Parakeet look back. I want the 'pretty-sick' Parakeet look.
In other news, I gathered from a friend that most women tend to just marry a guy they are not wholly happy with because it is far more important to be married and have kids than to worry 'too' much about the guy because 'really most men are the same'. She told me, "Parakeet do not be deceived it is the way it goes". I guess that's what you get when you take your relationship problems to someone who is enduring their marriage rather than enjoying it. Me I will not marry until I am more happy than unhappy with my partner, whether I'm being reasonable or not, I shall sleep on my bed the way I lay it. Each to their own and God for us all.
Merry Christmas to my wonderful blogville family. Please share some cheer this season and God bless you all.
Thursday, 23 December 2010
Saturday, 4 December 2010
I am such a drama queen
What am I talking about? I gat no clue. I made a decision a few days back. One I was certain I wasn't going to change and I have announced it to all who cared to listen. 72 hours later, I seem to be buckling. I haven't made a 100% turnaround but I think I'm going to make the turn eventually.
Which begs the question, does Parakeet really know what she wants? Or is she simply wanting too much? If I was to bother answering that question, I'd say 'Yes I do know what I want but I am not getting it from who, where or what I want it from. Hence the conflict. So what to do? Search me.
Watch this space.
Monday, 1 November 2010
All Hail!
....www.sistazmag.com
A few good months ago it all started as a joke, then we started throwing ideas around and it began to form, then we thought why not do something about it? The idea grew, the form took shape and sistazmag came to fruition. We are hoping it will grow even more, but we would need you. Please visit and enjoy www.sistazmag.com...lets make it one big community of sisters and of course brothers who love sisters.
A few good months ago it all started as a joke, then we started throwing ideas around and it began to form, then we thought why not do something about it? The idea grew, the form took shape and sistazmag came to fruition. We are hoping it will grow even more, but we would need you. Please visit and enjoy www.sistazmag.com...lets make it one big community of sisters and of course brothers who love sisters.
Tuesday, 26 October 2010
Where Are The Men???
I tend to choose my outfit based on how I'm feeling. Those feelings could range from bloatedness, to unattractiveness and on some lucky days, to sexiness. So I dress according to how I feel. However, now that I've stopped working it's far easier to pick an outfit, mainly jeans and a jumper. Half the time I don't even have to bother with ironing, the only positive thing about winter. Our coats tends to cover a lot of our inadequacies.
However how I dress determines if I'm going to get any advances from the opposite sex and to a certain extent the kind of guy that will show an interest in me. There are days when I don't pay much care to my dressing and I get the odd winks from pot bellied old men. Obviously this infuriates me but I immediately know why they think they could have a chance with me. However there are some days when I feel I'm totally chick and some dodgy looking fella with skin blacker than charcoal walks by with a limp and decides to make a pass at me. On such days I actually hate myself more than the unfortunate man that chose to fancy me. I don't know if I'm an isolated case but I'm often left feeling as if something had gone seriously wrong with my look, attracting such a person. I wonder if it's the cheap clothing or the fact that I just look like 'the sort'.
These days I actually don't attract guys that I think are 'correct' except in close gatherings. For some weird reason all the 'inbetweens' have evaporated into thin air. Only ugly mofos or some skinhead in saggy pants seem to take a shine to me these days. The last time a young likeable bloke fancied me was on the tube and he was too bloody shy to ask for my digits until I got to my stop. I mean how does that help and how exactly did I get here? Sometimes I try to console myself that since london is full of attached or married men, these guys actually see and fancy me but force themselves to look away because of the massive temptation I pose to them and of course the threat to their peaceful romantic arrangements. Yea I know, in my dreams.
I think I need a re-vamp of my wardrobe. I know I certainly don't walk the streets of London announcing that I am attached so I don't see any reason why that guy with the perfect bum doesn't think I'm approachable. Yes I've been told I walk around with a frown on my face which doesn't help, but there's been times I've smiled at a bloke in a crowded place and they've looked away. Well maybe the picture is not as grim as am painting it, but heck why do I even need to smile to get a guy's attention in the first of place. The glory of my presence alone should send them coming and then I'll have the liberty to say no thanks, I'm not available!
Friday, 24 September 2010
When Turn Ons Become Turn Offs
One of the phrases men like to use in describing us women is that we dont know what we want. I often like to say that contrary to that, our problem is that we know what we want a little bit too much but we know it's hard to find so we often settle for a close second while never really stopping the search for that exact thing we want. We do this by either trying to refine our close second choice into the real mccoy or look outside of that. Either way we press on until we either get tired or fate just happens.
For instance, one of the things a woman will assess before considering dating a man is, does he have a good job? Some may even go further by preferring to date men of certain professions only. May be someone that works in oil and gas for example. So a girl finally meets her dream man who has that oil and gas job, except he works on the rigs and have long spell away in some remote place. Then the wahala starts. That exact thing that attracted you to him becomes the cause of your aggravation. Suddenly, he works too much, he doesn't have time for you, you dont get to see him enough blablabla. I'm sure we're all familiar with this. Does anyone have any similar experiences of late?
In my own case, it was my very confident ex. I like a man who is confident and sure of himself. It sends me weak in the knees. It's not often that a guy sees an attractive girl and just simply says you're attractive but that was exactly what he did. No bullshiting like 'you look familiar'. He walked straight up to me in a crowded supermarket and said the 3 magic words, 'you are beautiful'. That was enough to melt me and the next thing we were having dinner. Now he's a plain looking guy but his confidence was enough to win my heart. We went on date but then I started to worry. If he found it that easy to get my attention, do I know the countless other women he can get that same way? Plus he actually has a very good sense of humour another attribute women like their potential partners to have. So all those turn ons for me at the beginning gradually started becoming my nightmare and it took me a while before I got over my paranoia.
