So says Hebrew 13:4.
Wow I cant believe it's been a month since I blogged. I hope everyone is well. Thanks very much for the comments in my last post and apologies for not responding personally.
A lot has been going on since my time away and most has been in the area of my emotional development. Not so much spiritual as most of you will think from my subject line. I went to church on Sunday after like 2 months and I was blessed. But no this post is not about the sermon that came from the pulpit.
This post is about a realisation. Something that somehow found its way into my mind considering the haziness that has been the state of it for a while. The day I let that thing slide into me 8 years ago was the day I took a step in the wrong direction. Somehow it has taken me a whole 8 years to realise this and to start to put right.
This as you will have gathered by now is having sex before marriage. It messes up so much but I don't think I knew how much. Even though I grew up in a very strict and religious home as most of us and was well aware the dangers of having premature sex, I still did it anyway. The moment I gained my freedom, it was the first thing I dabbled into with the same naive conviction that this is the man I am going to marry. 8 years on with a number of sexual partners under my belt, alas! I am still unmarried.
It is not the unmarried part that bothers me, it is the pieces of me that my previous sexual partner has taken with them as they move on with their respective lives that riles me. It is the fact that yet another man has seen my nakedness and not made a good woman of me. It is a depressing thought and it has left its toll on me without me paying much notice. I have come to the point now that I am sure sex is meaningless. So much ado about nothing but a mere gratification of sheer animalistic lust. It doesn't even help that every man I tend to meet these days just wants to jump straight into bed and not interested in my mind or anything else.
I ask myself is it too late to say no more to sex with another partner I am not married to? Like what man will take me serious these days if I said no sex until marriage especially as I am not a virgin? What right have I got to tell a potential to wait until the wedding night before he can go the whole nine yards? So now I feel this trepidation, that in the end because I did what I should have done last first, I may have lost a chance to put it right.
However there's this steely determination in me to just go ahead and shun sex. Too late or not I do not have any more desire to have sex with a man I am not married to and I am not looking at this from a religious point of view at all. I just don't think having sex will sort out any problems I have right now especially my apathy to relationship and marriage so I am staying off and if any potential is not happy with my decision he knows where the door is.
Necking is welcome though...wink* wink** wink***. Have a good one guys.
Monday, 24 August 2009
Friday, 10 July 2009
Fiddling With Fate
This is a hard subject for me cos am still a babe when it comes to spirituality and there are so many things I don’t understand. One thing I know however is that it is never advisable to peek into the future or a case or whatever.
This is what I mean. I know people who have gone to spiritualist who claim they see visions. I am not saying it is not possible to have visions but you know those ones that will describe some man you will meet, tall, dark handsome or whatever but they fall short of telling u exactly when and where you will meet him. And then you spend the rest of your life wondering if that tall dark handsome guy you met at the petrol station was the one that was foreseen or was it the one you met at the car park? Possibly the one at the supermarket until confusion kills your poor mind and you don’t know what you are doing anymore. My question is, why bother? Why don’t you just leave you life to fate or chance as it were and pray as you go along instead of seeking counsel or to be more archaic oracle.
A very close of friend of mine is currently tied in an unhappy marriage and too scared to leave because apparently the success he has today is tied to his wife. If he leaves he looses all. And in this day of credit crunch who wants to lose anything abi? How does he know this? He claims long before he met his wife they had prophesied that he would meet her and x and x will happen which has. Looks like brother hasn’t heard of familiar spirit. And while we're in the subject of Christianity and vision ask yourself does this vision tally with the word of God. So God will give you plenty of money and houses through this so-called woman but not someone that will make you closer to him? Does the bible not say seek ye first the kingdom of God and all things shall be added on to you? Even with this my inexperienced spirituality I know if it was God that really gave him that woman, then it wouldn’t be someone he doesn’t love and is so unhappy with, someone who will not help him grow spiritually and become closer to God.
There's only so much advise I can give my friend but as someone detached from the whole situation I can see the bondage my friend is in. Something he had brought upon himself by going to these so-called seers. If anything his situation has taught me even more to take a chance on life. Whatever happens happens and I know God's thoughts for me are thoughts of good and not of evil therefore I believe God will not bring tribulations my way that I can't overcome. Besides tribulations are there to develop our characters and we should not be afraid to seek God's face ourselves rather than go to seers. I hope everyone learns a thing or two from this.
