Just Remiscing

Life can be so familiar today, becoming a stranger tomorrow
It could kick you in the backside
You may land falling face flat on the ground
Or it may catapult you into an atmosphere of euphoric existence
How could one ever prepare for life?
Irrespective of one's evolving experiences
Life remains unravelling
Experiences could shape you
But life could either dissolve those shapes or remould them as it wishes
It could blow you from pillar to post with strength more than that of a whirlwind
But it could also comfort you like a baby cocooned in the shawl of its mother's embrace
Life deals you surprises beyond your comprehension
Some you can handle and some completely throws you
Life leaves you a wonderer and sometimes a wanderer
You start the day with a knowing knowledge of yesterday
But unknowing of what lurks in the future
Life leaves you positively and negatively breathless
It drains your energy yet infuses you with optimism for the future
Life is all things that is reality
It is all things that lives in the recesses of your mind
All things imagined and lived
Life is what it is
I will embrace, live it and love it.

Thankful Wednesday

I have a lot to thank God for
For every breathe I take confirming that I have life
For the unflinching support from my family
For the friends that are true friends
For the love I share with someone special
For my job
For my lovely colleagues
For all my Blogville/Facebook/Twitter friends
For lost friends both alive and those sleeping in the Lord
For family far and near
For the body of Christ
For those who work behind the scenes to make the world a better place
For unexpected blessings
For the happiness of others and those shared with me
For optimism
And for so much more I cannot put into words
I thank the Lord God almighty.

Marriage Should Be With Bed Undefiled.

So says Hebrew 13:4.

Wow I cant believe it's been a month since I blogged. I hope everyone is well. Thanks very much for the comments in my last post and apologies for not responding personally.

A lot has been going on since my time away and most has been in the area of my emotional development. Not so much spiritual as most of you will think from my subject line. I went to church on Sunday after like 2 months and I was blessed. But no this post is not about the sermon that came from the pulpit.

This post is about a realisation. Something that somehow found its way into my mind considering the haziness that has been the state of it for a while. The day I let that thing slide into me 8 years ago was the day I took a step in the wrong direction. Somehow it has taken me a whole 8 years to realise this and to start to put right.

This as you will have gathered by now is having sex before marriage. It messes up so much but I don't think I knew how much. Even though I grew up in a very strict and religious home as most of us and was well aware the dangers of having premature sex, I still did it anyway. The moment I gained my freedom, it was the first thing I dabbled into with the same naive conviction that this is the man I am going to marry. 8 years on with a number of sexual partners under my belt, alas! I am still unmarried.

It is not the unmarried part that bothers me, it is the pieces of me that my previous sexual partner has taken with them as they move on with their respective lives that riles me. It is the fact that yet another man has seen my nakedness and not made a good woman of me. It is a depressing thought and it has left its toll on me without me paying much notice. I have come to the point now that I am sure sex is meaningless. So much ado about nothing but a mere gratification of sheer animalistic lust. It doesn't even help that every man I tend to meet these days just wants to jump straight into bed and not interested in my mind or anything else.

I ask myself is it too late to say no more to sex with another partner I am not married to? Like what man will take me serious these days if I said no sex until marriage especially as I am not a virgin? What right have I got to tell a potential to wait until the wedding night before he can go the whole nine yards? So now I feel this trepidation, that in the end because I did what I should have done last first, I may have lost a chance to put it right.

However there's this steely determination in me to just go ahead and shun sex. Too late or not I do not have any more desire to have sex with a man I am not married to and I am not looking at this from a religious point of view at all. I just don't think having sex will sort out any problems I have right now especially my apathy to relationship and marriage so I am staying off and if any potential is not happy with my decision he knows where the door is.

Necking is welcome though...wink* wink** wink***. Have a good one guys.

Fiddling With Fate

This is a hard subject for me cos am still a babe when it comes to spirituality and there are so many things I don’t understand. One thing I know however is that it is never advisable to peek into the future or a case or whatever.

This is what I mean. I know people who have gone to spiritualist who claim they see visions. I am not saying it is not possible to have visions but you know those ones that will describe some man you will meet, tall, dark handsome or whatever but they fall short of telling u exactly when and where you will meet him. And then you spend the rest of your life wondering if that tall dark handsome guy you met at the petrol station was the one that was foreseen or was it the one you met at the car park? Possibly the one at the supermarket until confusion kills your poor mind and you don’t know what you are doing anymore. My question is, why bother? Why don’t you just leave you life to fate or chance as it were and pray as you go along instead of seeking counsel or to be more archaic oracle.