I have seen these exact same things destroy some relationships and even marriages. So why are we women like this? Things like this only seem to give credence to men's notion that we don't know what we want but are we just victims of our own emotions? Like we just cant help ourselves how we feel and wanting certain things the way we just want them. Anyway that's the conumdrum I'll be trying to solve this weekend as I try to work through some domestic issues with my partner.
Have a good one guys.
For instance, one of the things a woman will assess before considering dating a man is, does he have a good job? Some may even go further by preferring to date men of certain professions only. May be someone that works in oil and gas for example. So a girl finally meets her dream man who has that oil and gas job, except he works on the rigs and have long spell away in some remote place. Then the wahala starts. That exact thing that attracted you to him becomes the cause of your aggravation. Suddenly, he works too much, he doesn't have time for you, you dont get to see him enough blablabla. I'm sure we're all familiar with this. Does anyone have any similar experiences of late?
In my own case, it was my very confident ex. I like a man who is confident and sure of himself. It sends me weak in the knees. It's not often that a guy sees an attractive girl and just simply says you're attractive but that was exactly what he did. No bullshiting like 'you look familiar'. He walked straight up to me in a crowded supermarket and said the 3 magic words, 'you are beautiful'. That was enough to melt me and the next thing we were having dinner. Now he's a plain looking guy but his confidence was enough to win my heart. We went on date but then I started to worry. If he found it that easy to get my attention, do I know the countless other women he can get that same way? Plus he actually has a very good sense of humour another attribute women like their potential partners to have. So all those turn ons for me at the beginning gradually started becoming my nightmare and it took me a while before I got over my paranoia.
I have seen these exact same things destroy some relationships and even marriages. So why are we women like this? Things like this only seem to give credence to men's notion that we don't know what we want but are we just victims of our own emotions? Like we just cant help ourselves how we feel and wanting certain things the way we just want them. Anyway that's the conumdrum I'll be trying to solve this weekend as I try to work through some domestic issues with my partner.
Have a good one guys.
Monday, 13 September 2010
Prophesies and other things
Hello everyone…hope guys in Nija had a good Ramadan break.
I was going to write about the dangers of prophesies after I had a rather disturbing conversation with my friend last week but reading a story about a half brother and sister who wants to get married in Ireland made me change my mind. Or maybe I can kill two birds with one stone.
Basically, this friend of mine has two younger sisters who are both married and of 4 girls, she's the only one who is yet to get married and she's about 30. At the beginning of our conversation she didn’t sound like she was bothered over the fact that she's only not just married but also not dating anyone. I mean I didn’t think anything was wrong with this as she's doing very well careerwise. I've always thought everything in their own time. However, when I realised the real reason why she wasn't bothered, I became rather concerned. Apparently, she had been introduced to this Prophetess who told her that her glory will shine when she's 32 and it is that glory that will attract her future husband to her. Basically babe is going around not caring to date because she believes at 2012 her husband will come…whaddaeff!
I mean this is the 21st century and am surprised to find people who still live their lives according to such prophesies. Just today I read a story of how a woman was duped out of N3.6million just because she was looking for a husband. Stupidity doesn’t even begin to describe her. Yoruba will call it 'edi' and I couldn't agree more. Who in their right thinking mind will give N3.6million to one Iya Ijebu to find her husband if she's not under some sort of overpowering spell? Many of our young women fall for these kinds of scams even at a time when we think civilisation has helped to cure some of our backwardness. What do you say?
Now to the story of the siblings who want to get married. So they met and fell in love without realising they were related and went ahead to have a child. Now they want to get married but the law prohibits them from doing so. I have every sympathy for this couple whom I believe must have been traumatised by the revelation that they are related and I'm not entirely sure where I stand. I mean they have a child together already and that's the worst they could have done. Apart from medical problems the kids may develop, getting married wouldn't change what has happened, would it? What are your thoughts but first please click here to read the complete story.
I was going to write about the dangers of prophesies after I had a rather disturbing conversation with my friend last week but reading a story about a half brother and sister who wants to get married in Ireland made me change my mind. Or maybe I can kill two birds with one stone.
Basically, this friend of mine has two younger sisters who are both married and of 4 girls, she's the only one who is yet to get married and she's about 30. At the beginning of our conversation she didn’t sound like she was bothered over the fact that she's only not just married but also not dating anyone. I mean I didn’t think anything was wrong with this as she's doing very well careerwise. I've always thought everything in their own time. However, when I realised the real reason why she wasn't bothered, I became rather concerned. Apparently, she had been introduced to this Prophetess who told her that her glory will shine when she's 32 and it is that glory that will attract her future husband to her. Basically babe is going around not caring to date because she believes at 2012 her husband will come…whaddaeff!
I mean this is the 21st century and am surprised to find people who still live their lives according to such prophesies. Just today I read a story of how a woman was duped out of N3.6million just because she was looking for a husband. Stupidity doesn’t even begin to describe her. Yoruba will call it 'edi' and I couldn't agree more. Who in their right thinking mind will give N3.6million to one Iya Ijebu to find her husband if she's not under some sort of overpowering spell? Many of our young women fall for these kinds of scams even at a time when we think civilisation has helped to cure some of our backwardness. What do you say?
Now to the story of the siblings who want to get married. So they met and fell in love without realising they were related and went ahead to have a child. Now they want to get married but the law prohibits them from doing so. I have every sympathy for this couple whom I believe must have been traumatised by the revelation that they are related and I'm not entirely sure where I stand. I mean they have a child together already and that's the worst they could have done. Apart from medical problems the kids may develop, getting married wouldn't change what has happened, would it? What are your thoughts but first please click here to read the complete story.
Monday, 23 August 2010
Balancing Modern and Traditional Culture in Marriage/Relationship
I want to discuss an issue which I believe is relevant to most women in the UK. That of proper conduct/expectation when one is dealing with an African man. Most of us were brought up the African traditional way of life but have then left the shores of our homelands to make home for ourselves in foreign lands and have imbibed many of their cultures. However, African women in the UK who display too much Western culture in their way of life face so much misogyny from African men. I have even heard that men will simply refuse to marry such women and would rather marry white women. How does one know where one ends and the other starts when it comes to relationships or marriage? I know that quite a lot of African women grapple with identity problems and who wouldn't when opposing cultures clash?
