Two-Timing, And You Know It.

Thank you to everyone that commented on my last post. It was something weighing heavily on my mind and I needed to get it out. I'm so glad I did because not a word of condemnation was written but those of encouragement and positivity. Thank you all so much.

So today's post. I am aware that we girls like to snoop around our man. We like to know things he may be hiding away from us. Big question though, if we do find out he has secrets, what do we do? So you look through your man's phone to see if he's been sending or receiving texts from another girl apart from you. Or you hack into his emails to see if he's making the same promises he's making to you to another girl, and indeed you do find something. The 'I love you' he sent to Sarah. Or the 'I'll see you later' he sent to Bisi when he'd told you he was going to be held up in a long meeting at work. If you confront him with your information, how do you explain to him that you came by it in the first place? If you decide not to tell him, how do you deal with these other girls? This is a man you love and have dreams of spending the rest of your life with. He's almost near perfect other than for this new development. In fact you do not have a doubt in your mind that he loves you, but if he does why chase other women or keep secrets?

I've always said to myself that what you don't know would not hurt you, but I'm beginning to think that if it doesn't hurt you now, the likelihood of it coming back to bite you in the butt in future is higher and by then you may not have enough support system in place to help you cope. So sometimes it may pay to know early depending on what the nature of the information is and one could use this as an effective argument for snooping. The downside is though it forces someone to make decisions one may not be quite prepared to make at the time of the information coming to light. Say for instance you find that your man is seeing someone else who he seems to be into. If you confront him, he'd know that you've been through his stuff and if at the time of confrontation you were yet to make up your mind to leave him for his infidelity or not, then things may turn the other way. If what my idea of how a man will treat this kind of situation is anything to go by then I'd say he's likely to take a walk saying he could never trust you even though he was the one in the wrong from the outset. If this happens one will never know if he would have chosen to be with one or the other girl in the first place. Of course this argument will only hold water for a woman who's prepared to forgive a man of infidelity.

Truth is I don't know if I'm for snooping or not because ultimately the problem will always be now that I know what do I do with the information? Say if I find my man has been engaging in internet dating with girls he's not in the same location with. While they may not pose an immediate threat to our relationship, it is still a form of infidelity and if I bring it up with him, he'd know I've been snooping and then becomes more secretive. Is his internet relationship enough for me to walk out on our relationship? If I decide 'no' and do not bring it up then trust is damaged and enjoying the relationship becomes difficult.

What do you say guys?

Living A Goalless Life

Hello lovely peoples, I hope I meet una well.

So I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and one of the questions that arose was, Parakeet what's your goal in life??? And the answer is NONE! It is scary. I actually do things without really thinking deep as to what I want to come out of it. I looked through my life and realised that I've actually never wanted to be one thing. I've always seen the possibility of me being several things. Naturally my flair has always been for writing and reading everything readable. I enjoyed literature and every subject relating to the humanities. But then when I went to the hostel I became like a glorified Nurse. I was able to diagnose pretty accurately what could be wrong with someone and I was able to tell them what medication to use. I was never a sickly child, I just had a lot of sensitivities to things so I knew what Ihad to avoid and what I had to take when I was struck down by an illness. Everyone told me I had missed my calling. I should have gone to science class and studied to become a doctor or a pharmacist. But then they also said I'd make a good Teacher when my study time at the refectory became my teaching time. Yes our refectory doubled as our reading area so everyone came to Si Parakeet (as we were fondly called then). Well maybe not so fondly when you think about how wicked some Seniors were. I wasn't one of them though, seriously. lol.

Moving on to the higher institution I felt I could be a good Pyschologist. I had the ability to listen and give objective advice which when tried works (wish I could be the same with myself). Then I was involved in some social activities as an MC and Radio Presenter and some people saw a colourful career in the entertainment industry for me. Even I saw it but not so much now...hehehe. Some people say I ask the oddest questions and probe a bit too much so I'd be a good lawyer. Plus everything politics interests me which means I'd do well. All these little fragments of everything but no real ambition. I've never seen myself in the attire of a Lawyer trying to bring to book the world's most dangerous criminal. Never saw myself on TV as one beautiful Newscaster all the men are trying to date. Never seen me behind a huge table giving an advice to someone who had just tried to commit suicide, nor have I ever seen myself in a white gown holding a stethoscope. I have never even seen myself being knocked up and playing wifey in a home. So what have I ever seen myself as? The answer is NOTHING!