Have a good weekend...xx
This is what I mean. I know people who have gone to spiritualist who claim they see visions. I am not saying it is not possible to have visions but you know those ones that will describe some man you will meet, tall, dark handsome or whatever but they fall short of telling u exactly when and where you will meet him. And then you spend the rest of your life wondering if that tall dark handsome guy you met at the petrol station was the one that was foreseen or was it the one you met at the car park? Possibly the one at the supermarket until confusion kills your poor mind and you don’t know what you are doing anymore. My question is, why bother? Why don’t you just leave you life to fate or chance as it were and pray as you go along instead of seeking counsel or to be more archaic oracle.
A very close of friend of mine is currently tied in an unhappy marriage and too scared to leave because apparently the success he has today is tied to his wife. If he leaves he looses all. And in this day of credit crunch who wants to lose anything abi? How does he know this? He claims long before he met his wife they had prophesied that he would meet her and x and x will happen which has. Looks like brother hasn’t heard of familiar spirit. And while we're in the subject of Christianity and vision ask yourself does this vision tally with the word of God. So God will give you plenty of money and houses through this so-called woman but not someone that will make you closer to him? Does the bible not say seek ye first the kingdom of God and all things shall be added on to you? Even with this my inexperienced spirituality I know if it was God that really gave him that woman, then it wouldn’t be someone he doesn’t love and is so unhappy with, someone who will not help him grow spiritually and become closer to God.
There's only so much advise I can give my friend but as someone detached from the whole situation I can see the bondage my friend is in. Something he had brought upon himself by going to these so-called seers. If anything his situation has taught me even more to take a chance on life. Whatever happens happens and I know God's thoughts for me are thoughts of good and not of evil therefore I believe God will not bring tribulations my way that I can't overcome. Besides tribulations are there to develop our characters and we should not be afraid to seek God's face ourselves rather than go to seers. I hope everyone learns a thing or two from this.
Have a good weekend...xx
Wednesday, 24 June 2009
As You Lay Your Bed...
...So shall you lie on it.
I hope I meet everyone in peace and in good health. Just to say a quick thank you for all the kind words. Thanks a mill.
I am doing great having just arrived from a mini break and Tigress being the great hostess that she is ensured I had a good time. Imagine the woman, she kept worrying about if I was bored or not. I needed to rest and have a girly chat and of course some shopping therapy and I got exactly that. So Tigress you do well for my body o.
Now to the matter at hand, the above saying is one we're all used to hearing but I wonder if we pay enough attention to it when making certain life decisions. Here is the gist, an Ex of mine who's been on my case for us to reconcile for a while now had a baby a few months back. As I was the one who called the relationship off it didn't bother me. In fact I thought to myself that since he's pitched up his nest with another woman and they now have a child which to me seals their union then he'd get off my case. How wrong.
To say that I was flabbergasterd when this brother renewed his chase would be an understatement. I mean how on earth could he think he is good for me now when he wasn't before? I am not saying a man with a child is not a good man but in this case it's totally not right because he had his baby after he met me. Of course I didn't expect him to hang on forever but I thought at the time of getting another woman pregnant it meant that he had moved on for good. Clearly not. Anyway I told him there could never be US and that he made the decision to impregnate a woman he didn't love enough to be his wife, hence he should deal with it.
My puzzle is that why do men do this? I know this guy isn't young and may just wanna get having a baby out of the way but does he not look at the bigger picture before doing it? Why are more and more men taking the route of having baby mommas rather than wives? Is this what they have reduced us women to? I actually feel insulted that he had the audacity to talk love with me while treating a fellow lady like me with such disrespect. The other lady may unknowingly be holding out a torch for him while he is there asking another woman to be his wife.
This is totally unfair and I'm really upset and if anything it has strenghtened my resolve not to give a man what he wants unless I am totally sure he can give me what I want. On the flipside I'm thinking perhaps he felt trapped with the baby. But my argument is this, if you do not plant semen into a woman, she has no business getting pregnant for you, hence the talk of entrapping you becomes baseless. You dont want an unplanned baby, then wear a freaking rubber.
Have a good one guys.
I hope I meet everyone in peace and in good health. Just to say a quick thank you for all the kind words. Thanks a mill.
I am doing great having just arrived from a mini break and Tigress being the great hostess that she is ensured I had a good time. Imagine the woman, she kept worrying about if I was bored or not. I needed to rest and have a girly chat and of course some shopping therapy and I got exactly that. So Tigress you do well for my body o.