Sometimes one may have good intentions but somehow come out looking as if one does not know what one is doing. There are certain things I do for my partner that some of my friends marvel at and ask why I go to such lengths. Also, there are certain things I do and they are quick to chastise me for not handling things well saying "he's the man". Sometimes I'm left all confused and wondering what I'm doing right or wrong.
Say for instance I want to go out with my friends, do I need a permission from my partner to go? Or say for instance I've done some cooking and after cooking decides to watch some telly. My partner then decides later that he is hungry, do I have to go and fetch him some food or does he do that himself? Laziness and love aside, am talking about realistic expectations here. Naturally I wouldn't seek permission to go out but I believe that it is my duty to go and get him the food. Does that mean I'm some sort of sell out who will gladly do one and not the other? After all, both acts fall under the remits of the traditional role/expectation of a woman? Do they not?
I've met guys in this UK who will expect you to be able to cook egusi for them and then on the other hand expect you to pick up the tab at restaurants too. It's not as if they'll ever take you to the mall and pay for your shopping. Some married men expect their wives to go 50-50 with the household bills but they hardly ever share the household chores 50-50. Is that not some sort of madness? At what point does it become rebellious of the wife when she feels hard done by and demands for fairness?
I have a neighbour who spends night and day screaming on his wife. Telling her "ori e daru" (crazy or something derogatory along those lines) and she just keeps mute. Now it's either she goes comatose at the time he's busy reigning those abuse on her or she's one woman who is taking her traditional role way too seriously coupled with some heavy dose of stupidity. Bottom line is this woman never utters a word back to her husband. In fact often times I wonder if the man was merely just displaying some madness by picking a fight with their furniture. Only something that cannot speak will seat through such insults and not utter a word back in defence or whatever. In fact things get so bad that I have considered calling the cops because I do fear for her life. Now is this normal?
So sisters and brothers, how does one balance these two cultures without coming out looking like an idiot or a stuck up cow?
Sometimes one may have good intentions but somehow come out looking as if one does not know what one is doing. There are certain things I do for my partner that some of my friends marvel at and ask why I go to such lengths. Also, there are certain things I do and they are quick to chastise me for not handling things well saying "he's the man". Sometimes I'm left all confused and wondering what I'm doing right or wrong.
Say for instance I want to go out with my friends, do I need a permission from my partner to go? Or say for instance I've done some cooking and after cooking decides to watch some telly. My partner then decides later that he is hungry, do I have to go and fetch him some food or does he do that himself? Laziness and love aside, am talking about realistic expectations here. Naturally I wouldn't seek permission to go out but I believe that it is my duty to go and get him the food. Does that mean I'm some sort of sell out who will gladly do one and not the other? After all, both acts fall under the remits of the traditional role/expectation of a woman? Do they not?
I've met guys in this UK who will expect you to be able to cook egusi for them and then on the other hand expect you to pick up the tab at restaurants too. It's not as if they'll ever take you to the mall and pay for your shopping. Some married men expect their wives to go 50-50 with the household bills but they hardly ever share the household chores 50-50. Is that not some sort of madness? At what point does it become rebellious of the wife when she feels hard done by and demands for fairness?
I have a neighbour who spends night and day screaming on his wife. Telling her "ori e daru" (crazy or something derogatory along those lines) and she just keeps mute. Now it's either she goes comatose at the time he's busy reigning those abuse on her or she's one woman who is taking her traditional role way too seriously coupled with some heavy dose of stupidity. Bottom line is this woman never utters a word back to her husband. In fact often times I wonder if the man was merely just displaying some madness by picking a fight with their furniture. Only something that cannot speak will seat through such insults and not utter a word back in defence or whatever. In fact things get so bad that I have considered calling the cops because I do fear for her life. Now is this normal?
So sisters and brothers, how does one balance these two cultures without coming out looking like an idiot or a stuck up cow?
Wednesday, 4 August 2010
How True?
So I have a pertinent question or two to ask.
Is it true that Nigerian women (living in Nigeria) will not leave their husbands if they find out he has a mistress? Basically, while pursuing my personal passion, I had the priviledge of hanging out with Tuface and his crew on Saturday night and this line of discussion broke out. Tuface's Manager stated with confidence that he is yet to meet a woman in Nigeria who would leave her husband solely because he was cheating and he had enough backing from the rest of the guys. He continued by saying that leaving your husband for cheating is mostly a western idea and that only young women who live abroad or have cultivated Western culture will do such a thing.
Something else I found irksome was a lady within the group who said her husband is free to do whatever he likes but she must not find out about it. She said she cannot expect her husband not to cheat but he must not bring it home. Now this is a lady that lives here in the UK and she seems to think it's the way most married Nigerian women think too. Is this valid?
I know a lot has changed in Nigeria since moving here seven years ago. I mean folks now leave University and walk straight into jobs within multi-national companies, the average person now has access to loans to finance a new car and more people are generally more well off than there were a decade ago. Off the back of that are stories of men and women cheating on their partners without a care in the world and how divorces are rife amongst newly married couples in Nigeria now. So everything is moving rather fast so I would naturally assume that women would have bought into the idea of leaving a cheating husband and fully expect the fidelity that comes with marriage from their spouses. I am not saying this is the right thing to do or not. I just wondered how accurate their assumptions are so guys let's discuss.
Is it true that Nigerian women (living in Nigeria) will not leave their husbands if they find out he has a mistress? Basically, while pursuing my personal passion, I had the priviledge of hanging out with Tuface and his crew on Saturday night and this line of discussion broke out. Tuface's Manager stated with confidence that he is yet to meet a woman in Nigeria who would leave her husband solely because he was cheating and he had enough backing from the rest of the guys. He continued by saying that leaving your husband for cheating is mostly a western idea and that only young women who live abroad or have cultivated Western culture will do such a thing.