I went to school, got an education, came out with really good grades, got a passable job and I earn a living. I am able to pay my way. If I want something desperately I just need to save for it for a few months and I can buy it for myself (well aside a house and a jet). I have a 'relatively' comfortable life but I dont think I have big dreams. I dont see myself driving a posh or living in a big house. It doesn't mean I dont have desires. I do. Like I wish I could actually get my LPC done and qualify as a Solicitor and do pro bono work for the less priviledged in Nigeria. Like I wish I could have money to set up a charity and just educate and empower as many women as possible. I wish I could marry a wonderful man one day and be happy with a kid or two. But you see they're just wishes and if I dont achieve them it wouldn't seem like I've failed.

I know or at least we all know that it is normal to have goals. They say it gives you a purpose for living. However for me it is different. It is becoming more and more apparent that I just live for today and when the tide of life comes it blows wherever it likes, I pick myself up and then re-strategise and continue to live my life. Surely there's something wrong with that. Surely one must have goals and strive to fulfil them as a test of ones character. Can anyone diagnose the problem with Parakeet? Or am I just being to hard on myself?

Just Remiscing

Life can be so familiar today, becoming a stranger tomorrow
It could kick you in the backside
You may land falling face flat on the ground
Or it may catapult you into an atmosphere of euphoric existence
How could one ever prepare for life?
Irrespective of one's evolving experiences
Life remains unravelling
Experiences could shape you
But life could either dissolve those shapes or remould them as it wishes
It could blow you from pillar to post with strength more than that of a whirlwind
But it could also comfort you like a baby cocooned in the shawl of its mother's embrace
Life deals you surprises beyond your comprehension
Some you can handle and some completely throws you
Life leaves you a wonderer and sometimes a wanderer
You start the day with a knowing knowledge of yesterday
But unknowing of what lurks in the future
Life leaves you positively and negatively breathless
It drains your energy yet infuses you with optimism for the future
Life is all things that is reality
It is all things that lives in the recesses of your mind
All things imagined and lived
Life is what it is
I will embrace, live it and love it.

Thankful Wednesday

I have a lot to thank God for
For every breathe I take confirming that I have life
For the unflinching support from my family
For the friends that are true friends
For the love I share with someone special
For my job
For my lovely colleagues
For all my Blogville/Facebook/Twitter friends
For lost friends both alive and those sleeping in the Lord
For family far and near
For the body of Christ
For those who work behind the scenes to make the world a better place
For unexpected blessings
For the happiness of others and those shared with me
For optimism
And for so much more I cannot put into words
I thank the Lord God almighty.

Marriage Should Be With Bed Undefiled.

So says Hebrew 13:4.

Wow I cant believe it's been a month since I blogged. I hope everyone is well. Thanks very much for the comments in my last post and apologies for not responding personally.

A lot has been going on since my time away and most has been in the area of my emotional development. Not so much spiritual as most of you will think from my subject line. I went to church on Sunday after like 2 months and I was blessed. But no this post is not about the sermon that came from the pulpit.

This post is about a realisation. Something that somehow found its way into my mind considering the haziness that has been the state of it for a while. The day I let that thing slide into me 8 years ago was the day I took a step in the wrong direction. Somehow it has taken me a whole 8 years to realise this and to start to put right.

This as you will have gathered by now is having sex before marriage. It messes up so much but I don't think I knew how much. Even though I grew up in a very strict and religious home as most of us and was well aware the dangers of having premature sex, I still did it anyway. The moment I gained my freedom, it was the first thing I dabbled into with the same naive conviction that this is the man I am going to marry. 8 years on with a number of sexual partners under my belt, alas! I am still unmarried.

It is not the unmarried part that bothers me, it is the pieces of me that my previous sexual partner has taken with them as they move on with their respective lives that riles me. It is the fact that yet another man has seen my nakedness and not made a good woman of me. It is a depressing thought and it has left its toll on me without me paying much notice. I have come to the point now that I am sure sex is meaningless. So much ado about nothing but a mere gratification of sheer animalistic lust. It doesn't even help that every man I tend to meet these days just wants to jump straight into bed and not interested in my mind or anything else.

I ask myself is it too late to say no more to sex with another partner I am not married to? Like what man will take me serious these days if I said no sex until marriage especially as I am not a virgin? What right have I got to tell a potential to wait until the wedding night before he can go the whole nine yards? So now I feel this trepidation, that in the end because I did what I should have done last first, I may have lost a chance to put it right.