Now to the matter at hand, the above saying is one we're all used to hearing but I wonder if we pay enough attention to it when making certain life decisions. Here is the gist, an Ex of mine who's been on my case for us to reconcile for a while now had a baby a few months back. As I was the one who called the relationship off it didn't bother me. In fact I thought to myself that since he's pitched up his nest with another woman and they now have a child which to me seals their union then he'd get off my case. How wrong.
To say that I was flabbergasterd when this brother renewed his chase would be an understatement. I mean how on earth could he think he is good for me now when he wasn't before? I am not saying a man with a child is not a good man but in this case it's totally not right because he had his baby after he met me. Of course I didn't expect him to hang on forever but I thought at the time of getting another woman pregnant it meant that he had moved on for good. Clearly not. Anyway I told him there could never be US and that he made the decision to impregnate a woman he didn't love enough to be his wife, hence he should deal with it.
My puzzle is that why do men do this? I know this guy isn't young and may just wanna get having a baby out of the way but does he not look at the bigger picture before doing it? Why are more and more men taking the route of having baby mommas rather than wives? Is this what they have reduced us women to? I actually feel insulted that he had the audacity to talk love with me while treating a fellow lady like me with such disrespect. The other lady may unknowingly be holding out a torch for him while he is there asking another woman to be his wife.
This is totally unfair and I'm really upset and if anything it has strenghtened my resolve not to give a man what he wants unless I am totally sure he can give me what I want. On the flipside I'm thinking perhaps he felt trapped with the baby. But my argument is this, if you do not plant semen into a woman, she has no business getting pregnant for you, hence the talk of entrapping you becomes baseless. You dont want an unplanned baby, then wear a freaking rubber.
Have a good one guys.
Thursday, 11 June 2009
A Week Today
Happy birthday T. I'm sure the Angels are cooking up a feast for you today your special day. Happy 33rd. Miss you as always.
Things are better. I feel lighter and I'm thankful. Will be going on a break next week and wouldn't update for a bit.
Thanks for all the messages. Love you all.
Things are better. I feel lighter and I'm thankful. Will be going on a break next week and wouldn't update for a bit.
Thanks for all the messages. Love you all.
Saturday, 6 June 2009
Death You've Done Me Bad, Again!
What is life if all it brings is misery and sadness?
They say our sojourn on earth has a purpose
What purpose has a man who was snatched away by the cold hands of death in his prime come to fulfil?
In fact what is the whole point of that purpose if it has yet to be accomplished?
How could there be a God when a being so charming and so steadfast die a death so lonely and so painful?
How does one come to terms with knowing that the person who was here today ceases to be here tomorrow?
That a person so loved and admired could be spoken of in the past rather than present?
That his phone will ring and go unanswered because life has departed his body
Or non-reply to emails because he has taken his final breathe?
How does one deal with the hurt of knowing that all desires, aspirations and dreams go with this person to his final resting place? Never to see the light of day.
They say our sojourn on earth has a purpose
What purpose has a man who was snatched away by the cold hands of death in his prime come to fulfil?
In fact what is the whole point of that purpose if it has yet to be accomplished?
How could there be a God when a being so charming and so steadfast die a death so lonely and so painful?
How does one come to terms with knowing that the person who was here today ceases to be here tomorrow?
That a person so loved and admired could be spoken of in the past rather than present?
That his phone will ring and go unanswered because life has departed his body
Or non-reply to emails because he has taken his final breathe?
How does one deal with the hurt of knowing that all desires, aspirations and dreams go with this person to his final resting place? Never to see the light of day.
I really am sad.
I haven't stopped thinking about you.
Your smile and the way you grind your teeth together when you speak.
You taught me to play the Nintendo Wii.
I was useless with video games before you came along
Dodo was your favorite food. You ate it everything from eba to bread.
You wouldn't drink or smoke and spent so much time in church.
Helping out and being a role model.
You were a true gem and you touched my heart in unquantifiable ways.
I never said I loved you but now I say it
I really love you T and I'll carry you in my heart always.
Rest in peace.