Something else I found irksome was a lady within the group who said her husband is free to do whatever he likes but she must not find out about it. She said she cannot expect her husband not to cheat but he must not bring it home. Now this is a lady that lives here in the UK and she seems to think it's the way most married Nigerian women think too. Is this valid?
I know a lot has changed in Nigeria since moving here seven years ago. I mean folks now leave University and walk straight into jobs within multi-national companies, the average person now has access to loans to finance a new car and more people are generally more well off than there were a decade ago. Off the back of that are stories of men and women cheating on their partners without a care in the world and how divorces are rife amongst newly married couples in Nigeria now. So everything is moving rather fast so I would naturally assume that women would have bought into the idea of leaving a cheating husband and fully expect the fidelity that comes with marriage from their spouses. I am not saying this is the right thing to do or not. I just wondered how accurate their assumptions are so guys let's discuss.
Thursday, 8 July 2010
The New Kings of Nigeria
...I beg to differ.
I caught a program on BBC iplayer titled 'The New Kings of Nigeria' and I couldn't help but marvel at how the BBC gets so much wrong. Anyway my grouse with the BBC aside, this is my take on the documentary. I cant even begin to say that I know what the intention of the BBC was but somehow they managed to trace a descendant of King Jaja of Opobo and attempted to tell the story of his mission to 'give back' or finish what king Jaja started some 140 years ago. This descendant happened to be King Jaja's grandson or great grandson and he kept going on about his inheritance. Where?
He'd spent the last 25 years in the UK and after loosing his steam as a 'hair conditioner' or was it 'air conditioner' Salesman (don't know now...sometimes I suffer from the 'H' factor palaver that seems to plague most Nigerians =D), he decided it was time to throw in the towel and try his luck is his motherland. So off to Nigeria he went and like so many he got his big break being the voice of Big Brother Nigeria. Nice voice I must say.
I should be happy for him right? Oh yea I am except I see beyond that. This guy apart from parading himself as some modern day messiah in this documentary, he was supposed to represent the nouveau rich Nigerian i.e. young Western educated Nigerians who speak with atypical Nigerian accent. He has clearly bought into the wider Nigerian mentality that because he lived and studied in the UK he's supposed to be something special. There’s still a lot of colonial mentality going on in terms of trying to be a cut above all others in this way.
He was shown flaunting his wealth which to be honest doesn't seem like a lot since he didn't live in one of them big houses you see in Nollywood movies. He spoke so disrespectfully to his Printer and houseboy as if he owned them and kept stressing his speech to display that janded twang. In my opinion he was trying too flipping hard! I didn’t get the documentary for a number of reasons. First, I failed to see how appropriate the title was, but that’s hardly a surprise. After spending time and money filming only the ghettos of Lagos and its inhabitants, the BBC felt the appropriate title for the documentary should be 'Welcome to Lagos". Very apt. NOT! And that's exactly what they have done with this documentary.
I see it to be about a guy who after spending the early part of his adult life in the United Kingdom decides to go back home. He like many others go back home with their 'jandedness' and all the works knowing full well that the average Nigerian will worship them for that. However, the big question is 'what exactly has he brought back with him to offer? In my opinion, zilch! Instead he got home and by virtue of the people he knew as well as his janded characteristics, he landed what is arguably one of the most coveted roles in the upcoming Nigerian reality TV culture. An opportunity that should have been reserved for a home grown talent and not a hair conditioner Salesman from the UK who just happened to have the ‘right’ accent.
What happened to the young men and women who struggled through incessant school closures to finish a four year degree in 7 years and are still out of jobs? Those who are still fighting tooth and nail to get into good jobs in order to lift themselves out of poverty. The group who have little formal education but are tapping into inner talents just to get their feet into the booming entertainment, beauty and fashion industries but are constantly being kicked down by the high and mighty. I will not fail to also mention people who are languishing in obscurity and all they ask for is an opportunity to find their way into prosperity. These are people who are choosing to do the right thing rather than resorting to yahoo yahoo (acronym for fraud) yet they get little or nothing back for their effort. However, the rich continue to re-distribute the wealth and opportunities amongst themselves so that the downtrodden continues to be oppressed.
While I recognise that the recent assault of reality programs on TV in Nigeria have helped a few more people to gain limelight and hence make a decent living, there's still much more that needs to be done. Nigeria is a country of 150 million people or more yet 70% of it's population live below poverty line (CIA World Fact Book). Therefore, the people that are helped through these programs are only a drop in the ocean. Do not get me wrong I have every admiration for this guy and I recognise that it takes bravery to abandon familiar terrains to venture into what’s largely a volatile state in Nigeria. Whether you were King Jaja of Opobo’s descendant or not. Also he must have done something right at least to have his documentary commissioned by the BBC (I'm assuming it's his work).
However, I would have preferred if the documentary really focused on Nigerians, who after acquiring foreign education and cultivating western culture move back to Nigeria to see how they fit in. Their battles and an exposure of the unnecessary adulation that is accorded to them if any and why. This guy was latching on to his affiliation to King Jaja of Opobo, and is that what makes him worthy of good TV? A man he never met let alone have a picture of and yet he’s this important person because he comes from that lineage. One of the factors that deters Nigeria from achieving true greatness is that we are a country of name dropping and power hungry people and somehow we feel that’s far important than what value we actually have as individuals. People go around believing that knowing one important person makes them important too. They fail to think of how to become important people in their own right.
I caught a program on BBC iplayer titled 'The New Kings of Nigeria' and I couldn't help but marvel at how the BBC gets so much wrong. Anyway my grouse with the BBC aside, this is my take on the documentary. I cant even begin to say that I know what the intention of the BBC was but somehow they managed to trace a descendant of King Jaja of Opobo and attempted to tell the story of his mission to 'give back' or finish what king Jaja started some 140 years ago. This descendant happened to be King Jaja's grandson or great grandson and he kept going on about his inheritance. Where?