However there's this steely determination in me to just go ahead and shun sex. Too late or not I do not have any more desire to have sex with a man I am not married to and I am not looking at this from a religious point of view at all. I just don't think having sex will sort out any problems I have right now especially my apathy to relationship and marriage so I am staying off and if any potential is not happy with my decision he knows where the door is.

Necking is welcome though...wink* wink** wink***. Have a good one guys.

Fiddling With Fate

This is a hard subject for me cos am still a babe when it comes to spirituality and there are so many things I don’t understand. One thing I know however is that it is never advisable to peek into the future or a case or whatever.

This is what I mean. I know people who have gone to spiritualist who claim they see visions. I am not saying it is not possible to have visions but you know those ones that will describe some man you will meet, tall, dark handsome or whatever but they fall short of telling u exactly when and where you will meet him. And then you spend the rest of your life wondering if that tall dark handsome guy you met at the petrol station was the one that was foreseen or was it the one you met at the car park? Possibly the one at the supermarket until confusion kills your poor mind and you don’t know what you are doing anymore. My question is, why bother? Why don’t you just leave you life to fate or chance as it were and pray as you go along instead of seeking counsel or to be more archaic oracle.

A very close of friend of mine is currently tied in an unhappy marriage and too scared to leave because apparently the success he has today is tied to his wife. If he leaves he looses all. And in this day of credit crunch who wants to lose anything abi? How does he know this? He claims long before he met his wife they had prophesied that he would meet her and x and x will happen which has. Looks like brother hasn’t heard of familiar spirit. And while we're in the subject of Christianity and vision ask yourself does this vision tally with the word of God. So God will give you plenty of money and houses through this so-called woman but not someone that will make you closer to him? Does the bible not say seek ye first the kingdom of God and all things shall be added on to you? Even with this my inexperienced spirituality I know if it was God that really gave him that woman, then it wouldn’t be someone he doesn’t love and is so unhappy with, someone who will not help him grow spiritually and become closer to God.

There's only so much advise I can give my friend but as someone detached from the whole situation I can see the bondage my friend is in. Something he had brought upon himself by going to these so-called seers. If anything his situation has taught me even more to take a chance on life. Whatever happens happens and I know God's thoughts for me are thoughts of good and not of evil therefore I believe God will not bring tribulations my way that I can't overcome. Besides tribulations are there to develop our characters and we should not be afraid to seek God's face ourselves rather than go to seers. I hope everyone learns a thing or two from this.

Have a good weekend...xx

As You Lay Your Bed...

...So shall you lie on it.

I hope I meet everyone in peace and in good health. Just to say a quick thank you for all the kind words. Thanks a mill.

I am doing great having just arrived from a mini break and Tigress being the great hostess that she is ensured I had a good time. Imagine the woman, she kept worrying about if I was bored or not. I needed to rest and have a girly chat and of course some shopping therapy and I got exactly that. So Tigress you do well for my body o.

Now to the matter at hand, the above saying is one we're all used to hearing but I wonder if we pay enough attention to it when making certain life decisions. Here is the gist, an Ex of mine who's been on my case for us to reconcile for a while now had a baby a few months back. As I was the one who called the relationship off it didn't bother me. In fact I thought to myself that since he's pitched up his nest with another woman and they now have a child which to me seals their union then he'd get off my case. How wrong.

To say that I was flabbergasterd when this brother renewed his chase would be an understatement. I mean how on earth could he think he is good for me now when he wasn't before? I am not saying a man with a child is not a good man but in this case it's totally not right because he had his baby after he met me. Of course I didn't expect him to hang on forever but I thought at the time of getting another woman pregnant it meant that he had moved on for good. Clearly not. Anyway I told him there could never be US and that he made the decision to impregnate a woman he didn't love enough to be his wife, hence he should deal with it.

My puzzle is that why do men do this? I know this guy isn't young and may just wanna get having a baby out of the way but does he not look at the bigger picture before doing it? Why are more and more men taking the route of having baby mommas rather than wives? Is this what they have reduced us women to? I actually feel insulted that he had the audacity to talk love with me while treating a fellow lady like me with such disrespect. The other lady may unknowingly be holding out a torch for him while he is there asking another woman to be his wife.

This is totally unfair and I'm really upset and if anything it has strenghtened my resolve not to give a man what he wants unless I am totally sure he can give me what I want. On the flipside I'm thinking perhaps he felt trapped with the baby. But my argument is this, if you do not plant semen into a woman, she has no business getting pregnant for you, hence the talk of entrapping you becomes baseless. You dont want an unplanned baby, then wear a freaking rubber.

Have a good one guys.