Friday, 29 May 2009
OMG! I Chatted Up A Bloke
Hi my very peeps. Hope everyone is fine o. Well you dont have a choice, it's Friddaaaaaaaaaaay! So what's the reason for my excitement? It's simple, Parakeet chatted up a dude. As in I couldn't believe myself. It was on the Jubilee line platform and there was just me and him there. There was this uneasy air of silence around us and am like whaddaheck say hi, but I didn't. Instead I said "why are you so dressed up on a Friday"? He looked at me bemused but smiled and said "it's for work" so I asked him where he works cos work places dress down on Fridays. Turns out the reason he was all suited up was because he worked in bank. Oh well I know my chat up line was dull but eh you gotta give me credit for plucking up courage in the first place. In fact I did well for something I didn't intend to do in the first place...abi?
Anyway the rest was history jare. Found out he lived in the posher part of my neighbourhood, originally from Ghana and blablabla. At least he was gentleman enough to not let me ask for his number (Not that I was going to) but hey we parted with numbers when he asked. Am I gonna see him if he calls for a date? I dont know cos I have my hands full at the moment. You remember those two guys Tee and Kim, dont you? Dem still dey there o. I've been trying to jabo Tee but the guy dey persistent no be small so the battle continues.
Ehm... quick random question. Since there are more and more men these days lying about their marital status for the sake of some nookie I've been thinking it may be down to the fact that we now frown so much on polygamy. Of cos I may be totally wrong but hey it doesn't stop me from wondering that 'if guys had the clear choice to take second wives and so on as it was the norm back in the days, would they go outright and just do it rather than lie and cheat?' Please whatever your answer is must be backed up with reasons and inferences drawn from real life situations if possible. Thanks for being my panel of professors on this matter...hehehehe.
Abeg am outta here, enjoy your weekend lovely people.
Anyway the rest was history jare. Found out he lived in the posher part of my neighbourhood, originally from Ghana and blablabla. At least he was gentleman enough to not let me ask for his number (Not that I was going to) but hey we parted with numbers when he asked. Am I gonna see him if he calls for a date? I dont know cos I have my hands full at the moment. You remember those two guys Tee and Kim, dont you? Dem still dey there o. I've been trying to jabo Tee but the guy dey persistent no be small so the battle continues.
Ehm... quick random question. Since there are more and more men these days lying about their marital status for the sake of some nookie I've been thinking it may be down to the fact that we now frown so much on polygamy. Of cos I may be totally wrong but hey it doesn't stop me from wondering that 'if guys had the clear choice to take second wives and so on as it was the norm back in the days, would they go outright and just do it rather than lie and cheat?' Please whatever your answer is must be backed up with reasons and inferences drawn from real life situations if possible. Thanks for being my panel of professors on this matter...hehehehe.
Abeg am outta here, enjoy your weekend lovely people.
Monday, 18 May 2009
How Did I Get Here?
How are you my lovely peeps. Hope I meet you all in peace. As for y'all in Nija how are you coping with the fuel scarcity? That news made me tore up my move back to Nija plans o. Who's gonna queue in the scorching sun to buy fuel? No be me, mba. My yansh is staying in London for now.
Talking about yansh two guys are after my yansh o and I like them both so what do I do? If you guys dont answer me sharp sharp am gonna end up with two boyfriends o. See the two of them are different. One is 6ft 1inch tall and has the darkest beautiful skin I've seen in a while. Lets call him Tee. The other one I'm gonna call Kim is only about 5ft 6 inches tall (I think I tower above him just a lil) but he oozes the kind of sexiness I've not come across in a long time. Kim and I share more interests than Tee and I share and Kim is more socially & upwardly mobile than Tee. As in Kim and I can talk everything from politics to the latest sex position while at most Tee and I can talk Football and US foreign policy.
They're both different but Kim speaks better English than Tee. Kim just reminds me of those kind of guys we used to trip for as Teenagers. All those ABC and Inexcess boys in UNILAG who act like they don't shyte! You know dem kind :) Looks like am still stuck in me teens, hehehe. Tee on the other hand has a swagger that makes me wet my pants but he cant kiss to save his life. Dude cant even bloody open his mouth properly. But Kim is a very good kisser. Yes I know I kissed them both. I have to now, it's all part of the test.
If one were to place them on a scale from what I know of the two of them so far I think they're square which is where the dilemma lies. I could go for Tee cos I have a weakness for tall dark guys and he seems well grounded but then Kim's intellectual ability is something I cant ignore plus he's ever so sweet. Oya guys put on ur thinking caps o I want answers.
Ciao for now!
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