He'd spent the last 25 years in the UK and after loosing his steam as a 'hair conditioner' or was it 'air conditioner' Salesman (don't know now...sometimes I suffer from the 'H' factor palaver that seems to plague most Nigerians =D), he decided it was time to throw in the towel and try his luck is his motherland. So off to Nigeria he went and like so many he got his big break being the voice of Big Brother Nigeria. Nice voice I must say.
I should be happy for him right? Oh yea I am except I see beyond that. This guy apart from parading himself as some modern day messiah in this documentary, he was supposed to represent the nouveau rich Nigerian i.e. young Western educated Nigerians who speak with atypical Nigerian accent. He has clearly bought into the wider Nigerian mentality that because he lived and studied in the UK he's supposed to be something special. There’s still a lot of colonial mentality going on in terms of trying to be a cut above all others in this way.
He was shown flaunting his wealth which to be honest doesn't seem like a lot since he didn't live in one of them big houses you see in Nollywood movies. He spoke so disrespectfully to his Printer and houseboy as if he owned them and kept stressing his speech to display that janded twang. In my opinion he was trying too flipping hard! I didn’t get the documentary for a number of reasons. First, I failed to see how appropriate the title was, but that’s hardly a surprise. After spending time and money filming only the ghettos of Lagos and its inhabitants, the BBC felt the appropriate title for the documentary should be 'Welcome to Lagos". Very apt. NOT! And that's exactly what they have done with this documentary.
I see it to be about a guy who after spending the early part of his adult life in the United Kingdom decides to go back home. He like many others go back home with their 'jandedness' and all the works knowing full well that the average Nigerian will worship them for that. However, the big question is 'what exactly has he brought back with him to offer? In my opinion, zilch! Instead he got home and by virtue of the people he knew as well as his janded characteristics, he landed what is arguably one of the most coveted roles in the upcoming Nigerian reality TV culture. An opportunity that should have been reserved for a home grown talent and not a hair conditioner Salesman from the UK who just happened to have the ‘right’ accent.
What happened to the young men and women who struggled through incessant school closures to finish a four year degree in 7 years and are still out of jobs? Those who are still fighting tooth and nail to get into good jobs in order to lift themselves out of poverty. The group who have little formal education but are tapping into inner talents just to get their feet into the booming entertainment, beauty and fashion industries but are constantly being kicked down by the high and mighty. I will not fail to also mention people who are languishing in obscurity and all they ask for is an opportunity to find their way into prosperity. These are people who are choosing to do the right thing rather than resorting to yahoo yahoo (acronym for fraud) yet they get little or nothing back for their effort. However, the rich continue to re-distribute the wealth and opportunities amongst themselves so that the downtrodden continues to be oppressed.
While I recognise that the recent assault of reality programs on TV in Nigeria have helped a few more people to gain limelight and hence make a decent living, there's still much more that needs to be done. Nigeria is a country of 150 million people or more yet 70% of it's population live below poverty line (CIA World Fact Book). Therefore, the people that are helped through these programs are only a drop in the ocean. Do not get me wrong I have every admiration for this guy and I recognise that it takes bravery to abandon familiar terrains to venture into what’s largely a volatile state in Nigeria. Whether you were King Jaja of Opobo’s descendant or not. Also he must have done something right at least to have his documentary commissioned by the BBC (I'm assuming it's his work).
However, I would have preferred if the documentary really focused on Nigerians, who after acquiring foreign education and cultivating western culture move back to Nigeria to see how they fit in. Their battles and an exposure of the unnecessary adulation that is accorded to them if any and why. This guy was latching on to his affiliation to King Jaja of Opobo, and is that what makes him worthy of good TV? A man he never met let alone have a picture of and yet he’s this important person because he comes from that lineage. One of the factors that deters Nigeria from achieving true greatness is that we are a country of name dropping and power hungry people and somehow we feel that’s far important than what value we actually have as individuals. People go around believing that knowing one important person makes them important too. They fail to think of how to become important people in their own right.
Monday, 28 June 2010
I Feel I Should Write Something
Dear Blog,
I cant say it has been a while. I have come here so many times to write something and never getting past the draft level. I counted this morning and there are seven drafts waiting to be published, none of which will see the light of day because those events have now passed.
These past few weeks have been very busy for me. There's a lot going on at work and I've been house hunting too. I'm moving into a new chapter in my life and I can hear faint tremors in my heart. On other days there's so much quietness inside of me that I can barely hear a thing. Not even my heart throbbing delicately against my chest.
There's so much I want to write about but so little is coming out. I used to be able to find solace here but not anymore. I mean I dont just feel I can come here and pour my heart to you anymore yet there's so much I carry inside of me. I dont want to complain, in fact I cant complain because there's so much to be grateful for. However I feel the next 6 months may roll into 2008 again. There's a distant fear that something may come and topple my peace and happiness and it will totally be of my doing.
I sit here and I think of how to stop that from happening. I'm bereft of ideas by that very fear that is etching away my optimism. There are so many things I wish I could undo. Or rather by some magical process blot it all away from my memory that I may go back to living life with clarity of mind and optimism. The nothing dey happen kind of optimism.
Likewise, there are so many people I wish I hadn't met. Those with heart of steels, the slimy ones, the ones with hidden agenda, the wolves in sheep clothing, those who pretend to care, those who just want to destroy you, the unforgiving ones as well as those who just think they are better than you. The ones who think one mistake defines you, chauvinistic and predatory pigs.
Am I angry? Well until writing this note I didn't think I was. Do I detect regret somewhere? Oh yes loads of it and I blame myself for it all. I brought this upon myself by sharing a table with people who should never have come past the door. By waiting until it was too late to do something about it and by thinking I was helpless when I had the power in me all along to prevail.
Dearest blog, there it is...I managed to pour it out. Now ciao!
I cant say it has been a while. I have come here so many times to write something and never getting past the draft level. I counted this morning and there are seven drafts waiting to be published, none of which will see the light of day because those events have now passed.