A very close of friend of mine is currently tied in an unhappy marriage and too scared to leave because apparently the success he has today is tied to his wife. If he leaves he looses all. And in this day of credit crunch who wants to lose anything abi? How does he know this? He claims long before he met his wife they had prophesied that he would meet her and x and x will happen which has. Looks like brother hasn’t heard of familiar spirit. And while we're in the subject of Christianity and vision ask yourself does this vision tally with the word of God. So God will give you plenty of money and houses through this so-called woman but not someone that will make you closer to him? Does the bible not say seek ye first the kingdom of God and all things shall be added on to you? Even with this my inexperienced spirituality I know if it was God that really gave him that woman, then it wouldn’t be someone he doesn’t love and is so unhappy with, someone who will not help him grow spiritually and become closer to God.

There's only so much advise I can give my friend but as someone detached from the whole situation I can see the bondage my friend is in. Something he had brought upon himself by going to these so-called seers. If anything his situation has taught me even more to take a chance on life. Whatever happens happens and I know God's thoughts for me are thoughts of good and not of evil therefore I believe God will not bring tribulations my way that I can't overcome. Besides tribulations are there to develop our characters and we should not be afraid to seek God's face ourselves rather than go to seers. I hope everyone learns a thing or two from this.

Have a good weekend...xx

As You Lay Your Bed...

...So shall you lie on it.

I hope I meet everyone in peace and in good health. Just to say a quick thank you for all the kind words. Thanks a mill.

I am doing great having just arrived from a mini break and Tigress being the great hostess that she is ensured I had a good time. Imagine the woman, she kept worrying about if I was bored or not. I needed to rest and have a girly chat and of course some shopping therapy and I got exactly that. So Tigress you do well for my body o.

Now to the matter at hand, the above saying is one we're all used to hearing but I wonder if we pay enough attention to it when making certain life decisions. Here is the gist, an Ex of mine who's been on my case for us to reconcile for a while now had a baby a few months back. As I was the one who called the relationship off it didn't bother me. In fact I thought to myself that since he's pitched up his nest with another woman and they now have a child which to me seals their union then he'd get off my case. How wrong.

To say that I was flabbergasterd when this brother renewed his chase would be an understatement. I mean how on earth could he think he is good for me now when he wasn't before? I am not saying a man with a child is not a good man but in this case it's totally not right because he had his baby after he met me. Of course I didn't expect him to hang on forever but I thought at the time of getting another woman pregnant it meant that he had moved on for good. Clearly not. Anyway I told him there could never be US and that he made the decision to impregnate a woman he didn't love enough to be his wife, hence he should deal with it.

My puzzle is that why do men do this? I know this guy isn't young and may just wanna get having a baby out of the way but does he not look at the bigger picture before doing it? Why are more and more men taking the route of having baby mommas rather than wives? Is this what they have reduced us women to? I actually feel insulted that he had the audacity to talk love with me while treating a fellow lady like me with such disrespect. The other lady may unknowingly be holding out a torch for him while he is there asking another woman to be his wife.

This is totally unfair and I'm really upset and if anything it has strenghtened my resolve not to give a man what he wants unless I am totally sure he can give me what I want. On the flipside I'm thinking perhaps he felt trapped with the baby. But my argument is this, if you do not plant semen into a woman, she has no business getting pregnant for you, hence the talk of entrapping you becomes baseless. You dont want an unplanned baby, then wear a freaking rubber.

Have a good one guys.

A Week Today

Happy birthday T. I'm sure the Angels are cooking up a feast for you today your special day. Happy 33rd. Miss you as always.

Things are better. I feel lighter and I'm thankful. Will be going on a break next week and wouldn't update for a bit.

Thanks for all the messages. Love you all.

Death You've Done Me Bad, Again!

What is life if all it brings is misery and sadness? 
They say our sojourn on earth has a purpose 
What purpose has a man who was snatched away by the cold hands of death in his prime come to fulfil? 
In fact what is the whole point of that purpose if it has yet to be accomplished? 
How could there be a God when a being so charming and so steadfast die a death so lonely and so painful? 
How does one come to terms with knowing that the person who was here today ceases to be here tomorrow? 
That a person so loved and admired could be spoken of in the past rather than present? 
That his phone will ring and go unanswered because life has departed his body 
Or non-reply to emails because he has taken his final breathe? 
How does one deal with the hurt of knowing that all desires, aspirations and dreams go with this person to his final resting place? Never to see the light of day.

I really am sad.

I haven't stopped thinking about you.

Your smile and the way you grind your teeth together when you speak.

You taught me to play the Nintendo Wii. 

I was useless with video games before you came along

Dodo was your favorite food. You ate it everything from eba to bread.

You wouldn't drink or smoke and spent so much time in church.

Helping out and being a role model.

You were a true gem and you touched my heart in unquantifiable ways.

I never said I loved you but now I say it

I really love you T and I'll carry you in my heart always.

Rest in peace.