These past few weeks have been very busy for me. There's a lot going on at work and I've been house hunting too. I'm moving into a new chapter in my life and I can hear faint tremors in my heart. On other days there's so much quietness inside of me that I can barely hear a thing. Not even my heart throbbing delicately against my chest.
There's so much I want to write about but so little is coming out. I used to be able to find solace here but not anymore. I mean I dont just feel I can come here and pour my heart to you anymore yet there's so much I carry inside of me. I dont want to complain, in fact I cant complain because there's so much to be grateful for. However I feel the next 6 months may roll into 2008 again. There's a distant fear that something may come and topple my peace and happiness and it will totally be of my doing.
I sit here and I think of how to stop that from happening. I'm bereft of ideas by that very fear that is etching away my optimism. There are so many things I wish I could undo. Or rather by some magical process blot it all away from my memory that I may go back to living life with clarity of mind and optimism. The nothing dey happen kind of optimism.
Likewise, there are so many people I wish I hadn't met. Those with heart of steels, the slimy ones, the ones with hidden agenda, the wolves in sheep clothing, those who pretend to care, those who just want to destroy you, the unforgiving ones as well as those who just think they are better than you. The ones who think one mistake defines you, chauvinistic and predatory pigs.
Am I angry? Well until writing this note I didn't think I was. Do I detect regret somewhere? Oh yes loads of it and I blame myself for it all. I brought this upon myself by sharing a table with people who should never have come past the door. By waiting until it was too late to do something about it and by thinking I was helpless when I had the power in me all along to prevail.
Dearest blog, there it is...I managed to pour it out. Now ciao!
Friday, 16 April 2010
For the Love of Nigeria
There are so many things going through my mind right now and I can't even find an appropriate title for this post. I don't intend it to be a long post but I'll see if that's possible.
So I saw 'Welcome to Lagos' last night. A 3 part series of life in Lagos, well life in the slums of Lagos. In the the program makers words, "We were heading for the ghettos and slums" and when they got there they said "the dump became symbolic of everything we were trying to achieve in the films". So this people had an agenda, to feed into the stereotype that Nigeria is a lawless country, with poverty stricken people, rife with corruption and social unrest and home to creators of email scams.
What did they find? Yes they saw the slums, perhaps much worse than they could ever imagine but it must have been shocking for them to find decent, honest people who prefer a life of grime to a life of crime. "People who are proud of the fact that they earn an honest living, and are making a better life for themselves and their families through sheer determination and hard work". (Quoting Will Anderson, one of the programe makers.)
I've had tons of emails from friends who are unhappy with the way Nigeria was once again portrayed in a negative light. In fact when I saw the program last night I thought this documentary will show a balanced view of Lagos only to find out that was not the intention of BBC. The normal me would have been effing and blinding alongside my disgruntled friends but for some reason I've been smiling contentedly.
In contrast to most people, the program didn't leave a bitter taste in my mouth. I chose instead to see the positive message in it. The voiceover was more positive, almost a celebration of the resilience of Nigerians who live in such squalor. It may seem patronising because the images showed something different to the words but I'm ever the optimist.
The shock though is that as someone who lived in Lagos I didn't realise people lived like that. Even the bigger shock is the fact that the Lagos State Government is aware that these people exist and is doing nothing about it. I think that program needs to be aired in Nigeria to shame our politicians . Also the international community should stop allowing Politicians into their country until they fix our country. But we all know this is impossible. There's far too much to be gained from a country of both abundant natural and human resources for any sane nation not to want to be its ally.
What's my point. We can all be angry with these British Broadcasters or we can do something positive about it. We can paint the picture of the Nigeria we want them to see. Let's be frank, the media in most part of the world sensationalise everything. You think a successful tale of a country like Nigeria will make good TV? Heck no! That country is far too blessed already for Broadcasters around the world to air positive things about it. Instead they will concentrate on the ironies.
We have to go out there in numbers and in unity and not only tell the Nigerian stories we want the world to hear but also play out the Nigerian story we want the world to tell about our country through positive and influencing actions. It can be done and it starts with little steps from those people who are in the lowest ebb of our society through to the top.
NIGERIA! YES WE CAN!
So I saw 'Welcome to Lagos' last night. A 3 part series of life in Lagos, well life in the slums of Lagos. In the the program makers words, "We were heading for the ghettos and slums" and when they got there they said "the dump became symbolic of everything we were trying to achieve in the films". So this people had an agenda, to feed into the stereotype that Nigeria is a lawless country, with poverty stricken people, rife with corruption and social unrest and home to creators of email scams.
What did they find? Yes they saw the slums, perhaps much worse than they could ever imagine but it must have been shocking for them to find decent, honest people who prefer a life of grime to a life of crime. "People who are proud of the fact that they earn an honest living, and are making a better life for themselves and their families through sheer determination and hard work". (Quoting Will Anderson, one of the programe makers.)
I've had tons of emails from friends who are unhappy with the way Nigeria was once again portrayed in a negative light. In fact when I saw the program last night I thought this documentary will show a balanced view of Lagos only to find out that was not the intention of BBC. The normal me would have been effing and blinding alongside my disgruntled friends but for some reason I've been smiling contentedly.
In contrast to most people, the program didn't leave a bitter taste in my mouth. I chose instead to see the positive message in it. The voiceover was more positive, almost a celebration of the resilience of Nigerians who live in such squalor. It may seem patronising because the images showed something different to the words but I'm ever the optimist.
The shock though is that as someone who lived in Lagos I didn't realise people lived like that. Even the bigger shock is the fact that the Lagos State Government is aware that these people exist and is doing nothing about it. I think that program needs to be aired in Nigeria to shame our politicians . Also the international community should stop allowing Politicians into their country until they fix our country. But we all know this is impossible. There's far too much to be gained from a country of both abundant natural and human resources for any sane nation not to want to be its ally.
What's my point. We can all be angry with these British Broadcasters or we can do something positive about it. We can paint the picture of the Nigeria we want them to see. Let's be frank, the media in most part of the world sensationalise everything. You think a successful tale of a country like Nigeria will make good TV? Heck no! That country is far too blessed already for Broadcasters around the world to air positive things about it. Instead they will concentrate on the ironies.
We have to go out there in numbers and in unity and not only tell the Nigerian stories we want the world to hear but also play out the Nigerian story we want the world to tell about our country through positive and influencing actions. It can be done and it starts with little steps from those people who are in the lowest ebb of our society through to the top.
NIGERIA! YES WE CAN!
Wednesday, 7 April 2010
Easter
...It's essence is lost on me. I don't know the real reason for this and I'm not about to dish out blames on the commercialisation of the birth and resurrection of Jesus Christ by Westerners but I just know the period doesn't mean what it used to mean to me. There was a time when Easter meant a recalling of my sins to mind, a conscious effort not to participate in the persecution of Jesus Christ by eating meat on Good Friday and a true repentance of my sins on Easter Sunday followed by a heart felt celebration of the risen Lord on Easter Monday. That used to be me. Being catholic, I would have fasted one way or the other during lent and went for benediction every single day. I hated it but I felt a need to do it because after spending an hedonistic year eating and doing whatever I liked, I felt this was a time for me to be sober and be more reflective of how my actions may have displeased God and my fellow human.
This Good Friday gone, I spent the better part of the day driving from South Wales to England enjoying the comfort of the rented car I was driving, I had no care in the world and I totally forgot that some thousand years ago, as a Christian, someone died for me in order that I may have life and live it abundantly. After the tiresome drive, to show how insignificant the day had become to me, I cooked that night and ate meat. The moment I finished my meal I then remembered, OMD I just ate meat! Too late! The sheepish smile from my Muslim boyfriend did little to console me.
Saturday went by uneventful and I swore I was going to attend church on Easter Sunday. It was the least I could. However yours truly didn't wake up until 11:25 the following morning when church service was already underway. The baffling thing was that I did not feel any guilt, neither did I feel like I was missing out on anything. Now this is a far cry from who I used to be. I used to take church and my prayers very seriously. So what happened to me? Is it the environment or the fact that I'm so disillusioned by church and its activities rather than be inspired by it? I have developed such an acute sense of listening to my Pastor's teaching and I find myself I picking out everything he says. These days I tend to sift through the words, jotting down the ones I agree with and silently chastising him for the ones I feel are more 'Sales man type speech'. I never used to be that way. Before, everything my Pastor said was the word of God and even if it didn't sound right I just make it right in my head.
Am I well and truly backslidden or is this some sort of the awareness that I should just go with?
This Good Friday gone, I spent the better part of the day driving from South Wales to England enjoying the comfort of the rented car I was driving, I had no care in the world and I totally forgot that some thousand years ago, as a Christian, someone died for me in order that I may have life and live it abundantly. After the tiresome drive, to show how insignificant the day had become to me, I cooked that night and ate meat. The moment I finished my meal I then remembered, OMD I just ate meat! Too late! The sheepish smile from my Muslim boyfriend did little to console me.
Saturday went by uneventful and I swore I was going to attend church on Easter Sunday. It was the least I could. However yours truly didn't wake up until 11:25 the following morning when church service was already underway. The baffling thing was that I did not feel any guilt, neither did I feel like I was missing out on anything. Now this is a far cry from who I used to be. I used to take church and my prayers very seriously. So what happened to me? Is it the environment or the fact that I'm so disillusioned by church and its activities rather than be inspired by it? I have developed such an acute sense of listening to my Pastor's teaching and I find myself I picking out everything he says. These days I tend to sift through the words, jotting down the ones I agree with and silently chastising him for the ones I feel are more 'Sales man type speech'. I never used to be that way. Before, everything my Pastor said was the word of God and even if it didn't sound right I just make it right in my head.
Am I well and truly backslidden or is this some sort of the awareness that I should just go with?
Friday, 12 March 2010
Why Doesn't Love Go Far Enough?
Okay so you know you love this person right. As in not a minute passes on your watch that you don't think of them. You're generally very happy and very contented with things. On the flip side though, you get the down times.
Like the times you get so angry you dont wanna speak to them. The times you just don't give a toss about being kind or doing and saying the right things. Why cant love intervene at these crucial times? Times where you two just speak but are actually not hearing or listening to each other, or times when every little thing the other person does just riles you, or you row about the simplest of things. Why cant love step in and save the day?
Where's love when that blinding fury comes to the fore? Did love take a flight at the exact moment those horrible words spurtered out of your mouth? Where was love hiding when all you see are faults? Why cant love help you to be patient, not to say unkind words, to understand the other person better, to suppress that brewing fury from the pit of your belly, to be more appreciative. Why cant it just be there always, present everytime and makes everything sail smoothly and guide you on the right path?
Dear love, why can't you just be damn enough!
Like the times you get so angry you dont wanna speak to them. The times you just don't give a toss about being kind or doing and saying the right things. Why cant love intervene at these crucial times? Times where you two just speak but are actually not hearing or listening to each other, or times when every little thing the other person does just riles you, or you row about the simplest of things. Why cant love step in and save the day?
Where's love when that blinding fury comes to the fore? Did love take a flight at the exact moment those horrible words spurtered out of your mouth? Where was love hiding when all you see are faults? Why cant love help you to be patient, not to say unkind words, to understand the other person better, to suppress that brewing fury from the pit of your belly, to be more appreciative. Why cant it just be there always, present everytime and makes everything sail smoothly and guide you on the right path?
Dear love, why can't you just be damn enough!
Monday, 1 March 2010
Some Friends
...do go past their sell by dates.
In the past 2 weeks I've had some profound experiences and they are all connected to people that I call friends. It is nothing new that different friends play different roles in our lives, while some are important, most one can live without. I have a habit of calling everyone 'friend' but it's purely for lack of something better to call them. The ones I chat to almost weekly but hardly see, the one's I've never met but exchange emails with, the ones I went to school with, ones I met randomly. They are all friends but different kind of friends. Some of them I can't even stand either for their aggressiveness, inconsistencies or whatever but I put up with them anyway. Lately however, I've asked myself, why? Some friends I actually care deeply about and wish us to be closer but I hardly make a concerted effort to make that happen, again I ask why?
One pattern I've noticed about me is that the people who come through for me at the most dire times are those distant friends. Distant in the sense that I don't know them very well, we hardly hang out or even communicate. Only lately did I have one friend that I know she's done more for me and I've trusted more than I've trusted anyone in my entire life. Generally I've just lived my life meeting different people who have had both good and bad impacts in my life and those I question why I met in the first place.
Last week I was out of town in a foreign land and one of those I'll call a distant friend was there for me. I was extremely surprised about his magnanimity and that of his wife. This is someone I hadn't even picked my phone to call in a year until the week I was due to take my flight. I only just called him to let him know I was going to be in the neck of his wood but he dropped everything to show me round and keep me company. I'm still left wondering if I could do the same for someone I don't know very well.
This week however, another friend I've had for about 7 years let me down. He simply couldn't be happy for me with regards to certain developments in my life and that hurt me real bad. But I've asked my God to surprise him and sooner rather than later he'd be sorry. Sometimes we think certain people are our friends when in actual fact they are simply jealous of us. Some even think they are better than you while others are just interested in sharing the latest gossip with you. When you really look at it you have very little in common so why bother with the so-called friendship in the first place?
Today I celebrate friends, true friends. The ones worth having, the ones who love you in-spite of your flaws, the one who plan your future with you, the ones who laugh and cry with you, the ones who share silly nothings as well as the serious stuff with you, the ones you never see but who's got your back no matter what, the ones who scold you when needed and do not shy away from the truth, the ones who you feel comfortable to bare your heart and soul to. To Afrobabe and the special man in my life.
Saturday, 30 January 2010
It'd be a Shame Really...
...if I let January go without even putting up one post. So here it is. Happy new year my peoples. Not that anyone will be reading this anyway since I haven't done blog rounds in eons. I don't even know what's going on here in Blogville anymore, well except that Aloofar put up a post. Wow! A little bird tells me that our very own loved up couple Chari and Buttercup are back too. Happy days. I'm not joining the am back crew as I didn't go anywhere but it's nice to finally get around to writing something. So hey once more, happy new year.
I know a lot of us would have made resolutions and broken them already. Won't say welcome to the club cos I stopped making them a few years back. Resolutions are one of those 'jump on the bandwagon' things that most of us do. They do it, we do it. But as we become individuals in our own right we realise what it is we really should be doing. I guess am there when it comes to that.
So what's the new year been like so far? It's been somewhat okay. I've noticed I've turned into some sort of rebel at work. Scary! Always the first to tell management where to shove it! Am loving my new notoriety actually. Home front things are not great. Not really getting on with Mama at the moment and I couldn't help but think am getting a little too big for my own boots. Maybe it's not arrogance, maybe I just want change and I know being a jelly and a yes woman ain't gonna work anymore.
Personally am trying to develop myself mentally. You know wean myself off some bad habits in readiness for the great things I know is coming my way this year. Omo e no easy. Does anyone out there have patience in abundance? Parakeet needs some biko. I think am gonna start a charity for patience donation. I also need to learn to relax. Worry is like my middle name. I'm obsessed with planning so if there's something in the way that causes me not to have a good idea of what the near future holds I start to panic. I like to be in control of what happens around me so much that I forgot that God is really the one who runs things around here. So I'm trying everyday to call to mind the mercies of God more and more and to remind myself that he is God after all.
I've missed the partying scene a bit. Girlfriends have gone and got themselves boyfriends so everyone is cosying up with their man. Not that I have a problem with that. My man won't be complaining neither would theirs so everyone is happy. The other thing though is this winter. This has got to be the longest winter ever. Weytin! The cold is mercilessly relentless and I know we humans are never satisfied but mehn this one too much. This winter practically finished my mojo so right now I wanna skip spring...bring on summer sharp sharp. But in this UK that'll probably last only one week.
A lot can really happen in a month...
I know a lot of us would have made resolutions and broken them already. Won't say welcome to the club cos I stopped making them a few years back. Resolutions are one of those 'jump on the bandwagon' things that most of us do. They do it, we do it. But as we become individuals in our own right we realise what it is we really should be doing. I guess am there when it comes to that.
So what's the new year been like so far? It's been somewhat okay. I've noticed I've turned into some sort of rebel at work. Scary! Always the first to tell management where to shove it! Am loving my new notoriety actually. Home front things are not great. Not really getting on with Mama at the moment and I couldn't help but think am getting a little too big for my own boots. Maybe it's not arrogance, maybe I just want change and I know being a jelly and a yes woman ain't gonna work anymore.
Personally am trying to develop myself mentally. You know wean myself off some bad habits in readiness for the great things I know is coming my way this year. Omo e no easy. Does anyone out there have patience in abundance? Parakeet needs some biko. I think am gonna start a charity for patience donation. I also need to learn to relax. Worry is like my middle name. I'm obsessed with planning so if there's something in the way that causes me not to have a good idea of what the near future holds I start to panic. I like to be in control of what happens around me so much that I forgot that God is really the one who runs things around here. So I'm trying everyday to call to mind the mercies of God more and more and to remind myself that he is God after all.
I've missed the partying scene a bit. Girlfriends have gone and got themselves boyfriends so everyone is cosying up with their man. Not that I have a problem with that. My man won't be complaining neither would theirs so everyone is happy. The other thing though is this winter. This has got to be the longest winter ever. Weytin! The cold is mercilessly relentless and I know we humans are never satisfied but mehn this one too much. This winter practically finished my mojo so right now I wanna skip spring...bring on summer sharp sharp. But in this UK that'll probably last only one week.
A lot can really happen in a month...
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